I sincerely hope there is not a limit on the frequency of blog posts, as my process is being jarred profoundly by EVERYTHING.
This morning I saw Facebook photos of Stacey (my daughter) and her friend on the pontoon boat on Sunday. Beautiful smiling faces, cheek-to-cheek, looking into the camera: I instantly became aware of the contractions. I am currently writing my July Beyond Mastery Newsletter article for July on the theme of maskers and nonmaskers, placed alongside the story of the Sneetches, by Dr. Seuss.
Further amplifying my inner uneasiness was the reading this morning of poems by two of my Florida poet/friends: “A Disheartened Heart” by Gail Berreitter, and “Second Sight” by Helen Fox. Please understand, these poems are both excellent writings, but they hit too deeply at the core. Slipping in beside the dystopian sentiment expressed in the poems was my confusingly constant companion question about Stacey: How does she arrive at the conclusion that it is OK to expose folks?
Underneath that question is the pain: Less and less do I feel it possible to be with her.
More and more I hold sadness around all of that.
My friend, Jane Foster, so high risk, speaking of meeting for lunch sooner rather than later. (Our “bat cave” favorite restaurant was opening yesterday.)
I write all of this in my journal, then ask my inner being, “Where is the core of fear I feel?”
V: Are you sure it is fear? Are you afraid to die? Are you afraid to be dead? If it were not fear, what might it be?
D: It is a deep sense of sadness. Like the core loneliness of having felt misunderstood much of my life.
V: We know you just bumped into your mother’s social phobia. The world cannot get small enough for you to live without risk. To live a human life is the risk! But, what is at risk? Only a false identity is at risk. Who would you be without that false identity?
D: Free?
V: Free from what? Free for what?
(Note – at this point, I felt guided to turn to the Mala Recitation / Daily Recollection Barbara Brodsky put together, and I am drawn to these beads:
Bead 56: For one who clings, motion exists; but for one who clings not, there is no motion.
Bead 63: Whatever has the nature to arise has the nature to cease and is not me nor mine.
Bead 64: When wholesome thoughts arise, cultivate the wholesome. When unwholesome thoughts arise, abandon the unwholesome.
Bead 65: This is the way to purify the mind and remove the clouds that obscure the vision of ultimate reality.
Bead 70: All dhammas are empty.
Bead 71: They are not born nor annihilated.
The closing two lines from Gail’s poem:
No melody or thought
for a disheartened heart.
The closing two lines from Helen’s poem:
“What have we learned from this crisis?”
There were no definitive answers
Out riding my bike earlier, I would notice the repetitive fearful thoughts and just keep repeating Bead 64: When wholesome thoughts arise, cultivate the wholesome. When unwholesome thoughts arise, abandon the unwholesome.
This early morning is so quiet…. in the stillness of this moment I am feeling the dawn and I am keenly aware of the possibilities alive in this moment.
A melody awakened in my mind as I sat, and I let the stillness be enhanced by listening to a song I know well, by an artist I have personally met. “In the Stillness” is from the album Let it Shine, by Karen Drucker.
Two months ago today, I arrived home in Michigan from wintering in Florida. (See Nothing is Not the Divine.)
We began safe-sheltering in Florida on March 15, and we have continued to safe-shelter since our arrival in Michigan.
But things are starting to open up. When I ride my bike, the quiet is again more intruded upon by cars whizzing by.
How do we take the benefits from this “retreat” time as our lives move outward into the world again? How do/will I? How do/will you?
Deborah King, author of Be Your Own Shaman, and Heal Yourself and the World sent out a message about the June (05-06) 2020 full moon, which is also a lunar eclipse.
[T]here is an opening to bring the unconscious to the conscious level for healing and transformation.
And this full moon combined with the lunar eclipse has this depth tenfold…
In Vedic astrology, eclipses herald change. Combine that with Mars’s energy for making something happen, and Neptune’s energy for oneness, and we have a recipe for people gathering to create necessary change that’s long overdue.
People gathering…. Oneness…. Healing and transformation.
I was one of the first individuals in my world to choose to safe-shelter. I may be one of the last to choose to gather. It is certainly my intention to choose wholesome actions for the good of all.
Today, I will reflect on some of the gifts this time has brought forth. I have certainly made more home-cooked meals. I have not packed a travel bag since December 1, 2019 — the day John and Stacey and I left Tennessee and made the drive to Pine Island. This from a person who had spent most every Wednesday driving the 50 miles to Kalamazoo. I was seeing clients at Kalamazoo Psychology, various other offices, then at Borgess Integrative Medicine. Each week I would stay overnight in Parkview Hills. Over 20 years of co-writing and collaborative working.
The furnishings of the office here in Saint Joseph are currently boxed up, and everything has been moved to the new location. Touch therapies are scheduled to be allowed to open again on June 15.
Choices, choices, choices….
I have certainly done a lot of meditation and I have certainly practiced patience. I have ordered things I wanted/needed online. I have become acutely aware of the difference between wants and needs. I have been content to make do with what I have. I have been content and known how blessed I truly am, in the stillness of this moment. Groceries have come once a week or so, ordered on Instacart, and delivered to our door by good friends, Linda and Larry.
Linda told me last evening that she is going to start going to the store again. She has offered to continue to shop for us if we choose. That is so kind.
Not shopping is my current choice.
Linda said she likes shopping, and she has been out for a few things the past couple of weeks and has appreciated seeing for herself the appropriate precautions that are in place. She feels it is time for them to start generating a more involved living — of course, with continued wearing of masks and social-distancing.
Always we are making choices.
Today, let’s make the choices that create necessary change that’s long overdue….
What do you see? When you look at the world, what do you see? This is not a frivolous question, and it may be one of the most vital choices you make for yourself and our world.
This morning the Buddhist group that gathered for meditation via ZOOM spoke of the violence that had erupted in Minnesota, and spread from there. One couple shared information indicating the violence likely was done by an international trouble-making group that uses social media to organize. Most (maybe all) of those protesting were genuinely peaceful.
We, of a certain age, remember all too well the racial tensions from fifty years ago, and many were involved in working toward justice and harmony. What I found almost as disturbing as the news of the violence and destruction was the expressed emotions of helplessness and discouragement and sadness generated by watching the new reporting. If my Dharma brothers and sisters who are committed to lovingkindness and equanimity can lose touch with their light within, what about those who have not practiced access to a balanced world view?
Last evening, while some were watching the distressing news, John and I were watching the season premier of America’s Got Talent. AGT is not a show I normally watch, but, a friend had been persistent in encouraging me to watch it. I had actually turned it on the night before when I crawled into bed, and I watched a couple who train pigs to do acts like you normally see dogs do in the circus. I fell asleep. I told Linda, but Linda is a friend who knows me well. She simply said again, “It was one of the best we have seen, and I think you will be glad you saw it.”
Two of the acts I watched show an amazing world view. The first was Archie Williams—a man who was wrongfully convicted of rape. Archie was arrested in 1982, and imprisoned in a Louisiana prison the following year. Archie spent 37 years in prison for a crime he knew he did not commit. Finally, forensic evidence proved he was innocent, and he was released in 2019. You owe it to yourself to search for and watch the entire nine-minute version of Archie’s singing “Don’t Let The Sun Go Down On Me.” Archie told AGT, “My body was in prison, but my mind was not…. Prayer and singing got me through.”
A person can sometimes let a mind be in prison even though a body is not.
The final America’s Got Talent act was “Voices of Our City Choir” which was founded in 2016 by San Diego resident. While living downtown San Diego, Steph Johnson, a jazz singer-guitarist, met a lot of talented musicians—people living in shelters and on the street. Today her nonprofit operates several music and advocacy programs, has a choir of over 225 people, and distributes approximately 7,000 pounds of food per week! The group wrote the number it performed on AGT: “Sounds of the Sidewalk.” Another nine-minute video, as my friend said, that is definitely worth watching….
Tomorrow is the first day of June. I am excited to look at the Magic Eye calendar image for the new month. (See Our True Nature.) My sister, Janis, and I are both excited. Regardless of the news, we get to turn over a new page. We will meet over some device and we will together see what beauty is hidden in plain sight, depending (of course) on your world view….
This morning, like almost every other morning since the middle of March, I enjoyed practicing yoga with my dear friend, Kathy. Right now, we are meeting via ZOOM, and recording the videos for her YMCA classes. It does not appear likely that our (mostly senior) students are going to be Studio B any time soon.
Amelia Vogler, Executive Director of HTPA (Healing Touch Professional Association), sent the membership an email message today which included a link to “When Life Is Good Again” which was premiered exclusively on Entertainment Weekly on the 27th of May, 2020.
Dolly Parton was inspired by the COVID-19 quarantine. She told People of the quarantine in April of 2020, “We will come out on the other side of this, and we’re all going to be better people for it. Take care of each other from afar and continue to send love to your friends, family, and everyone suffering.”
I resist grasping at social-distancing being necessary for so long that it no longer feels odd. I resist clinging to the ease of hugging those I want to hug when I want to hug them, meeting for hours of sharing over tea, having a house filled with musicians, and doing jigsaw puzzles with friends.
Dolly’s last stanza says is all:
God’s the reason for all things
You want rainbows, you get rain
We’ll all be forever changed (Forever changed)
I’ll sell my boat and fly my kite
Walk in the park, go out at night
And hold my loved ones extra tight
When everything is on the mend
I’ll even drink with my old friends
Sing and play my mandolin
We’ll make it through this long dark night
Darkness fades when faced with light
But everything’s gonna be alright
When life is good again
The next email message I opened was Alan Seale’s weekly newsletter, also dated May 27, 2020. Forwarded by my friend, Roann Altman, moving home today after having spent these past couple of months quarantined with a friend with cancer. Roann’s friend, Richard, transitioned this week. In the newsletter, Alan quotes Etty Hillesum, a Jewish diarist who lived in Amsterdam and died in Auschwitz in 1943.
Through me course wide rivers
and in me rise tall mountains.
And beyond the thickets
of my agitation and confusion
there stretch the wide plains of my
peace and surrender.
All landscapes are within me.
And there is room for everything.
Yes, there is room for everythingin your heart at this time….
This week is the anniversary of my mom’s transition. May 20 is also the date Ursel, the former owner of our home, passed, as well as the date Ursel purchased the home 33 years earlier. Both Ursel and my mom had their funeral/celebration of life on May 23. (See the Sacred Story: May 20).
My mom passed in 2003. That was also Memorial Day weekend. No picnics, no parties, no plans this year.
I am choosing to find ways to enjoy the moments.
The leaves have come out this week! Scrumptius spring greens are silouetted against the sky.
I continue to wear a mask when I go for a bike ride. I do not feel a need for a mask when I am out-of-doors doing activities on my own, but it is an important reminder.
Yesterday I made some more no-sew masks, as it looks like social-distancing and safe-sheltering is going to be with us for a while longer. Let me know if you want a couple of easy patterns. One is made from a sock, and another is made from a sleeve. Stretchy fabrics are preferred….
One of my mask-enhancements (inspired by a Dharma friend) is a photo of my smile! It is a black and white printer-quality paper print that I colored with crayons. Quickest teeth-whitening ever! I used clear packing tape to cover both sides and to adhere it to my sock mask.
Ageless in this Moment Debra Basham May 22, 2020 (WC 250)
Hiking in the western US for the first time we were
stepping on rock beneath our feet instead of soil
nothing seemed familiar except the sun overhead
A small pool of water caught the sun’s light
and I kneeled down to take a closer look
myriad life forms were swimming together
Precious life-giving water is at a premium here
nature taking full advantage of resources
as they present themselves
This modest puddle is teeming with activity
but I feel like a voyeur as
I silently watch closely in awe
Tiny minnow-like swimmers
unnamed bugs skating on the water’s smooth surface
a small lizard lounging
In the distance I hear others approaching
I notice a sudden feeling of protectiveness
hoping those coming along will also be mindful
A young girl—perhaps six or seven
wordlessly asks permission to join me
we peer together into this pool of possibility
We both have a zillion questions but
only our eyes give hint to the intellectual activity
our lips remain still as we keep vigil
She is motioned to rejoin the others
reluctantly she leaves our shared perch
glancing over her shoulder as she obeys
Many times I’ve abandoned my delight
when beckoned by some outer call
wishing I had been able to stay where I was enjoying myself
I am no longer I but she and all children and adults who can remain ageless in this moment in time and space if we take full advantage of the resources as they present themselves
When you are in complete alignment
with your authentic self,
you will attract everything
you desire in life.
~Brahma Kumaris
Last week I heard again the message from Aaron, “If you were not ready, you would not have taken birth at this time…. You did not come to fail…. Are ready to trust your heritage as deeply loving?…. You cannot fully express light until you live in darkness…. You and the earth are inseparable…. Be a lamp until yourselves…. It takes your human vibration to co-create the future earth…. You are ready…. You are not alone.”
I have been living in the darkness. I confess to have been struggling with Stacey’s choice to continue to move about during the pandemic. I opened my journal and let myself be honest: I did not agree and I was mad. In Heart of the Soul, Gary Zukav, encourages us to continue again and again to challenge our anger. First comes the pain, then the fear—the terror of realizing you cannot control all that you feel is essential to your safety and well-being.
I was making dinner when I looked out on our front porch and saw John and the guy who does maintenance here on our home for us shoulder-to-shoulder with one another! I shot across the great room like a stone out of a slingshot, flug the storm door open, and yelled at them both through gritted teeth: “What the hell are you two thinking? Kissing distance is not social distancing!” It was awkward, painful, embarrassing, and maddening. For all of us.
It got more painful when Stacey called and asked me how it was going. I shared the experience and felt the pain of the gaping whole in both of our hearts when she asked me what it would take for me to be willing to risk her dad’s being with someone. I told her I was mad at her. I asked her what she would be willing to do to help keep her dad safe. We both cried—the distance between personal viewpoints was a lot wider than six feet.
The following morning I again wrote in my journal: Some awkward exchange with Stacey about COVID-19. What would you have me know?
V: Fear is fear, Dear One. Your fear is not helping you. What are you afraid of?
D: Being on a vent! Being ill in a hospital without my friends and family. Dying in fear.
V: It is any worse to die in fear than to live in fear? No one is ever alone. You are giving up so much false belief.
Later that evening, playing ZOOM dominoes with good friends, I tearfully confessed that while extra caution is warranted because of John’s comorbidity risk factors (diabetes, hypertension, and on steroids for Polymyalgia), the anger was covering up my fear. Fear which had been my companion for a long time: I was hospitalized in isolation diagnosed with polio at age five, and I experienced post-surgical complications and ended up in the cardiac intensive care unit due to aFib related to having had a nasal gastric tube in 2012.
It has been such a tender process, realizing we are incapable of fully expressing light until we live in darkness, but I am willing to trust our true heritage.
This message came with Darshan yesterday (Darshan is an opportunity or occasion of seeing a holy person or the image of a deity):
You are so radiant. So beautiful. I am saying this to the one present before me, but to all of you. You are all radiant and beautiful and I love you. Sometimes your forget how beautiful you are. Imagine a very lovely silver pitcher — radiant. But here is a spot of tarnish (just a little one). Does this make the pitcher any less? When it is appropriate, it can be polished a bit, but the form of the pitcher and the radiance and the quality of the water that the pitcher holds is not diminished by the spot of tarnish. And, remember that when you get that spot cleared off, you are go to say, “It’s perfect. NO…. there’s another one!” So relax. Focus instead on the radiance of the entire pitcher, the entire being that you are — mind, body, and spirit — with great appreciation. Pride is not going to come up and destroy your radiance. You’re past that. Now is a time for relaxing and cherishing. I love you.
Deep Spring Center
Thought for Today
Watch what pulls you out of balance and
add what’s needed to bring you back again.
This is a dance which you learn,
swaying to the movement of the winds of the world,
deeply rooted in your true being.
This essence of being knows what is needed.
Trust this innate wisdom and goodness in yourself.
Trust that which I call the angel.
~Aaron
“I wish it need not have happened in my time,” said Frodo.
“So do I,” said Gandalf, “and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring
The rhythm of this social-isolation is having it’s way with me. Today is Friday. Meditation with a handful of others via ZOOM, at 6:30 am, then ZOOM yoga with Kathy at 7:45. My fingers on the keyboard now, writing with the Southern Circle of Poets, who will meet at 11:15 to share—also on ZOOM!
I find myself wondering what the metaphor of a platform called ZOOM has to say about this time of virtual living when I feel like both Frodo and Gandalf….
This is the current view out my front window.
This morning’s musing:
Life is moving from the inside out
Paying attention to an inner sense
Dancing to music unheard that blows through the breeze and falls on some deaf ears
Birds fly overhead, beads adorn our bodies, beach glass lands at our feet
I dreamed of breathing under water
Gold chains; rubies, emeralds, sapphire
Adorned with abundance and beauty
Moments rise up and move out into the world
Each day Anne Frank’s spirit reminds me she
Endured safe-sheltering for over 700 days
Khanti—one of the paramitas—the mixture of endurance and perseverance
To keep going (out of love) even though things are uncomfortable or difficult
“The flower is always the bud’s undoing”
Each new day evidence that the previous is no more
No more do we cling, it is futile to hold onto the illusion
It is now our true nature to surrender
Surrender to the way things are without abandoning the dreams planted in the heart
Holding him in my arms for the very first time, whispering a made-up name
“I am your Gammie”
I went kicking and screaming into grandparenthood
At 39, too young to be a grandmother
Too busy to take on another
Role
But the role fell away as I held you
Watching your beautiful face
Feeling your breath
Smelling you
30 years
Now watching you from a distance
Recalling your breath
Imagining the fragrance of your being
I am your Gammie; a role I find much peace in
The bud is being undone yet again all of our roles dissipate like dew in the morning sun
The Bud’s Undoing Debra Basham 05-15-2020 (WC 260)
I had some text exchange with my firstborn grandchild, Brad, sharing emotional reactions and perceptions of the current conditions. Some we love dearly entertain the notion that COVID-19 is a conspiracy. I shared with him a recent writing:
Daily Doula Duty
My book, I Learned Everything I Needed to Know About Life Working as a Doula, is not yet written, but the awareness is etched into my days nonetheless. The last trimester of pregnancy is no picnic. Sleep is illusive as pressure on the bladder likely means many trips to the bathroom. The rapidly growing fetus works hard to finds comfortable place to stretch out in the tight quarters—often right on the mom’s sciatic nerve. Back pain, leg cramps…. Perhaps all of this is preparation.
Most women go into labor exhausted, and after that there will be long days and short nights of having an infant to care for.
The job of the doula is to coach the woman into conserving what precious little energy she has. She is going to need it.
No matter how long or how difficult the labor, the hardest work comes after the cervix is dilated¬—in the second stage of labor.
The second stage of labor is when the woman really needs stamina. And stamina takes energy.
One of my clients had to be put on oxygen to be able to push. Not only was she exhausted, she also had bronchitis.
My sister delivered her youngest just as intestinal flu was ramping through her family of five, the normal work of laboring was clearly distorted by the accompanying vomiting and diarrhea.
The human mind is very prone to vomiting and diarrhea….
When all is said and done, we may be among the fortunate ones to have survived the pandemic of 2020. Suffice it to say, humanity as a whole is likely going into the second stage of labor exhausted.
High-powered executives confessed to hoping for a scheduled cesarean delivery….
It is important to conserve our energy. We don’t know what more is going to be demanded of us.
Bonnie’s daughter is celebrating Mother’s Day this year having just lost her mom to COVID-19. There was no access to the hospital. No visitation or funeral. She writes: “I am going to go pack up some of her things on Sunday. I have some other ideas to share some special moments with her, too. I feel her a lot. It almost feels like she’s not gone because she is around so much. Meaning I don’t miss her physical presence (as much) because her spirit is so strong.”
The second stage of labor can last a few moments or a few hours.
Take heart: the second stage of labor means the cervix has already dilated.
Your body, your mind, and your spirit can do what is being asked of it.
Key awareness at this point: Don’t be a prisoner to what you cannot change.
• Remember this is not your birth
• Remember to rest when you can
• Remember to breathe through contractions
• Remember you are not the first or the only to go through this
• Remember everything you have done to be ready
• Remember getting through this is the most important thing
• Remember you will forget the pain
Debra Basham 05-08-2020 (WC 500)
Brad responded, “Is this some ninja level NLPing?”
Zan Lombardo, my friend and artist extraordinaire, was doing some creative mending during our Southern Circle Poets virtual gathering. On the shirt in the photo below, what seems to be a pendant, is actually where a moth hole was. The turquoise is a random doodled line that Zan stitched.
The observer’s perspective is both caring and disinterested, free of attachment, neither fearing nor desiring a specific outcome, but wanting only what is usually called the Highest Good for all. That doesn’t mean they have given up playing an active role in causes and activities they think are beneficial. It just means that they do so from a more peaceful and less judgmental perspective.
Old doors close
so new ones can open.
Don’t get stuck on what
fell apart just because it hurts.
Transformation requires
growth and letting go.
~Brahma Kumaris Thought for Today
My friend, Kathy, lost her husband on January 18, 2020. She had been his care-giver. Their home was visited almost daily by friends and a devoted team of home-care and hospice-care helpers. For weeks now, she and their dog and cat are there. The pandemic means EVERYTHING social is lost. It hurts.
Yesterday was to have been the college graduation ceremony of our only granddaughter, Courtney Nicole Ross. All face-to-face classes at UTC went online Monday, March 23, and for the remainder of the spring 2020 semester. Courtney is the first female college graduate in my line. With all A’s and B’s, she has graduated, but the ceremony and our family gathering together to celebrate as we watched her walk in her cap and gown did not happen. It hurts.
My client/friend/colleague, Bonnie, passed away from COVID-19 in a hospital—a hospital her family was not allowed to enter. I had to decline an invitation to come offer a brief ceremony at the funeral home or cemetery, saying, “Let’s wait and honor her Celebration of Life when we can be together.” It hurts.
In May of 2003, my mom was nearing the completion of her transition. I was finally alone with her for a few moments. I began to spontaneously sing (badly) a made-up song, “Momma’s gonna get a brand new pair of wings, fly, Momma, fly….”
A social worker walked in and, embarrassed, I stopped singing.
The social worker softly whispered, “Please, go on….”
I continued to sing until I felt my mom’s center of gravity shift from her material body to her energy body. My mom’s face softened into a beautiful shade of pink as she relaxed into her wings.
Moments later my sister and her son and daughter-in-law and their young son returned from having gone to get something to eat. I knew it was OK for me to leave. It hurts.
Soon after, my sister was alone with our mom. My sister said, “Mom, I would really like to be with you as you cross. If you want me to be with you, it is time, because I am very tired and I need to go home soon.”
Three minutes later, our mom was soaring with her brand new pair of wings.
Old doors do close so new ones can open. We don’t have to get stuck on what fell apart just because it hurts. The transformation of humanity and our soaring with new wings requires growth and letting go.
I found myself singing another ditty about flying with new wings while I was out riding my bike wearing my mask.
I sent the voice memo titled “My Bonnie” to Bonnie’s daughter, Melody.
It makes me laugh because my Bonnie had a semi-professional singing voice!
Today is May Day.
It is a day to hang flowers
on the door of someone you love.
In 1886, more than 300,000 workers walked off their jobs demanding 13,000 businesses honor an 8-hour work day on May Day.
We know the value of doing something that benefits another. And we value doing what benefits us. Making May Day 2020 a Mask Day is a way of doing both.
The Task of the Mask
Beneath the mask, beyond the persona,
beside your humanity is your true divine nature
My friend died last week
she went into the hospital with acute pancreatitis
Her final ride home was on the coronavirus
People keep asking
if the masks are necessary
They think they
or the ones they love to touch
Are surely free from COVID-19
Another friend wore her mask
while the plumber came to plumb
But she did not ask him to
protect her from his exposure
I once hit a dog, driving home in the dark
Would that plumber sadly feel
remorse—a lifetime of guilt
Were he without malice aforethought
to have left the grim reaper running amok?
He thought he came to help
One simple “No,” fueled by true compassion
is an act of wisdom and kindness for all
I said “No,” when asked if I would consider
coming to the cemetery or funeral home
Doing a short ceremony for my beloved friend
“Let’s wait and do a memorial together,
really honoring her”
Let’s wait
Let’s not waste a moment
Each time you act from wisdom
and compassion
You are revealing your divinity
Debra Basham May 1, 2020 (WC 190)
We may not be able to hang flowers in person on the door of every person we love today, but we can make this May Day a Make-a-Mask day.
Making a no-sew sock mask is easy!
Let me know if you would like to see the little video instructions.
Is the task of the mask necessary? You can bet your sweet life on it….
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