By Debra Basham, on July 29, 2018
“It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.”
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
Every day humans are making choices. Choices about where we live, what we do for work, where we go for play. We choose how we think, feel, and what we do and say. We make choices about our beliefs. This weekend, like many, was full of choices.
It has been fifty years since the class I would have graduated with completed high school, and last night was the class of BHHS Class of 1068 Reunion. One of the choices I made was not to attend. We did go to Babe’s (that bar holds a lot of history for a lot of us) on Friday night for the pre-reunion party. I enjoyed very much connecting with one woman I did not remember from school. She is a clinical therapist. I am anything but….
She shared her foreboding of her father’s death in an auto accident. She even knew where it would happen, and asked her dad not to go there. He said, “I am a good driver,” and he went anyway.
I told her, “Now, that is the sort of thing my life is full of.” I started keeping a journal 50 years ago to prove to myself I was not making up knowing things. We are participating in an experience called life that is more connected and less limited by time and space than we can comprehend.
We exchanged contact information and I hope we do follow up. It is my sense we have a lot to offer one another…
Rather than attending the reunion, Saturday evening I was enjoying a fabulous low-carb dinner with an intimate group who know me well and love me.
After dessert we played “Catch Phrase” which has been a favorite family game for years. I told the group about my mother-in-law having played the game with us one time in Tennessee. ‘Goldfish’ was the word she was trying to get her team to say. Her first clue was, “It’s orange, and it’s in a bowl.” That is a really good clue.
Unfortunately, that was her only clue. She would say it over and over, more and more slowly. “It’s o-r-a-n-g-e and it’s in a b-o-w-l.” She would say it over and over, more and more loudly. “IT’S ORANGE AND IT’S IN A BOWL.” We were all relieved when the buzzer went off and put us out of our misery.
One lesson worth learning about our choices is the importance of living free from regret. I have enjoyed looking at the photos posted from last night’s reunion this morning. It looks like those who went had a good time. I did recognize some faces and some names but it was a class of close to 500 and I did not know most of the people. I sincerely appreciate the choice I made to not attend.
Moments after I shared the story about my mother-in-law’s goldfish clue-giving fiasco, it was time for our host to give the clue.
He looked at the word briefly, smiled broadly, and said simply: “It’s orange, and it’s in a bowl.”
The entire table yelled out in unison, “Goldfish!”
By Debra Basham, on July 23, 2018 
I watched with curiosity as the last thing to slide off my Friday schedule was lunch with Jane Foster. Although it was nine pm, I picked up the phone and called Still Waters Retreat House. Delcy Kuhlman now graciously agrees when I say I will bring my own lunch. She has served as chief cook, bottle washer, gardener, and spiritual director for twenty nine years. I’ve been going there for almost 23 years. And most of the many hours there have been spent sitting in the grape-vine rocking chair looking out at that majestic oak tree faithfully holding the swing and my heart. Now, though, when I look out, everything I see I see as impermanent.
This does not make me sad. I treasure the moment. Breathing in deeply, this moment melts with all the previous times I have sat here. I witness the past, the present, and the not-quite-yet, with profound peace and reverence.
“If you want to take a break later, walk back to the house,” Delcy says as she bids me farewell after greeting me and introducing me to, Abi, who has been on retreat all week. I know I will make that walk, and I know I will savor our talk.
Standing in the hallway chatting, thunder rolls, moving us to Delcy’s den. She flips on the light and we watch the rain and I worry that the sliding door in the chapel was left open until we send a text to Abi asking her to close the door. Then we are present to one another, to ourselves, and to the unseen force that has called us together.
“I have been doing a lot of process about dying,” I say. Delcy nods her head in agreement, and is slightly distracted as she begins to scan her bookshelf. I mention having just read Vesper Time: The Spiritual Practice of Growing Older, by Frank J. Cunningham. And I tell her about having done the Corpse Prayer Exercise for my birthday ritual in January. About how author, Jarem Sawatsky has written about living with dying from Huntington’s Disease in Dancing with Elephants. She makes notes of both of those books, then pulls The Grace in Aging off the shelf and hands it to me. She is still slightly distracted, telling me she is also looking for The Grace in Living, by the same author—Dharma teacher, Kathleen Dowling Singh. Delcy said she got that one by mistake.
We search together, and I find it. The Grace of Living is laid beside me on the love seat. Here are notes I took from that precious book about our need to write our spiritual biography, telling the story of our lives from the continuous movement toward awakening:
The Grace in Living: Recognize It, Trust It, Abide In It by Kathleen Dowling Singh
When we mindlessly allow attention to be fueled by desire or aversion, no matter how subtle, we sense the self with a distinctive flavor in that moment. The engines of self rev up, gunning for the expression of that particular flavor of reactivity. In doing so, we psychologically remove ourselves from the truth. We separate ourselves from the sacred, the “one taste” of nonduality. p. 30
We begin to recognize that form, the universe of self, has never for a moment been separate from the sacred formless. Only our conceptions view them as separate. That they could be separate is impossible. p. 31
It is sweetly empowering to realize our inseparability from the sacred. With this encouragement, we can tenderly assuage our self-doubting and minister to it with less denial, less judgment, and infinitely more compassion. Recognizing that we are already in the divine flow—and always have been—confidence grows. p. 31
We begin to recognize ourselves as ordinary human beings—a profoundly liberative recognition. We except ourselves just as we are in each moment. We are awakening. We surrender any further need for judgment or pretense. p. 32
The heart leads us forward with less obstruction and more sanity. The heart is the only containers spacious enough to hold both the overwhelming suffering of the world and the almost unbearable joy of grace. p. 35
Ken Wilber reminds us that the fires of transformation are not a relaxing hot tub. The work of healing can entail great suffering as we allow ourselves to feel, finally, all that we have rejected, ignored, and stuffed deep inside. Many practitioners experience a dark night of the soul during this time. We break open. This state of brokenness is the leaping-off point for surrender. We’ve exhausted ego’s possibilities and have nowhere left to turn.
We stay in survival mode until we’ve had enough suffering and—surrendering—wish to see through the causes of suffering. Many people, especially those without a practice, stay in survival mode until the very end of life, when there is no choice other than to let go, surrender, and see Reality as it is. May each of us have the grace to die to who we think we are before who we think we are dies. p. 69
As I finish The Grace in Living and reach to start The Grace in Aging, I search for Kathleen on the internet. I hold my breath as I come across a blog titled: “Kathleen Dowling Singh, RIP”.
Gone? How can that be? Her writing is so alive, so real, so vital.
Suddenly I know anew why I write. And I understand at the cellular level why a spiritual biography is so important.
Please don’t be surprised by my passing. Everything passes.
Please don’t discount the dharma (truth) of my life. I won’t live forever.
Please don’t miss the moments of your life today. They are our Still Waters.
By Debra Basham, on July 17, 2018 
I am in a poetry writing group. We are working our way through The Crafty Poet: A Portable Workshop by Diane Lockward. Craft Tip #12 is about the uses of myth. “Milarepa’s Muses” is based on The Non-Duality of Coming to Know the Light Within the Darkness; Age of Kali , a talk given by Aaron on Saturday Morning, December 3, 2016, at a retreat in Seattle. Aaron is channeled by Barbara Brodsky. You can read Aaron’s entire talk at the Deep Spring Center Archives. I have included a clip of just the story of Milarepa at the end of this post.
Milarepa’s Muses
Demons on the doorstep
Demons outside, Milarepa inside
Duality
Delighted demons destroying
Property and Milarepa’s
Peace
Always there, those demons
Doing their demon things
Determined
Dogging his footsteps
Dodging his arrows
Dastardly
“Eat me,” mouthed as
Milarepa puts his head inside the demon’s mouth
Victory
The demon disappears
Light merging with darkness
Oneness
Debra Basham 7-17-2018 (WC 53) based on The Non-Duality of Coming to Know the Light Within the Darkness; Age of Kali by Aaron
It seems one of the most common demons visiting humans is the demon of the fear of death. I just finished reading Frank J. Cunningham’s, Vesper Time: The Spiritual Practice of Aging. On page 131-132, Cunningham writes that when the Dali Lama was asked if he feared death, he replied, “It’s just a change of clothes.”
Ending the duality and recognizing the truth that death is just a change of clothes is putting your head inside the demon’s mouth and watching the demon disappear.
The Non-Duality of Coming to Know the Light Within the Darkness; Age of Kali
December 3, 2016 Saturday Morning, Seattle Retreat;
Combined retreat opening talk and morning instruction with Aaron
Some years ago, I offered the group at this retreat the second Milarepa practice. Not the serving tea practice, that’s Part 1. First we serve him tea. We get used to the demon. We stop running from or denying the demon. We open our hearts to ourselves and the demon. We serve him tea and say, “Shh, no dialogue. We’re not going to talk, but you may be here. I’ll let you be present.” To let him be present there must be a deep sense of, not your power, the power, when you rest in connection with the light. It is that connection that allows you to permit the demon to sit before you. But there’s still separation: me here, the demon there.
The second Milarepa practice. He comes back to the area of his cave carrying firewood on his back. As he approaches his home he finds it’s overrun by demons. His first impulse is to grab a stick of firewood. He starts chasing them with one big club. Of course, they’re delighted; they laugh. They were really getting to him! “Look how much anger! Ooo! More! More!” So the more he chases them, the more they take delight in his fear and anger.
Finally he realizes this isn’t working. He sits, he meditates, he thinks, “What can I do? I’ll send loving wishes to them.” They laugh. They don’t care about his loving wishes. They’re busy destroying his home. “What else can we do? How can we get him more riled up?” and proceed with their destruction. Finally he looks around. He thinks, “maybe they’ve always been here and I just never noticed them before. I’ll just be here and present with them”. Most of them get bored when he’s no longer agitated, and they leave. But there’s one fierce demon with bulging eyes, big teeth, a huge, gaping mouth, and he follows Milarepa everywhere, 6 inches behind him, always right there, sometimes coming around face to face.
The days pass, the weeks pass. Finally, Milarepa understands there’s only one choice here. He approaches the demon, looks him in the eyes, says, “Eat me,” and puts his head in the demon’s mouth. What happens then? The demon disappears. Why?
Q: The demon has no power over Milarepa.
Aaron: Even more than that. Thank you, but one more step.
Q: Non-duality.
Aaron: He ends the duality. This is what we’re doing here, not just at the retreat, but this is what your world has invited you to. This is the whole image of Kali, the destroyer, destroying the duality. Fully embracing not only the light, but the darkness. Instead of clinging to the light and in any way trying to push the negative away, as we embrace the darkness and merge the light with the darkness, they dissolve into one. I use the image here of a huge dark cave; if you light one match the whole cave is lit even if dimly. You can’t see into the darkest corners, no. But as soon as there’s light, there’s light. It’s no longer dark.
By Debra Basham, on July 12, 2018 Breaking my own rule, my fingers are on the keyboard as I am listening to Claire Zammit sharing the keys and tools on how to activate and awaken even greater levels of your Feminine Power. As she says, “It might not be linear or logical,” I relate. Hearing her say, “You must find and clear the deep blocks to your connection with your Higher Power,” I have a deep longing for all beings to thrive in this connection.
Earlier this week, I shared Karen Drucker’s “In the Stillness” with a colleague. As we listened, we both felt that coming into alignment.
In The Stillness
Words & Music: Karen Drucker
In the stillness of this moment there is peace, there is peace.
In the stillness of this moment there is peace, there is peace.
And I rest, and trust, and breathe, and know,
that in the stillness of this moment, there is peace.
(There is love, I feel love, I am peace, I am love, I am.)
Zammit describes women who don’t trust life, who don’t value themselves, who don’t feel supported. She says it is not our fault. Her research has discovered how women stepped away from Feminine Power when we took on the masculine power which (1) sets goals (2) creates a plan (3) works hard for what you want. She says we have been brainwashed by this masculine power which says we can do it by ourselves, creating barriers to receive support.
What are your barriers to receiving support? Have you had beliefs that you were weak or unworthy? How will your life work better as you join with others who are standing for each others’ greatness?
In the masculine form of power exist competition, comparison, and conquest.
In the feminine form of power, we gather around one another, and we surrender into the greatness we came into this world to share.
As much as I enjoy the words feminine power, I prefer to recognize it as our authentic power. This power belongs to women and men. Gary Zukav has been encouraging us to remember and live from the authentic power of love for over thirty years.
Love
Intimacy
Vulnerable
Compassionate
Open heart
Co-operative
Win-win
Shares
Self-responsible
Open to intuition
Harmony
Co-creation
Wants to heal
Faces fear
Creates authentic power
Integrity
Self-aware
Spiritually growing
Detached from outcome
Changes inner world
PLEASE WATCH this interview with Oprah and Gary where they talk about each of us having a “mother ship” that guides us. At about 16 minutes into the interview, Gary speaks with a couple who had recently had a twin son live four days. The interview reminded me so much of the precious gift of Ella and I am so grateful to her mom for recognizing her as a soul.
In the stillness of this moment I am love. And so is Ella, so are you….
By Debra Basham, on July 5, 2018 It might be that suicide and depression came to mind this morning after learning last evening that the son of a friend/colleague just took his own life. Or it might be that my nephew has again been back in jail, still seeking sobriety and a solid footing on the path of successful reentry to society after having been in prison for committing a felony. Or it might be knowing that on average, adjusted for age, the annual U.S. suicide rate increased 24% between 1999 and 2014, from 10.5 to 13.0 suicides per 100,000 people, the highest rate recorded in 28 years.
Whatever led me to a powerful TED talk about depression by someone who knows, I am grateful for the awareness that “The opposite of depression is vitality.”
“The opposite of depression is not happiness, but vitality, and it was vitality that seemed to seep away from me in that moment.” In a talk equal parts eloquent and devastating, writer Andrew Solomon takes you to the darkest corners of his mind during the years he battled depression. That led him to an eye-opening journey across the world to interview others with depression — only to discover that, to his surprise, the more he talked, the more people wanted to tell their own stories.
See Depression: The Secret We Share.
Search for tips on overcoming depression, and access the free National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
Writing helps me work through strong emotions. Doing energy work helps me increase my vitality. Self-care is vital, but depression is more than lack of self-care. Depression can be overcome and there is nothing to be ashamed or afraid of about seeking help.
Whether this is for you or someone you care about, may all beings find relief. May all beings know love. May all beings come to the end of suffering.
By Debra Basham, on June 26, 2018 I have known for a long time that when I am stressed, cleaning calms me. It was Thomas Moore’s Care of the Soul that first helped me value sweeping as spiritual practice.
But sweeping is not just spiritual practice on the physical plane. In fact, “sweeping” might be the most important aspect of our physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual well-being.
We replaced white carpet with vinyl plank flooring. We are astounded at how much stuff we sweep up. Look closely to see what came from my 3×5 kitchen area, in just two days.
Our spring yoga retreat always includes an after-lunch meditation. This year we will do the following exercise to release emotions that had been stored in your body.
Exercise: Release Emotions that had been Stored in the Body
Because emotions can be stored in your body beneath your conscious awareness, it is helpful to notice how “yes” and “no,” “true” or “false” feel in your body. Focus your attention down the centerline of your body, in your core, between your pelvis and your throat.
As you think about three statements you know are “yes” or “true” and three statements you know are “no” or “false” you will notice the nuance between the two. Make it easy by choosing statements like your name, the current month, your current location. (pause)
Now ask if there are emotions that have been stored in your body that it is would be helpful for you to release today. Ask if there are more than one, more than two, more than three….until you imagine, notice, or just know the number of emotions you will be clearing today.
Now breathe and imagine, notice, or just know where in your body this first emotion had been stored. It might be a specific place, or it might be very general.
Breathe and imagine, notice, or just know what gift or lesson this emotion came to bring. Humans learn both by pleasant and painful experiences. If a young child touches a hot stove, ouch! There might be a burn, a blister, it may even leave a small scar after the healing is complete. But the child learned something very valuable. You actually learn how to keep yourself safe by both pleasant and painful experiences.
Breathe and release…. just appreciate the relationship that humans have with nature. When you breathe in oxygen goes to your blood, your organs, your cells, and when you breathe out you release everything that is no longer beneficial for you.
Just breathe and release…. As you breathe in and out the emotions are being released from your body. Thank your body for releasing these emotions and for allowing you to integrate the gifts or lessons into your life.
Now that you have been able to release these emotions that had been stored in your body, you will be able to notice the ways you enjoy your life more now and into the future. You might notice that you feel lighter. You might be aware thoughts, attitudes, beliefs, or even memories have changed in delightful ways. Perhaps you will not notice how you are different now, but you will just find that life works better and better for you now. However well your process unfolds now, it has begun today by releasing emotions that had been stored in your body.
Breathe…. let yourself release. Breathing, thanking your body for releasing the emotions, and allowing you to fully integrate all of the learnings from all of the time of your life. Breathe and release…. allowing yourself to know you have changed in very delightful ways. You have released emotions today. Breathing and releasing…. letting your body, your breath, your mind, your spirit breathe in and out.
I recall clearly the feelings of skepticism that used to be the way I greeted new information. It is much wiser to let your own experience lead. If this makes sense to you, your own faith is the foundation for safe expansion. All new ideas meet initially with resistance, before finally being accepted as the norm.
Maybe you will also find that sweeping calms your body, mind, and spirit.
Another form of sweeping involves clearing the aura of “attachments.” Our book club has been looking at a small book with a big message. Everyone should probably watch the short interview with Edith Fiore about spirit release work. Here is also a comprehensive summary of her book, The Unquiet Dead.
By Debra Basham, on June 22, 2018 “When you can bring your own energy forth to truly hear others in a compassionate way
and can create compassionate dialogue,
then you give them a model to bring forth to others who have a more opposite view.
It is this steady expansion of the loving heart we all share that is the greatest hope towards peace.
But even if peace does not come at this time,
still that loving heart is expanding.
When it expands far enough, there will be peace.
Yes, there may be a lot of death and destruction before.
But hatred will never lead to peace.
Fear will never lead to peace.
Fear of fear will never lead to peace, and hatred of hatred will never lead to peace.
Trust your capacity for love.”
~ Aaron,
Deep Spring Center
Thought for Today
Our plans were to attend a colleague’s “laughter yoga” presentation but the three of us arrived at the venue only to discover the presentation had been cancelled due to a death in the family. I live very nearby, so soon we settled around the kitchen island, sipping tea in such a sisterly fashion.
Your guess is as good as mine how the conversation settled around her seemingly life-long dissatisfaction with her birth sister. The stated question was about her desire to block her sister’s text messages. We tossed, we tangled, we slogged through decades of sibling turmoil before going our separate ways.
It felt restless, almost tragic. In my heart it was so much more…
I opened email to read:
June 19, 2018
Tenderness Tinged by Sadness
Fear does not allow fundamental tenderness to enter into us. When tenderness tinged by sadness touches our heart, we know that we are in contact with reality. We feel it. That contact is genuine, fresh, and quite raw.
Excerpted from:
“Overcoming Doubt,” in Smile at Fear: Awakening the True Heart of Bravery
by Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche,
page 58
That was it! Where was tenderness? Where was the true heart of bravery needed to love someone who is behaving in an unloving manner?
I opened my next email:
On this day of your life I believe God wants you to know …
… that if you become ruffled with every comment that
you consider a ‘slight,’ you will never find peace.
Nor will you find it by always separating yourself from
those who ruffle you. You can only end so many
friendships before you find yourself very much alone.
You can keep making new friends, of course, but
sooner or later they will ruffle you — and then what?
Perhaps the better course might be to let the ruffle
go. People rarely mean it when they do that, and a
touch of gentle tolerance and easy forgiveness every
day is even better than an apple…
Love, your Friend …
Neale Donald Walsch
Craft Tip #11 (p. 92-98), from The Crafty Poet: A Portable Workshop by Diane Lockward, clevely rewriting “You Are Tired” by e.e. Cummings, I have discovered my own “voice.” Writing this allowed me to finally experience peace around all the pain that family members can inflict upon one another without ever meaning to. I trust you will agree, “It is Time!”
It is Time!
It is time
(We know)
Possibilities lie beyond this moment now;
You are ready.
Let us join hands
Go to a place where new dreams are born-
(Listen. Our names are being called!)
We can go
(I hope)
To a place where the forlorn gather
When the heart yearns for relief;
Done with things as they are-
Just that.
We are done.
Travel to heaven comes not without peril
But the path is clearly written within your own chest-
Just say yes!
Your feet will find their way, one sure step and then the next
For it is time
We will be safe, rest assured.
Let’s set off now
Sail the seas of satisfaction to the shores
Of eternal serenity;
Hear the sounds of true solace
No more singing the dirge;
Music made from the instrument of sheer joy
Resonating with each precious soul
Suffering no more (Pray tell!) not we
We who know it truly is time.
Debra Basham 6-22-2018
By Debra Basham, on June 17, 2018 “Without renewal of mind, there is no transformation.”
~Lailah Gifty Akita, Ghana-born PhD student in geosciences, author;
age not provided at goodreads.com
This opening quotation in a friend’s daily thought really spoke to me. June 16, 2018, I celebrated the birthday of my dear friend and yoga teacher in a small class that meets on Saturday mornings at my office. The five of us are close, not just friends, but more like sisters.
Left to right: Norleen, Debra, our teacher Kathy, Nancy, and Claudia.
Let’s just say we are all women of a certain age.
As women, we share a lot more than yoga, but yoga is something we love. We each have come to yoga for different reasons, at different times, and in different places, but we treasure being together in yoga now because yoga is about renewal of Mind, Body, and Spirit.
The five of us are beautiful women, inside and out. We have spent well over a hundred years meditating, practicing yoga, and being intentional about our being.
After an hour of yoga practice, we brewed peppermint tea grown in Kathy’s garden, sweetened with an old fashioned peppermint stick. We ate my nearly world-famous vegan bran muffins, and we were nourished by love and respect and commonality.
We were infinitely grateful to honor Kathy, who honors us by bringing yoga to our life. Yoga is not just about what happens on the mat.
We each drew a card from the Wisdom of The Crone deck. Kathy drew “Passages.”
Nancy recently gifted me a copy of Frank J. Cunningham’s Vesper Time: The Spiritual Practice of Growing Older. This book may seem a bit too religious for some, too early for others, and irrelevant to many, but at any stage and especially at our age the wisdom and inspiration is worth integrating because, as Cunningham writes, “… we are in a phase of life that we will not look back on as we do on childhood, adolescence, and adulthood. We do not grow out of this phase.”
By Debra Basham, on June 11, 2018 HALT is a way to remind ourselves the importance of not letting ourselves get too hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. After a long day of unpacking, going to play dominoes with good friends was made much more fun when I got to hold a new kitten, Lucy. Lucy has an older sister kitty, and I talk to her in my best squeaky cat talk voice but KK is too shy with strangers to relax and snooze.
Here is Lucy napping on my lap during the game.
Lucy’s personality and her surrendered napping on my lap jogged my thinking about how different we all are. KK wants to be close but just can’t trust enough to let herself enjoy it.
At a recent Grief Journey Group several people shared profound pain around loved ones wanting or needing to do their process differently. One person wants to pack up photos, give away clothes, and move on. Another chooses to have the loved-ones items stay in their places. With tears born of experience, the message of encouragement was, “Just because we do things differently does not mean we don’t love each another.”
This awareness is not just important around loss or grief because recognizing and respecting differences is key in all relating.
The past ten days has been very busy for me. A close friend moved into Glen-Aire, our 55+ Manufactured Home community, just down the street. She had MAJOR back surgery last year and is still healing from that. Since I am a bit excessive about organization, my skills were welcome.
The move was more major than most because this couple just got married in April. A few weeks before the wedding both of their homes sold immediately with very quick closings, necessitating all the contents of both homes being packed up for going into storage. The unpacking, therefore, was unusual in that every box came from one or the other of the homes and the contents of each had to be negotiated compassionately. They moved out of large homes with basements and garages and a life time of belongings. They moved into 13, 000 square feet.
Many times I said it clearly, “If it is meaningful, there is room for it.”
I am humbled to say right now I probably know where more of their things are than either of them. But it won’t stay that way long.
And Lucy won’t stay a tiny kitten long either. I trust my friends will love curling up in their new home, and I trust Lucy will continue to enjoy curling up with new friends.
The nature of life is change. Some changes are welcome, some are forced; some are pleasant, some are painful. Sometimes we move into much larger or significantly smaller spaces, or even into a brand new community.
Whatever changes are happening for you right now, I hope when you are tired you will let yourself curl up somewhere safe and take a nap. May all beings rest well…
By Debra Basham, on June 1, 2018 Give the ones you love
wings to fly,
roots to come back
and reasons to stay.
~ The Dalai Lama
I am suddenly feeling quite weary. My eyes are burning and I can barely stay awake. It is almost 11:00 pm, but I don’t think this is physical tired.
Something is pulling me inward. I am pondering.
My sister officially retired today. We have shared an office wall for many of the years she has worked as a massage therapist. In the past decade we have been together in three offices. After a session I could smell her essential oils when she would come out of her room on the way to the restroom to wash her hands. It smelled like love to me.
Today I told her I will miss seeing her between clients. She said, “But now you can see me for other stuff. I will have time and energy to do things.”
So what is this lump in my throat, this sense of sadness or loss?
Today I was reminded of the teaching: When the conditions are present emotions will arise.
I am saying goodbye to our relationship as colleagues.
I am so thankful we are not saying goodbye to our relationship as sisters.
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