By Debra Basham, on December 1, 2018 I am so blessed to have beautiful, soulful, women friends. I had lunch with one, Jane Foster, on Friday. Especially after all these years, hearing Jane share her story still touches me. (See Jane Foster’s Story)
Jane was telling me about a custom hat she is having made by a woman out west. The woman’s husband has been very ill, so she is homeschooling their children, caring for her husband, and the custom hat business helps them make ends meet.
“Look at me. I am 72, and I am still here, and here you are making me a hat!” Jane told the hat-maker, who thanked Jane for restoring hope.
It is never about the hat.
This week, I finally got over to Kalamazoo and Joel and I watched the finale of Dancing with the Stars. The results were shocking, but the dancing and the special music, was, well—very special! I loved Lauren Daigle’s singing “You Say”. Here are some comments about the story behind her writing that song:
It was the day after my very first Dove awards, and I remember being completely overwhelmed. I walked into the studio, and Paul and Jason, my producers, were in there and they’re like “All right what’s going on in your world, how’s it been?”
It was the first time we had written since How Can It Be…I just remember feeling like so much had happened the night before, wondering How do I come back down to normal, how do I come back down to reality? And I started realizing these patterns of really high highs and then, okay now there’s a low. Really high high, now there’s a low…And Involving expectation in that space can just leave you kind of questioning your identity- Where do I fit in, where is my security, where is my footing?
So when writing “You Say,” I just remember feeling for the first time pretty conflicted. It was definitely the first moment in just being an artist that I was like Okay, where is all this going excactly? And I know that we’ve all faced moments in life where we can feel a crossroads happen— where we can see the past and also see the future, and realize how we are supposed to exist in the present. And it was one of those moments where I could see where things were going and I knew exactly where I came from, and I needed those worlds to still be married. (CCM Magazine)
Here is the first stanza of Daigle’s “You Say” lyrics:
I keep fighting voices in my mind that say I’m not enough
Every single lie that tells me I will never measure up
Am I more than just the sum of every high and every low?
Remind me once again just who I am, because I need to know (ooh oh)
You say I am loved when I can’t feel a thing
You say I am strong when I think I am weak
You say I am held when I am falling short
When I don’t belong, oh You say that I am Yours
And I believe (I), oh I believe (I)
What You say of me (I)
I believe
Songwriters: Paul Mabury / Lauren Ashley Daigle / Jason Ingram
You Say lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC
When she was 15 years old, Daigle had an autoimmune illness that kept her down for about two years. She says that is when God taught her about her character.
Today I had Christmas Tea with another precious friend, Kathy Zerler. As we sipped on tea made from the peppermint Kathy grew in her garden, dried in her basement, and blessed by her meditative working of the mint with her hands, we treated ourselves to a few “cards.”
We exchanged gifts. I gave her a hand-crocheted kitchen scrubby, home-made jalapeno jelly, and yummy socks. She gave me fabulous glass containers to hold crackers and nuts on my kitchen counter, more peppermint, and an eye pillow and soap made from lavender she grew.
We shared how each of our spiritual lives are deepening—my two year commitment to the Dharma Path, and Kathy’s renewed commitment to bible study and contemplation. I read to her from Rupert Spira’s The Transparency of Things: “Non-Duality is not an immunisation against feeling. In fact, it is the opposite. It is complete openness, sensitivity, vulnerability and availability. Actually, suffering is our resistance to feeling, rather than a feeling itself.”
I confessed to feeling like our lives are being pulled away from one another, and read a bit more from Spira: “Consciousness is absolute Freedom. We allow this Freedom to express itself as it will, how it will, where it will and when it will. In one body/mind this might take the shape of a character that is quiet and sensitive, whilst in another it may express itself in a wild and exuberant way. We should not be misled by appearances.”
It is never about the hat or the tea.
P.S. When Jane received the hat, she sent this photo, and a message saying she thought the hat needed to be named. She decided to name it the “Giving Hat” because her husband gifted her the hat, it is giving her so much pleasure, and the proceeds that will go to cancer research is giving others a chance at a longer and better quality of life. Here she is in the “Giving Hat.”
By Debra Basham, on November 19, 2018 I was going to stop at a nearby apple stand on the way to my doctor’s appointment, but was a wee bit tight on time. Thanksgiving would be missing something without my mom’s Dutch apple pie. It is my contribution to bring Michigan apples to Tennessee for the pies.
I had just loaded my precious apples into the front seat of my van when another customer arrived. The man had a couple of questions about the varieties and prices, and since he assumed I am a person who knows something, I helped him make his selection.
As I came back around my van to get into the driver’s seat, I noticed another vehicle in the circle drive way across the lawn. A woman was standing in front of it, looking stressed.
I called over to her, “Do you need some help?”
Nodding her head, she called back, “Yes, we are stuck.”
Thinking I was just doing some quick in-and-out-of-the-car errands, I had no hat or gloves. The wind was brisk as I walked across the lot.
A younger man, perhaps a son, was on his hands and knees, digging behind the back tire with a small stick. Dressed only in athletic shorts and a light jacket, he was down on the cold, damp ground.
“We could use some cardboard,” the woman said.
I hiked back across the lawn, and opened the back of my van. I knew I had unloaded some cardboard boxes earlier, sending them to recycling. I grabbed the only thing in there—a white rag rug. By standing on tip-toe, and leaning over the counter into the apple stand, I was able to reach a small board that had “PEACHES” painted on one side.
I hiked back across the lawn, clutching the rug in one hand and the board in the other.
The woman looked at the rug and shook her head, “I don’t want to get your rug muddy….”
“It is only mud,” I pointed out.
I was finally able to convince them we could use the rug under one tire and the board under the other for traction. Cautioning the woman to step on the gas very slowly, I went to the front of her vehicle to push. She got in, put the vehicle in reverse, and I pushed.
Success!
It is our experience that if we feel hateful, we act hatefully. If we feel loving, we act lovingly. Likewise, if we truly feel that everything and every one is an expression of the same one Reality that we ourselves are, we will act accordingly and will quite literally behave towards others as we would behave towards ourselves.
(The Transparency of Things, by Rupert Spira)
Today is only November 19, but the season of kindness has already arrived.
This year, let’s see if we can all remember it is only a rug, and it is only mud, whatever it is. Let’s be intentional to have kindness last until this time next year, and then let’s start the season of kindness all over again.
 Here is the freshly washed rug, no worse for the wear.
By Debra Basham, on November 13, 2018 “A friend is someone
who knows the song in your heart
and can sing it back to you
when you have forgotten the words.”
~ C.S. Lewis.
Those words were shared by me at the end of a tearful conversation with a dear friend. My friend was remorseful for having offended a family member. The situation is complicated because the person who had been upset is a sister-in-law, currently separated from my friend’s brother.
So many conversations of late lead my heart back again and again to the great Buddhist prayer, “May all beings come to the end of suffering. May all beings find peace.”
But peace is not found in a future filled with smooth sailing into the sunset. The end of suffering comes in not expecting life to be something other than what it is, and in knowing the truth that we are skilled enough to sit in the fire of our own or another person’s strong emotions.
At Oakwood retreat in October, John Orr wrote the 5 Reflections on the flip chart in the dining room.
When the phone call came through I was attending my online class with Aaron. I turned off my camera, took the call, feeling space for my friend, for myself, for all who are navigating rough emotional waters right now.
I hung up and logged back on to catch the end of the class. While I did not catch the entire exchange, I heard enough to know that the question was about what to do when you might have done harm to another. “You can forgive yourself for whatever was said or done that may or may not have created harm. You can resolve not to repeat such words or actions in the future, and then fully forgiving yourself. And now look at others who have done similar to you and fully forgive them. It is finished.”
I sent that brief clip to my friend, then left a voice message.
After listening to the clip, I got a call back. We talked a bit more, and as we were hanging up, I shared the C.S. Lewis quote. I felt a small laugh from both of us.
Peace would come.
Peace does come.
We have learned to make peace so conditional, but the peace that passes understanding is anything but conditional.
In a previous post, “If and When,” I mentioned Rupert Spira’s book, The Art of Peace and Happiness. He has an entire chapter titled “Our Essential Being is Peace Itself.”
Earlier tonight I had been suggesting another friend do some tapping (EFT) on the Universal Psychological Reversals to clear habit energies that are difficult.
Universal Psychological Reversals
I deeply and completely accept myself even with all my problems and
limitations.
I deeply and completely accept myself even if I want to keep this problem.
I deeply and completely accept myself even if I will continue to have this
problem.
I deeply and completely accept myself even if I don’t deserve to get over this
problem.
I deeply and completely accept myself even if it isn’t safe for me to get over
this problem.
I deeply and completely accept myself even if I will not do what is necessary to
get over this problem.
I deeply and completely accept myself even if getting over this problem will
not be good for me.
I deeply and completely accept myself even if getting over this problem will
not be good for others in my life.
I deeply and completely accept myself even if I have a unique block to getting
over my problem.
I deeply and completely accept myself even if I have a fear about how my life
will change if I get over this problem.
“We all know that peaceful states of the mind, body and world do not last and do not deliver the depth of peace that we truly desire. Only the peace that is inherent in our true nature can put an end to the longing that initiates and sustains so many of our activities and relationships.” ~ Rupert Spira, The Art of Peace and Happiness
By Debra Basham, on November 3, 2018 
You have heard it said to be careful what you pray for. This past Tuesday evening, as our Dharma “Path of Clear Light” class was coming to an end, I asked for specific instructions around the practice of Upekka. Upekka is the Buddhist practice of equanimity.
John Orr’s clarification of the Upekka practice, “All beings are heirs to their own karma. A person’s happiness or unhappiness is not dependent upon me but on their own actions and choices,” resulted in Barbara Brodsky’s offering thanks for him reminding her to keep that in mind related to her husband, Hal.
Nothing in the teachings John shared, or Barbara’s comments, totally prepared me for the next few days of interactions with friends and clients.
People are navigating every one of the eight worldly conditions: loss and gain, good-repute and ill-repute, praise and censure, sorrow and happiness.
To practice Upekka is to be unwavering or to stay neutral in the face of each of these.
The “far enemy” of Upekka is greed and resentment, mind-states in obvious opposition. The “near enemy” (the quality which superficially resembles upekka but which subtly opposes it), is indifference or apathy.
“Do you want me to just be present with you or would it be helpful for me to offer some sort of process?” breath barely audible on either end of the phone.
Skating on thin ice.
Having been reading Rupert Spira’s work on nondual awareness, I pretty quickly notice the subtle grasping, the habit energy of not wanting those I care about to suffer.
“Many of our ideas and beliefs about ourselves and the world are so deeply ingrained that we are unaware that they are beliefs and take them, without question, for the absolute truth.” ~ Rupert Spira
The ground beneath my feet is shifting.
“The discovery that peace, happiness and love are ever-present within our own Being, and completely available at every moment of experience, under all conditions, is the most important discovery that anyone can make.” ~ Rupert Spira
Timing is everything.
Richard Bandler says the best way to help a poor person is to not be poor.
I grab the Daily Recollection and finger my mala while reading the 53rd through the 55th beads:
I remember the practice of sati (presence):
To be present with the breath.
To be present with the proper object as it presents itself.
To be present with the proper attitude: Whatever arises, I will not fixate on it. I will let my mind be free and spacious, resting in pure awareness.
“The greatest discovery in life is to discover that our essential nature does not share the limits nor the destiny of the body and mind.” ~ Rupert Spira
I add to Upekka the practice of Metta (lovingkindness), Karuna (compassion), and Mudita (sympathetic joy).
I remember the great prayer: May all beings be free from suffering. May all beings feel joy. May all beings realize their intrinsic perfection and find perfect peace.
By Debra Basham, on October 27, 2018 
When I saw this image on someone’s Facebook page, I knew there was a blog coming….
In the several decades I have been involved in what used to be called Alternative Medicine, but is now most often considered Functional Medicine, I would marvel at how people approached something new. One acupuncture treatment; does not work. One herbal remedy; does not work. One “you-name-it” and the mind shuts down like a steel trap deciding something does not work.
My yoga instructor said a guy came to class once and said yoga does not work for him.
People try meditation and say that.
It all sounds a lot like dusting once and when the dust comes back deciding not to fall for dusting again.
Dr. Lissa Rankin said when she was researching her book, Mind Over Medicine, she stumbled across the Spontaneous Remission Project, put together by the Institute of Noetic Sciences. They collected over 3,500 case studies published in medical literature about people who experienced spontaneous remissions from seemingly “incurable diseases.” (See 9 Key Factors Affecting Radical Remission from Cancer)
Recently a client recommended Radical Remission: Surviving Cancer Against All Odds, by Kelly Turner, PhD. The book is a New York Times bestseller.
So what were the 9 key factors that these patients with radical remissions employed?
Radically changing your diet.
Taking control of your health.
Following your intuition.
Using herbs and supplements.
Releasing suppressed emotions.
Increasing positive emotions.
Embracing social support.
Deepening your spiritual connection.
Having strong reasons for living.
My client has been able to identify the area/s she needs to strengthen and has made a commitment to doing that. My mind went automatically to how if these nine key factors can allow someone to return to health from a diagnosis of cancer, how much might our lives be enhanced by them.
I will keep dusting. I hope you will too. Meanwhile, you may enjoy my most recent poem, “Catching my Reflection.”
Catching my Reflection
Blowing my nose with an expensive hand-painted silk scarf
it is clear now my body can be used as a weapon against itself
The cookies eaten as my lunch and
the wine gulped down to dull the inner pain
Razor blades I did not use for shaving that caused
scars I wore as membership in a tragic club
Feeding the pages of my journal into the shredder
systematically three sheets at a time
Decades of broken dreams and promises
chewed into tiny bits
Now lining the bottom of the bird cage
finally good for something
The doorbell rings “Some Enchanted Evening”
perhaps a friend, a stranger, or some gift undelivered
I feel no obligation to answer
no fear that something wonderful could be missed
Catching my reflection in the puddle
lips turned up in a quiet smile
Debra Basham 10-21-2018
By Debra Basham, on October 21, 2018 “Happiness can be found,
even in the darkest of times,
if
one only remembers to turn on the light.”
~ Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
and
“When
we have accessed the peace that is ever present in our self under all circumstances,
the body, mind, and world are profoundly affected,
and, in time, become increasingly permeated by it.
They begin to shine with the peace of our true nature.”
~ Rupert Spira, The Art of Peace and Happiness
(Presence, Volume I)
(Our True Nature; The Nature of Peace, Happiness and Love;
The Origin of the Separate Self; The Body; The World; Experience)
The afternoon did not unfold the way I had expected. I had been invited by a friend to attend a “Reader’s Theater” about 30 minutes away. I invited two mutual friends to join us. It was a lovely drive. Autumn colors dotted the woods on either side of the two-lane road, and we listened to the recording of a sermon given earlier that morning.
One car sat forlornly in the parking lot when we arrived a mere 15 minutes before showtime. A phone call solved the mystery: the event we had come to attend had taken place the prior week!
As so many people suffer profoundly, we find ourselves searching for the most appropriate way to be all that is happening in our political culture. For my part, I am reading Rupert Spira’s writings about nondual awareness. In an almost wordless way, it is clear our awareness is key.
Although Spira does not use the phrase, “If and when,” that seems an appropriate title for this post. It is a phrase used to say something about an event that may or may not happen.
Here are two books on nondual awareness by Rupert Spira:
1. The Art of Peace and Happiness (Presence, Volume I)
(Our True Nature; The Nature of Peace, Happiness and Love; The Origin of the Separate Self; The Body; The World; Experience}
2. The Transparency of Things: Contemplating the Nature of Experience
My friend recommended Spira to everyone who desires to experience liberation. She said to read the books in that order. Although they are both dated 2016, she thinks they may be reprinted from earlier material.
Our thoughts go out to people who are feeling so very afraid. Fears loom around loss of freedom, the environment, racism, sexism. There is no denying the fear. Fear haunts our thoughts. Fear is felt in our bodies. Fear makes us experience the world as a web of hatred and dissonance humanity is caught in.
But Spira makes a good point that our true self is not our thoughts, feelings, sensations, or perceptions. Rather, our true self is aware Presence. “Like someone whose fists have been clenched in defence for so long that they are no longer aware of it and thus feel perfectly relaxed, so our body and mind have been permeated by the tensions that are generated by the idea of a separate self.” (The Art of Peace and Happiness)
How interesting that what we thought we were going to enjoy had already been enjoyed.
If and when you read Spira, you will realize there is no separate self. Our “aware Presence” is inherently peaceful and, thankfully, this peace does not depend upon what may or may not happen.
We are peace itself.
By Debra Basham, on October 16, 2018 I wrote this poem a few days ago while I at the 2018 Deep Spring Meditation Center retreat at Oakwood Retreat Center.
Vipassana
V-vast are the stories
I-incessant the grasping, clinging, and aversion
P-passing away; what passes away
A-and where does “it” go?
S-Silence, stillness, smiling or sometimes sobbing
S-Sitting, stepping, satiating
A-Ananda, Hey Ma Durga, Hey Ma Durga
N-no ‘I”, no “you”, no “here”, no “there”
A-all of as sudden after all of these lifetimes
Settling back in to ordinary life after retreat is always a bit challenging. Walking back from the dining hall following our last breakfast I was asking how to keep this retreat mindfulness at home. A voice within began to speak.
Think about a firefighter. How different the conditions at home on a Saturday morning enjoying blueberry pancakes with the family from being at the fire hall waiting for a call, or dashing to the fire truck when a call comes in, or pulling a body from a mangled vehicle. Has the firefighter changed? No. Different conditions house different mindfulness.
I am sure you will be hearing more about the retreat as the weeks unfold, but for today, I am moved to introduce you to Anandamayi Ma, a 20th Century Indian Saint. I first heard her name when John Orr shared the following quotation.
“My consciousness has never associated itself with this temporary body. Before I came in this earth, I was the same. As a little girl, I was the same. I grew into womanhood, but I was still the same. When the family In which I had been born made arrangements to have this body married, I was the same… And, in front of you now, I am the same. Ever afterward, though the dance of creation change around me in the hall of eternity, I shall be the same.”
The central theme of all her words and expressions is this: Life and religion are one. All that you do to maintain your life, your everyday work and play, all your attempts to earn a living, should be done with sincerity, love and devotion, with a firm conviction that true living means virtually perfecting one’s spiritual existence in tune with the universe. To bring about this synthesis, religious culture should be made as natural and easy as taking our food and drink when we are hungry and thirsty.
An ecstatic child of ecstatic parents, she became a famous saint who like many other female Indian saints stood on the edge of several religious traditions, and in the midst of none. When we chanted “Hey Ma Durga,” something deep and familiar flowed black into my soul. I hope I am forever able to live her message of everyday mindfulness.
My heart was touched deeply by my retreat time. So, as I left the room I had shared with Claudia for eight days, this is how I left my bed linens on the bed.
By Debra Basham, on October 15, 2018 As Claudia and I are heading home today, it seems appropriate to close my retreat reminiscence posts with a visit to Still Waters. I went to Still Waters for the first time in December of 1995. We are so blessed to have Delcy Kuhlman’s vision of a space dedicated to contemplation right here at Still Waters in Berrien County, Michigan.
Still Waters is not fancy, but the walls have witnessed sincere practitioners for decades.
Keep Claudia and me, along with all the others who have been on retreat this week, in your thoughts and prayers as we travel today. I trust you have been blessed by these memory musings. May all beings find peace.
By Debra Basham, on October 12, 2018 Phenomenal Retreat is the review of Oakwood Retreat Center in the fall of 2015.
Oakwood Retreat Center is a wonderful property, and one of my most sweet memories is hearing the migrating song birds as they gathered in the woods near the meditation hall.
Being able to spend time in nature is one of the gifts of retreat. I hope you are enjoying nature this week, too.
By Debra Basham, on October 11, 2018 November, 2014, we were at Camp Geneva in Holland, Michigan. It was an amazingly gorgeous setting on the shores of Lake Michigan.
One of my most tender memories was of sharing a room with Claudia and Wayne. Claudia and I have been roommates many years, but Wayne was with us this time because he was already dealing with Alzheimer’s Disease and not able to stay home alone.
Claudia and I did not go on retreat last fall, but we are again roommates this week.
Here is the link so you can read about Camp Geneva.
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