It has been three years since I first watched the film Cloud Atlas, yet, after watching it again this week my fingers move over the keys trying to create an outlet for my unspeakable emotions. I confess that the watching did not cause my emotions, but it has amplified feelings long buried within my psyche.
If you, like me, need a refresher about the film, you can access that September 2013 blog post:”Answer the Call.”
The timing of this watching (and the depth of emotions) might be amplified by current events. One friend is dancing on the edge of duress anticipating a double mastectomy on Tuesday. Another friend has just received a diagnosis of leukemia for her young son.
A few days ago when I opened The 50 Miracle Principles of A Course in Miracles, by Kenneth Wapnick, Ph.D., I read these words: Just as the body cannot be healed because the body was never sick, the body cannot rise from the dead because the body never died.
If you are new to the Course, it is important to understand that a core premise is that the world as we experience it is a delusion of the mind. In Indian teachings, this is called illusion, or Māyā. A simple way to think about it is to notice how a state of impermanence permeates everything in our experience. According to Wikipedia, “that which exists, but is constantly changing and thus is spiritually unreal.”
Martin L. Rossman, M.D., addresses faith healing, placebo effects, and imagery in Healing Yourself: A Step-by-Step Program for Better Health Through Imagery. Rossman writes of meeting Edna, who had been refusing medical treatment, saying that Jesus was going to heal her. He asked her how she communicated with Jesus, and then suggested she ask Jesus to heal her in the next six weeks, agreeing to tests at that time, and to treatment, if necessary.
Six weeks later she returned. The examination and the tests showed nothing abnormal!
Whatever it is that allows some people to regain health after encountering a serious diagnosis, it is undeniable: our mind, body, spirit, and emotions are interwoven.
I sent my friend this dentist skit where Tim Conway is the would-be dentist and Harvey Korman is the patient. Every time I watch it, I laugh so hard my stomach aches.
I also sent Red Skelton and Carol Burnett, and suggested she search for “Babies laughing at dogs.” I told her to watch and laugh for half an hour, then go to bed with her sweet puppy dog. It feels wonderful to laugh. We probably all need to laugh more. And pets are sooooo healing! These are important things to remember.
And it is vitally important to know we have help. My friend/colleague Dr. Douglas Busby just released his new book Spiritual Healing: Help from the Spirit World. Doug will be signing books at a talk on Sunday, November 13, 2016, at 3:30 pm, here in St. Joseph. Let me know if you are interested in attending.
For sure, it helps to remember nothing lasts forever, and what’s more, everything is nothing, including you and me.
We live in an illusion and the appearance of things.
There is a reality. You are that reality.
When you understand this, you see that you are nothing,
and being nothing, you are everything. That is all.
~ Kalu Rinpoche
Life is wonderFULL. Some days and some times of our lives are definitely more full than others.
Today is the one year anniversary of my mother-in-law’s transition. I’ve written about her passing in Musings from an Estate Sale, and spoken about it in Celebrations of Life, a talk given at Unity by the Lakeshore the morning after the final day of the estate sale.
One week ago today, I had the honor of giving the eulogy for John’s Aunt Nor.
Yesterday, I sat with my beloved sister as she supported their sweet cat, Sally, in crossing the Rainbow Bridge.
As much as I try to not write so much about life and death, it is life after death keeps calling my fingers to the keyboard.
You may appreciate a reminder of our seeing the boat named Miss Ellie on the highway as we drove home from the first Basham Family Reunion without John’s mom with us in body. Miss Ellie is the nickname given to my mother-in-law by another of her daughters-in-law, Cindy.
This morning, I opened my email to a Quotation for the day from David Bloyd. “Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.” According to David, the author of this quotation found on marcandangel.com, is unknown. Known or unknown, the writer has spoken a powerful reality.
A bit before noon yesterday I drove my sister and her precious kitty companion to the vet. Janis’ husband, Larry, was working. The regular vet was on vacation, but they had someone filling in. The vet who saw us was a young woman. As she was in that room with us, her own story came out. One month ago, she had to put her dog down. She had loved that dog for ten years. She, too, had waited so long the injection had to go into the heart. She fought her tears, gave us hugs, and shared her own tender experiences, Janis and I agreed Sally’s needing support to complete her transition may have been as much about that tender-hearted vet as it was about Sally and the two of us.
The threads of our lives are connected…. We can appreciate that truth.
Sally had come to my brother-in-law’s art studio over 16 years earlier. Sally’s ears and tail were bare of hair—having been sheered by frostbite. We can endure painful experiences in life. A month of Larry’s consistent and compassionate feeding resulted in this former feral’s finally coming inside where it was warm. Sally became a studio cat, and she has been a studio cat since that day…. Not one time during the next decade and a half did an open door or window tempt her away from her place of warmth and love. She had been there and done that!
Today, I will ride my bike to yoga class in the autumn sun.
You can appreciate the truth. As J.K. Rowling wrote in Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, “The ones who love us never really leave us, you can always find them in here.”
Working on a yoga video with my friend Kathy Zerler, is a labor of love. We took a shot of her in a great Downward Facing Dog, only to find ourselves critical of the way the back of her shirt was bunched up on the nape of her neck.
Sending the photo to my brother-in-love, Larry, I asked, “Are you able to fix this?”
Here is the improved version!
I told Larry how much I appreciated the additional details he attended to. He fixed the place where her shirt was hiked up on her back, removed a seam in the wall, straightened the corner, took out some wrinkles on her behind, tightened the little sag in her tummy area, and softened a few wrinkles in her feet and hands. He warmed the tone some, too, because the light in that room gives off a cool hue. Amazing….
As I write this, my heart is still processing the tender joys of officiating at the wedding of my elder grandson, Brad, and his beautiful bride, Christina. That same attention to detail went into everything about the wedding and reception. So many people contributed to the perfection of their event. From the homemade ravioli, sweet treats, savory pretzels, pulled pork with all the fixin’s. Giving of our best was the theme.
I will probably dedicate another post to what all of that wedding meant to me. For now, I am just noticing what happens when we have an eye for details and an intention to do whatever we can to create even more beauty than was initially there. Thank you, Larry, for the artwork, and the lesson!
Larry is an amazing artist. His business name is Britton Artworks. Let me know if you would like his contact information…
No doubt you have heard the phrase be careful what you ask for. The idea is that you will get it. This truth has so clearly come to me this week, I see myself as an unwitting mystic, and I am mostly grateful. (LOL)
I have a family member who has not demonstrated good money managing skills. He recently inherited a sum of money rather large for his standard of life. Within a couple of weeks, many thousands of dollars were gone. Mostly, he was able to justify the spending choices he made, such as paying delinquent debts. However, undeniably still financially vulnerable moving forward, he agreed to go to a financial counselor at a local bank to create a workable life plan. I offered to go with him. That happened. I left the bank with three hundred dollars (cash) to hang on to for him for an upcoming trip.
Three days later, he called asking me for some of that money.
“What do you need the money for?” I asked. I agreed what he was asking funds for was a legitimate expense, but based on the meeting at the bank, I also knew he had earned some money two days previously. “You did a job two days ago. Where is that money?”
“I bought an exercise bike. I have wanted one for a long time.” His response set off a reaction in me. I was launched into a conditioned pattern: I expressed my disappointment in his choice and clarified what he had agreed to. He also launched into a conditioned pattern: He justified his behavior and claimed his freedom to choose.
The light went on!
This interaction was perfect given my soul’s intention: I choose to trust life. I choose to see others as capable. I choose to remember we learn by what works and by what does not work. I choose to love, forgive, and enhance my awareness. The conditioned life is not Divine Love!
The previous night I had heard Mary Reed, author of Unwitting Mystic, speak about the history of our conditioned life. We have all lived in fear. We have all tried to control other people’s behavior under the guise of protecting them. Mary lifts up the true nature of unconditional love. She said the most significant question each of us makes is whether or not we are willing to move beyond the conditioning so we can enjoy that.
It cannot be that one individual can become enlightened and nothing else be changed. I know we are all a part of the collective. My consciousness matters. A few hours before his phone call asking for the money, I had written in my journal about my own willingness to release conditioning and live unconditional love.
This encounter with him about the money worked perfectly as a test to my willingness. Could I in these circumstances honor my own experience without focus on him and what he did? With some breathing, and some clarifying of my own sacred intention, that soon was happening.
I sent him a text message: “I apologize for expressing disagreement with your choices for your life. It really is not any of my business. I appreciate the opportunity to more deeply choose to live in unconditional love…”
Even so, my mind ruminated about these events before finding a landing place more free of judgment of both of us.
In her talk, Mary gave an example of how fear and judgment and anger and blame and frustration function like a thread between us that gets all wound up. As we move around, telling others about the events of our lives, we are bound up in ancient conflict energy. She says you can earnestly go within and own everything you feel and get to a place of forgiveness of yourself (the way you have seen things, and your actions). As you bask in this forgiveness of yourself, that thread of conflict energy begins to fall away from you. As it falls away from you, it must also fall away from the other because you are not feeding this conditioned state.
Mary has spent time with the Dalai Lama. If you would be blessed by listening, you will find her story very riveting. After taking 97 prescription pills in a suicide attempt and waking up two days later, Mary surrendered her ego. She has lived some pretty intense experiences on her road to mysticism. Appreciating my own gentler path of reading and studying and learning from others experiences…
It is Labor Day Weekend. For everyone here in Michigan, public schools are starting next week. The weather has taken a turn toward the cool, and the prairies are looking quite like autumn. Change is palpable….
As I sit at my desk, looking out over the back yard, working at the keyboard, Hummingbirds are chasing one another away from the feeder. Even a bee is joining in with this game, each claiming territory and working hard to maintain it.
I just watched a very interesting 5 minute video. A roomful of people were discussing how each felt some bias against other nationalities. These individuals were then each asked to undergo a DNA test. The results were quite shocking and rather life-changing…
That we belong to one another is not a surprise to those with a spiritual leaning. That is why my email signature line is a quotation by Mother Teresa: “If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.” Our connection comes as no surprise to scientists either. The evidence has proven we actually all have more in common than we ever imagined.
Although scientists have long recognised that, despite physical differences, all human populations are genetically similar, the new work concludes that populations from different parts of the world share even more genetic similarities than previously assumed.
All humans are 99.9 per cent identical and, of that tiny 0.1 per cent difference, 94 per cent of the variation is among individuals from the same populations and only six per cent between individuals from different populations.
Bertrand Russell says, “There is no reason to suppose that the world had a beginning at all. The idea that things must have a beginning is really due to the poverty of our thoughts.” Possibly, it is this same poverty of our thoughts that had allowed people to think any group was superior and/or any other group was inferior. Perhaps as science and spirituality shine new perspectives on the same truth, humans may find it is easy now to feel our connections to one another and to all sentient beings.
We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection.
Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them – we can only love others as much as we love ourselves.
Shame, blame, disrespect, betrayal, and the withholding of affection damage the roots from which love grows. Love can only survive these injuries if they are acknowledged, healed and rare.
Yes, if everyone just had that DNA test done, you would have proof of the truth. School is starting. The season is changing. This is the time to embrace who we really are…
“I am always doing that which I cannot do,
in order that I may learn how to do it.”
~ Pablo Picasso
Some days—more than others—you are aware how connected we all are.
My dear friends/colleagues and I are experiencing palpable loss and questioning around changes with regards to massage therapy services provided by our local hospice organization. We value these therapies. The massage therapist was the one person on her hospice care team who knew when my mother-in-law had begun her active transition in October of 2015. The nurse was caught off guard, but Marjie was not.
As my heart finds relief through my fingers on the keyboard, a lot is happening.
Carol is driving three hours to check on her son. He has experienced alcohol addiction, and has not been going to work or answering his phone.
Claudia is doing her best to support herself and her husband, Wayne, as they deal with the day-to-day experiences of his Alzheimer’s.
Another friend is navigating misunderstanding and fears around her psychosis-like symptoms, most likely related to a kundalini awakening.
During my inner time this morning, holding all of this in my heart, I asked, “What is real about all of this, and what would Spirit have us know?”
We may claim that something means little to us when, in fact it means a great deal. The situation needs to be handled with care. This is the time to call upon Honesty for aid!
Faeries Oracle Card
# 40 Honesty
Reminds us not only to be clear in what we say and do, but also to act and speak with compassion and tact. Dishonesty, even in the name of tact, is not helpful.
~~~~
How does this situation get redeemed? I can barely hold it in my heart, it is so painful. Knowing how valuable Marjie’s massage therapy was for John’s mom; seeing the loss, but knowing it is important to not activate the drama triangle.
Thoughts of the Old Testament story about Joseph and the coat of many colors pops into mind. Joseph’s brothers, smitten with jealousy, sold him into slavery. Years later, desperate to buy grain, the brothers come face-to-face with Joseph. Joseph is now second in command to the Pharaoh, and in charge of the supplies. The brothers feared for their lives! But, Joseph was not vindictive. He was conscious of the bigger picture. The proof of Joseph’s world view is demonstrated by him telling his brothers, “You meant it for ill, but God meant it for good.”
Zen Osho Tarot
Knight of Water
Trust
When we take trust to the level of the quantum leap, we don’t make any elaborate plans or preparations… No, we just jump, with hardly a thought of what happens next.
Trust life. With trust, something immense opens up.
You are not deceived; there is nothing that can be taken away from you… You cannot lose your real treasure.
~~~~
I have wondered before if this is about offering massage therapy house calls for critically/chronically ill as private pay. This might just be a step away from dependency on insurance. For sure, the insurance industry has been problematic for our society. It has not been financially good for doctors. It has not been mentally good for patients who have lost touch with self-responsibility as an employer paid premiums and an insurance company paid charges. Might this current chaos have a good long-term outcome, as with Joseph all those years ago?
What would spirit have us know about all of that?
Angelic Messenger Cards
# 39 Cooperation
A Nourishment Card
Cooperation between your feelings and your body create physical health and feelings of happiness and fulfillment. Cooperation among your feelings, your body, and your spirit give you the ability to experience the grace of God as love and to interpret the energy of love as the guidance you seek. The spiritual energy of love is arising from the divine Presence and raises you to the status of inspired mortal and wise healer of other living things.
~~~~
I don’t know how everything is going to unfold in all of these situations. We do know we can choose how we view LIFE. For example, Abraham Hicks’ take on Alzheimer’s. Listening to that may bless you, too.
In the meantime, remember the truth: We truly are, as Ram Dass says, all just walking each other home.
Today, I am attended the baptism of a young friend. Jeremy Charles is delightful!
Jeremy’s Yaya is one of my dear friends, and I am so moved by her deep love and delight in him. He is thriving in the environment of her love, and I am thrilled for them to have found a spiritual community that welcomes and loves them.
I confess to having some reservations about the traditional language often used in Christian Baptism, with a focus on the ritual as necessary because of “original sin.”
Last December I wrote a contemporary ritual of infant baptism:
Life is not immortal only for Christians. Immortal life for Christians is known through the Christ but it is not limited to any single religious path. In the traditions of the world religions this nature of the more of life beyond the body is common. Life goes on. To the Christian it is immortal life in Christ. To the Native Indian, to the Buddhist, to the indigenous peoples around the planet, it is expressed in different ways. But the fact that it is expressed in different ways does not mean that the reality is different.
Life springs from that which is eternal and life is created in the image and likeness of that which is source to all of life. That image and likeness we are created in is spirit and spirit is eternal.
In Roadside Assistance for the Spiritual Traveler, Rabbi Rami Shapiro, writes: “Where does an ice cube go in a tub of warm water? You are the cube, God is the water. For a while you seem separate from the water, but eventually you melt – you die – and discover that you, too, are water. Have fun being a cube; just don’t forget that all cubes are water, and everything is God.”
Baptism is a recognition of the true nature of our existence. We are part of that stream of eternal life. We come from God, and we return to God. We exist before birth, we exist after death. We ARE that I AM.
Baptism has power, it is affirmative, it is positive. It is the most precious gift of God and comes to us because we seek first the kingdom of God, because that kingdom is our true home.
In the September 2016 Beyond Mastery Newsletter, I share this quotation from a talk Pope Francis gave in Poland that was recently reported in our local newspaper: “People may judge you to be dreamers, because you believe in a new humanity, one that rejects hatred between peoples, one that refuses to see borders as barriers and can cherish it’s own traditions without being self-centered or small-minded.”
The inspiration for the video came from a story Yaya shared with me recently. She and Jeremy had been talking, and he told her she was in his heart and he was in her heart. A few days later, driving past my new office, Jeremy announced, “That’s Debra’s office.”
Yaya was amazed. Jeremy had only been to that office once, briefly, weeks earlier. She asked him, “How do you remember where Debra’s office is when you have only been there one time?”
His precious response: “Because Debra is in my heart and I am in Debra’s heart.”
You certainly are in my heart, Jeremy Charles, and I am honored to be in yours. And as our beloved puppet friend shares with you in this video, we are all also in God’s heart. We always have been. We always will be. That is just the truth about God.
This post was started a couple of days ago as a tender musing around Wednesday evening’s passing of my dear friend’s 42 year old son. Out in the field, watering his beloved drought-stressed trees with his father, Kalvin was stung by a bee or wasp. Known to be very allergic, Kalvin hopped in the truck and took off to the house to get his epi pen. He made it to the house, and he used his pen, but it was too late. His father, having had to walk in from the field, found Kalvin unconscious on the kitchen floor. They tried to revive him, but he was pronounced dead at the hospital.
Wednesday, at 10:35 PM, Kalvin’s mom had sent me a text message with three life-altering words: Kalvin is dead.
Driving from Kalamazoo to St. Joseph early Thursday morning to be with Linda, I listened to the talk I had given at Unity on the Lakeshore October 25, 2015—the morning after our family had completed the family-run estate sale for my mother-in-law, who had passed just three weeks earlier. The title of that talk was “Celebrations of Life.”
As the mile markers counted down from 72 to 27, I had a felt sense an expanded theology was stabilizing in my broken heart and my swirling mind. I had a sense, just as Linda would never be the same, nor would I.
Saturday, a wonderful friend, who often receives sacred messages from those in spirit, sent this message from Kalvin, to his mom:
Hi Debra – Would you pass on a message to Linda, if you think it’s appropriate. Kalvin wants her to know that he made it “Home” safely and she can stop worrying. He would also like to thank the large contingent of loved ones that bid him “Bon Voyage” and to let everyone know there was an even bigger group waiting to welcome him Home. “It was quite the party.”
He says that he is so grateful having Linda watch over him all these years and now it is HIS turn to watch over her and the rest of the family. Please let Linda know that even when it appeared that he was in pain, he was able to” remove himself” from it.
He would have her know that he had a great time while he was “here” and he wouldn’t change even one experience including his method of transition. He would also have her know that he is no more than a “whisper” away and to be on the lookout for him. She will “know” when he is around.
He is very insistent that I get this out right away. As a matter of fact. I had to stop in the middle of cleaning the garage so he would leave me alone. He’s a bit pushy when he wants something done………just kidding………….Love & Peace, Mike
Linda’s response to my having sent Mike’s words to her was significant, “Oh Debra. Thank Mike for me. I heard Kalvin say ‘I love you Mom’ already.” I may need to remind her of this truth again. I will remember…
Sunday, the church was filled with co-workers, neighbors, friends and family, and Wiley—Kalvin’s faithful four-legged companion. Love poured out from the eyes of many. Pastor David Stout gave everyone permission to cry, and he asked us to be faithful in providing ongoing care for one another. I will remember… He said we wont get over the passing of Kalvin, but we will get through it.
At the service, Linda’s dear friend, Kathy Zerler, shared this poignant guided meditation she wrote as a tribute to Kalvin.
A Guided Meditation for Kalvin K. Higbee
You are invited to settle in for a moment of meditation in Kalvin’s honor and memory…please close your eyes and relax, as you listen…
Imagine that you are walking in Higbee’s orchards, the trees are heavy with fruit and so fragrant that you slow down and stop to inhale the sweetness of fresh peaches. Nearby, plowed fields are ripe with cantaloupes and watermelons.
It is a warm summer day in Millburg. Sunflowers are blooming next to cockscomb in Kalvin’s flower garden. The contrast of yellow and black sunflowers bring to mind Vincent Van Gogh’s painting of sunflowers, at once reclusive and joyful, impressionistic, lasting forever in your mind. The soft magentas and reds of the cockscomb give you pause, and you stop again to admire Mother Nature’s magnificent color palette that Kalvin crafted into a lasting legacy of growth and renewal. You feel the warmth of sun on your face as you appreciate the delicate efforts that Kalvin made in planting and nurturing God’s perfect flowers, knowing that they worked together with angels to make Higbee Farm a place of blessings and everlasting peace.
Beyond the orchards and fields you gaze at the sky; it is limitless, one with the soil, part of our earth. There is no end to the sky and the soil. Like the generations of farmers before him, Kalvin was drawn to this. He spent endless days caring for fruits, flowers and vegetables that give us sustenance. Kalvin planted, fertilized, watched and waited for sweet corn knee high by the fourth of July, sweet and hot peppers, Brussels sprouts, kohlrabi, bountiful beans and squashes. Imagine Kalvin walking barefoot in the warm troughs between the rows, see him now enjoying the gently swaying flowers, the fruits and vegetables thriving under his care. Farming is a generous gift, one that Kalvin delighted in sharing with his family and friends.
You feel grateful for having Kalvin in your life. You open your mind now to what this day may give you. The many gifts that Kalvin gave you are in your heart now and forever. If only for a moment, all of your sadness is washed away. You do not chase after your sadness, but allow your grief to come and to go as long as you need it; you understand that Kalvin’s ending on our earth is a new beginning for him, and for you.
In Kalvin’s honor and memory, you decide to live like a flower. You make a conscious decision to be colorful, to smell good, to stretch toward the light, to hydrate yourself, to allow yourself to go dormant once in a while, to open your petals in the morning and to wrap your leaves around you at night. You are as necessary as every flower; and when you grow together with others, your world becomes a garden. Please say a silent prayer for Kalvin K. Higbee.
Kathy Zerler August 14, 2016
Sunday morning, I opened my email and read this powerful message from Aaron, channeled through Barbara Brodsky:
Your loved one is not dead,
he has only left his human form.
He is now expressing himself through you,
through your growing open heart that can allow itself the experience of grief
and allow that grief to become a catalyst for compassion.
He is expressing himself through you in all the ways he spoke to you in your life,
the joys and the sorrows.
He is expressing himself through every human that he touched in this lifetime.
And he is in the soil and the stars and the rain and the sun.
You cannot lose him.
~ Aaron
Yes, our lives are deeply affected by the passing of Kalvin from this world to the next, and our lives are deeply affected by knowing that he is in the soil and the stars and the rain and the sun. You cannot lose him. RIP Kalvin Kenneth Higbee. I will remember…
I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars.
~ Og Mandino
George loved doing woodworking in his shop. He had been in an assisted living facility for the past couple of years. Tuesday, when I attended his funeral, George’s sister, Betty, had brought some of the last items from his shop. She was offering friends to take something as a loving remembrance. I was delighted to select the last of his simple plaques, crafted brilliantly using the contrast of light and dark to create a very significant an optical illusion.
I had one of these years ago, but when someone in a challenging time of life greatly admired it, I gifted that person the plaque. Now that George is in spirit, having this one has even more significance in my heart.
When you get some distance from the plaque, and you let your eyes relax, by paying attention to the light rather than looking at the dark, you can see the deeper message George created by gluing simple light wood strips on the dark wood background:
What a powerful metaphor for all of life. We can get so tied up in our problems, we can miss the gifts hidden in plain view. A little distance, relaxation, and focus on the light brings resurrection!
In September, 2014, I quoted John Lennon in my Wholesome Thought: “Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.”
His words are still true today.
Since the first of May this year, I have been on a wild ride triggered by the intersection of an impending life insurance physical, and my having participated in the 2016 Listen to Your Mother Southwest Michigan.
Tonight, I am very thankful for each of the steps along the way. Yes, grateful for the spike in my blood pressure, for the EKG and the CT scan. For sure, grateful for Brandi Smith, the Nurse Practitioner who has been patient and trusting with me—helping me be more patient and trusting with myself.
“Discovering Our Capacity to Love” in Mindfulness in Action (page 11), Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche writes:
We shouldn’t discount our willingness, that potential, that powerful seed of gentleness. That element of gentleness exists in every being. We don’t have to be embarrassed about it or try to hide it. We can afford to acknowledge and cultivate gentleness and, first of all, to treat ourselves better. If we don’t appreciate ourselves, we have no ground to work with ourselves.
After the insurance company reported that my blood sample had been corrupted, questioned details in my records from 2012 that had not been followed up on with approved Western Medicine, then offered me a high rate without waiting for the results of the follow up tests, I asked the agent to contact the company and ask for a reconsideration. They offered me a good rate. I am grateful about that.
I fully agree with Joseph Conrad’s words in Heart of Darkness, “One can’t live with one’s finger everlastingly on one’s pulse.” Three months have gone by quickly while feeling like a lifetime. One quarter of one year. A third the time it took me to develop in my mother’s womb. It is a brief time compared to what some people deal with. For now, it is the end of this dance with anxiety. For now, everything is okay.
I have learned a lot of valuable things about myself, about fear related to medical procedures, and about the importance of being mindful what I am thinking and how I am breathing (or not).
From Three Steps to Awakening A Practice for Bringing Mindfulness to Life, by Larry Rosenberg with Laura Zimmerman:
Minutes can you go by until you realize you’re lost in mind. One advantage of the whole-body approach is that although there’s a gap between breaths, the body is still there, sitting. You’re aware of this until the next breath emerges. It gives the mind something tangible to hold onto in the present moment.
Using whole-body awareness, you’re learning to become intimate with the raw, naked experience of bodily life. As you do that, you’re emphasizing the first foundation of mind, “the body in the body.” (p. 32)
It felt as thought I was facing the human fear of death. We know we will die at some point. I know I am a soul (eternal) temporarily housed in a body (temporal). I recognize each moment as precious. Every day you have to enjoy this amazing event called LIFE is a blessing.
I have learned to notice grasping and aversion—being aware that I consider some things uncomfortable, unpleasant, unwanted and other things comfortable, pleasant, and desired. I may even call them good or bad. It is vital to be able to relax into whatever is happening. That is what mindfulness practice is all about.
I wonder if I have been able to navigate this process more gracefully because of my yoga and meditation practice. Of course, there is no way to prove that.
Say only, I am now three days without anxiety medication…. Grateful, grateful, grateful!
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