By Debra Basham, on July 11, 2022 If you want to go quickly, go alone.
If you want to go far, go together.
~ African proverb
Several weeks ago I saw a coyote pup in the field adjacent to Pilgrim Congregational UCC Church, directly across from our park. I mentioned it in a previous post titled: Coyote Pup and Purposeful Purse Project. I had stopped and we watched one another for quite some time, but it made the pup nervous, so, “He pulled away first but I continued to watch as he gingerly picked his way to the church parking lot and out of my view.”
Edward Salim Michael (1921-2006) was an extraordinarily talented composer and had tremendous potential as an artist, but most importantly, he was a mystic, almost a natural mystic. For those who have never heard of him, it is worth noting that his work was about how you can achieve a direct inner experience of your higher nature and the after-death state (from which you originate and to which you will return).
If you are interested in what is referred to as “the law of attention,” or you know you long to have an experience of “hearing the holy sound,” you might want to check out The Price of a Remarkable Destiny: The Life and Spiritual Journey of Edward Salim Michael.
This book–at once simple and powerful–stands as a monument to the lifelong spiritual struggles of Edward Salim Michael, struggles that he heroically surmounted on his path to enlightenment. Due to the circumstances of his birth, Michael had no education, no mother tongue, and no book learning when he was drafted at the age of 19 into the British Royal Air Force during World War II. After learning to read and write he became an accomplished classical composer in France. In 1949, after seeing a statue of a Buddha for the first time, he experienced a powerful awakening of his innate Buddha Nature, which inspired him to begin a sustained and extremely disciplined meditation practice.
On Saturday morning, I rode my bike to the remembrance garden at the hospice building in preparation for meeting with my friend Kim, to officiate the Celebration of Life of her 32 year old son. I saw a dead coyote pup on the edge of Maiden Lane. I cannot say with certainty that it was the pup I had seen previously. I was instantly reminded of having seen both the peaceful fawn corpse, then the traumatized doe corpse. I looked up “coyote” totem meaning again:
The coyote is here to remind you that even if you don’t feel it, you actually have the capacity to handle any situation you find yourself in.
It seems right now every human being on the planet is experiencing many moments of choice.
This morning, looking back over my notes from a healing workshop with Barbara Brodsky, and Aaron, on Wednesday, May 24, 2017, I read about ancestral baggage.
Aaron: When I think of ancestral baggage, I think of literally the karma one has taken on from one’s physical ancestors, both family and of a wider group – cultural group, religious group, even human karma. The personal karma is different.
For example, as I meet, counseling and working with people, there is a generation today, many of whom experienced the Holocaust from one side, one perspective or another. Many who experienced it, not personally but had parents and grandparents who experienced it, are carrying some of that “personal baggage” from it and in healing it through finding forgiveness for the places of fear and hatred in their own hearts, healing that in themselves. They don’t have to be thinking of the situation of the Holocaust, but they are helping to free the anger and fear and hatred of their ancestors.
Those from the other perspective, who were among those who were doing such great harm, may experience the same thing. There’s often enormous shame and guilt in the incarnate self, without any real understanding of where it came from. Its not personal karma, but they came in to the incarnation with the intention to help to heal, to free some of the ancestors who are very much trapped in the terrible things they did and the self-remorse and self-hatred over those things.
Tavis: Can one heal, then, these longstanding ancestral issues by addressing one’s own guilt, shame….
Aaron: Absolutely. And this is the best place to release it. When you release it for yourself, you release it for everyone. So, this is very powerful.
What to do if you see a coyote?
If you see a coyote during the daytime, you should exhibit caution, as that coyote may have become habituated to humans (and may be more likely to attack). If you are approached by a coyote, you should yell, wave your arms, and/or throw something at the coyote (do not run away).
May all beings resist the urge to run away when we witness ancestral karma, and may we each make the most of many moments of choice.
By Debra Basham, on July 6, 2022 And I said to my body, softly,
“I want to be your friend.”
It took a long breath. And replied,
“I have been waiting my whole life for this.”
~ Nayyirah Waheed
Speaking about his book, All for Love: The Transformative Power of Holding Space, Matt Kahn shares,”I look back at these times and all the stories that I tell — I’m telling some very deep stories, I’m telling some very emotionally stirring stories. But as I’m telling the stories, even when I’m recalling the deepest pain, I’m really recalling them from a place of gratitude, because I look back at my life and I really do see how everything was a divine setup for who I came to be and all the lives that I’m so blessed I have the chance to touch.”
This has certainly been true for my life as well.
In 1988 I was living with chronic pain. I was having bad days and worse days. I NEVER had a day back then that was free of pain.
Experiencing relief of unrelenting chronic pain resulted in my passion for getting certified in Healing Touch.
It is other-worldly to even imagine what would have unfolded differently without all of it.
The focus circle is based on the work of Jerry and Esther Hicks (The Vortex), and the sample used below is adapted from one that was created by Arvind Singh.
Step one is to identify what you think of as a current limitation. The sample I have used is: “I feel insecure about my body.” Write about whatever you are working with in your own words so you know what will help.
Next, make a short, positive statement of what you do want: “A vibrant, healthy, sexy, body.” Be sure to avoid anything that might seem unrealistic or unattainable right now, like the following: “My body could be on the cover of a fitness magazine, “or “I can have my dream body in a week.” Again, using your own words for your goal.
Now, easily start your change in attitude, belief, and behavior, from a place you have experienced because, as Singh says, it is hard to have emotional resistance about something that you have already had.
1. I like the way that I feel in that new outfit.
2. I have a desire to be healthy.
3. I felt so vibrant that night in Cancun, just dancing all night.
4. I feel my cells responding as I write this, getting brighter and healthier.
5. Everything I have ever really put my mind to, I have accomplished.
6. I’ve been told I have amazing eyes.
7. What I’m experiencing right now has created a strong desire for change.
8. I can see myself feeling confident and attractive.
9. My inner-being loves me unconditionally.
10. I appreciate the fact that I can deliberately achieve what I want.
11. When I close my eyes I can see and feel my vibrant, healthy, sexiness.
12. I am a beautiful and beloved creation.
I always like to look again at my positive statement and notice I can actually feel that now.
State your current positive statement, “I feel vibrant, healthy, and sexy now” and just relax a bit as you think about all the things that are wonderful that came to be out of a process. Plants, babies, houses, your goal for better health and well-being – they are all things that take a while to achieve and they are worth the time and commitment.
All human beings are navigating life.
Rather than be disappointed or angry or sad about what someone (even if that someone is you) is experiencing, realize that you might be moments from a breakthrough.
While it is undeniable they are not pleasant, breakdowns can lead to breakthroughs. We end up having more compassion, more understanding, and more wisdom. We learn something helpful and share that with others.
At first, we can feel out-of-control and overwhelmed with our feelings of despair and anxiety. It’s hard to see that what we are going through is often a gift wrapped in a not-so-pretty package. ~ Kristen D. Boice
Its a gift that I have been waiting my whole life for!
By Debra Basham, on June 29, 2022 Thought for Today
Imagine a whole world of beings deeply committed to expressing themselves with some kind of beauty, not necessarily physical beauty but beauty of generosity of spirit, of kindness. Imagine a world where this can flourish. Here we have the imaginal cells at work.
So, if we talk about what conditions
are needed for a world that can be at peace,
all beings living in a wholesome way,
not destroying themselves and each other,
what’s needed here?
Can you begin to imagine it?
Because if you can’t imagine it,
you can’t plant the seeds that can co-create it.
~ Aaron, Deep Spring Center For Meditation and Spiritual Inquiry
Oh, my…. yesterday I came out of my center and went off like the olden days. I have distant memory of allowing fear to totally dictate my days.
One very memorable moment from long, long, ago in a far-way land, took place when John and I were in St. Thomas in the Virgin Islands. I had been there previously without John so I knew that they drove American-made vehicles on the English side of the road. Navigating through the downtown was nothing short of terrifying, so I had UBER planned our trip to pick up our rental car at the remote end of the island near where we were staying. But when the guy came to bring me the car, he had come from the Airport!!!
I made such a scene! He told me the remote location had closed. I told him I did not care about any of that, my contract was with the Red Hook location and that was where I was going to take him. He could hitchhike back to the airport, walk, or call for someone to come and get him. That was his problem.
Oddly, I am not sure how it resolved itself, but I admit I have often imagined him telling the story of a berserk customer having a meltdown in the lobby of Frenchman’s Reef.
Yesterday’s trigger was around politics.
When I told Stacey I had gotten triggered by something political, she said, “How did you even get close enough to something political to get triggered?” I am grateful she knows my true nature is apolitical (not interested or involved in politics).
This morning I woke up feeling shaky inside. It was the sort of feeling that would encourage me to take 1/2 of the Zanax, but I was going to my primary, Dr. Mancini, for the post-hospitalization visit and I did not want to mask my state. I was honest about how I was feeling, and she was beautifully present with me. I agreed to start on a low-dose prescription to lower blood pressure, and to continue the statin until we have results of the cardiac plaque test. As we navigated, I could feel myself regulating. Then I went with John to the pain clinic…. oy vey!
After he was home and resting, I decided to ride my bike to pick up the new medication. This was the first time I had been back on my bike since the TGA event one week ago today. Riding really does balance me, but the transformation came not while I was riding, but while I was in line at Walgreens.
The person in front of me (it was a long wait) was arranging to pick up her prescriptions next week. She said something about needing to wait until then (for financial reasons). She completed her consult, and left.
When I stepped up to the window, I said I wanted to pay for her medications. It was such a spontaneous action, and it took approval of a manager, but we figured out how it could be done with my not having any information other than the total cost.
I floated out of that store.
Yesterday I shared a handout on Essentials of Self Care: Breath and Emotions with a colleague who is teaching a mindfulness course in the fall. The handout includes a quotation by Norman Vincent Peale, from The Amazing Results of Positive Thinking: Dramatic Proof of How Positive Thinking Has Changed the Lives of Millons… and How it Can Change Your Life!. His words of wisdom were written in 1959, but they have never been more timely.
When people get rid of fear, anxiety and self-centeredness they develop a kind of ecstatic joy and delight in living. The world seems so different and newly wonderful that they tend to love everybody and everything. And they become so warm-hearted and delightful that people take a real liking to them. They change from withdrawn, worrying persons to ones with vitality and charm. They become “out-flowing” personalities; that is, personalities which now flow outward towards others in kindness and helpfulness. (p.60)
Sunday I will be guest pastor at St. John UCC again. The theme is “Freedom From and For.” We will share a beautiful exercise on getting free from Reunion Living Ministry. Thank you, Betty Lue and Robert.
Getting Free
(By Setting Others Free)
By freeing actively and willingly desiring that the key people in our lives be totally free and powerful, we get to be free and powerful ourselves. So here is an affirmation-prayer that may help us begin by freeing others, so that we can begin to free ourselves.
I, (your name), want you, (his or her name), to be the highest, clearest, most powerful expression of God that you can be. I would not limit you in any way, knowing that only as I encourage you to expand, and grow, can I myself be free. So I fully support you in being and expressing all that you are.
I want you to go where you feel called to go, to speak and act as you feel guided, and to express yourself in whatever ways seem right. There is nothing I do not want you to do, for I know that all movement is contained within the mind of God and always leads us to Him.
I am at peace with whatever decisions and choices you make, no matter how they may seem to affect me. Since I know that God loves and supports me perfectly, then I know that however you choose to be with me must be a manifestation of that divine love and support. Because I trust God, I trust you. And because I trust you, I trust myself.
So be free, be powerful, be unlimited. And know that I, (your name), want you, (his or her name), to be the highest, clearest, most powerful expression of God that you can be. I fully support you in being all that you are.
In the blank I wrote: I, Debra, want all human beings to be the highest, clearest, most powerful expressions of God.
We must be the change we wish to see in the world. ~ Mahatma Gandhi
Amen.
By Debra Basham, on June 25, 2022 I will surrender to my greatest highest good.
I will release any fear that blocks my way.
For every step I take is taken in pure faith,
And I am stronger every moment every day.
(Lyrics) Morning Prayer, I Surrender by Karen Drucker
In 2012, following the hysterechtomy to remove a 22 cm ovarian mass, I experienced a temporary lack of the normal muscle contractions of the intestines (ileus). Relief did not fully occur until a dear friend did Reiki on me. We laughed that she was able to Reiki the $h!t out of me. To this day, every bowl movement is accompanied by a real-time jolt of joy. It reminds me of a toddler’s excitement at going potty.
Wednesday morning, June 22, 2022, seemed like a normal day. I did some meditation and went for a bike ride. I really was riding as a way of “getting back on the horse” after having taken a tumble on Monday morning. A serious case of road rash on my arm and hand resulted.
After I got back from my ride, I was able to proofread a piece for a friend, and I said goodbye to John as he left for his physical therapy appointment. Very soon after that, I was miraculously able to phone Linda Gunter, saying I had been trying to pay some bills but was feeling very confused.
Medical phobia (a result of womb and childhood trauma) has been a constant companion. My “career” of mind-body work was an outgrowth of seeking and sharing with others tools that gave me relief. I ended up in ER and was admitted to the hospital for a stroke-workup. I am relieved to report that ALL of the tests show no stroke, no brain bleed, no seizure.
The diagnosis: Transient Global Amnesia. A common feature of transient global amnesia includes repetitive questioning, usually of the same question. Mine was, “Did I have a bike accident?”
Tears come to my eyes easily, including as I write this morning. I have about 8 hours of my life I do not have any recall of, but, more importantly, I have a long-lasting sense of relief and gratitude and freedom from fear of medical things.
On Friday morning, June 17, I had done some off-road riding, and because I rode in the opposite direction of my normal route, I came upon a remarkable fawn corpse. Regardless of the obvious fact that the lower body of the fawn had been eaten, the fawn exuded innocence, and beauty, and peace. I have previously shared the photo with a few people. I was so moved, and I knew I would write about it, but I had no idea what else was to come forth.
A doe corpse I saw on my ride Monday morning was the exact opposite of the fawn. The doe had been killed by a car. The stench of fear, terror, anguish hung heavily in the air. Just as was the peace of the fawn corpse, this fear of the doe corpse was “palpable.”
I knew in that instant a profound truth: a fragrance of our life and our death “lingers.”
Transient global amnesia can be caused by a stroke or a seizure, but it can also be a result of stress, anxiety, or high blood pressure. This “Molotov cocktail” has been my poison for so long. The neurologist said you can think of TGA like when a circuit breaker pops, or when your computer system reboots.
My entire life has been plagued by fear. I learned that fear in the womb, then it was amplified at age five when I was treated for polio by being placed in isolation. Never having previously been separated from my mother, that hospitalization was traumatic for both of us. IT WAS THE VERY SAME HOSPITAL I WAS TAKEN TO THIS WEEK.
I recognize and honor the good that has come as a result of all of my life challenges, but I am profoundly grateful of the recent unfolding. My greatest fear had been that I would be a “bad” witness at the time of my death. I yearned to be able to welcome my return to spirit with joy — with the innocence and beauty and peace of the fawn. I know the continuity of consciousness is real. I want to be a way-shower in my death as well as in my life.
According to the information from Mayo Clinic, transient global amnesia has no direct complications. It’s not a risk factor for stroke or epilepsy. It’s possible to have a second episode of transient global amnesia, but it’s extremely rare to have more than two.
After a major stroke took her left brain off-line, Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor (My Stroke of Insight) was able to rewire her brain without the fear. Our book club read her book, and, if her story is new to you, you will love her TED talk (which has been viewed over 28 million times). I had the honor of seeing her speak in person a number of years ago. She has certainly taken full advantage of her adversity.
On Wednesday night, in a hilarious Train of Care, John and Linda and Larry left me at the hospital.
The train pulled out leaving me alone, but not afraid. So many people were holding me in prayer and love and light, and I could feel it. During the night, a guy pulled out his IV and I could hear the nurses saying there was blood everywhere. Someone with a trach tube kept having to be suctioned out. I heard people crying out in pain or confusion. Inside of me, I could hear beautiful sounds of love. I played Karen Druker’s Morning Prayer. I softened and felt the peace that passes understanding.
One of the women in my small dharma group shared this:
Debra. I just wanted to share with you that when you were in the hospital, I was sitting and sending you energy and support, and I had one of the more powerful experiences I’ve had of being filled with energy, light and love, feeling it move through my body as a vessel toward you, surrounding you in love. . . I do wonder if all sitting in prayer that way, we joined together in that 5th dimensional healing, of sangha. With love, Lisa
(Worth mentioning is how having just gone through a stroke work-up with John two months ago, my experience was less “unknown” and I know that supported this miracle of release of fear. One friend said she could see it as a “sacred contract” he and I came in to this life with. It certainly is sacred.)
Every time I recall something mundane, such as when John could not remember the name of a child who came to music on Thursday evening. I told him her name is Sophie and I got an immediate jolt of joy!
Terror Gone Away… I think that is how I will remember this TGA.
By Debra Basham, on June 15, 2022 Neale Donald Walsch’s Conversations with God puts it this way: Life works out in the process of Life Itself. All you have to do is trust that it will, and allow it to.
My blood pressure was 126/80 at the doctor’s office on Monday afternoon. I reported that I am doing deep work with Laura. Dr. Mancini asked if my left knee had been bothering me. She said it is the hip flexor pulling at the knee and she has me doing a hip-drop stretch. I am doing on the massage table that we currently have set up in the great room here in our tiny house!
From the “Voice of the Holy Spirit” in my journal writing yesterday:
We appreciate your surrender, Dear One, as it truly brings relief along with it. You so skillfully told John it is not surrender to an “outside” God (like Good Old Uncle George in the Good Goats book). It is your own abiding with what is, knowing this too shall pass.
We know you are not sure what you are to see your friend, Laura, about today, but you are willing to look. In fact, you are willing to look at the emptiness of catalysts!
The catalysts don’t cease as much as they cease to trigger you into mindless reactivity. We know your history with storms. Monday evening you were appropriately watchful. You are appropriately watchful at this time about possible conditions related to blood pressure and your heart.
Debra: I am wondering if you can give me clarity if I have sleep apnea?
Would you trust what your guidance tells you over what the tests reveal?
Debra: I know sometimes I can fool myself. Other times, I am able to trust. For example, you have assured me I am done with melanoma. And that no cancer was related to the ovarian mass.
Notice the tendency to future or past. What is your experience in this present moment?
Debra: Like when I was walking and would get lost in thought by planning or remembering and my heart rate would skyrocket!. I began walking as though I was with my three-year-old grand daughter, taking it all in, present with my present experience.
I shared this awareness with Laura. She wondered what this little girl might need from me. My sense is she does not need anything from me but she wants to give me a carefree life experience. I told Laura about the soul collage I did at a retreat on living and dying well I attended in 2014. Here I am:
Notes from Evening with Aaron:
It is about waking up. What does waking up mean?
There is no “other” only myriad faces of the self — all expressions of something — all interacting.
I am not born, I do not die.
One is always awake, but not yet aware of that awakeness.
You don’t want to suppress anything, or act it out…. There is a middle ground. (speaking of rage)
Money is energy. What if everyone who has money said, “I’ll help people learn how to feed themselves.” We are not in control — let it be. You can’t hold on to it. (speaking of the stock market)
Joy is holding the world afloat. Be grateful to yourself for the joy you feel. Offer it out to the world.
Sharing the story of Nathaniel and his friends being robbed of everything: food, clothing. He was lamenting about not being able to do anything but was asked what he would do that morning if he had not been robbed and had food and clothing. He said he would eat breakfast and walk on to his destination. He was told, “Well, even with out breakfast, you best walk on.” They were given food and clothing and blankets and a place to lie down by individuals living in a leprosy camp. Those with so little were so generous.
Hello, Darkness, my old friend. The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls….
Acknowledge the emotion. Offer it good will.
I shared an experience I had as I was riding my bike. I saw a man spraying weeds in the cracks in his driveway. I was very aware of the bias about that. Suddenly the weeds I pull in my Zen walkway asked me if I thought it was kinder to pull them up by the roots than it was to have that man spray the poison on the weeds. “Does that mean that you would be in favor of the gas chamber, but not the electric chair, or the electric chair, but not the guillotine?”
Sitting in meditation a little later in the day I recall awareness of comparing and judging mind. A voice begins to tell me about different chemicals having different properties. Asks me to think about being in a chemistry class or having a chemistry set. One chemical produces one result, and another chemical produces another result. It is not at all that one chemical is bad and another chemical is good. Telling me, “From your perspective, you see one result as being more desirable. To think of your seeing one result as being more desirable as wrong is just more comparing mind and judging.”
Aaron responded to my sharing of this experience with such clarity and kindness. “If you set out the ant trap you are not killing the ant, you are giving the ant the free will choice to eat the poison or not.”
This morning as I sit down for meditation, I read the Word for the Day from Gratefulness.org:
One way to open your eyes
is to ask yourself,
“What if I had never
seen this before?
What if I knew I would
never see it again?”
~ Rachel Carson
Sounds very much like walking in wonder as the one in my soul collage!
By Debra Basham, on June 13, 2022 Every child is an artist.
The problem is
how to remain an artist
when you grow up.
~ Pablo Picasso
Yesterday was very busy. I did the grocery shopping and had everything put away before John got up. I worked right up to the Sunday morning meditation at 11:00 and was back online at 1:30 for the last Remembering Wholeness until fall.
Part of the busy was preparing the ingredients for stir fry. Note* It was delicious!
I don’t just mean the finished product of the stir fry was delicious, although it was. I am saying the moments of my day were delicious. And like the pork and the veggies in the stir fry, delicious and tender.
One friend was given this darshan – darshan is seeing a holy person or the image of a deity and being seen and given a blessing. Late last evening my friend asked if I had the otter transcript of the darshan he had been given. I had grabbed the otter notes just in case when Barbara Brodsky was having some challenge saving it, and I was so honored to transcribe it for my friend. I think you will agree that although my friend’s circumstance may be unique, the darshan is universal.
I know that you are what in this world would be called very sick. Looking at the issues of what it is to live or to die.
Right now, you are alive.
There’s more life to come.
But for everybody here in this world, eventually there will be a passing from this life.
My Friend, you can live what remains of this life — whether it is weeks, months, years, or decades — you can live it more fully if you can relax and trust that when the end does come, it is soulful. You are held in love and the transition can be a very beautiful and smooth transition.
Remembering there is nothing to fear about that, you can then bring the attention back to, “So, now, how can I live this life with as much joy and presence as I can, however much time that is.
How can I live through this year of 2022, next year of 2023, with a full heart of love, not looking ahead with fear, knowing each day to be a natural transition to the next day and making the choice to invite the highest health possible for the physical body as this spiritual body moves through its process and opens more and more to the light.
I know there is pain, and discomfort, and, of course, as I just said, fear. This is natural.
Allow yourself to be where you are. If there’s discomfort, you can acknowledge that discomfort. You don’t have to be stoic and say, no, there’s no discomfort. There is. The physical body will have discomfort.
And if there is fear, allow the experience of fear without getting caught in the story. You understand? I know you do understand what I am saying.
In this way you can live each hour, each day, each year as fully and joyfully as possible and spread your energy here. Finish doing the high, loving work you came to do, where you have demonstrated the power of love for your wife, for your friends, for your sangha.
You are a great inspiration to others.
But you may become tired of doing that and say, “I’ve had enough of being an inspiration and I need to let it go.” That’s okay, too.
Know how much you are loved, and that everyone in this circle (and many more) hold you in their hearts.
Today at 3:00 I go back to my doctor. My blood pressure is still not where we would like it to be but I am more often allowing the experience of fear without getting caught in the story. It is my highest intention to live each hour, each, day, each year as fully and joyfully as possible.
John is in a sciatica flare. It came on early last week while I was attending the intensive. He had to cancel the 24 hour “ambulatory” blood pressure study on Thursday because he was not able to be ambulatory. On Saturday I mowed our lawn. Possibly the first time I have mowed in close to 40 years. I had never used a self-propelled mower, and one hummingbird feeder was sacrificed in my learning curve.
I was enjoying the last morsels of the stir fry when my phone rang. It was a woman I met on Friday at her rummage sale. I left my phone number, sharing that I have a friend who is making “Purposeful Purses.” She got the idea from another friend. Into these purses go bottled water, toiletries, a pair of socks, and a few non-perishable food items. These purses stay in her vehicle and are presented to a homeless person at a stop light or at the park or wherever she encounters them.The woman was calling to say 4 purses had not sold and she welcomed the opportunity to be part of this purposeful purse project. I thanked her and said I would finish my dinner and ride over and pick them up.
It was such a gorgeous day, and I had been indoors online for about five hours, so on my way home I turned at the corner and gave myself the gift of a little longer ride. Just as I was coming up to the entry of our park, I saw a coyote pup in the field across the street! I pulled to the side of the road and stopped and we looked deeply at one another. He pulled away first but I continued to watch as he gingerly picked his way to the church parking lot and out of my view. This morning I looked up Coyote Symbolism & Meaning:
Have you been under a lot of stress lately? The coyote symbolism might give you a boost to laugh at yourself or even play a trick on you.
The general symbolic meaning is a jokester, playfulness, adaptability, seeing the truth behind it, a complex and cunning personality, wisdom, and cleverness.
It often represents two sides of the same coin, being a troublesome creature, but a good fortune sign.
The coyote will bring hidden emotions and thoughts to the surface, making you uncomfortable but healing you.
The coyote animal totem is for those that want to forget about their worries and live in the present moment alongside the most important people in your life, your family.
Children will suddenly approach you as they love your joyful nature and energy. Being so full of life, you will feel even more refreshed around them.
Aaron’s Thought for Today reinforces the message:
Gain and loss, pleasure and pain, joy and sorrow, light and dark — these are seeming opposites, but nothing is truly an opposite but always part of everything else. What would joy be without sorrow? How would you recognize joy? How would you recognize the light if there were no sense of darkness? How would you know spaciousness if there were never contraction? But we must recognize the distinction between ultimate reality and those mundane objects that arise from conditions and pass away. Reflect on the beauty of light and love as ultimate realities, and how darkness and contraction arise out of conditions and pass away. ~ Aaron
Over the weekend my nephew, David, enjoyed a visit with our daughter, Stacey, in Tennessee. Our great-grandson, Jackson, was visiting with Stacey (G-Ma) and David said Jackson was stuck on him like glue. I can understand that totally as David, having spent many years incarcerated, is now keenly aware of and thriving on the gift of his freedom.
Bees dance amidst the flowers outside my window and I savor the pleasant, cool, low-humidity days because I know they are going to be replaced with heat and humidity before nightfall. That is the point, isn’t it….
By Debra Basham, on June 9, 2022 We are so brief.
A one-day dandelion.
A seedpod skittering across the ice.
We are a feather falling from the wing of a bird.
I don’t know why it is given to us to be so mortal
and to feel so much. It is a cruel trick, and glorious.
~ Louise Eldrich
We looked at sacred darkness and emptiness a LOT over the five-day intensive that finished about dinner time yesterday. During those five-days humans were living this. Joan was with Bob at the hospital. Pneumonia. His dementia complicates things further. He would be going to a care facility rather than coming home. For how long? Virginia had Paul to ER. Bleeding. Awaiting emergency surgery for a massively enlarged prostate. Barbara Brodsky‘s carefully selected caregiver for her husband, Hal, had to call off when his young daughter tested positive for Covid. The second had to call off when his wife was hospitalized and he was in charge of their 18-month old. John is in a sciatica flare, and we have to cancel the 24-hour ambulatory blood pressure study he was scheduled to start this morning because he cannot ambulate right now.
The opening line from Aaron this morning: “People seek safety, and they believe that safety is in stability and no change.”
During this intensive we were encouraged to let ourselves go into the darkness and learn to be the light. Profound sadness washed over me as I had total cellular memory of surgery in 1992 to correct my having been born tongue-tied. A lingual frenectomy removes a band of tissue that connects the underside of the tongue with the bottom of the mouth. At birth, this is a relatively simple procedure. I was forty-two years old….
I felt the depth of the trauma from the point of view of the tongue. It was traumatized by the surgery. Then it was lost. It was not able to get back to the familiar. It did not feel like it belonged and it did not know what to do. Thirty years later, I am noticing the stress in my jaw and the pull to the side of my neck, aware now that this has been a chronic situation.
I cried, reporting all of this to my dharma family in Group 2. I heard the words and I recognized the correlation to the human incarnation. Even the simple shift from living in the fluid world of the womb to the instability of the room is traumatic. Sounds are startling, light is harsh, energies feel like an assault.
Aaron quoted from Dante’s Inferno: In the middle of the journey of our life, I came to myself, in a dark wood, where the direct way was lost. It is a hard thing to speak of, how wild, harsh and impenetrable that wood was, so that thinking of it recreates the fear.
Humans see and feel so much, often it appears too much to process, and, yes, it can feel like a cruel trick.
One beloved introduced us to Jeff Foster’s “Guru of Darkness” on his Facebook post. Jeff’s writing was woven into our intensive with the skill of a world-class weaver.
…we are not here to destroy, eradicate, fix, transcend, or even ‘heal’ our darkness — the grief, the terror, the anger, the shame, those deep feelings of guilt from childhood. For these are just places in ourselves that we haven’t been willing or able to illumine yet. They are not inherently evil, sinful or dangerous. (www.lifewithoutacentre.com)
Another beloved suggested speaking to the contraction of the self where there is suffering, “I feel you. I love you. I care, and this is important.” I have begun speaking this to my tongue and jaw and neck. I can be patient since we have thirty years of my ignorance to soften the impact from.
“I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do something that I can do.” ~ Edward Everett Hale, American Author
“To see myself as on a journey through the universe is delusional. To come to know myself as the universe journeying is awakening.” ~ Falling into Grace by Adyashanti
Letting my heart open to the pain and loss that had been pushed away or ignored or deflected led me right to the heart of SCS, which has not been active since 2012 following the surgery I had to remove the ovarian mass. The Osho Zen Tarot card (8 of Water Letting Go) so direct: A recognition that something is finished, something is completing, whatever it is — a job, a relationship, a home you have loved, anything that might have helped define who you are — it is time to let go of it, allowing any sadness but not trying to hold on.
SCS was all of that: a job, a relationship, a home I have loved (and the cats I have loved), and my identity.
The Osho card continues, You are past the point of no return now, and gravity is doing its work. Go with it — it represents liberation.
We were guided in the meditation by Aaron: “There is nothing you can hold onto forever except the essence of your being, and you do not hold onto that, you simply are that. This is your truth; this is what you are. I move ahead of my own free will, with the intention of releasing suffering in this universe, of helping beings wake up — including myself…. This is my intention to support release of suffering, an increase of happiness for all sentient beings.”
OMG – All semester I have thought of Aaron’s teaching the SCS material Joel and Debra developed from Steven Karpman’s Drama Triangle. I write in my journal: It’s not Aaron teaching Debra’s material, Debra has been teaching the dharma as Aaron does!
I look down at my Fitbit and it shows 9,999 steps. I don’t want to move but I have to move to reach my goal…. I dig out a CD and listen to Everlasting Peace, my own voice telling me “Circumstances have changed and it is time now to look to new directions to learn how to fly once more….”
The last morning of the five-day intensive, Barbara shares that the mother of the caregiver who had been pulling the weight of the week as Barbara was teaching the intensive fell overnight and broke her hip….
As Barbara says, “There is always going to be something. If it needs to slide away; let it slide away.” Barbara begins to share her process of coming back to the light right there in the darkness. Although deaf and off tune, we listen to her chant:
Hari Om, Dear One,
Sat Nam, holy name
When I call on the Light in my Heart,
I come home
Mary Magdelene incorporates and notices Barbara’s voice is hoarse from so much teaching time this week. Mary takes a sip of water, then tells us there is never any hurry. She quotes a poem by Karen Weber: I am the place where god shines through, where god and I are one not two. Mary tells us that our beloved teacher, Aaron, was so helpful because he was not yet fully awake but he knew how to not get caught up in negativity. To see the negative story as it is, and to know that right there with fear there is love. Hari Om. When I call on the love in my heart, I come home. Mary tells us to just keep coming home. To remember why you have come. To hold the darkness as a sacred energy. There is nothing more powerful than love.
My closing sharing was to see that what is in the way is the way. I mentioned Jana Stanfield’s song If I Were Brave and how we know we are all brave became we came! Someone quoted Nelson Mandela’s quoting Marianne Williamson:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
― Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of “A Course in Miracles”
I do a drawing from the question, “What is released as we fully manifest the true self?”
I can’t find the beginning and wonder if that mean none exists.
I write Mary’s last question to us: “At the end of attaining, what remains?”
An answer comes, “The tapestry of attending to without giving it substance.”
I title the drawing from the Heart Sutra: for there is nothing to attain.
By Debra Basham, on June 5, 2022 From my journal:
Friday, June 3, 2022
Dear Holy Spirit,
I am listening to a podcast by Ram Dass. (Ep. 199: The Continuity of Consciousness)
“Somewhere between not enough and more seems to be enough.”
At least a few moments go by before i have a thought about Joel — that’s progress. I have heard nothing from him since last Sunday evening when he sent email saying he was on the floor in his bedroom and could not get up.
Ram says the concept ‘I am meditating’ is still “rush collecting.” He continues:
You have been born many times and many times you have died and each time you have died you have struggled against death. You have said: “Why me? Save me. Heal me! Do whatever you need to do, doctor: Transplant, freeze, do whatever needs to be done. Cut. Mend. But keep me here.”
And you hold desperately to the bed sheets and you struggle against it. And then you’re dead. And then a voice says to you, “Hello.”
And then you say, “I guess I didn’t die.”
And the voice says, “Oh, to the contrary, you are quite dead.”
Time and time again, death after death, you have rejected that voice, and stayed in what the Christians called purgatory. You stayed in a state of confusion between births.
(Ram Dass uses the term ‘veil of illusion’ — I’ve never heard that. I’ve heard the other side of the veil but I’ve not heard it said that it is the veil of illusion.)
2/5 of the population of America have had transcendent, mystical experiences. That is 40 million people. Of those 40 million people, a sampling shows that 85% said, “It was the most powerful experience of my life and I never want to have another one.”
For only some of the people, when they see through that veil, they are able to utilize that new awareness… And when you are really ripe, that one millisecond changes your whole life from now on — that lifetime. And when you are really ready, that one moment makes you say, “From here on all I wish to do now is to get free.”
Now, when you have started to awaken in a particular lifetime, and then you die, you say, “I don’t want to die, I don’t want to die,” and then you are dead and somebody says welcome and you say I guess I didn’t die and they say yes you did and you are confused and then that moment of that previous birth when you awakened comes to you and you say, “Ah, right, this is what that was about.”
(I have the awareness that suffering is grace.)
Up until that time, you’ve been seeking to optimize pleasure.
A birth is like a process of getting you straight or cleaning you up or awakening you…. You are part of a far more interesting game which you begin to be aware of in terms of your own identity….
The meaning of every act in life starts to change. You look at all of it as process for awakening, for cleaning up your game. You don’t begrudge your history — no matter how neurotic it has been — for it has in it the stuff which has created the space you are in at this moment which allows you to hear right now.
(I notice that I am trying too hard as I am chopping vegetables for quiche and then I hear, “Let the tool do the work.”)
That may be the lesson of the power washer. No amount of stress or strain enhances the work. I hear that the central message again and again as I continue. No amount of effort forces sleep. No amount of worry produces peace. No amount of effort produces clarity. One cannot TRY oneself to anything.
My mind recognizes that we can aim. A – I – M. Already is (or always is) mentality.
Peace already is like the sun is always shining. Peace always is. Love always is. Light always is. Nothing we can do “makes” it.
I realize consciousness is also a tool. I feel fluttering in my heart as I write this sentence.
My blood pressure continues to be quite high, although I have had two readings over the past week and a half that would be considered normal.
I am on Zoom attending the year-end “intensive” right now. Perhaps additional insight is to emerge during these five days. This morning’s Thought for Today from Aaron is quite interesting for me:
Whatever it is that you’re praying for, be it health or well-being of yourself or for a loved one or whatever the prayer-intention may be, that innate perfection is always there. If you approach it from a place of fear, you keep manifesting the distortion. When you come back to the place of love, you center yourself in love and invite others to take hold of the strands with you and pray with you from that same place of love. Energetically they’re weaving together with you, weaving together a tapestry of healing with you, of growth, of love, of joy. So this is the power of prayer.
I find it fascinating that I had just written the string about always there. Plus, when I first started my practice in Healing Touch, I named my business “Tapestry” with the tag line weaving together the threads of body, mind, and spirit. Also on the card: For when you are ready.
I am ready.
From my journal:
Saturday, June 4, 2022
Dear Holy Spirit,
Very much aware of anticipatory stress. I am willing. I ask Alexa to play Karen Drucker’s “Morning Prayer: I will surrender to my greatest highest good.”
As I listen, I am aware of a sensation in my left jaw and my right thumb. I look up the Louise Hay meaning of thumb and it is about intellect and worry. The affirmation is “my mind is at peace.”
I look online and find the five hindrances. One is restlessness and worry. Uddhacca, defined as a mental factor characterized by disquietude, like water whipped by the wind.
I imagine my body as a wide container where the energy is allowed to bounce around freely like a pinball machine. As I am sitting with the sensations and allowing them to bounce around, the sensations settle on their own.
Joan is online from the hospital, where her husband, Bob, is in very serious condition. I have the precious memory of John’s and my experience of being held in this sangha’s awakened heart while he was in the hospital with the TIA during the Emerald Isle retreat in April. A profound awareness washes over me that if one was to complete the transition back to non-physical, this is an ideal place to do that.
From Gratefulness.org: Pay attention. Be astonished. Tell about it. (Mary Oliver)
Perhaps a perfect image to remind me is Midnite’s purple petunia plant. Every one of these variations arise from one plant.
By Debra Basham, on June 2, 2022 What happens in your heart when you simply state: “I am Light.”?
You are not trying to convince yourself,
but to invite yourself home,
to remember your deepest truth:
“I am Light!”
Yet, sometimes the mind is so contracted with fear, doubt, anger or greed that the words seem hollow. Then it may be helpful to choose to recall to mind something beautiful—something that will draw attention back to the Light that exists right there with the darkness, the spaciousness that is right there with the contracted and solid. You may look at a flower, hear laughter, offer a smile to a friend, remember a moment of kindness offered to you or to another.
Right there with darkness,
with sadness, fear or anger,
where is lovingkindness?
Where is joy?
Right there with contraction,
where is spaciousness?
Use no force; be patient with yourself. Light is ALWAYS there with the darkness. ~ Aaron Thought for Today
Yesterday, last evening, and this morning my blood pressure numbers were high. I have the freshman psych 101 syndrome where I think I have everything wrong with me that John does. Fortunately, I know better than try to wrestle myself into well-being. This line is spoken by The Borg in the TV show Star Trek: The Next Generation (1987-1994): resistance is futile.
From my journal:
Dear Holy Spirit,
My blood pressure has not come down. In addition, I have been having morning headache, pain in my jaw, and some shortness of breath. Wondering if I should go on anti-anxiety medication.
My inner voice reminds me of ascension flu, a term used when you are awakening on a deeper soul level. What is happening is that your whole body from the cells to the chemistry in your body is changing and shifting at rapid speeds. It feels like you are dying or there is something seriously wrong with you.
I am willing to awaken to a deeper soul level. I surrender. This is not a decision to try and “fix” something but to welcome the best support for all — physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. I am inviting awareness.
I realized this morning that I had forgotten to pay our lot rental that was due on June first. I just scheduled a reminder to go off on my phone two days before the first of the month from now on and I will set up auto pay when the new credit cards come. This is kindness.
I bear witness to the panic pattern: It’s all up to me and it is dangerous. What if I do it wrong?
Spirit, this poisonous terror of doing it wrong has served its time. I am reminded of the 3D image on the Magic Eye Calendar. Janis and I flipped to June yesterday. The 3-D scene is a ball player sliding into home plate. The catcher is over the plate, gloved-hand stretched as far forward as physically possible, almost touching the ball. The runner is on the ground sliding toward the bag. Only one word could be used to describe what is happening in the game: SAFE!!!
A mnemonic pops spontaneously onto the page: SURRENDER ATTACHMENT; FREEDOM EMERGES.
I am guided to listen to Freedom from Fear, Anxiety, and Panic Attacks, an old SCS audio production. I dig through stuff and find an old CD. I get the pillows that for years were on the massage table in my office and I stretch out on the yoga mat, covered with a cozy blanket. It was a bit otherworldly to allow myself to surrender to my own voice. Appreciating anew the musical masterpiece Christina Beushausen created.
As the audio ends, I remember this quote by Ajahn Chah:
If you let go a little you will have a little peace;
if you let go completely you will have complete peace.
Another mnemonic comes forth: SIMPLE ACCEPTANCE FREES EVERYTHING.
By Debra Basham, on June 1, 2022 There will be something,
anguish or elation,
that is peculiar to this day alone.
I rise from sleep, and say:
Hail to the morning!
Come down to me, my beautiful unknown.
~ Jessica Powers Word for the Day (gratefulness.org)
Today’s journal entry:
Wednesday, June 1, 2022
Dear Holy Spirit,
During the night I woke up with worry about Joel. This morning I know it will be helpful to do a drawing, but I’m guided to first do a three-card spread asking why, with all the release I’ve been doing, does that happen. As I’m reaching in the closet to get the cards, I hear, “You are with John, so you are constantly worried about him. Because you are not with Joel, the worry pops into awareness and you notice that. Let’s look at the seed of that worry; the manifestation of it; and the path through it. Then we will do the drawing.
Seed of Worry – 8 of Fire Traveling
Everybody is trying to have some destination in life. But the implications…. You were hurrying so hard, and you were worrying so hard, and this is the outcome.
Manifestation of Worry – 4 of Fire Participation
We are behaving almost like blind people. In such a beautiful world we are living in a small pond of our own misery. You could not have dreamed of a better universe.
Path Through Worry – 14 Transformation
The conflict is in man. Unless it is resolved there, it cannot be resolved anywhere else…. The politics is within you, it Is between two parts of the mind.
A very small bridge exists.
If this bridge is strengthened these two minds become one, the meeting of the male and female within, the meeting of yin and yang, the meeting of the left and right, the meeting of logic and illogic, the meeting of Plato and Aristotle.
This all reminds me of a poem I’ve used many times at funerals. Note* Today at 11:00 we will attend the Celebration of Life of the father of a friend.
THE STATION
By Robert J. Hastings
Tucked away in our subconscious minds is an idyllic vision in which we see ourselves on a long journey that spans an entire continent. We’re traveling by train and, from the windows, we drink in the passing scenes of cars on nearby highways, of children waving at crossings, of cattle grazing in distant pastures, of smoke pouring from power plants, of row upon row upon row of cotton and corn and wheat, of flatlands and valleys, of city skylines and village halls.
But uppermost in our conscious minds is our final destination–for at a certain hour and on a given day, our train will finally pull into the Station with bells ringing, flags waving, and bands playing. And once that day comes, so many wonderful dreams will come true. So restlessly, we pace the aisles and count the miles, peering ahead, waiting, waiting, waiting for the Station.
“Yes, when we reach the Station, that will be it!” we promise ourselves. “When we’re eighteen. . . win that promotion. . . put the last kid through college. . . buy that 450SL Mercedes-Benz. . . have a nest egg for retirement!” From that day on we will all live happily ever after.
Sooner or later, however, we must realize there is no Station in this life, no one earthly place to arrive at once and for all. The journey is the joy. The Station is an illusion–it constantly outdistances us. Yesterday’s a memory, tomorrow’s a dream. Yesterday belongs to a history, tomorrow belongs to God. Yesterday’s a fading sunset, tomorrow’s a faint sunrise. Only today is there light enough to love and live.
So, gently close the door on yesterday and throw the key away. It isn’t the burdens of today that drive men mad, but rather the regret over yesterday and the fear of tomorrow. Regret and fear are twin thieves who would rob us of today.
“Relish the moment” is a good motto, especially when coupled with Psalm 118:24, “This is the day which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.”
So stop pacing the aisles and counting the miles. Instead, swim more rivers, climb more mountains, kiss more babies, count more stars. Laugh more and cry less. Go barefoot oftener. Eat more ice cream. Ride more merry-go-rounds. Watch more sunsets. Life must be lived as we go along. The Station will come soon enough.
The drawing on my page today is a spiral. From the upper right to the lower left the ink dances across the page. From birth to death, our lives unfold.
The words are about the teaching on emptiness from the Heart Sutra – Śūnyatā is the Pali word.
This “self” we cherish so devotedly is nothing more than a temporary coming together of various aggregates: form, sensations, perceptions, mental activity or formations, and consciousness. It is EMPTY. Suffering ends with the recognition of its origin – grasping, clinging, aversion.
I title the drawing: The End of Suffering.
|
|
Subscribe to Blog via Email
Join 43 other subscribers
|
Comments are closed 
You must be logged in to post a comment.