Meditation is not only permissible in the face of great suffering; it is a moral obligation.
~ Right Action in the Face of Suffering, by Dan Zigmond,
March 15, 2022 in The Lion’s Roar
Often I use the Yellow Brick Road as a platform to share what is happening. Today I am simply going to share a significant perspective: A lot is happening….
John is doing well. Obviously he is still recovering, but for his 11th week post-surgery-anniversary on Monday he walked 10,000 steps! He has 2 more cardio rehab visits here in Florida and will pick up when we get home to Michigan.
Packing (not quite yet loading), deep cleaning (not yet cleaning myself out of the door).
EVERYTHING is living metaphor.
We are in the “getting ready but not quite yet ready” phase as a collective consciousness.
I just spoke to Stacey. She is navigating sciatica pain. Not able to get comfortable to sleep; painful to sit; painful to stand. John had experienced a severe sciatica flare from the first of November until recovery with the hospitalization for the open-heart-surgery the first week of January.
Today is also the birthday of our grand-daughter-in-love, Christina.
A lot is happening….
Tom Kuhlman and his wife, Delcy, have had the precious Still Waters Retreat Center which has been a part of my spiritual journey for almost 30 years. This just in from Tom about Still Waters having been sold:
Yesterday was the closing on our place. We will have a couple months to find a place and time to move. We will have a few more months to empty the barn and shop.
So far we have looked at and eliminated 12 places and are headed out to look at a “new listing”.
Before we moved to Still Waters, the State would bring us a list of “possible new places” each week. We didn’t go to all they suggested because several were in subdivisions and not what we needed. However we were looking at the 42nd on their list when the neighbor lady came out and suggested this place we have used as home for the last 33 years. This place was not for sale at the time, but when we talked to the owner……. Long story….. he “talked to the ‘MAN upstairs’ and was told to sell to us…”.
We know the Lord led us to this place 33 years ago when the State bought our house in Berrien for the new highway. That is why we believe God will find a place for us now.
Last evening’s Group 2 was only five of us out of thirteen. I am not sure what qualifies as a quorum, but I am sure all thirteen of us were actively involved in the practice of LIFE.
Our meeting times were set at the first of the year but the evening before our meeting we received an announcement from our spiritual teacher/s: Aaron and Friends invite you to join an evening of conversation and meditation in support of Ukraine and our beloved Earth.
A few of the 13 were called to attend that gathering. I understood that completely. A couple expressed inability to attend either. I understood that as well. One person expressed a strong desire to meet as our small group AND to dedicate some of our time in support. I opened the Zoom room.
Our time together is so significant. This small band of merry (and sometimes not so merry) men and women share a commitment to awakening as we share love and compassion and encouragement.
Some conversation addressed the angst that our Tuesday territory has been affected by a change in the Deep Spring Center for Meditation teacher’s schedule, and especially that our group has had several times when a larger group event was scheduled in conflict. But where is the conflict? Is the conflict on the calendar or in our minds? Every moment of every day we have choice. We choose what lane to drive in, what to have for lunch, and what to feel and think about what we are experiencing.
As the four representatives expressed our individual perspectives on the schedule challenges and on the sense of loss of time to be together, and the missing of several members who have not made a group for quite a while, I watched my reactions. I saw compassion rise. I also saw sadness. I am certainly navigating loss. And I am not the only one. In fact, I am not even one me. I anything other than?
Is Ukraine other than me?
Is our beloved earth other than me?
Adyahanti speaks about the trained and learned way of experiencing life. The talk I listened to today is titled “The Prism of Me.”
“Egoing” is a kind of skill that we learned well, unfortunately….”
“We are brought into the erroneous conclusion that ideas of ourselves are ourselves….”
Awareness and an open heart sees the one human experience as each point of view expressed.
Today, and every day,conditions give rise to thoughts and emotions. Thoughts and emotions can become distorted into an identity. Once an identity has been formed, fear takes over and drives our thoughts and emotions.
“Even a very well-adapted me is at some level being driven by fear….”
The people of Ukraine, this beloved earth, everyone in Group 2, and every being is a reflection of LIFE/GOD/LOVE.
This morning I saw a snake as I was on my bike ride. I stopped and took some photos. I did not want to frighten the snake, but I wanted it to move so the video would show it was alive. I spoke aloud, “Don’t be scared. You are OK.” I told John I was not sure if I was talking to the snake or to myself.
Is the snake other than me?
It has been a gradual thing, taking my practice off the mat and into the moments of my life. I could watch how much we wanted things to be other than how they were. What a loss to miss loving life as it is. Sometimes pleasant, sometimes painful, sometimes not much of either.
We learned that the owner of our winter home lost his father in January. All these weeks he has been checking in with me asking how John is doing. I am feeling sad for his loss.
Is he other than me?
Whether awake or asleep,
we are in constant communication
with someone not of this world.
~ Pam and Alan Johnson
On Friday I could feel that my blood pressure was high. I began to affirm: I choose to release this pattern within me that has contributed to this situation.
Boom!
I am 12 years old again — August 1962 — in the auto accident with my dad. I am reliving all the terror at the scene. I allow myself to feel the feelings. I begin to cry out, “Daddy, are you OK?” and to no one in particular, “Make them stop!” asking them to make the sirens stop.
Listening to an interview with Iyanla Vanzant on Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT/tapping), I put the blood pressure cuff on my arm and took my blood pressure.
I did that over and over as I invited release of this life-time pattern of fear.
My dad’s feet were in the floorboard on the driver’s side of the car, but shattered flesh from my forehead prevented my being able to see them. To the best of my memory, I did not see my dad until a day or so later when he came to the hospital to see me.
I allowed myself emotional space to cry out as I tapped.
Ilyana says one must expand and increase our emotional library. Jessica Ortner (The Tapping Solution) said it is about developing a vocabulary so we can speak out. “This is the feeling I’m having right now. I’ll get through this but right now this is what I am feeling.”
I wrote in my journal: “I am mourning. I’m feeling something from when I was five years old.”
And, “I forgive myself for believing that ______ still has power over my life.”
I took 1/2 of one of the anxiety pills my doctor prescribed.
I tapped a lot.
I cried some.
On Saturday, John had an off day and that intersected with my heightened state. We were neither truly skillful, but this morning we were both able to speak compassionately and affirm our loving connection.
Jerry Ashmore’s dharma talk was about how the Heart Sutra is a conceptual torpedo in that it demolishes dualism. Jerry said, “Every time you think you are isolated, you are delusional.”
“Form is emptiness (śūnyatā), emptiness is form.” (from the English Heart Sutra)
Nothing lasts forever. We know that. But…. as Ilanya describes it, every time we revisit the story we punish ourselves.
During the sharing after the meditation and the dharma talk one woman was saying how she was having difficulty getting free of rumination and depression. Jerry said, “The witness is free. No anxiety, no fear, no hatred.”
Totally free.
Jerry spoke about a holon. A holon is something that is simultaneously a whole in and of itself, as well as a part of a larger whole. He said each of us is a holon, simultaneously a whole as well as a part of a larger whole.
I passed along Thich Nhat Hanh’s MANTRA FOR DEALING WITH STRONG EMOTIONS:
Make sure you remember to physically “BREATHE IN” or “BREATHE OUT” at the appropriate place when reciting each line; as the actual breath in or out is part of activating the Energy.
The “operative word” of the Mantra replaces the strong emotion being worked on, with its appropriate name: Fear, Anger, Anxiety, Impatience, Judgment of self or others, etc. The example uses the word Fear. Good to remember that sometimes anger is an unknown component of the fear a person may be holding, because they have not been able to control or Fix It.
Breathing In, I am aware of the fear,
Breathing Out, I smile to the fear (yes, these are the appropriate words);
Breathing In, I recognize fear as Energy,
Breathing Out, I express Gratitude for Energy;
Breathing In, Energy and Fear are Power,
Breathing Out, I can safely hold Power;
Breathing In, Power supports Wholesome Change,
Breathing Out, I Invite That, which is for The Highest Good!
I am not sure we ever talked about it so I can only imagine my dad’s terror at the scene.
My dad I I are simultaneously a whole as well as a part of a larger whole.
Breathing Out, I Invite That, which is for The Highest Good!
February has long been celebrated as a month of romance, and St. Valentine’s Day, as we know it today, contains vestiges of both Christian and ancient Roman tradition.
A few days ago (asking if we are to pursue having Dr. Deutsch be John’s cardiologist) I drew The Lovers Osho Zen Tarot: It is time to refresh your mind and heart and the pure fragrance can spread.
The idea of a refreshed mind and heart spreading its pure fragrance is somewhat foreign for a lot of us. Much (if not most) of the time, humans live from moment to moment on autopilot. I often observe myself reacting out of habit rather than from awareness and presence of mind.
Nonviolent Communication training evolved from Dr. Marshall B. Rosenberg’s quest to find a way of rapidly disseminating much needed peacemaking skills.
Growing up in an inner–city Detroit neighborhood Dr. Marshall Rosenberg was confronted daily with various forms of violence. Wanting to explore the causes of violence and what could be done to reduce violence, he chose to study clinical psychology and received his Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from the University of Wisconsin in 1961. In 1966 he was awarded diplomat status in clinical psychology from the American Board of Examiners in Professional Psychology. (See About Marshall B. Rosenberg)
Nonviolent communication creates a space for attention and respect inevery moment.
This was all very much on my mind as Stacey and I accompanied John on one of his cardio rehab walks a few days ago. We went by one of the neighbors where a big party was happening. Cars and carts, bikes, and people everywhere.
As we went by, Stacey almost touched the guy who lives there. She called out, “I thought you were going to hand me a beer!”
I reacted.
I said I would prefer not to engage the guy who lives there. I asked if she had noticed the 3×5 foot “Come and Take It” flag flying on his golf cart. The flag has a picture of an M4 AR15 machine gun on it.
She said I was judging.
I was.
Nonviolent Communication teaches a lot about being able to observe without judging. The four foundations of NVC are:
Observe without judging. …
Express feelings. …
Express and clarify your needs. …
Express specific requests based on your feelings and needs.
Stacey has a carry permit. She is a staunch “Second Amendment Advocate.” (Her words! She changed it to second-amendment supporter.)
Interestingly, one of the most powerful lessons of life reveals itself for me as Stacey and I are doing jigsaw puzzles together. WE SEE THINGS SO DIFFERENTLY.
Our most recent puzzle demonstrated these differences and the COLLECTIVE strength that grows from them more clearly than any puzzle we have ever done together.
There were some fascinating “odd” shapes.
Very complex, very interrelated, very unique.
It was challenging.
It was very unique in that the pieces did not connect in a traditional way, they would just rest against each other.
Stacey was challenged in the areas that were more landscape in style; I was challenged in the areas where she would say, “This is the cat,” and I was not even aware we had a cat in this puzzle! It would often take a half-dozen pieces to be assembled around a unique piece before it was clear where that piece itself went.
Humans are very complex, very interrelated, and very unique.
I can’t help but dream of our collective humanity being able to raise our consciousness sufficiently that we smooth our rough edges so our pure fragrance can spread….
Certain times of life and/or experiences of life seem AMPLIFIED.
In Hard Pivot: Embrace Change. Find Purpose. Show Up Fully. Apolo Ohno says every person will have an experience that changes their life forever.
This has certainly been the case with John’s surprise open-heart surgery.
In Hard Pivot, Ohno suggests we make the best of these times by practicing.
Gratitude: A daily practice that lets us maintain perspective, cultivate empathy, and alleviate stress
Giving: Selflessly giving our time, attention, and resources to others
Grit: How to develop mental stamina, resilience, and toughness to persevere through hard times
Gearing Up: Ways to prepare ourselves to meet challenges with flexibility and grace
Go: Developing the courage to take risks, learn from success and failure, and come back stronger
Ohno says clearly, “Though we can’t usually predict when we’ll need to reinvent ourselves, sticking to a daily practice will prepare us when we face our next big challenge.”
One of the demonstrations of this is our walking practice. We began walking for health back in the 1980’s when we participated in “Dump Your Plump” with friends and members of Stevensville United Methodist Church. For the most part, walking has been a steady companion all of these years.
While not as obviously directly impacting John’s recovery, our habit of spending less than we earned contributed to our being here in the sun and warm rather than in Michigan during white-out conditions today.
This morning I baked cookies and John delivered some to our friend, Richie. Richie is supporting his wife as she undergoes chemo. I wrote on the package: A guy should be fortified while he is supporting the wife he loves.
As I am writing this post, I am listening to Kyle Gray’s live event titled: GIFTS AND GUIDANCE FROM YOUR ANGELS. The gratitude you feel stimulates a light in the middle of your chest until this light washes over and through your physical body. You are encouraged to bask in it. It has the capacity to shine in darkness. Call that light up and out, for the greatest good for all.
What comes next may not be obvious from every point of view, but perhaps these guardian angels have a broader perspective.
Kyle is speaking of cutting the cords by speaking your intention, “I am the keeper of my mind and my body. Wherever love is present, fear is a stranger, and love is present in me.”
He says when you are feeling safe, affirm that by saying, “I am safe. I am free.”
Other words might be used to speak about this. Without a doubt, spiritual or esoteric practices speak of angels. So do some religions. Angels may be what native peoples call “ancestors.”
“Before you were in this body, before you were in this lifetime, you were ONE with divine love.”
Kyle shares opening of many spiritual experiences growing up, including personal close-encounters with angels.
“You have felt called,” Kyle goes on.
Perhaps you have felt called to spirituality, religion, art, nature.
“Your angels will always speak to you in the language most familiar to you,” Kyle assures us.
“When it comes to your having your direct connection with your angels, it is important to pray first not last,” he continues.
“Instead of saying, please angels help me with this, pray, thank you angels for helping me.”
Sue Mierau shared a gorgeous snow photo today on Facebook.
“Don’t just pray when things go wrong,” we are reminded.
“When you are in prayer, make it a space of gratitude.”
There is beauty in every season of our life, whether the weather is sunny or snowy.
What comes next after summer is autumn.
What comes next after autumn is winter.
What comes next after winter is spring.
It occurs to me that what comes next after gratitude is the balance of Ohno’s list: giving, grit, gearing up, and go.
Today is Monday, January 24, 2022. I wrote in my journal:
Dear Holy Spirit,
Three weeks ago today, on January 3, 2022, John had CABAG (open-heart, quadruple by-pass surgery).
That feels otherworldly.
We continue to be gobsmacked by the OBVIOUS perfection of the unfolding of all of this.
For example, his first morning having had an episode of pain in his chest lying down happened Tuesday, December 28, 2021 — the day Linda and Larry arrived across the street from us here on Pine Island. John felt OK, and went on to shuffleboard. Sciatica pain prevented him from helping unload their van. We went out for shrimp that night, with Linda and Larry and Nancy.
That night John had a second episode, and Wednesday about noon I took him to convenient care; then on to the ER at Cape Coral Hospital. From there he was transferred by ambulance to HealthPark.
And the rest, you know, is his story….
Oh, that Stacey has a job that would allow her to come be with us.
Oh, how we were protected from exposure to the Covid Omicron variant because Larry’s onset of symptoms occurred just before John was discharged from the hospital. Otherwise, we know we would have all been together.
Oh, that the home health nurse assigned to us had car trouble and could not get here on Saturday, which resulted in our having met our Magical Maggie!
Within the days (daze), there are so many more points of proof, but you get the gist of it.
This week will be very busy:
Tuesday, January 25, 2022 — post surgical visit with Dr. Cervantes
Wednesday, January 26, 2022 — last home health visit with Maggie
Thursday, January 27, 2022 — cardiac rehab orientation
Friday, January 28, 2022 — post in-patient visit
Whew!
Daoism, sometimes spelled Taoism, comes from Ancient China. The concept of Wu Wei (going with the flow) teaches us that rather than fighting against the conditions in our lives, we can allow things to take their natural course.
I love the musical version of Desiderata. Desiderata is a 1971 album by Les Crane with music by Broadway composer Fred Werner and concept and various lyrics by David C. Wilson. It is a spoken word album with sung refrains and instrumental accompaniment. This section speaks to Wu Wei:
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.
Through it all, we are so very grateful this happened when and where it did. Time and place were, and are, divinely guided.
Perhaps, maybe likely; likely, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should —— it always is. Amen.
I was tagged in a Facebook post. Words I had shared had been carried around and then laminated, and framed.
The words were:
KNOW WHAT YOU FEAR.
AND WHAT YOU DESIRE.
SURRENDER THAT TO THE HIGHEST GOOD.
LET GO OF OUTCOME.
I soooooo needed to hear those words myself right now.
Amanda Gorman, a 22-year-old poet, read an original work “The Hill We Climb” at President Joe Biden’s inauguration on Jan. 20, 2021.
From her reflection about how she almost declined to be the inaugural poet:
But though our fears may be the same, we are not. If nothing else, this must be known: Even as we’ve grieved, we’ve grown; even fatigued we’ve found that this hill we climb is one we must mount together. We are battered, but bolder; worn, but wiser. I’m not telling you to not be tired or afraid. If anything, the very fact that we’re weary means we are, by definition, changed; we are brave enough to listen to, and learn from, our fear. This time will be different because this time we’ll be different. We already are.
And yes, I still am terrified every day. Yet fear can be love trying its best in the dark. So do not fear your fear. Own it. Free it.
The following exchange took place between Barbara Brodsky and myself, in the chain of email messages about Amanda Gorman’s comments about fear.
Barbara wrote about her own process of caring for her husband the past 4 years following his stroke. “The almost daily crisis of one sort or another…. higher BP, tension held long-term in my body…. the side effects of that tension (mind less clear, less able to sleep, living always on crisis mode, almost like PTSD….”
I wrote to Barbara:
Oh, Barbara, your words express my experience! And this is with things going well! Each moment (for both John and me) is PRODUCING compassion. I have greater compassion for your process with Hal through this.
I had awareness yesterday doing yoga of how much I had not given credit to my yoga instructor. Her husband passed just before Covid and she was in lockdown during the throes of her grief. She had cared for him for 13 years….
I am not alone in this…. I think of Ellen Hummel navigating all she is.
I have too much awareness to feel sorry for myself or take this personally, but it is HARD.
I feel the tears coming now. Just saying that is kindness.
Nothing operates in a vacuum. “This” stress is not isolated from the tension of navigating political differences over the past 15 years.
It is not isolated from the stress of having Covid when John’s brother suffered the abdominal aortic aneurysm, and passed. Not isolated from packing my family home at age 10.
But — and this is a huge BUT, I see gifts in all of it.
Someone said we can act ourselves into right thinking easier than we can think ourselves into right acting.
Barely an hour goes by that something has not triggered that high alarm. I am getting ready right now to go get my Covid booster. John and I were scheduled to get them the day he ended up in the hospital.
KNOW WHAT YOU FEAR.
I know what I fear. I fear having a reaction because I had Delta Variant. I fear getting sick and not being able to take care of John.
AND WHAT YOU DESIRE.
I know what I desire. I desire having the best chance to not get seriously ill from Covid. I desire feeling well enough to be a helpmate for John. I desire feeling safe in my body.
Nothing operates in isolation from everything.
SURRENDER THAT TO THE HIGHEST GOOD.
Feeling safe in my body now releases all the times in the past when I did not and teaches others to do the same.
LET GO OF OUTCOME.
If you are interested in the “FEEL SAFE IN YOUR BODY” tapping wisdom with Nick Ortner, let me know.
As that alarm is turned down, it is replaced with love and with peace. Notice how that expands.
I’ve learned so much from all of this….
As hope expands, as love expands, as gratitude expands, notice how it turns down that alarm.
Entry from my journal: Tuesday, January 18, 2022 @ 3:37 am:
Dear Holy Spirit,
I am awake and in the TV room listening to Karen Drucker’s “I Surrender.”
I will surrender to my greatest highest good.
I will release every fear that’s in my way…
and I am grateful every moment of every day.
I spoke with my doctor late last evening. I had called because my blood pressure had spiked the past few days. At home in my pantry is a prescription bottle of an anti-anxiety medication she prescribed for me in 2017 when this had happened. I took one once, and I have carried one with me in my purse every day since. I took 1/2 on Sunday, and 1/2 on Monday, but the pressure was still elevated when Linda B/G checked it last evening.
I love that my doctor knows my blood pressure goes up because of anxiety, rather than thinking it is organic. When she prescribed the anti-anxiety medication in 2017, she said, “Anxiety driven blood pressure doesn’t respond well to the classes of medications normally used to lower blood pressure.” And that list is long: Diuretics; Beta-blockers; ACE inhibitors; and Vasodilators, just to name a few.
Of course, John’s recent experience of having had severe “silent” coronary artery disease (CAD) has triggered my childhood pattern of being terrified of all things medical. Now that we are home and things are moving along smoothly, this current tremendous anxiety is a result of my having just gone through everything with him. Waking up early Saturday morning to not-one-but-two tornado warnings blasting on our phones probably added insult to injury…
My doctor said she is not worried about me. She has years of good blood pressure readings taken in her office by her nurse. She assured me they have done research about the spouse of a heart patient going through this sort of thing.
I took 1/2 of one 2mg Valium (with permission) and I went to bed optimistic about getting a good night’s sleep. I went to sleep, but I woke up in massive ANXIETY. While there were no conscious thoughts of scary things, I could feel my body in high alert, totally overrun with adrenaline.
I grabbed my phone, popped in my earbuds, and began tapping along with some Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) audios. After a couple of shorts — including Tapping Universal Reversals — without much measurable benefit. Then I tapped through FEELING SAFE IN YOUR BODY with Nick Ortner. During the 6 minute 50 second closing I began to feel a shift. I repeated that part. I repeated it again. And again.
Conditions came to mind: womb trauma when my mom had syphilis and was a terrified inpatient; being traumatized by hospitalization in isolation after the diagnosis of polio at age five; the out-of-body experience at age 12 when I was in the auto accident; the terror I felt during the trip to Europe in 2011. An avalanche of more minor situations that reveal the deeper structure of anxiety also came forth in my mind. When one is driven by amygdala hijacking, even choosing the ‘right’ color of paint can feel like a life-or-death situation.
I felt my body releasing the pattern and welcoming bliss back.
My niece, who has recently shared her life-long struggle with anxiety and depression, came to my mind over and over. I had said to John a few day ago I was feeling like I need to reach out to her.
My nephew, who has used drugs to combat severe anxiety, resulting in his having multiple incarcerations, came to mind.
And so many others….
I began listening to the Surrogate Tapping audio, and I said out loud to myself, “I dedicate the merit of this to all who suffer from anxiety…” Jesica Ortner’s words encircled my body and soothed my mind:
…. This is a blessing in disguise and I am so grateful…. I let go of my need to control this situation….
I can feel some hints of integration as I listen.
….As I heal in the presence of darkness, we are all uplifted….
I wonder if this pattern of fear and anxiety might actually be a part of our collective divine mission.
….I no longer live the lie; the lie that I don’t have what it takes; the lie that others don’t have what it takes….
I can still hear the refrain of Karen Drucker singing I surrender to my greatest highest good in the background of my mind’s ear. I can feel myself breathing! I look and my heart rate on my Fitbit is showing 67 beats per minute!
My grandson, Brad, comes to mind. He has spoken of his own awareness of this pattern of anxiety-driven achievement.
….This person has what it takes to have what they want….I have faith that this person I love will do what’s right for them. The outcome is greater than I could have ever imagined so I let go of my need to predict. I let go of my need to control. Everything is in divine order. I am grateful for this situation for it helps me learn and grow. I am grateful for this situation for it helps me learn and grow. I’m grateful for this blessing in disguise. I’m grateful for this blessing in disguise.
When the surrogate tapping audio is finished, I open my email and read two “Thought-for-today” messages that speak directly to my current experience.
Look around, look around at how lucky we are to be alive right now. ~ Lin-Manuel Miranda (from Gratefulness.org)
Get to know fear. What is fear? It’s very interesting. Fear is always about what might happen, not much about what’s happening right now. When you’re present in the moment there may be discomfort, even real pain or sadness, but not a lot of fear. Fear is about your projections. ~ Aaron (from Deep Spring Center for Meditation)
And when I turn on the computer to write this Yellow Brick Road post, this is the random screen saver image I am looking at. And I surrender to my greatest highest good….
If you live in the moment with fear,
‘What if this doesn’t work? What if that happens?’,
your fear contracts your energy field.
When thusly contracted, the light can’t pour out of you.
Equally important, you are armored and the radiance of the outside world cannot pour in.
~ Aaron
From my journal this morning:
Dear Holy Spirit,
I went to bed early. John stayed up later and when he came to bed I got awake and was restless. Knowing we both need rest, I went in to the guest bedroom.
I did an internet search of coughing after bypass surgery. Some said it could last weeks and that it is very much a beneficial part of the healing and recovery.
I listened to the tapping audio by Dawson Church and fell asleep.
I looked at my watch the first time at 1:13 and saw that the date was January 13. That silly coincidence of it being 1:13 on 1/13 captured my attention.
Earlier in the evening John had dozed off in the recliner in the TV room. He was so still…. I spoke his name softly. He did not respond. I called his name a bit more loudly. Nothing!
So, I rubbed his leg, saying his name gently until he woke up. I said, “Sorry to wake you up. I was nervous.”
A few days ago he moaned in the bathroom and scared me. A yawn, a moan, a grown…. a grunt…. a sigh, even silence all carries with it a dab of dread. He seems to understand how care and concern has blown itself into a sort of hyper-vigilance.
How long might this rob me of the full joy and relief of these moments we are blessed with?
None of us are promised anything more.
Is this enough?
Will I discard the gift of this sweet bliss in the field of forever fear?
I hope not.
I also saw the clock at 3:13! In Europe, they put the date before the month.
I got up at 5:55 and this day has had moments of feeling almost normal.
“Courage is being scared to death … and saddling up anyway.” — John Wayne
The wisdom of all ages and cultures emphasizes
the tremendous power our thoughts have
over our character and circumstances.
~Liane Cordes
On Christmas Eve I joined a Zoom Interfaith gathering. Jeshua’s message,”You Are the Light That Comes to Transform the Earth,” channeled by Barbara Brodsky, was powerful. Here are a few excerpts:
People have sometimes misunderstood my work, said that I came to save the world from sin, with confusion about that word. I take the letters S-I-N to mean sinking into negativity. Through so many lifetimes many beings have been sinking into negativity. And what will save us from that? It is not me that will save us; it is all of us together holding the potential of Love on an Earth that is awakened, the Eden we have been promised. You are important—vital, really—to recreate that brilliance, that love….
You know those lines about the darkest time of the night before dawn. Dawn is coming. You each carry that dawn in your own hearts, especially when you compassionately observe the ways that you do sink into negativity. The watcher is not caught in that negativity. Of course, you fall into negativity at times; you are human. Every human does this at times….
In the darkest hours, look around and say, “Yeshua, where are you?” And I am here, I promise. I will never break that promise or your trust because you are my beloved sisters and brothers. Together we undertook this work. And yes, we are doing it. Despite how the darkness seems to envelop us, we are bringing light, and that is all that’s needed.
This morning I was writing in my journal about writing prompts when a prompt popped into my mind: What if we could….
What if we could use all of the power of the universe for the good of all? Might humans cease fighting as though there was not enough for all? Would men and women cease blaming one another and love and revere our differences instead? What might occur if we can recognize fear and negativity when it shoves us off the path of awakening and we can lay a finger across our lips and whisper, “Shhhhh…..”
What if we do away with ‘what if’ and simply focus on the truth of WE COULD.
We could remember who we really are. We could rise above grasping and clinging and aversion. We could feel the wind and know our body is breathing. We could watch the sun rise and set as sacred witness to the ever-present ever-changing nature of All That Is. We could soften around our experiences and let the space of possibility weave laughter and hope and trust back into our days and our nights.
We could….
A bit later, I listened to an interview with Leesa Anderson: Channeling the Miraculous. She and her family witnessed a motorcycle accident. A deer stepped right into the path of a man at cruising speed. The man went end-over-end and landed in a heap, with his head and arms underneath his chest. You really do deserve to hear Leesa tell in her own words how she heard a message from God; a message given to her to whisper into his ear. And then, to be lost and stop for directions only to connect with the motorcyclist’s wife. Please listen….
Leesa’s spiritually transformative experiences have often happened when she was on the highway. I hope you will take time to listen to the entire interview and to check out IANDS.
NLP (Neurolinguistic Programming) has a nifty process of setting up a chain of anchors, moving an individual’s mind states along the path from “I can’t” to “I might” to “I could” to “I can” to “I will.”
Join me in moving our own mind states from “I can’t” to “I will” say yes and join Leesa in Channeling the Miraculous!
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