By Debra Basham, on November 9, 2019 
The Comcast saga came to an end late yesterday morning. Today my fingers are on the keyboard of my PC and I am connected to the SCS domain. The solution was actually simple. And it is what Donny, my customer service agent at my local Comcast store, suggested to me weeks ago: Swap out the modem.
Relief is an interesting concept. Relief is defined as a feeling of reassurance and relaxation following release from anxiety or distress or assistance, especially in the form of food, clothing, or money, given to those in special need or difficulty.
Alison, I’m not sure to whom this message of appreciation should be addressed, but I want someone within the Comcast organization to know what you did for me.
I had been struggling between Comcast and my web host since October 18. On November 7, when I found you I had spent over 30 hours having to give the same information over and over, and never being able to follow up with someone I had spoken to previously.
I was rude, frustrated, angry, and you stayed right with me and assured me you would not leave me until the issue was resolved.
Although you were not able to resolve the issue that evening, you gave me your extension number and email. I became a real person to you. I cried!!! I mattered to you, and that matters to everyone.
During this period of time I was struggling with the problem with my service we had two deaths in our family. People have a lot going on….
You suggested we swap out the modem and when I got the new one the following morning, you were able to assist me to get the help from Kevin to activate it.
I sent email and left voice mail letting you know we were successful. Then you called again to make sure everything was working correctly.
Donny, at the Benton Harbor, Michigan, store was the first one to suggest we swap the modem. I wish everyone could work with you and Donny…. everyone deserves to!
Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
During these weeks of frustration I have said many times I recognized this as an opportunity. I have learned a lot. I learned we do not have to call Comcast and go through 30 minutes of being passed from one person to another only to have to tell them the exact information before getting to someone who cannot help you. Using the Comcast app on your phone, you can give the information once and request a call back. The appropriate person calls you back. Oh, my….
Another learning has been to see how kind the conditions are. Regardless of how challenging, right here within the conditions is kindness.
It is kindness to let it go each time no resolution was at hand.
It is kindness to persevere and make another call when I had a couple of hours. (EEK…)
It is kindness to remember nothing is a life or death matter—not even life or death.
It is not denial to say not even life or death is a life or death matter. It is truth.
Over lunch yesterday my dear friend, Jane Foster, shared that even having lived with cancer for over 35 years now she still bumps into a fear of death. “Will it hurt? Will I be alone? How will my husband handle things? How will my son get through this?”
It occurs to me these are not evidences of fear of death. They are evidences of desire to control. We want to know. We want assurances. We want things to go a certain way.
I sent out a prayer request:
I have a precious client named Jessica.
She is thirty-something…
13 months ago she was told she had 17 months to live.
Three months ago she was told she was in remission, but her most recent scan showed tumors on her liver.
She has been at MD Anderson in Houston this week and if she is a candidate for an experimental surgery and treatment she will fly back down on November 17 and have the procedure on November 19. If there are no complications she will be able to fly back to Michigan on November 22.
They were not very optimistic… Possibly extend her life six months.
She asks for help with her mental state.
Here is her Bitmoji saying:
If you are inclined to pray, please add a special prayer for the mental state of all humans. May all beings know peace. May all beings love and be loved. May all beings come to the end of suffering.
Pray for Alison and Donny and each of those who work in organizations that inflict such pain in the delivery of service. Pray for Jane Foster to embrace sacred life and sacred death. (See Corpse Prayer) Pray for Jessica as she navigates such turbulent waters.
Pray that all sentient beings feel relief….
By Debra Basham, on November 7, 2019 
I could begin this article with an update on my SCS-Matters domain still being unavailable here on my home WiFi router, or that our underbelly of our mobile home is not yet insulated or ‘closed up’ as they call it and there is snow on the ground this morning, but I will instead begin by sharing what is important. Last evening we attended the visitation and funeral for the 34-year-old son of our cousin, Rita.
Chris was eccentric. Was that his soul’s destiny? Perhaps it a result of having been born in cardiac distress and immediately being whisked off to a children’s hospital several hours away from home. Maybe having lived his 34 years knowing he could die at any moment contributed.
Perhaps living our lives knowing we could die at any moment would be good for us all.
In the two-year Dharma study group this entire second year is working with the sacred darkness. You might be quite surprised how much fun and how easy the exercises are for this very challenging practice. Sit on an exercise ball, like the one my Dharma Sister, Patty, is leaning on in this photo and note the balance or imbalance until you can find inner stillness.
Another exercise is to hold a book in your hand, out at arm’s length. Notice the inner process. “This is silly. This is heavy. No big deal. I am going to hurt myself. I see no point in this. Kindness says to put the book down.”
You can see how these simple processes are pointing to a deeper state of awareness.
The third exercise is to take a raw egg and purposely let it roll off a counter and fall onto the floor and make a mess! I did this while on Zoom with two Dharma Sisters – one in Texas and one in the Sea of Cortez. We were to watch the tension and the mind activity. “This is wasteful. I am going to have to clean it up. What am I supposed to feel? Is this working? Did I do it right?”
Both of my witnesses said the SPLAT sound produced the greatest gut reaction for them.
I confess to being unwilling to waste one of the good farm-fresh eggs…. I noticed aversion, tension, and desire for control.
Many other events that are filling my days are too personal to share without betraying confidences of others. But one happening just now is worthy of sharing with you.
I was standing at the kitchen island writing this post on my laptop because the Comcast challenges that prevent my PC from having access to my blog. John came back into the house saying, “Look who I found outside raking leaves for a neighbor.”
My eyes had been against the screen and all I saw was a man in a heavy jacket wearing fogged-over eyeglasses and a stocking hat. I walked over to get a closer look.
“From Stevensville United Methodist churches young adult class years ago,” he said. “Scott.”
I recognized his voice!
He went on, “First let me say we have three wonderful children and five amazing grand children. And I want to thank you both for giving me such a foundation for life. You were so far ahead of us spiritually but you never let us know that and you were right there with us helping guide us along.”
“I call that ‘doubling back’ such as when an avid reader wants to inspire love of reading in a toddler. You have patience and kindness and meet them where they are to bring them along. It is such a joy to watch the love grow in them…” I shared.
I also told Scott what I had been told at the Oakwood retreat, “Debra, you love so deeply and you serve so many. You often worry is you are doing enough or if you could have done more. This week let yourself truly cherish yourself….”
I thanked Scott for being God’s answer to my willingness to truly cherish myself.
This morning I watched again the last Dharma Path video. I made a note in my journal about the book exercise: Ego cannot hold on very long. LOVE can hold on as long as it is needed. That is what love can do. Love can hold on as long as it is needed.
Thank you Chris, and Rita, and Comcast….
By Debra Basham, on November 2, 2019 Tender emotions here…. Some of the emotions are frustration. I have spent the past two weeks without resolution to my WiFi/Domain not speaking to one another. Twenty three hours on hold with Comcast, Comcast, Comcast, and Bluehost.
Monday evening, Aunt Sharon Basham passed. I met with her family on Thursday evening, went to visitation Friday evening, and I had the honor of officiating her Celebration of Life today. Everything about that service touches other places deep in my heart. Aunt Sharon lived with her daughter, Tracey, and son-in-love, Bo. The family supported Sharon in her wishes to be able to live her life out in the home they all moved into together on her birthday in 2008.
A powerfully relevant poem, “Two Mothers Remembered” by Joann Snow Duncanson, speaks of this unique bond when a daughter is a caregiver to her mother:
I had two Mothers – two Mothers I claim
Two different people, yet with the same name.
Two separate women, diverse by design,
But I loved them both because they were mine.
The first was the Mother who carried me here,
Gave birth and nurtured and launched my career.
She was the one whose features I bear,
Complete with the facial expressions I wear.
She gave me her love, which follows me yet,
Along with the examples in life that she set.
As I got older, she somehow younger grew,
And we’d laugh as just Mothers and daughters should do.
But then came the time that her mind clouded so,
And I sensed that the Mother I knew would soon go.
So quickly she changed and turned into the other,
A stranger who dressed in the clothes of my Mother.
Oh, she looked the same, at least at arm’s length,
But now she was the child and I was her strength.
We’d come full circle, we women three,
My Mother the first, the second and me.
And if my own children should come to a day,
When a new Mother comes and the old goes away,
I’d ask of them nothing that I didn’t do.
Love both of your Mothers as both have loved you.
They chose some wonderful music. In the Garden, by Alan Jackson. And Supermarket Flowers, sung by Ed Sheeran.”You were an angel in the shape of my mum….Spread your wing….And I know that when God took you back he said Hallelujah, You’re home….”
The Basham family is an amazing family. I married in to it over fifty years ago and I am so grateful….
Tonight Stacey sent a text message: “Please hold energy for Doug. He’s frustrated with stuff breaking, weather, etc. I just want to be supportive of him. This is his dream that I’m along for the ride.” (See FaceBook Sailing Lady Gail or Adventure of Doug and Stacey.)
We had opportunity for a voice-to-voice and I shared some from my journal this morning:
D: Last night I was kind to the person at Comcast (8:30-9:30 pm) and Bluehost (9:30-11:00 pm) while still being honest about the frustration.
D: What would you have me know?
V: Ask Jesus for help. Remember the Sacred Story you published that there is an angel for everything?
D: I am willing. I do see how my not planning to go to Indy for the Welcome Baby Party for Brian and Tegan was part of that greater awareness.
V: That is ALWAYS happening. Even the challenging situation with your domain is kind. You can do everything you need to do—just not the way you want to do it. Yes?
D: Yes.
V: Do you remember this is part of the Sacred Darkness? Watch the one who wants to control. As Barbara heard when she was trying to save her neighbor from drowning,”Stop trying. Relax. Let LOVE do this.”
D: Helplessness; confusion; grief. As I embrace that in myself I do it for all sentient beings.
I reminded Aunt Sharon’s family of the importance of celebrating little acts of love and enjoyment and remembrance.
It is OK to feel grief and relief.
In closing, these words to Sharon, and to each of you, “Well done, good and faithful servant. Well done….”
As I was hanging up with Bluehost I asked the guy what time it was where he was at. He said it was 8:00 pm and I responded, “It is 11:00 pm here.”
We are not actually all having the same experience, even when we are having the same experience.
By Debra Basham, on October 28, 2019 At the time of this writing, I am still holding space for resolution with the issue of not having access to the SCS-Matters.com domain using my Comcast WiFi at home that began 10 days ago. This morning I was successful logging in using the unsecure Xfinity WiFi hotspot, and I am on my laptop at home.YEAH!
Yesterday morning my “dharma study buddy” mentioned a term that I had not previously encountered in our study with Barbara Brodsky, and I have been searching Aaron’s archives for ‘Bare Perception.”
Emrich Retreat – February 26, 2000
So it’s important that you see that the qualities of pleasant, unpleasant, and neutral, are not innate to the object but depend on your relationship to them.
Very occasionally that relationship is what we call “bare perception”, being just with this object as it is in this moment without any prior conditioning to influence how you relate to it. As a simple example, if you had never seen fire, somehow you had lived your entire life and never seen even a candle flame, if you came into a small village after traveling through a cold winter night and somebody invited you into his home where fire burned in the hearth, giving off warmth, in that moment it would be very pleasant. Right there, nothing but the fire. Nothing but that moment. No past conditioning. Yet even here, there is past conditioning that equates warmth with comfort, so already there is some slant.
Think how different it would be if you were traveling on that cold dark night because your home had just burned down and all your family died. There might be a pleasant sensation of warmth from the fire, but your overall experience of fire would not be pleasant. Usually you bring this old conditioning into the moment and so it taints your experience in this moment. It’s very hard to see clearly just what’s here right now.
It’s not easy to bypass that old conditioning. Often the best you can do is to know, “My response here is conditioned by old experience” and to allow a spaciousness which is not so attached to the view, “This is good” or “That is bad”. One notes, “In this moment this feels good to me. It feels pleasant and wholesome. But I acknowledge that consciousness in part is based on past conditioning.”
My past experiences with being on perma-hold, then getting a non-native English speaking entry-level person who asks me the same questions as the last person just asked me has been anything but pleasant.
Last evening I was with my sister. She was saying she felt sad. She was able to say she could see where the sadness was coming from, and she recognized it as old conditioning. She said she knew tomorrow she would feel better.
This morning, I see all of this so related to the talk I gave at St. John UCC in New Buffalo yesterday. I was speaking about the way the news creates a false sense of the world as unsafe and unkind. I encouraged people to pay attention to their own experiences. I suggested making lists of the kindnesses we receive and give. We spent some time reflecting on the true nature of the world.
–
It is because we are raising our standards that things seem to be getting worse.
This is true about our world, and it is true about my sister.
We care more than we have ever cared before.
I would like to add the sermon to this post but I have not yet figured out how to do that with the cobbled-together process. You can send me an email message asking for the audio file of the sermon if you would appreciate listening.
I am here with my fingers on the keyboard, grateful for improvement and I know tomorrow I will feel better….
By Debra Basham, on October 23, 2019 Holy hissy-fits, Batman, have I been navigating the sacred darkness this week!
Last Friday morning I realized I was not able to log onto the SCS website. I @$$sumed our website was just down for some reason so I sent a text message to Joel and to our webmaster, Rebecca. Rebecca responded that she was able to log in just fine.
There-in-lies-the-problem….
Everyone can log in except me. And I can log in everywhere except on my home WiFi. I can even log on from home connecting to an unsecure xfinitywifi hot spot.
Hours of calls.
Many words of frustration.
If I had to give the same information to one more person, I was going to jump out of my skin.
I know I was not being kind to them. I was also not being kind to ME.
As I hung up the phone, still awaiting a resolution, an email message popped in from Barbara Brodsky, about the Dharma Path homework for this two weeks:
“I’m challenging all of you, as well. Where are you spinning in circles? Why? Here is the sacred darkness, but you can’t take it as sacred because there’s so much fear of it. You have to stop, as I was forced to stop in that snow cave of the avalanche. Trapped, knowing, yes, I still could die here. Who knows what will happen. I had tools to survive, but that was no guarantee of survival. More important, I could not help the people that I was pledged to help, at least not at that point. I had to just stop and survive in the cave. Dig and meditate, and dig and meditate, and dig and meditate, until I could overcome the old habits of fear; of trying to push the stone up the hill and make it stay there. To realize, to remember it’s all impermanent. Take it one step at a time, with an open heart. See where you are. See what the next step might be. Do it with love. And if it’s not effective, stop and meditate again, and see what a different step might be.”
I wrote back to Barbara: “Do you think the 8 hours I have spent on the phone with Comcast trying to get an issue with my domain cleared counts????”
Barbara wrote back to me: “Aaron is smiling and asks, ‘What did you learn?'”
This morning I wrote in my journal about an email exchange I had with Roann (one of my Dharma Sisters) following our Zoom gathering at which I shared my frustration and cried.
I was very tired and feeling sad last night when I attended my online two-year intensive. One of the women wrote to me afterwards. “Where do you allow for protection of yourself, where you’re not a ‘doormat’ for everyone else’s tsuris (trouble or woes)? Or maybe you want to be in that position and play that role. If you weren’t available to everyone and their mothers uncle… Who would you be? If you didn’t put on the apron in the kitchen, what would happen?”
I wrote back in my journal:
D: You know my heart. I put on the apron in the kitchen because it is a joy to serve. Like rinsing out the coffee pot for Pat on retreat. Easy to do. The state of darkness is not about that. What am I feeling?
V: You are appropriately feeling grief. Yes, you are also knowing your helplessness but you are aware nothing you are going through is permanent. The unkindness (being hostile, rude, short-tempered) doesn’t bother you because you are in an “I shouldn’t be feeling this” mode. You know who you are and the unkindness bothers you because it feels awful. Some people have no baseline for feeling freedom and peace. You have that. Since Friday you have spent many hours on the phone with Comcast without access to this natural state of openness. That causes grief.
I have just spent another hour on the phone. This time with a woman who works security at the back end for the company that hosts our website.
I dialed Comcast again. I am going to take it one step at a time, with an open heart.
Aaron says, “See where you are. See what the next step might be. Do it with love. And if it’s not effective, stop and meditate again, and see what a different step might be.”
Welcoming prayers and energy holding….
P.S. In case you are wondering, I also spent time on a text chat with Comcast, and they offered me a $5 credit off my bill because I have been inconvenienced. Then I called the number the text chat gave me and was told an open ticket is already in process, so I just need to wait until they resolve the issue and someone will call me. Now I am at the office using the WiFi there to post this.
By Debra Basham, on October 14, 2019 For those who believe, no words are necessary.
For those who do not believe, no words are possible.
~Attributed to Saint Ignatius in Think of an Elephant : Combining Science and Spirituality for a Better Life (2007) by Paul Bailey, but earlier attributed to Franz Werfel, Philippine Studies (1953) by Ateneo de Manila, p. 269; also in Everest : The Mountaineering History (2000) by Walt Unsworth, p. 100.
I spent October 6-13, 2019 at a Deep Spring meditation retreat at Oakwood Retreat Center in Selma, Indiana. Great advice on how to respond to the question if you had a good retreat is to simply smile and say, “It was Divine.”
Truly, for those who have a practice of Vipassana (mindfulness), no words are necessary. For folks who admit to being terrified by the mere mention of seven days and seven nights of silence there are no words possible to describe the depth of experience.
This is from the Deep Spring website: A meditation retreat is a wonderful opportunity to experience our own inner being while sharing in the support of others. Mindfulness throughout the day will be a focus, with alternating periods of sitting and walking practice. The retreat will be held in silence, free of conversational talking. This kind of retreat may not be appropriate for all people. If you have concerns about your emotional stability under the pressures of a deeply introspective meditation experience, please discuss your concerns prior to registering.
More specifically, this was our week’s schedule: First sitting 6:30 am. Breakfast at 7:30 am. 8:45 instruction and sitting. 10:15 walking meditation. 11:00 am sitting. Noon lunch. 2:00 sitting. 2:45 walking meditation. 4:15 various afternoon programming. 5:15 dinner. 6:30 pm evening sitting. 7:15 dharma talk. 8:30 final sitting. 9:00 rest. (It is almost incomprehensible that one could lie awake staring into the darkness much of the night after such full days, but we often did.)
The theme of this retreat was experiencing light within the darkness. Sunrises were exquisite!
We were guided to stay present with the aversion or dislike, the wanting to escape. You can hold attention skillfully with openness of heart. Being present with kind attention, you are including everything in your experience.
It was easy to see beauty within destruction on the Oakwood campus because they sustained severe wind damage a few weeks ago. The bridge between the meditation hall and the teaching space was roped off, but brave meditators ducked under the “CAUTION” tape and gingerly tiptoed across to the other side.
Breath-taking beauty resulted from branches having been cut off a pine tree.
Perhaps it is true that beauty grows up through the cracks of our pain.
People came to this retreat with genuine human burdens: incurable cancer, Alzheimer’s disease, history of abuse, addiction, loneliness, anger, sadness, grief, physical pain.
And we each sat with what we brought…. sitting in meditation is done for relief for all sentient beings.
Pain. Unpleasant. Fear.
We were instructed to understand the difference between armoring and shielding. It is very appropriate to shield. We appropriately shield without moving into a place of armoring. Shielding with physical pain might mean applying some arnica cream or taking an aspirin.
The armor does not just appear. There is a feeling ‘unsafe.’ There is a wanting to armor. There is a wanting to feel safe. There are stories made up.
On Tuesday morning I noticed I had been gently rocking back and forth as I sat in the instruction periods. I vividly remembered having done that often as a child, and even into my adulthood, to comfort myself.
“Hindrances come as stepping stones to awakenings,” our teachers assured us.
The Buddha said, “It it were not possible, I would not ask you to do it.”
I reflected about so many of the attendees sharing deep agony of their habit patterns of self-loathing and self-criticism. I wrote in my journal: Perfection is present in every stage. The perfection of an infant only capable of lying and being held. The perfection of a toddler beginning to walk. A preschooler running with abandon. Teenagers active with hormones raging. A mother walking a child to the bus. A grandmother being helped to walk down the street. Every age has its inherent beauty.
I was given this focus for my practice: “You love so deeply. You support so many. But you often ask, ‘Did I do enough? Could I have done more?’Spend this week really feeling what it is to truly cherish yourself. You are enough. Cherish yourself.”
Thursday afternoon we had darshan with the Mother. There were very few words spoken. I wrote these down.
What if there were no right or wrong?
You are loved. You don’t have to earn that love.
You carry family karma. You did not cause it, but you must tend to it because you carry it.
I wrote in my journal: I set my intention for total relief of the karma of sexual guilt.
People found ways to skillfully process the heavy emotions. Like this art on the table in the dining hall:
I wrote a haiku.
Shadow Haiku
Stink bug in window
Its shadow toys with my mind
Are there one or two?
Who leads? Who follows?
Shadow looms larger than life
Illusion brings fear
Lips curl in a smile
Such games the light plays with me
I let myself play
Bees buzz and birds fly
Butterflies flit and then land
So brief their sweet lives
Does some distant God
Watch with curiosity
As I move through life
Perhaps we are all
Light and shadow just dancing
Nothing ever dies
Debra Basham
10/08/2019
Oakwood Retreat
I wrote “Am I Enlightened” and shared it at the campfire when we were invited to share about our week:
Am I Enlightened?
Many people have said I’m the most enlightened human being they’ve met. I don’t know what enlightenment is.
Am I enlightened because I think to close the door softly when my roommate is sleeping? Or when I pick up a piece of trash remembering the day the sheet of paper was sucked off the front seat of my van while I was driving on the highway leaving me with no way to retrieve it?
Am I enlightened when I taste the soil and the sun, and the sweat from the hands of the laborer, and the smoke from the cigarette held by the yellow-stained fingers of the delivery man on the bread I toasted dark brown and slathered with jam?
Am I enlightened because I celebrate like a 2-year-old every time I poop? Am I enlightened because I find no satisfaction in getting even or getting done?
Am I enlightened because I have felt a baby’s birth and an elder’s death and I know they are the same?
Am I enlightened because I crawl into bed at night saying, “I love my bed,” humbled knowing based on national reports, it’s estimated that no less than 150 million people, or about 2 percent of the world’s population, are homeless, and about 1.6 billion, more than 20 percent of the world’s population, may lack adequate housing?
Am I enlightened because unloading silverware from the dishwasher and putting it into the drawer, I hear the bell that rings calling us to meditation when I am on retreat?
Am I enlightened because I remember I am walking on the home of ants and moths and moles as I walk across the grass still wet from the morning dew?
Am I enlightened because I heard Ella tell me hers was a perfect incarnation for someone who desired to feel loved and wanted every second of their life as I was making the hour drive to be at the hospital to baptize her knowing a baby born with anencephaly might be stillborn or survive only a few hours to a few days after birth?
Am I enlightened? I do not say I am for I know wisdom and kindness and ignorance and cruelty and I know I am none other than All That Is.
Debra Basham
10-11-2019
Oakwood Retreat
By Debra Basham, on October 1, 2019 This past Saturday night our daughter Stacey and her husband hosted a Bon Voyage-Slushy Party. Approximately 75 friends and family feasted on Doug’s pulled pork, beef brisket, and homemade Granny’s BBQ sauce.
Here is the crew starting to pull the pork:
Here is the morning after in the back yard, with barely any evidence of the partying that happened the night before:
Doug’s smoker has been sold, and regular readers of this blog know Stacey and Doug are about to pull up anchor and go on an adventure.
One question was asked of me sooooooo many times over the evening. “Are you afraid?” If I were the one going on this trip, I would be afraid. I am not afraid for Stacey or Doug.
The following is scheduled to be published in our local paper on Saturday, but many more readers have access to this blog so I am sharing it early.
Living Your Dreams
On October 3, 2019, our daughter, Stacey, turns 53 years old.
Four days later, she and her husband, Doug, are scheduled to be dropped off at a marina in Paris Landing, Kentucky. They plan to motor their 34-foot sailboat down to the Gulf of Mexico, sail across the Gulf of Mexico, sail around the Florida Keys, and then sail on to the British Virgin Islands where they will live on the boat for the next year or more.
They have spent over three years totally reconditioning the boat. This past April, they renamed her Lady Gail after our son-in-law’s mother. Our daughter never met her, but Gail lives on in Doug’s dream.
On October 7, 1919—exactly 100 years to the day before their planned departure date—Stacey’s paternal grandfather was born. Doug never met him, but Grandpa B too lives on in their dream.
During the ceremony to rename the boat, our grandson, Brad, and my husband, John, played guitar and sang along with our granddaughter, Courtney. The song, “Save Some Time to Dream,” by John Mellencamp, was a surprise.
The message of the song is powerful. Could it be that this is all there is? Could it be there’s nothing more at all? Save some time to dream. ‘Cause your dream could save us all.
Stacey cried. So did I.
A few years ago, Doug was diagnosed with atrial fibrillation (also called AFib or AF), a quivering or irregular heartbeat (arrhythmia) that can lead to blood clots, stroke, heart failure, and other heart-related complications. At least 2.7 million Americans are living with AFib.
This sailing adventure is major. It was scheduled for last year, but Doug ended up needing a major surgical procedure on his heart. Two cardiovascular surgeons worked simultaneously to perform an inside-outside cardiac ablation. We are so grateful it was totally successful!
So many people give up on their dreams.
A handwritten note with a quotation from Traveling with Pomegranates: A Mother and Daughter Journey, by New York Times bestselling author, Sue Monk Kidd, and her daughter, Ann Kidd Taylor, hangs on the side of my computer: “This is a really good idea. Before you dismiss it, remember how you felt when it came to you.”
Someone told Stacey she must really love sailing to do this. Stacey said, “Not really, but Doug really loves sailing, and I really love Doug.”
A plaque with the words of Mark Twain hangs in Lady Gail’s galley: Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do, so throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
Dr. Wayne W. Dyer, inspirational writer and teacher, said, “Don’t die with your music still in you.”
Stacey and Doug’s living their dream encourages us all to live our dreams. During the time they are gone, I expect I will journal more about my experience of their being gone. It is so very tender.
Doug’s father lost a toe, a foot, and a leg last year—the result of a cut cuticle in a pedicure that could not heal due to diabetes.
This year, Stacey’s dad is working through some health stuff.
None of us are spring chickens. But we are all so proud of them.
So many people give up on their dreams.
Jana Stanfield sings:
What would I do if I knew that I could not fail
If I believed would the wind always fill up my sail
How far would I go, what could I achieve /Trusting the hero in me
If I were brave I’d walk the razor’s edge
Where fools and dreamers dare to tread
Never lose faith, even when losing my way
What step would I take today if I were brave
What would I do today if I were brave
What if we’re all meant to do what we secretly dream
What would you ask if you knew you could have anything
Like the mighty oak sleeps in the heart of a seed
Are there miracles in you and me
If I refuse to listen to the voice of fear
Would the voice of courage whisper in my ear
What would I do today if I were brave
In “Save Some Time to Dream” Mellencamp cautions not to let your time slip away. A man we met in Florida told us how wise Stacey and Doug are to do go on this trip now while they are young and strong enough. This friend had intended to take a very similar voyage to the one Stacey and Doug have planned. He waited until after he retired, but then his health prevented him from being able to sail. This past year, he sold his boat.
Stacey and Doug anticipate having to go back to work after this trip. And even if their time away might delay formal retirement, living their dream is worth it.
If you can refuse to listen to the voice of fear, what dream still lives in your heart?
Could it be that this is all there is? Could it be there’s nothing more at all? Save some time to dream. ‘Cause your dream could save us all.
By Debra Basham, on September 20, 2019 Aaron Daily Quote
Everybody wants to be safe and comfortable.
For most of you, your habitual pattern around being safe and comfortable
is to move into a control mode.
And so you try to think it out and plan it out
and get it perfect
and then rehash the plans
and see if they can be better.
You don’t know how to let go.
You can’t let go because you cannot yet recognize,
‘This controlling voice is simply fear.’
But it is recognizable if you pay attention.
As soon as there’s a contraction
and the mind starts spinning out the plans,
please just note, ‘Ah, fear is here.’
During this second year of our Path of Clear Light study group, we are working with sacred darkness. Think terms, ‘dark night of the soul’ or ‘shadow’ work.
Aaron opened with a couple of extended guided meditations. The first was a narrow bridge over a raging water fall below. We were in a harness but when we got to the middle of the bridge our direction was to allow ourselves to fall! The belief is/was that the harness would catch us, keeping us safe, ultimately preventing us from falling to our death. Fear was so present for this one who does not swim.
The second scenario is/was sleeping in a cave in the pitch black. We were to spend some time each day in these metaphors, allowing ourselves to feel the fear.
At the conclusion of the talk, when Aaron opened for questions, I shared that I love sleeping in darkness. I put a pair of socks over the little blue light on the cable box when I go to bed at night. I asked if that metaphor work for me if I was not afraid of the dark.
One of the other students sent me a private message on the Zoom format, “There is mold in the cave.”
How brilliant! We are always closer to those habit patterns of fear than we notice.
In my journal I wrote that I was aware of fear around the mold remediation insurance claim having been paid at more than the actual remediation cost. I had reached out to the adjuster about that, but it was not resolved. What is/was that fear? I know I don’t have to be fearful about not being able to pay it back if I had to.
I was able to see that it had to do with feeling out of integrity with the vow to not take what is not freely given.
Fear:
I am bad
I will be punished
I will lose face
I have a flash of a past life in which I was shunned. We were a dark-skinned people.
I see the fear that I could be fined, or that our coverage could be cancelled.
I see how vulnerable that habit energy makes me feel. I recall the 8 worldly dharmas (also called concerns or preoccupations): pleasure and pain; gain and loss; praise and blame; fame and ill repute. Oh, my….
Journal entry:
V: You are aware of your habit pattern of wanting to be right. How might that have fueled your fear?
D: Well, certainly right or wrong (duality) pulls a heavy weight. Notice what the odds are that you will be wrong if there is only one right answer/choice/conclusion. EVERYTHING ELSE IS WRONG.
V: Doesn’t seem likely in something as unfathomably enormous as life, does it….
D: So if it is not a matter of right or wrong, how do I best think about it?
V: You know about wholesome and unwholesome. You know about skillful and unskillful. What do you think those mean?
D: These seem to be part of clarity, wisdom, and kindness; taking into account all needs/desires/outcomes.
V: Exactly. You are certainly seeing now how much highest purpose plays a role. If your highest purpose is to love/peace/clarity, many options open up. It isn’t about not having mundane purposes as well. In those times of inner conflict or just not being totally sure, you can rest easily within your highest purpose.
D: We are all connected. Love is the glue!
What a beautiful reminder that we are all dancing in the darkness.
P.S. Updating you on the previous post’s plumbing predicament, more mold was found! A second leak occurred (a chain-reaction to the first break) and in the need to get the belly of the mobile home dried out, PuroClean found a 4×4 board covered with black mold. That was able to be removed. We are so grateful for the miraculous mayhem. The results truly are in the hands of the divine!
By Debra Basham, on September 12, 2019 Years ago I worked in a department store that had a pretty large jewelry section. Every time there was a chain with knots (and there were always chains with knots) I was the one who was given the job of de-tangling. I became really good at it.
I am doing that right now as I am looking at the threads of events that have brought me here now.
Many more threads were raveling before the one on which I was riding my bike and noticed a garage sale with a double sink. I rode right on by. I did not need a double sink.
The following day the sink was by the side of the road with a sign on it: FREE.
The sign said it was a great sink, that they had just remodeled.
I rode my bike home and then drove my van back to get the sink. I thought it might be able to be cut in half. If not, I would just take it to our local Habit for Humanity ReStore where they sell donated home goods and use the funds to finance home builds.
The good news is the sink was able to be cut in half, and my neighbor said he wanted the other half. Woohoo!
So during the installation process, the removal of the old countertop and sink resulted in a snapped hose fitting, and a cracked water pipe under our mobile home. Not only did the bathroom floor get flooded, but the underneath of our mobile home is wet now too.
Have you been following my summer of mold????
My center of peace was shut as quickly and as tight as our water main….
I grabbed the only deck of cards handy on the counter in my office. Osho Transformational Tarot. The card I drew was #53-Play.
Play??? You’ve got to be kidding. How could that fit?
When I got to this line, my pulse began to slow. “The result of your activity is in the hands of the Divine, you simply do.”
Mind you, this is all unfolding right at this moment as my fingers are on the keyboard generating this post.
I thought the mold remediation mayhem had all been taken in stride, but the residual fear flared sky high with this plumbing predicament.
But the context of these words of advice in the Osho Tarot was unique: war.
War is the most serious affair. You cannot be playful about it, because lives are involved, millions of lives are involved—you cannot be playful.
And Krishna insists that even there you have to be playful.
You don’t think about what will happen in the end, you just be here and now. You just be a warrior, playing.
Don’t get worried about the result because the result is in the hands of the Divine.
And it is not even the point if the result is in the hands of the Divine or not—the point is that it should not be in your hands, you should not carry it. If you carry it then your life cannot become meditative.
I think I am going to make this my new mantra…. the result is in the hands of the Divine.
By Debra Basham, on September 6, 2019 One morning I photographed an amazing web wet with the morning dew. Later that evening, I mentioned the web while at dinner with friends. My one friend grimaced, said she hated spiders, and since dinner was in the home of our mutual friend, who was also desirous for our dear friend’s fears to be gone, I launched into the process of doing a Fast Phobia Cure. The process ended with a significant statement by my friend, “I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to spend my evening feeling anxious. I want to enjoy our time together.”
“Nature’s Ways” is the name of my October Beyond Mastery Newsletter article, and it extols the skills of spiders as metaphor for life. I also have a previously post about spider’s and karma, so I won’t go into that now. But I have been reflecting this week on my desire to help my friend overcome the phobia of spiders.
Oops…. I made a mistake. I wanted something she did not want. It was not respectful to push. We often walk the tangled web of desiring for another something the other is not desirous of. The following morning, I wrote this poem:
Remembrance
Dew wet the grass
then the rains came
will the sun come again?
This dance of despair
familiar like an old pair of shoes
but far from pleasant!
One more time
I recall that you may not remember
the years of faithful tending.
Tending the garden
removing weeds of sorrow
so buds could grow again.
Pulling the deep roots
of delusion
exposing healthy bulbs below.
New sprouts of hopefulness
peeking out from the soil
rich, pungent, ready for life.
Once I was caught in the underbrush
too fearful to let go
yet not willing to open to the light.
Like a seed
fear must be buried
before reemerging transformed.
Perhaps I can remember
for you too
as new life comes into view.
09-03-2019
Tangled webs are woven of fear. My feelings of sadness hanging in the air were tangled webs. My feelings of remorse were more tangled webs. My mulling over and over thinking and wishing things could have or should have been different—tangled webs.
On June 17, 1999, I wrote An Ode to Letting Go.
An Ode to Letting Go
I will not look back at our time together and see it all as bad. I will have the courage to call it all good – our coming together and our coming apart. I will honor your memory by remembering the growth that our relationship inspired. I will not insult either of us by insisting that it could have, should have, or would have been different. It was as it was. I will use this experience to affirm the beliefs I wish to guide my life by; All things work together for good. You are free. I am free. Be with your life lightly as I am with my own. Take not from here a false belief that you or I are less than what you are: a child of the universe, whole, holy, and loveable. Be tender with yourself as you make this adjustment, just as you would be tender with a body part as it heals. Look into the mirror often and recall the truth – I once loved you deeply. Though the feelings have waned as the moon – your worthiness (as my own) has neither diminished nor dissipated. I will always honor your memory. I will always cherish your soul. Go in peace. Live, grow, heal, and continue on your journey. For this time of our being together has ended but the ties that bind our hearts in love continue – even as the love at the center of all of life continues to hold us and guide us and heal us. Amen.
I cannot even recall now what the 1999 trigger for this writing was, but today, I know that what I am letting go is the weaving of tangled webs….
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