Yellow Brick Road: Your Path to Heart & Health

Safe!!!

By Debra Basham, on June 2, 2022

What happens in your heart when you simply state: “I am Light.”?

You are not trying to convince yourself,
but to invite yourself home,
to remember your deepest truth:
“I am Light!”

Yet, sometimes the mind is so contracted with fear, doubt, anger or greed that the words seem hollow. Then it may be helpful to choose to recall to mind something beautiful—something that will draw attention back to the Light that exists right there with the darkness, the spaciousness that is right there with the contracted and solid. You may look at a flower, hear laughter, offer a smile to a friend, remember a moment of kindness offered to you or to another.

Right there with darkness,
with sadness, fear or anger,
where is lovingkindness?
Where is joy?
Right there with contraction,
where is spaciousness?

Use no force; be patient with yourself. Light is ALWAYS there with the darkness. ~ Aaron Thought for Today

Yesterday, last evening, and this morning my blood pressure numbers were high. I have the freshman psych 101 syndrome where I think I have everything wrong with me that John does. Fortunately, I know better than try to wrestle myself into well-being. This line is spoken by The Borg in the TV show Star Trek: The Next Generation (1987-1994): resistance is futile.

From my journal:

My blood pressure has not come down. In addition, I have been having morning headache, pain in my jaw, and some shortness of breath. Wondering if I should go on anti-anxiety medication.

My inner voice reminds me of ascension flu, a term used when you are awakening on a deeper soul level. What is happening is that your whole body from the cells to the chemistry in your body is changing and shifting at rapid speeds. It feels like you are dying or there is something seriously wrong with you.

I am willing to awaken to a deeper soul level. I surrender. This is not a decision to try and “fix” something but to welcome the best support for all — physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. I am inviting awareness.

I realized this morning that I had forgotten to pay our lot rental that was due on June first. I just scheduled a reminder to go off on my phone two days before the first of the month from now on and I will set up auto pay when the new credit cards come. This is kindness.

I bear witness to the panic pattern: It’s all up to me and it is dangerous. What if I do it wrong?

Spirit, this poisonous terror of doing it wrong has served its time. I am reminded of the 3D image on the Magic Eye Calendar. Janis and I flipped to June yesterday. The 3-D scene is a ball player sliding into home plate. The catcher is over the plate, gloved-hand stretched as far forward as physically possible, almost touching the ball. The runner is on the ground sliding toward the bag. Only one word could be used to describe what is happening in the game: SAFE!!!

A mnemonic pops spontaneously onto the page: SURRENDER ATTACHMENT; FREEDOM EMERGES.

I am guided to listen to Freedom from Fear, Anxiety, and Panic Attacks, an old SCS audio production. I dig through stuff and find an old CD. I get the pillows that for years were on the massage table in my office and I stretch out on the yoga mat, covered with a cozy blanket. It was a bit otherworldly to allow myself to surrender to my own voice. Appreciating anew the musical masterpiece Christina Beushausen created.

As the audio ends, I remember this quote by Ajahn Chah:

If you let go a little you will have a little peace;
if you let go completely you will have complete peace.

Another mnemonic comes forth: SIMPLE ACCEPTANCE FREES EVERYTHING.

The End of Suffering

By Debra Basham, on June 1, 2022

There will be something,
anguish or elation,
that is peculiar to this day alone.
I rise from sleep, and say:
Hail to the morning!
Come down to me, my beautiful unknown.

~ Jessica Powers Word for the Day (gratefulness.org)

Today’s journal entry:

Dear Holy Spirit,

During the night I woke up with worry about Joel. This morning I know it will be helpful to do a drawing, but I’m guided to first do a three-card spread asking why, with all the release I’ve been doing, does that happen. As I’m reaching in the closet to get the cards, I hear, “You are with John, so you are constantly worried about him. Because you are not with Joel, the worry pops into awareness and you notice that. Let’s look at the seed of that worry; the manifestation of it; and the path through it. Then we will do the drawing.

Seed of Worry – 8 of Fire Traveling

Everybody is trying to have some destination in life. But the implications…. You were hurrying so hard, and you were worrying so hard, and this is the outcome.

Manifestation of Worry – 4 of Fire Participation

We are behaving almost like blind people. In such a beautiful world we are living in a small pond of our own misery. You could not have dreamed of a better universe.

Path Through Worry – 14 Transformation

The conflict is in man. Unless it is resolved there, it cannot be resolved anywhere else…. The politics is within you, it Is between two parts of the mind.

A very small bridge exists.

If this bridge is strengthened these two minds become one, the meeting of the male and female within, the meeting of yin and yang, the meeting of the left and right, the meeting of logic and illogic, the meeting of Plato and Aristotle.

This all reminds me of a poem I’ve used many times at funerals. Note* Today at 11:00 we will attend the Celebration of Life of the father of a friend.

THE STATION

By Robert J. Hastings

Tucked away in our subconscious minds is an idyllic vision in which we see ourselves on a long journey that spans an entire continent. We’re traveling by train and, from the windows, we drink in the passing scenes of cars on nearby highways, of children waving at crossings, of cattle grazing in distant pastures, of smoke pouring from power plants, of row upon row upon row of cotton and corn and wheat, of flatlands and valleys, of city skylines and village halls.

But uppermost in our conscious minds is our final destination–for at a certain hour and on a given day, our train will finally pull into the Station with bells ringing, flags waving, and bands playing. And once that day comes, so many wonderful dreams will come true. So restlessly, we pace the aisles and count the miles, peering ahead, waiting, waiting, waiting for the Station.

“Yes, when we reach the Station, that will be it!” we promise ourselves. “When we’re eighteen. . . win that promotion. . . put the last kid through college. . . buy that 450SL Mercedes-Benz. . . have a nest egg for retirement!” From that day on we will all live happily ever after.

Sooner or later, however, we must realize there is no Station in this life, no one earthly place to arrive at once and for all. The journey is the joy. The Station is an illusion–it constantly outdistances us. Yesterday’s a memory, tomorrow’s a dream. Yesterday belongs to a history, tomorrow belongs to God. Yesterday’s a fading sunset, tomorrow’s a faint sunrise. Only today is there light enough to love and live.

So, gently close the door on yesterday and throw the key away. It isn’t the burdens of today that drive men mad, but rather the regret over yesterday and the fear of tomorrow. Regret and fear are twin thieves who would rob us of today.

“Relish the moment” is a good motto, especially when coupled with Psalm 118:24, “This is the day which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.”

So stop pacing the aisles and counting the miles. Instead, swim more rivers, climb more mountains, kiss more babies, count more stars. Laugh more and cry less. Go barefoot oftener. Eat more ice cream. Ride more merry-go-rounds. Watch more sunsets. Life must be lived as we go along. The Station will come soon enough.

The drawing on my page today is a spiral. From the upper right to the lower left the ink dances across the page. From birth to death, our lives unfold.

The words are about the teaching on emptiness from the Heart Sutra – Śūnyatā is the Pali word.

This “self” we cherish so devotedly is nothing more than a temporary coming together of various aggregates: form, sensations, perceptions, mental activity or formations, and consciousness. It is EMPTY. Suffering ends with the recognition of its origin – grasping, clinging, aversion.

I title the drawing: The End of Suffering.

It’s Not a Wall

By Debra Basham, on May 30, 2022

Yesterday morning I received a text message from Joel, simply, “Not well.”

This was the first news from him since Thursday morning, May 19, when a staff member came in and swabbed his nose, testing him for Covid while we were on FaceTime. After that he did not answer text messages, or return calls. I heard nothing…. nothing at all…. nothing for t-e-n days.

I assured him when he feels up to it, we can FaceTime, and I encouraged him to, “Just rest, as best as you can.”

At 5:37 pm, he sent email: I need your help. I am on the floor in my bedroom and I can’t get up.

At 6:03 pm, he sent the same message again.

I had been watching text messages, in case he reached out for support. I did not check email as he had not sent email for over a month.

At 6:39 pm I forwarded the message to his son and daughter-in-law.

At 7:02 pm, when I called his cell phone he answered, briefly, before a female voice said he was being taken to the hospital to be checked out.

This morning I could again feel the attachment to outcome; the familiar habit energy of wanting to fix; trying to control; desperate to care for my friend. A steady stream of largely unskillful conversations (called ruminations) with his son and daughter-in-law were flowing inside my head. I knew I needed to draw and write again.

I draw a wall or fence that divides the page. On the right side is a broken heart and a face with tears. A hand holds a flower. No one or nothing is on the other side.

Here is the writing:

Can you see on the drawing that you are the only one in the picture? What are the thoughts, feelings, impulses that produce the broken heart? You don’t have to list them, just be aware.

Nothing is other than it is.

Somewhere at your center is the deeper wisdom of the universe. Perhaps “the one who knows” is just on the other side of that wall. Perhaps the way over the wall is through “don’t know mind.”

What will allow you to realize you do not know what gifts Joel is offering to his son and family?

What might be the kindness and compassion “energy” you truly wish to bring?

I can see that at some level I have the perception it would be easier if I had access to information.

“Is that so?”

Remember the four pillars of freedom:

1. I could be happy if I had access to information
2. I could be miserable if I had access to information
3. I could be happy if I had no access to information
4. I could be miserable if I had no access to information

Truly, having access or not is out of my control.

What image comforts me?

The memory of Joel with his cats and his nature (the beggar squirrel — the opossum — the fawn) at his home.

Barbara Brodsky’s asking me, “Debra, does the tree still live in your heart?” when I was so upset at the beautiful old (only) tree in our yard being cut down.

You are remembering how comforted John was to imagine that his brother’s consciousness might not be in his body suffering after he had the abdominal aortic aneurysm; perhaps Jerry was actually hanging out with Brother Jim and (son) Scotty.

I am drawn back to Iyanla Vanzant’s tapping prayer on TRUST. Jessica Ortner was told by Louise Hay to trust life. Iyanla says trust is:
T-trust
R-respect
U-understanding
S-surrender
T-timing

I listen to Karen Drucker singing “The Healing Song” and I add a stanza with TRUST.

Trust fills every cell in my body,
every cell is alive with trust.
I relax into the healing process,
I allow spirit to do what it does.

I sing for a while and then I title the drawing: It’s Not a Wall…. It’s Only a Mirror.

We had a Flicker visit our yard this morning. We often have Red-bellied or Downy woodpeckers, but not a Flicker. I look up the totem meaning of Flicker.

Flicker enters your life is when you are out of balance. You might feel you’re in a whirlwind and about to lose all sense of sanity. Flicker Spirit Animal teaches you how to use your “feet,” stand your ground, and weather the storm.

Flicker, as a Spirit Animal, encourages you to be more flexible. The Bird’s message suggests you go with the flow present in your life, and not to let your ego impede what could be something amazing. Humility goes a long way. Being modest doesn’t mean losing yourself to another person’s vision, but being willing to compromise to gain the rewards of cooperative effort.

If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. ~ Wayne Dyer

Old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. (2 Corinthians 5:17)

This afternoon I gave my faded red bicycle wind feature a much needed facelift.

P.S. Sharing this response that came from Barbara Brodsky:

Thank you for today’s post, Debra. Joel is in my prayers.

On Thursday I found myself with some sadness, thinking about so many wonderful Memorial Day weekends at the lake, Thursday evening packing up to go as soon as Hal was home from work, first long weekend of the summer, so welcomed. I went out to the deck asking myself, what is there to cherish here, right now. Enough health to stroll (with walker) around my pretty yard, stopping to sit where something lovely caught my eye. The tall spruces, flowers, many birds, green meadow, deer in the orchard…Then some gardening, sitting on the deck with Hal, reading, playing a game… So clear I cannot enjoy the gifts of today if I’m caught up craving the gifts of yesterday. So it’s been a peaceful weekend. Mind does go to craving the lake, a swim, kayaking at dawn, meditating in the forest on my screened deck. I’m giving thanks for those gifts. And yes, I do miss them. But I have so many gifts right here if I will pay attention. So it has been a bittersweet weekend, but mostly sweet.

Love. Barbara

A Kind of Deeper Wisdom

By Debra Basham, on May 29, 2022

It has been quite the week…. my blood pressure numbers had continued to be high…. lines of poems kept coming forth to carry me through, like a flower cannot be opened with a hammer….

On Friday morning I saw a Titmouse at the bird bath — the first I have seen here at this house. The totem meaning is very significant: when this bird visits you, it asks you to step away from the past and to worry less about the future. And a friend gave me the image of a young child learning to walk and how the adult will reach down and take the child’s little hand, giving confidence. Her guidance was that we cannot do this deep of integration on our own as humans, it has to come with help from above. That image of reaching up to one who can help steady us was the perfect image for me because Stacey recently sent a video of her walking with Jackson, our now 17 month old great grandson.

From my journal on Friday, May 27, 2022:

Listening to an audio with Nick Ortner on tapping to release the emotional charge from events that happened in the past.

I tapped on “Leaving the Garden” – the past life when I was pregnant for Joel. I saw myself slip out of the gate. (This is another of those points that deserves its own post.) I spent some time confidently living off the land in the forest. I was in perfect harmony with the experience.

When the man (Joel’s former wife in this lifetime) who found me in the forest took me to his home, I went willingly to teach him how to love his experience too.

Memories of him molesting me merged with the distaste of a tongue in my mouth in this lifetime, merged with the panic at weight on my body, distaste of sex and distrust of my own body.

Memories of escaping “out the gate” again, this time from his home, and returning to the forest.

He found me because he knew where I had been before. This time he took me to his home against my will.

(As I wrote this last sentence, I heard a ‘ceiling walker’ as confirmation from spirit.)

Entering a New Garden

Seeing the parallel of having cut my wrists and having bled to death, resulting in the death of the fetus as well, and my cleaning up a friend’s blood after he intentionally cut his wrist following his diagnosis of Alzheimer’s disease. (Significant – but not sure how – my friend’s friend helped me with the clean-up.)

A friend phoned just as the audio ended. I told her about the song “If I Could Only Fly” by Blaise Foley and the title of Merle Haggard’s album by that same name, in which Haggard is clearly channeling and expressing grief. Almost felt you touching me just now / I wish I knew which way to turn and go…. “Why Merle Haggard’s If I Could Only Fly is his masterpiece (by Noah Berlatsky, Wed 6 Apr 2016, in The Guardian): …remains the last great Merle Haggard album in part because it looks ahead with such clear eyes to this moment when we know there won’t be anymore.

This journey is right at the core of impermanence.

Dear Holy Spirit,

Listening to a talk by Ram Dass (BEHERENOWNETWORK.COM). A caller said his brother had been given a mantra when their mother had died but the brother had forgotten the tune so Ram Dass sang it for the guy. Listen on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/ram-dass-here-and-now/id518366323?i=1000562049355

Listen, listen, listen to my heart song
Listen, listen, listen to my heart song
I will never forget you, I will never forsake you
I will never forget you, I will never forsake you
Listen, listen, listen to my heart song

The next caller was a young-sounding man who asked Dass what his view was on abortion. Dass kept asking the young man for clarity, what was he really asking. Finally, the young man confessed that a woman had carried his child for a while and then she could not do it any more, and she had an abortion, and they were both in a lot of pain.

Dass said he had once been talking to a very spiritually awake being who had told him no being leaves a moment too soon or a moment too late. Dass went on to say there is a kind of deeper wisdom in the universe that if that child – if that being – was to come into life and come into form, you wouldn’t have been able to abort that child, no matter what you did. Its soul would demand manifestation. And I see it as the relationship among the three souls: you, and the woman who was carrying the fetus, and the fetus. And all of them have some kind of contract with one another – and sometimes beings just have to come in to fetal form to finish whatever they have to do and then they can go on beyond that.

What I also feel is that the more conscious you become the less likely you are to call forth a being by procreating that you are not ready to carry through and embrace and support. So, because your life changes with a pregnancy, as you become more conscious, you say, “Alright, new moment. My life has changed. Now what will I do with this new moment. So, I think what I can say to you is that I can understand your pain and all of the feelings you are feeling, but I –think that there is a deeper wisdom in the whole situation and that you should just listen to hear that and let the pain of all of this deepen your compassion so that your actions in the future are ones that – so that you can have the legacy from this being who came briefly to be with you and let that legacy be one of increasing wisdom and compassion in the way you live your life.

It would be terrible if the fetus sacrificed its life and all it left you with was guilt and incrimination. That would seem to be an unfortunate legacy so I invite you to have that and then get on with it. Okay.

Young Man: “Yeah, that would be the best way to heal.”

Dass: That’s the way I would do it.

Young Man: “Yeah, she is having a lot of trouble with it, you know.”

Dass: And all you can do is just love her and be present with her and just you keep your heart as open and be strong and keep your faith in the deeper wisdom of the universe. That’s one of the things you can do that can be very helpful to her. But just keep your heart open with hers as much as you can. But you can’t take away her suffering, she’s got to do her suffering until she’s done doing it.

Young Man: “Yeah, suffering….”

Dass: Okay?

Young Man, “Yeah, okay.”

Dass: Okay. (Dass laughs gently.)

Young Man: “Happy New Year.”

Dass. Oh, Happy New Year to you, my dear. Happy New Year. I hope it is a happy new year for her too. Will you send her my love?

Young Man: “Yeah, I’ve told her quite a bit about you.”

Dass: Good. Well, tell her that I’m thinking about her and I’m holding her deeply in my heart and I just hope she can come through all of this quickly and realize the joy and the beauty of her life and now take it and live it as richly and happily as possible. Thanks.

The colleague who did EMDR with me reached out. I heard myself admit I’m afraid I’m going to have a stroke. The voice within says, “You are not going to have a stroke, Debra. You are going to have a stroke of insight.”

She sent a release exercise, saying, “It’s a powerful process to get to the unconscious. Perhaps asking your blood pressure to tell you without words sometimes why it is so high. What is causing this pressure still ….”

Sit quietly for a bit, maybe 10 minutes, with a blank pad of paper and markers, crayons, or oil pastels in front of you. Then pick up what moves you and draw whatever comes — not artistically but from your insides. Then look at it and write whatever comes. Name the drawing.

Yesterday the damn broke and my blood pressure numbers are coming down.

Today I had the first news from Joel, a text saying, “Not well.”

Grateful, grateful, grateful.

Dear Former Me

By Debra Basham, on May 25, 2022

When I saw my primary on Monday she said I needed Zoloft or a therapist, maybe both. I had been overwhelmed with the stress of everything John has been going through, complicated mightily by the situation with Joel. For those new to YBR, Joel has been my co-author for over twenty years. He has developed dementia, and after being hospitalized in March for a medical issue, deemed unable to return to his home. He is now in a memory care facility near his son in Tennessee. On Wednesday his voice sounded raspy, and on Thursday morning a staff member swabbed his nose while we were on FaceTime with another friend. He has not answered text or a FaceTime call since.

It is said one can handle work stress or home stress but not both at the same time.

The story is more complex than appropriate to share in a single blog (would likely make a best-selling book), but what is important for this post is to recognize there is a distinction between pain and suffering.

I have a lot of pain about Joel’s son not answering my email asking about his dad. It is almost incomprehensible the seeming lack of compassion the son has for those of us who have been with his dad. Several of us have been supporting him, caring for him, assisting him in meeting his stated desire to live out his life in his own home. Suffering comes when I go into resistance and blame about the choices the son is making. Suffering rides in on the shame that I participated in Joel’s current conditions by getting the paperwork in place that gave the son the legal right to make decisions for his dad. Shame also arises when I face how little compassion there has been for how difficult it is to supervise someone’s care from out of state.

Yesterday’s news of yet another school shooting. Incomprehensible. At least 19 children and two teachers were killed yesterday when a gunman opened fire in a Texas elementary school. Incomprehensible. Many on social media speak of the heart-wrenching pain of this horrendous violence to innocent children. I was touched profoundly by one sharing that added wisdom to the mix.

When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news my mother would say to me, “LOOK FOR THE HELPERS. YOU WILL ALWAYS FIND PEOPLE WHO ARE HELPING.” To this day, especially in times of disaster, I remember my mother’s words, and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers, so many caring people in the world. ~ Mr. Rogers

Yesterday I had an EMDR session with a very special colleague. I am grateful she was available to assist my finding some equanimity. I have been suffering. There was A LOT OF pain released with the emotion. As follow up to our time together, she suggested I write a letter to the former me.

May 24, 2022

Dear Former Me,

I knew you would appreciate the special paper. You were such a loving creature and your heart wanted to do the right thing. You could not see all that was involved. It was not just about that time and place. It was as much about this time and place. That now and this now are one and the same, just as “you” and “I” are one and the same.

You have done everything within your power. This is true for me, too. Fortunately for both of us, there is a higher power.

We have neither had a childhood. It is time for us to have that chance. Children deserve to wake up in the morning and feel excited for their day. They do not thrive in the fields of constant vigilance.

Do you remember the joy you felt in the gardens? You remembered it at the aviary at the zoo in Battle Creek. Your entire being was bliss. That is what you remember when I listen to the mockingbirds in Florida. We don’t have birds singing to us every moment but we have an experience of “ALL IS WELL” in our sweet bodies.

I want you to do something for us. I want you to let go of your part. Let go of the feeling responsible for Joel. Let go of doing something wrong that hurt him.

I’ll let go of my part, too.

While neither of us carries all of the emotions, we both have carried the imprint – and the imprint has created a distortion.

Can you see how the words on the page are now gradually going uphill? Things are looking up for us. Joel lives. I live. You live on, too. All endings are really new beginnings. May is going to be memorable for us. Our new beginning.

I love you. Thank you. Please forgive me. I forgive you.

Drama Triangle Revisited Again and Again

By Debra Basham, on May 19, 2022

Lately, almost EVERYTHING I read or see or hear or feel reminds me of The Drama Triangle Revisited, one of the more infamous SCS/NLP offerings.

A key awareness of Healing with Language is built on the Drama Triangle, developed by Steve Karpman. The main roles of the Drama Triangle—Victim, Persecutor, and Rescuer—are well-known, but not everyone is familiar with either the Cognitive Triangle or the Transrational Pyramid.

For more information, see “The Drama Triangle Revisited” (a free download in PDF format).

It will help you identify the various roles and allow you and your friends, family, and clients to move away from the drama of life and gain a sense of awareness, clarity, and harmony available from the Transrational Pyramid (Healing with Language, 2008, Bowman and Basham).

For example, on Sunday, the blessing of Darshan with The Mother was clearly related to John’s medical process: You can hold your own aspirations and choices with love and offer them out for him to receive, but the highest aspiration always needs to be for that which is for the highest good for him and for yourself. Because you are straining yourself trying to carry him. And you cannot carry him. I will not help you carry him, but I will help you hold a field of love around him, around each other.

At Tuesday’s Evening with Aaron, we were encouraged to move beyond any old fix-it habit energies. While Aaron did not use the term Drama Triangle, the message was clear: Fix-it energy helps to hold in place those two roles of victim and victimizer. What if you step out of that idea, holding space for both of them, seeing how they’re constantly pushing at each other. You can instead say, “I will not play with this whole cycle anymore. I step back out of it. You are responsible for finding the power in yourself to cease being the victim or victimizing others. And I will support your doing that in wholesome ways.”

That is precisely what The Mother had told me about John! “I will not help you carry him….”

Aaron went on to explain that the role of the fixer assumes there is something broken, and if something is broken, then something needs to be fixed. It is a never-ending cycle — until you stop being victimized by it. And you can. ONLY you can. Only YOU can. Only again and again.

I have been invited as guest pastor at St. John United Church of Christ on June 19, which is Father’s Day. The theme of our time together will be observing your masculine teacher (for most of us our father). I am excited about the music for the day: Father’s Eyes by Amy Grant, and Father I Adore You, and Our Father (The Lord’s Prayer). I was looking for a wonderful piece of work from The Celestine Prophecy: An Experiential Guidebook on a flash drive holding the remnants of my previous PC that crossed the rainbow bridge.

While searching for that, I came upon some old notes from a self-retreat at Still Waters. The notes were from a book by SARK. Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy, check out her amazing work. I am sorry that I do not know what book this saying is from, but I know the page number is 217.

I am willing to live by this saying, “I don’t know why this has happened, but since it has, I must have helped cause it.” ~ SARK

SARK made an important distinction: this is different from belief that an experience is happening to me because I need to develop such and such a characteristic. This is awareness we are co-creators.

John and I are certainly experiencing awareness through all of this. A dear friend wrote today, “I continue to admire your wisdom, insights, courage and perseverance as I read your blog posts. It sounds like a long difficult passage, but with many blessings along the way.”

I responded,”Like birth! And incarnation!!!!”

While Joel P. Bowman and I were developing the body of materials we called SCS/NLP, he was triggered by a reference I made to a shared office space as”my office.” My comment, or perhaps more clearly his response to my comment, set of a chain-reaction and weeks of stress. Working together for over twenty years, we came to say we had fights so fierce we named them. This one was named: my office.

During the “my office” drama, John and I were in the car on our way to Grand Rapids to have dinner with a friend. I was again and again hashing over the event when John asked simply, “What are you and Joel working on right now?”

“The Drama Triangle,” I responded before continuing, “Why do you ask?”

“Because you are always living the material,” was John’s wise reply.

Joel and I recognized the third “triangle” in the human psyche is actually not a triangle at all. It is a pyramid. The Transrational Pyramid is centered in the heart chakra, and it is transrational in the sense we are able to be with our experiences beyond our personality. We live in a meta state throughout which Awareness is aware of the conditions or context; aware of our personal issues, and aware of the thoughts and feelings of the others affected.

Aaron is fond of saying there is nothing needing to be fixed. From transrational awareness, we simply bring loving attention to what ever needs it. Transrational Awareness combines with Clarity and Peace to produce a sense of Harmony within self, with the other, and with the universe as a whole.

Ah…. Transrational awareness. One of the many blessings along the way of this long difficult passage called life….

This Day’s Dawn

By Debra Basham, on May 10, 2022

Those who are awake live in a constant state of amazement. ~ Jack Kornfield

This day’s dawn comes on the heels of a dark night. Actually, every day’s dawn does.

Last evening we took John to my primary. She agreed with the medicine list. She encouraged patience and confidence in the specialists he will be working with, along with his primary. I was almost in a heap when we left. I was in search of relief.

Aaron’s thought for today from Deep Spring Center for Meditation expresses it this way: Each of you is walking right now through dark valleys, unable to see what the future will hold. But your heart controls that future. Hold that dream of love, of an earth in which all beings cherish every other sentient being and the earth itself, knowing we are one and we love. We love, and we are love.

Awareness sees so many gifts in all of this, not the least of which is how John is navigating the perfect catalyst for my overcoming habit energy of fear around medical stuff. It is not easy, but it is rich with opportunity.

The Empty Circle Zen Group’s Mindful Moment for today refers to the raw truth — Everyone we cherish will, someday, get sick and die. If we don’t practice the meditation on emptiness, when those things happen, we will be overwhelmed. Concentration on emptiness is a way of staying in touch with life as it is, but it has to be practiced and not just talked about as connectedness.

For example, while Stacey and I were working on the jigsaw puzzle a couple of days ago, waves of emotion would wash over me. I would swallow the threatening tears and observe the thought. After several close encounters, clear seeing allowed me to notice the delusion. Once stable with it, I was able to speak to Stacey, starting with the caveat I did not even believe it. I said, “You have always been closer to your dad more than to me. If one of us had to get sick and die, I wish it could have been me so you would still have your dad.”

As Stacey’s initial loving heart instantly began assuring me that isn’t true, I interjected immediately, “I am sharing this with you because I absolutely agree it is not true.”

Waking reality does not exist in as concrete a manner as people might think.

Following my foray into the darkness last evening, on this day’s dawn Stacey sent me some wonderful words of wisdom:

If you don’t feel your best today, allow yourself that space. This is hard. You don’t have to process this all at once.

Already a Butterfly

By Debra Basham, on May 4, 2022

In The Wisdom of No Escape: And the Path of Loving-kindness, Pema Chödrön qutoes Joseph Campbell, writing, “It has been said, quite accurately that the psychotic drowns in the same waters in which the mystic swims with delight.” One might wonder what it is that the mystic sees/hears/knows/experiences which leads to the more pleasant conclusion.

Last evening I was Zoom host for The Eden Project when Barbara Brodsky logged on saying Aaron was requesting the use of breakout rooms. I have hosted a lot of Zoom classes for/with Barbara and Aaron, but I have no experience setting up the breakout rooms. I reached out via text to my virtual buddy and I asked out loud of another friend whom Barbara said has a lot of experience with Zoom — neither of them had any experience with the breakout rooms.

The intention to use the breakout rooms remained steady in our hearts and minds. I selected the “allow participants to choose” option. Not successful yet. One of the participants sent a link to a tutorial video, but knew I could not switch to that easily enough to learn while hosting the group. Another participant with some experience was willing to help, so I quickly made him co-host and together (with lots and lots of cooperation and co-creation) the breakout rooms were enjoyed!

I was unable to join the small group because I was the Zoom host. I did not want to leave Barbara without support. Awareness came instantly that spirit had given me the experience prior to the group meeting when I accidentally dropped my Osho Zen Tarot deck, and three cards spilled out.

The first card is 20 Beyond Illusion:
don’t look outside for what’s inside

The second card is 5 of Clouds Comparison:
all is needed and everything fits together

The third card is Ace of Water Going with the Flow:
everything is happening exactly as it should

Just as the spilled card spread began with the butterfly, so did Aaron’s talk!

When you are a caterpillar, you are already a butterfly and yet it has not manifested….

You live in a world in which you have the power to change things!

Where would you like to be in your awareness one month from now?

How do we awaken the imaginal cells and begin to imagine a world/family/individual in which there is peace? What does it look like, feel like, taste like, smell like?

You cannot think your way in, but you can sing your way, dance your way, or draw your way in.

Begin with asking: “What conditions are necessary for a world of peace — a world without hatred?”

I received a text message:

M: Good afternoon, Miss Debra. If you are not too busy, could you pendle some thing for me? My question is ready.

D: No….There is a bit of a jokester energy present. Does that make sense?

M: A medication was prescribed for one of our guys. It’s pretty heavy duty. I am so not sure whether to start the script.

D: Do you have it with you?

M: I actually haven’t picked it up yet. Probably I’ll go in a little while. Muscle test?

D: Yes! Muscle test. Do you have the script or can you imagine holding it up to your heart?

M: Nothing tangible.

D: Let’s do it with intention.

M: When you asked me if I could imagine holding it up to my heart, I heard that it’s not for me. LOL.

D: Direct your intention. And thank them for clarifying for us. LOL.

M: Yes. LOL. I got “maybe.”

D: Similar here. I actually asked if it would be beneficial, and I heard “maybe.” I asked if it could be harmful, and I heard “maybe.”

M: Yes, that’s how it comes to me.

D: What I am immediately aware of is that we are so oriented to the “right or wrong” instead of realizing that Spirit can work with anything and everything.

M: Ahhhhh….

D: You could not take it out of fear and you are adding fear to your little guy. You could take it out of fear and you are adding fear to your little guy. You could take it out of love and be adding love. You could not take it out of love and be adding love. Make sense?

M: Yes, and then what is my next best step. Maybe sit with it some more.

D: When you find your center of peace, you will act from that. Make that your best step. I am certainly navigating this as well — with all of the medication John is on.

M: Yes, I can feel that. I certainly appreciate your sharing your journey.

Opening the Daily Word this morning, essentially the same message comes through in Colossians 3:14: Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.

This is called equanimity in Buddhism: Mental calmness, composure, and evenness of temper, especially in a difficult situation. As in,”She accepted both the pleasant and the unpleasant with equanimity.”

Perhaps our true mystic nature is awakening from it’s caterpillar stage. After all, you are already a butterfly….
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
P.S. Permission to share this from one of the Zoom attendees:

I had an extraordinary experience in our little group. I turned three times and this painting just unfolded in 15 minutes!

Thought of your writings today. Once I’d finished the painting, I looked outside and the trees and the leaves everywhere looked even more vibrant. Wow! It felt like, as we as humans become more awake, all of the flora, fauna, trees etc will flourish!!!

Outside of the Lines

By Debra Basham, on April 18, 2022

“If a wild animal like a cheetah
can be tamed into forgetting her power,
forgetting her majesty,
forgetting her wild —
then so can a woman.”

~ Glennon Doyle Melton

I watched an interview in which Glennon Doyle Melton reported an experience of going to the zoo and watching the “cheetah run” with her children. She describes a zookeeper coming out with a dog on a leash and saying this dog has been a companion of the cheetah and allowed them to train the cheetah. The dog ran the race, chasing a “dirty pink bunny” behind a vehicle. The the cheetah did the same thing.

Inside her very body, mind, and spirit, she recognized the way we (women AND men) have been trained.

It is difficult for me to separate my hearing Glennon’s words from other current conditions.

I write to a friend:

His kids are moving him to a memory care facility in Tennessee. I finally see what about that pisses me off. Moving him to a facility so they can watch him like an animal in a zoo. Not moving him into their home and making the commitment to care for his needs as one would care for a newborn baby.

He is not doing any of the things that make this option out of the question. He doesn’t run. He doesn’t fight. He simply forgets whether he has eaten or is hungry; whether or not he has showered or shaved or gone to the bathroom.

Mind you, I do not pretend to know what is best for him. My reaction is not about what is happening to him. It is about what is happening within me.

I can feel some life-calling brewing. Like my dreams upon waking, I have insufficient recall of the details.

Everything is related to everything. Reading Glennon’s book, “Love Warrior: A Memoir” and taking notes:

Love Warrior: A Memoir

(p. 144)
I’m trying to fix my pain with certainty, as if I’m one right choice away from relief. I’m stuck in anxiety quicksand: The harder I try to climb my way out, the lower I sink. The only way to survive is to make no sudden movements, to get comfortable with discomfort, and to find peace without answers… There is only one strategy I can count on during this time: Just do the next right thing. One thing at a time.

I can never glimpse the end of the path, but if I squint hard, I can see the next step.

I say: Give me today my daily bread. I don’t know what will happen tomorrow, but today, give me enough energy and wisdom and strength and peace to handle what comes…. Help me ignore the big decisions, which will make themselves, and just help me focus on the small ones.
~~~~~~~

(p. 195)
My spiral staircase of progress means that my pain will be both behind me and in front of me, every damn day. I’ll never be “over it,” but I vow to be stronger each time I face it. Maybe the pain won’t change, but I will. I keep climbing.
~~~~~

(p. 203)
Our pain is not the poison; the lies about the pain are….

Along the way, we’ve internalized the lies: You are supposed to be happy all the time. Everybody else is! Avoid the pain! You don’t need it, it’s not meant for you. Just push this button. Finally, I was being quiet and still enough to hear the truth: You are not supposed to be happy all the time. Life hurts and it’s hard. Not because you’re doing it wrong, but because it hurts for everybody. Don’t avoid the pain. You need it. It’s meant for you. Be still with it, let it calm, let it go, let it leave you with the fuel you’ll burn to get your work done on this earth.

The threads are witnessed from a safe distance. The right religion. The right treatment. The right partner. As though there is such a thing. We try to find the truth about the tooth fairy by putting our teeth under our pillow. The lies must been brought into the light. Yes, the tooth is gone and there is a quarter (OK, too cheap for today…. there is a dollar) under my pillow, but that has nothing to do with the truth.

On Easter Sunday morning I watched the replay of an April 5 IANDS interview “Overcoming The Challenges and Discovering the Gifts of Spiritual Experiences” with Dr. Nicole Gruel. I so relate to her saying that the top risk of NOTES (Non-Ordinary Transcendent Experiences) is the relationship loss as others (and we ourselves) cannot accept awarenesses of the larger reality accessed by our experience.

I did not go out of my way to notice that dead people talk to us.

I would never have gone.

Nor did I willingly leave the safety of the cocoon of Christianity to recognize the SOURCE of all life is “present within” each religion, but not “contained within” it.

I would never have gone.

If I had known learning Healing Touch would drive me into decades of despair dancing with the egotism of allopathic medicine, I NEVER WOULD HAVE GONE.

Something changes when you are opened to the reality of the ever-perfect within the ever-imperfect. Everything changes when you stop searching for the RIGHT choice about anything and let your inner radiance see the light that shines brightly upon a path to everything.

Later in the day I also tuned in to the Deep Spring Center for Meditation Easter Sunday gathering where Barbara Brodsky and Colette Simone took turns channeling Jeshua and Mary. I made few notes but the notes I did make are significant: The point is not to get through the incarnation, but to consecrate the incarnation. Aware of where we would not have been open to the heart, now we are able to. WOW. We are doing it.

Glennon said it this way: My spiral staircase of progress means that my pain will be both behind me and in front of me, every damn day. I’ll never be “over it,” but I vow to be stronger each time I face it. Maybe the pain won’t change, but I will. I keep climbing.

It pisses me off that his family does not know him well enough to draw out of his decaying brain things that he still knows. That he will be in a sea of strangers ignorant of the truth of him as a brilliant university professor who assisted so many on the path of learning. That someone will give him chocolate chip cookies instead of his preferred oatmeal raisin.

But even as I am willing to feel the heat of anger, I am also willing to feel the spaciousness of peace and trust.

Perhaps I can stop saying I never would have gone and see that I am going again even now.

Sharing with a friend via text this morning I wrote: Maybe the trick is learning that the REAL art is what we create outside of the lines.

Perhaps creating outside of the lines is itself a non-ordinary transcendent experience….

Treasure this Day

By Debra Basham, on April 9, 2022

If what I say resonates with you,
it’s because
we are both branches of the same tree.

~ W. B. Yeats

I’m not a “follower” of astrology, but MANY years ago something occurred that led me to respect the wisdom there.

Decades ago now, driving home on a snowy day, the roads were glare ice. Less than a block from home, I was blinded by a cloud of snow by a person blowing out his driveway. I rear-ended the car stopped to make a left-hand turn onto a side street. I was not considered at fault due to the unusual conditions and I did not receive a citation. But when I opened the paper a bit later at home, still shaken, my horoscope for the day read: The highway will not be a happy place for you today. Be careful, even on short trips.

And now a warning?

Perhaps just a coincidence, or more likely something ancient and pure and worthy of being reported in the bible as announcing the coming of Jesus.

Yesterday’s comment by a friend about the current astrological line-up led me to look up The Cosmic Tides by Leah Whitehorse. Here is an excerpt from April 9, 2022: It’s imperative to take time out to reconnect with the emotional body before direct action. That way, we can tune into our gut instinct which tells us where to best place our energy and effort. There will be time enough to conquer goals and fight the good fight. Be tender with yourself. Listen to your feelings. Know where you belong. Never doubt that you are strong enough. Nothing can extinguish your inner flame.

We have snow again today!

Thought for Today from Deep Spring Center for Meditation:

~ Aaron

A couple of days of hard work has rendered our tiny house clean and neat and ready for visitors. It is funny that our seasonal home on Bounty Lane is the larger space. Just as we squeeze back into 1,120 square feet, we continue to share one vehicle (writing all of our “times I need the car” on the calendar hanging on the kitchen wall).

Already this morning I have done 45 minutes of chanting and some yoga. I will at some point go over to the community room and ride the stationary bike while John walks on the treadmill. We await warm weather that welcomes walking and biking in the beautiful Michigan outdoors.

Treasure this day and treasure yourself.
Truly, neither will ever happen again.

~ Ray Bradbury (Gratefulness.org “Word for the Day” April 9, 2022)