By Debra Basham, on June 17, 2018 “Without renewal of mind, there is no transformation.”
~Lailah Gifty Akita, Ghana-born PhD student in geosciences, author;
age not provided at goodreads.com
This opening quotation in a friend’s daily thought really spoke to me. June 16, 2018, I celebrated the birthday of my dear friend and yoga teacher in a small class that meets on Saturday mornings at my office. The five of us are close, not just friends, but more like sisters.
Left to right: Norleen, Debra, our teacher Kathy, Nancy, and Claudia.
Let’s just say we are all women of a certain age.
As women, we share a lot more than yoga, but yoga is something we love. We each have come to yoga for different reasons, at different times, and in different places, but we treasure being together in yoga now because yoga is about renewal of Mind, Body, and Spirit.
The five of us are beautiful women, inside and out. We have spent well over a hundred years meditating, practicing yoga, and being intentional about our being.
After an hour of yoga practice, we brewed peppermint tea grown in Kathy’s garden, sweetened with an old fashioned peppermint stick. We ate my nearly world-famous vegan bran muffins, and we were nourished by love and respect and commonality.
We were infinitely grateful to honor Kathy, who honors us by bringing yoga to our life. Yoga is not just about what happens on the mat.
We each drew a card from the Wisdom of The Crone deck. Kathy drew “Passages.”
Nancy recently gifted me a copy of Frank J. Cunningham’s Vesper Time: The Spiritual Practice of Growing Older. This book may seem a bit too religious for some, too early for others, and irrelevant to many, but at any stage and especially at our age the wisdom and inspiration is worth integrating because, as Cunningham writes, “… we are in a phase of life that we will not look back on as we do on childhood, adolescence, and adulthood. We do not grow out of this phase.”
By Debra Basham, on June 11, 2018 HALT is a way to remind ourselves the importance of not letting ourselves get too hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. After a long day of unpacking, going to play dominoes with good friends was made much more fun when I got to hold a new kitten, Lucy. Lucy has an older sister kitty, and I talk to her in my best squeaky cat talk voice but KK is too shy with strangers to relax and snooze.
Here is Lucy napping on my lap during the game.
Lucy’s personality and her surrendered napping on my lap jogged my thinking about how different we all are. KK wants to be close but just can’t trust enough to let herself enjoy it.
At a recent Grief Journey Group several people shared profound pain around loved ones wanting or needing to do their process differently. One person wants to pack up photos, give away clothes, and move on. Another chooses to have the loved-ones items stay in their places. With tears born of experience, the message of encouragement was, “Just because we do things differently does not mean we don’t love each another.”
This awareness is not just important around loss or grief because recognizing and respecting differences is key in all relating.
The past ten days has been very busy for me. A close friend moved into Glen-Aire, our 55+ Manufactured Home community, just down the street. She had MAJOR back surgery last year and is still healing from that. Since I am a bit excessive about organization, my skills were welcome.
The move was more major than most because this couple just got married in April. A few weeks before the wedding both of their homes sold immediately with very quick closings, necessitating all the contents of both homes being packed up for going into storage. The unpacking, therefore, was unusual in that every box came from one or the other of the homes and the contents of each had to be negotiated compassionately. They moved out of large homes with basements and garages and a life time of belongings. They moved into 13, 000 square feet.
Many times I said it clearly, “If it is meaningful, there is room for it.”
I am humbled to say right now I probably know where more of their things are than either of them. But it won’t stay that way long.
And Lucy won’t stay a tiny kitten long either. I trust my friends will love curling up in their new home, and I trust Lucy will continue to enjoy curling up with new friends.
The nature of life is change. Some changes are welcome, some are forced; some are pleasant, some are painful. Sometimes we move into much larger or significantly smaller spaces, or even into a brand new community.
Whatever changes are happening for you right now, I hope when you are tired you will let yourself curl up somewhere safe and take a nap. May all beings rest well…
By Debra Basham, on June 1, 2018 Give the ones you love
wings to fly,
roots to come back
and reasons to stay.
~ The Dalai Lama
I am suddenly feeling quite weary. My eyes are burning and I can barely stay awake. It is almost 11:00 pm, but I don’t think this is physical tired.
Something is pulling me inward. I am pondering.
My sister officially retired today. We have shared an office wall for many of the years she has worked as a massage therapist. In the past decade we have been together in three offices. After a session I could smell her essential oils when she would come out of her room on the way to the restroom to wash her hands. It smelled like love to me.
Today I told her I will miss seeing her between clients. She said, “But now you can see me for other stuff. I will have time and energy to do things.”
So what is this lump in my throat, this sense of sadness or loss?
Today I was reminded of the teaching: When the conditions are present emotions will arise.
I am saying goodbye to our relationship as colleagues.
I am so thankful we are not saying goodbye to our relationship as sisters.
By Debra Basham, on May 22, 2018 This morning I was catching up doing “Day One” of Pompe Strater-Vidal’s 11-Day Meditation Challenge on the 4 aspects of Immeasurable Mind, Loving Kindness, Compassion, Equanimity and Joy, that started yesterday. The message on loving-kindness practice was about how you have to begin by loving and being kind to yourself. I was directed to identify something that I do well, a trait of mine that I appreciate. (You may want to play along with me as you read this and identify right now a trait of yours that you appreciate.)
The trait I identified was sharing freely of my professional skills/knowledge with people that I meet, such as I had done a few days ago with a young woman in the waiting room when I went to have an X-Ray of my back and hip.
The woman volunteered that she was really uncomfortable, needing to urinate. I told her I was sure they had a restroom in this area, as I had not noticed she was pregnant. She went on to say that she was waiting to have an ultrasound so she could not go until after and the baby was kicking. She said she had always loved feeling the baby kick, because she had previously experienced a miscarriage. At this time, the kicks were very uncomfortable due to her full bladder.
I told her how she could place her hand on her abdomen and tell her baby she normally loves feeling the kicks but right now they are uncomfortable and it would be very helpful for there to be no kicking until after the ultrasound. I shared about when I guided our daughter to ask our granddaughter to wait to be born until they could get her room ready. Courtney ended up being induced!
I gave the woman a free download card for my “Welcome Baby!” audio designed for listening during pregnancy, preparing for labor and delivery.
This morning as soon as I remembered the interaction with this expectant mom, suddenly I had a cellular memory of having been in Europe in 2011. On the climb down from visiting the Montségur Monument, we saw an expectant couple. I struck up a conversation, found out they were from the US and were having their first baby. As I remember it, the woman I was traveling with was very critical of my sharing with them about “Welcome Baby!”. She said it was rude and selfish and inappropriate to have an unsolicited conversation with them and then tell them about the “Welcome Baby!”audio.
As soon as I accessed this memory from Europe, I had another simultaneous awareness of a time I had been punished when I was innocent. I was in third grade. The student sitting behind me tapped me on my back asking for help. She was having difficulty sight reading a word in her book. My guesses were very far off sounding out “Can-oh-wee” and “Can-ow” until I put the word into context. When I realized the word was “canoe” she and I both collapsed into a fit of giggles. All our teacher saw at that moment was me, turned around leaning over the other student’s desk, and the two of us laughing.
We were called up front and we both got paddled. To add insult to injury, I was paddled with the paddle I had brought in for the teacher so she could paddle the boys for being bad.
Today I know the core of forgiveness and loving-kindness waiting all these years to come into my innocent heart is my own sense that the boys deserved to be paddled.
I opened my email to read this:
Today’s thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:
We can practice forgiveness each day.
Resentments have a way of creeping back into my psyche even after I have let go of them. I know that holding a grudge is harmful to my emotional health and can threaten my abstinence, but what can I do when I keep feeling anger toward someone?
In the interest of recovery, in my own best interest, I can continue to forgive each day. I may not be able to forgive the person once and for all, but I can do it right now, just for today. With practice, who knows? Perhaps the resentment will disappear.
When I remember that my own track record is far from perfect, I realize I could use some daily forgiveness too, both from others and from myself. True forgiveness reaches across time and touches everyone.
Just for now, I can let go of resentments and forgive. If resentments come back, I can forgive again.
You are reading from the book:
Inner Harvest by Elisabeth L.
I do not have permission to reprint this quotation from Inner Harvest, so I ask forgiveness from Elisabeth L.for sharing it.
By Debra Basham, on May 18, 2018 IF IN LIFE
There will always be a ‘lie’ in believe,
An ‘over’ in lover,
An ‘end’ in friend,
An ‘us’ in trust,
And an ‘if’ in life.
—author’s name not provided
The Boehner aphorism, “If ‘ifs’ and ‘buts’ were candy and nuts, we’d all have a merry Christmas,” was coined by the Dallas Cowboys quarterback, Don Meredith, who later became a sports commentator for the TV show Monday Night Football in 1970. But it is not just football that realizes there is an “if” in life.
This week, Stacey and Doug let the family know they will not be going on their Caribbean cruise on their boat (“The Lady Gail”) this October. This decision is partially the result of Doug’s Dad’s having had a toe, foot, and leg amputated due to diabetes complication, and partially the result of Doug’s inside-and-outside cardiac ablation scheduled for Tuesday, May 29. We are all feeling disappointment.
As a result, I am working on a clergy column about the importance of not letting disappointment digress into despair. I will include in that article the Buddhist story about the second arrow in which the Buddha asked a student, “If a person is struck by an arrow, is it painful? If the person is struck by a second arrow, is it even more painful?”
The teaching goes on, “In life, we can’t always control the first arrow. However, the second arrow is our reaction to the first. This second arrow is optional.”
The Buddha’s second-arrow teaching is most often used as a demonstration that while pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.
This week I had a conversation with a college sophomore who has recently experienced some difficulty with the loss of a relationship. His own words were, “I feel like shit.” We understand that but also know his life is not over. Experience shows how rarely a life-long union occurs with the partner in our early relationships. These moments of loss are rich times for learning about ourselves, preparing us for what is yet to come.
In some ways, Stacey and Doug (and all of us) are going through a loss similar to this young man’s. I was joyfully anticipating almost a month with Stacey in Florida in December while Doug was taking the boat over open water from Florida to the British Virgin Islands. While their current plan is just to postpone their trip one year, we all know there will always be an “if” in life.
I was able to hear the truth as I told this young man it is not something we get over, but loss is something we get through. His ability to feel disappointment without the second-arrow of discouragement in the current situation will change the rest of his life. This is true for all of our “if’s” in life. Trust is important for us: for Stacey and Doug and their kids, and for John and me.
Jeremiah 29:11-13 from “The Message”
“…I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.
12 “When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I’ll listen.
13-14 “When you come looking for me, you’ll find me.
“Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I’ll make sure you won’t be disappointed.” God’s Decree.
 Doug’s putting up the main sail on The Lady Gail in April.
By Debra Basham, on May 11, 2018 “Daily the world grows smaller,
leaving understanding
the only place where peace can find a home.”
— Huston Smith
In 1958, Huston Smith wrote “The Religions of Man”, which has been a standard textbook in college-level comparative religion classes for half a century. In 1991, it was revised and expanded and given the gender-neutral title “The World’s Religions.” The two versions together have sold more than three million copies. I first fell in love with Huston Smith when I saw an interview on TV while I was going through the ordination process to become a Minister of Reunion.
“It is the most important book in comparative religious studies ever,” Stephen Prothero, a professor of religion at Boston University, said in an interview.
This morning I was having a conversation with a dear friend. She had been frustrated navigating some computer responsibilities she was finding challenging. Even on our easiest days, our days are filled with news of challenges. I opened my email after hanging up the phone and saw this quotation from a colleague who writes a daily inspiration message:
“I am grateful for all my problems. After each one was overcome, I became stronger and more able to meet those that were still to come. I grew in all my difficulties.” James Cash Penney, American businessman and entrepreneur; 1875-1971 (from greatest-quotations.com
I quickly sent my friend a message: “Oh, wow, this opening quotation is so timely! One friend was vacationing in Rome with her husband and now he is hospitalized there…. A colleague just cut the tip of her finger off as she prepares to start a new career as a massage therapist…. My daughter’s father-in-law just lost a toe, a foot, and now a leg to diabetes.”
My conversation this morning got around to the importance of making a commitment to be kind to ourselves, as we would be with others. The woman who was frustrated with the computer tasks would have been compassionate toward another colleague; the woman who cut herself would not have called her child injured in an accident ‘stupid’; and neither should we hold these attitudes toward ourselves.
I met Alan Seale in 1997, right after he wrote On Becoming a 21st Century Mystic. I still hear him saying, “In the 21st Century we will become mystics or we will become nothing at all.”
His was “the first book to fully integrate spiritual awakening with intuitive development, ON BECOMING A 21ST-CENTURY MYSTIC brings together timeless wisdom of ancient traditions with practical spirituality for today. It leads the reader on a very personal journey of spiritual self-discovery – a journey free of dogma or attachment to any particular belief system. A ground-breaking book, it offers clear and practical tools for sacred living, including over 40 exercises and meditations, in-depth chakra exploration, personal stories, and powerful techniques for heightening intuitive skills. ON BECOMING A 21ST-CENTURY MYSTIC is your personal guidebook for spiritual living in the new millennium.”
My friend asked me why mystical consciousness is an option for common folks now, not just a few masters. Ken Wilber has done an amazing job of helping us recognize the stages of consciousness. He used colors to help us understand the way we think. Information has changed the way we view the world. We see how connected everything is. What we think/say/do affects the whole.
The mystical me realizes there is no OTHER.
“And therefore, all of those for whom authentic transformation has deeply unseated their souls must, I believe, wrestle with the profound moral obligation to shout form the heart—perhaps quietly and gently, with tears of reluctance; perhaps with fierce fire and angry wisdom; perhaps with slow and careful analysis; perhaps by unshakable public example—but authentically always and absolutely carries a a demand and duty: you must speak out, to the best of your ability, and shake the spiritual tree, and shine your headlights into the eyes of the complacent. You must let that radical realization rumble through your veins and rattle those around you.
Alas, if you fail to do so, you are betraying your own authenticity. You are hiding your true estate. You don’t want to upset others because you don’t want to upset your self. You are acting in bad faith, the taste of a bad infinity.
Because, you see, the alarming fact is that any realization of depth carries a terrible burden: those who are allowed to see are simultaneously saddled with the obligation to communicate that vision in no uncertain terms: that is the bargain. You were allowed to see the truth under the agreement that you would communicate it to others (that is the ultimate meaning of the bodhisattva vow). And therefore, if you have seen, you simply must speak out. Speak out with compassion, or speak out with angry wisdom, or speak out with skillful means, but speak out you must.
And this is truly a terrible burden, a horrible burden, because in any case there is no room for timidity. The fact that you might be wrong is simply no excuse: You might be right in your communication, and you might be wrong, but that doesn’t matter. What does matter, as Kierkegaard so rudely reminded us, is that only by investing and speaking your vision with passion, can the truth, one way or another, finally penetrate the reluctance of the world. If you are right, or if you are wrong, it is only your passion that will force either to be discovered. It is your duty to promote that discovery—either way—and therefore it is your duty to speak your truth with whatever passion and courage you can find in your heart. You must shout, in whatever way you can.”
― Ken Wilber, One Taste
By Debra Basham, on May 4, 2018 Many of you already have received an update on the excision of a melanoma on my low back last week. (See Photoshop Fun.) The excision went well. This was a mole that turned into melanoma, it had not come from anywhere else and had not spread. The doctor said if we were talking stages, they could call this a stage zero. I can’t see it, but when the bandages are changed the report is it looks good. It itches, so I know it is healing. Stitches come out on May 14. I will have a full-body scan that day and every three months for the next two years just to be sure this is the end of that.
Last evening we received news from our daughter, Stacey, that Doug’s (our son-in-law’s) father is having foot amputation today with additional surgery to remove the leg just below the knee on Monday. This is due to uncontrolled diabetes. Love and prayers for Doug and his dad, Jim, and all the family. We all call Jim “Pops.”
A friend lost her twelve year-old golden retriever, Chaco. His was a miraculous life as he was born with megaesophagus. According to Chaco’s owner, “Megaesophagus is a fatal disease where the esophagus does not have nerves to signal peristalsis; therefore food stays in the esophagus which stretches until it’s as useless as a worn out rubber band. He was also born on Valentines Day with a heart full of love and dogged determination. Chaco survived; endured; stabilized and then flourished with his condition.” Special diet, timely exercise, and hours of Tellington TTouch™ each day allowed them to have an amazing life together. Chaco will be missed but remembered and loved….
The following paragraph is from my meditation teacher. Barbara is deaf and her husband of 50 years had a massive stroke in March. He is in a rehab facility and she is living alone for the first time since losing her hearing several decades ago. Eighteen months ago, Sulu, her then 14-year-old collie/ hearing-ear service dog died of old age. On Sunday, May 6, she will add a new member to her family. I think her post will inspire you to keep on keeping on whatever is going on:
I was blessed to look on the internet at collie kennels in Michigan, and turned up Banner in western Michigan, a-just-2-year-old tricolor collie (like all our past dogs). His owner, who bred him, sells all the dogs she breeds, maybe 6 or 8 litters a year. She had kept him to become a stud dog in her small kennel because she felt he was so special; beautiful, intelligent, eager to please, sweet and loving. When I approached her about whether she had a mature dog, she said maybe; she took a week to consider since she had planned to keep him, then wrote to me that I could buy him.
She said, “Your need is great. He will be a blessing to you.”
The breeder went on to say it was a blessing to Banner too, not just to be a pet, but to live a life of such service and connection to Barbara and her husband. Barbara and her husband will celebrate their Golden Anniversary on Saturday, May 5.
It seems life can be strewn with challenges almost daily. However, we are always at choice about our attitude.
This week, like every other week, will have sunshine and rain.
These moments, like no others, will be here and then gone.
This life, like all lives, matters.
We too can experience joy and blessing even in turbulent waters.
Earlier in the week, I was playing solitaire while waiting for Lowe’s to deliver my new washer and dryer. I usually win, so was a bit surprised and annoyed that I lost three games in a row. I switched to a game where you try to get every card in the deck turned up before the fourth King. After “winning” that gave, I noticed the King of Hearts was still in the box!
Any time you feel like you might be losing the game of life, make sure you are playing with a full deck. Remember every card matters….
By Debra Basham, on April 28, 2018 Sometimes I notice myself deciding I am where I want to be. Sometimes where I am to be is very clear. My poetry group meets in Florida. When I am in Michigan, we FaceTime me in for the gathering. This week, afterwards they all went out for dinner. I wasn’t there, or was I…
When I saw the photo, I asked my brother-in-love, Larry Britton, to Photoshop me into the group. Larry is an amazingly talented artist. See his masterful result below.
I sent the new photo back to my poetry group saying, “I love being with you all!” Nobody caught it.
A couple of days later I wrote back asking if anyone had noticed I had been Photoshopped in. Then we got some laughs.
This is a big week in my world. My grandson and his wife are setting out on the first leg of an amazing Airbnb adventure. Another friend left with a team from our local hospice to share and support a sister hospice in Kenya. A wonderful woman friend met with an oncologist. She is scheduled for surgery in a couple of weeks, and the rest will be relealed. I watched, The Zookeeper’s Wife, a powerful film based in Warsaw, Poland, during the Nazi occupation. Perhaps I was especially affected by this film because I love animals, or maybe more so because I know a couple who escaped Poland during that time with their infant daughter and now live here in Michigan (See Electric Heater).
On Monday, April 30, I will be having an excision on my low back to remove a melanoma. I had noticed a mole changing shape and the spot was biopsied while I was in the office with John on April 17.
When I looked up “skin” and “cancer” in Louise Hay, Heal Your Body, these are the affirmations: I feel safe to be me. I lovingly forgive and release the past. I choose to fill my world with joy. I love and approve of myself.
Very often when working with someone clearing blocked energy I share the metaphor of a bubble. Everyone would agree it is there, they can all see it. However, when the bubble bursts it is just gone.
That is exactly what I am seeing with all of this….
(Note: The excision went well. It was a mole that turned into melanoma. It was a primary, meaning it hadn’t come from anywhere else. It had not spread. The doctor said if we were talking stages, they could call this a stage zero. I can’t see it, but when the bandages are changed the report is it’s healing very well. Stitches come out on May 14. I will have a full-body scan that day and every three months for the next two years just to be sure this is the end of that.)
By Debra Basham, on April 22, 2018 A local restaurant offers all-you-care to-eat fish dinners on Friday evening. We were meeting my sister and brother-in-love early and we arrived first, way before the place got busy.
“I love your necklace,” our waitress placing menus on our table. “What can I get you to drink?”
Slipping the charger off off my neck, I showed her that it is actually a narrow band of metal any pendant can be worn on. “This charger had belonged to the daughter of a friend of mine who has been in our grief journey group for years. It was given to me in gratitude for the support over those years after her daughter’s death.”
I went on to share with the waitress about the charm. (I wrote about the charm in Sacred Stories. See Charm.) The charm had been on my mother’s “grandma’s brag bracelet” and I found it in my clothes dryer 13 years to the day after my mom’s Celebration of Life.
The waitress said, “That gives me chills! My dad passed too young and I still miss him so much. My daughter was young. A couple of years after he passed my daughter asked me if he visits me. I told her he had not. My daughter said Grandpa visits her and they have such a good time.”
After we had dinner and had paid our checks and were preparing to leave, the waitress came over and gave me a hug.
My necklace is not impressive in a worldly sense.
She must have had a prompting from spirit to mention it at all. I am grateful she did and I am grateful I was willing to share my sacred story so she could share hers.
You have to love the Sacred Stories and how we are all changed when we see the truth of the Divine in our lives….
By Debra Basham, on April 12, 2018 The future won’t always be fair.
But we can try.
We can care.
We can choose to connect.
It can be better if we let it.
~ Seth Godin
Many of my days are spent bearing witness to the clarity secure within our souls as our personalities fling destructive BS into our lives. One recent conversation went something like this:
“You never invite me to Christmas.”
“I don’t even have Christmas.”
“I am never included.”
“You are the one who moved away.”
Pain, upon pain.
I claim again the gift of knowing that under any message filled with blame and accusation is a legitimate need even if it is being expressed unskillfully.
What a relief….
I love poetry. Something about the way a person shows you a feeling without saying what that feeling is excites the part of you that thrives on curiosity. Too much of the time our logical mind tries to run the show. We plan. We manipulate. We hide.
In a poem the words are expressions of the heart, being heard by the heart.
I had not intended the following poem to give away so much of my own heart, but it does.
The prompt is from The Crafty Poet: A Portable Workshop, by Diane Lockward. Instructions were to choose an odd job. One example was snake milker’s daughter. We were to jot down some relevant language, choosing words that are specific to this job and sound great.
Medium Mayhem
Secrets slip into my awareness unheeded
from somewhere or someone
Listening hands hear, “Bell’s Palsy.”
Babies believed long dead
babble difficult directives
“Tell her I am not dead.”
Fifty years she has carried abortion’s guilt
Searing pain shoots down my leg
Relevant to ask, “Is this mine?”
The task is always to realize
we are energy
swimming in one sea
Hearing, seeing, feeling, knowing
not always easy to distinguish
fact from fiction
Fantasy or wishful thinking
the taunting
fortunately only on occasion
Echoes of accusations
hang over (or come from
my head
Ghostly guesses
and grisly gallows
shake confidence at core
What do you do?
generates no easy answer
“I talk to dead people.”
Likely not heard
at the dinner table
of the mentally stable
Truth be told
I don’t just
talk to dead people
They also talk
to me
No blasphemy!
Mystery
mocking mayhem
Famous or infamous
Sinner or saint
life as a spiritual sensitive
is understandably quaint
Debra Basham 4-8-2018 (WC 153)
Perhaps the Deep Spring Center “Thought for Today” (April 12, 2018) is the perfect closing for this blog post.
“Do not despair that you have no vision. The vision is right here in your own radiant hearts, your kindness and your commitment to your practice. There is not one of you that does not vision a more harmonious world. Hold that in front of you and know that it is possible and then just ask yourself, ‘What will support this?’ Do not be afraid. Hold your vision ahead of you. There is a saying, ‘The dharma takes care of those who take care of the dharma.’ Love will find a way.”
(See Message, Subtext, Metamessage in Healing with Language by Joel P. Bowman and Debra Basham.)
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