By Debra Basham, on June 3, 2023 
Last evening Nancy Green came for dinner. Stacey had driven up from Tennessee the previous day. I have been cooking for days…. all in preparation for my coming on an 8 day Deep Spring Center for Meditation retreat with Barbara Brodsky and John Orr. This retreat will be on Zoom, and I am the volunteer Zoom “host” but I am blessed beyond words to be staying in a very sweet retreat suite at the home of my dear friend, Delcy Kuhlman.
Delcy and Tom owned and operated Still Waters Retreat House for decades. I started going to Still Waters the year Adam was born, 1995. They sold Still Water, and you can take the retreat center out of the picture, but Delcy is still a loving and inspiring spiritual director…. so, here I am in this sacred space.
John and Stacey came to help me unload the van and to see the space. I know they were impressed and touched to see what has been provided. “Living from our Unlimited Essence Through Meditation” is the theme of this retreat, which runs through 1:00 pm on Saturday, June 10.
This is the first time since November of 2019 that I have been away from John other than when one or the other of us was spending the night in the hospital. Every retreat I have attended in the meantime was done with my balancing life at home. This opportunity feels most decadent.
I held back tears on the drive out.
Tears made up of unfulfilled longing for solitude. Tears of concern: what will it be like to have surrendered John’s day-to-day companionship and support to another? The experience of caring for a loved one is a slippery slope. It is easy to lose yourself. Perhaps it is truer to say it is easy to find your true self.
I am grateful to Stacey for coming to be with her dad. This is a first for them, too. I was imagining this post a few days ago and thought I should add, “If you know where the bail money is hidden, stay on high alert this week.”
Just kidding.
Not kidding about the tears, however, so I brought along a box of Ultra Soft Kleenex….
By Debra Basham, on May 29, 2023 Buddhist philosophy offers a list of eight worldly concerns (Eight Worldly Dhammas) that lead to suffering. We pursue pleasure, fame, gain, and praise while avoiding pain, insignificance, loss, and blame. They are laid out in pairs so, like two ends of a stick, you cannot pick up one without also picking up the other.
In Essence of the Dhammapada, The Buddha’s Call to Nirvana, by Eknath Easwaran, we learn that ‘The best thing is not to say either “I’m all good” or “I’m worthless; I’m no good.” The best thing is not to think about oneself, not talk about oneself, not dwell upon oneself at all — to be neither overconfident nor self-deprecating.’
We have a friend who is always complimenting his wife by putting himself down. He does it by making self-deprecating jokes. A few days ago I asked him if he would want one of their grandchildren to do that. He got that. It is so subtle, this being critical of oneself, especially humorously so.
I remember well Betty Lue Lieber and Robert Waldon telling us how our every action is teaching the world. Sri Ramakrishna says, “If you go on saying you are a sinner, you become a sinner.”
I sure had that insight last evening.
People who are dominant on the visual side are very picky and can always find ways to improve things — ways that something could have been better. This reminds me of our time in Florida. Larry loved being out in the screen room. Linda could not go out there with him because the wicker love seat was too short for them to sit on together for her to put her legs up. I was compelled to find a way for them to enjoy being out there together. Dominant visuals are usually sensitive people who do our jobs very well because we are great at adapting and creating something new, but we can be in danger of not getting over things and often get stuck over-analysing the past.
When we play cards I like the cards to be placed right side up, in order, and well-spaced. I totally know this is not a big thing, except that it is for me. In our group, I am clearly the only one who cares and as a defense mechanism, I had developed a self-deprecating manner of saying, “Its my sensibilities….”
According to the Oxford Dictionary the official meaning of “sensibility” is a person’s delicate sensitivity that makes them readily offended or shocked; the ability to appreciate and respond to complex emotional or aesthetic influences; sensitivity. True confession: If I walk into a room and a picture is hanging on the wall crooked, I will notice it. In fact, it is difficult to get my mind to notice much of anything else. Many times I have straightened a frame in a public place, but it is not about the frame. It is about making space within myself to be at peace.
I am seeing this all with deeper insight and compassion after last night’s hissy fit when I shoved the cards to the center of the table and let the shuffling be done by smearing the cards around and around. That was not at all something which fit well with my “sensibilities” but it is certainly ground for the beautiful practice of metta.
This morning’s Daily Aaron Quote:
When you do metta, you’re not trying to generate some kind of altered space. You’re not trying to force the heart open or create special kinds of moods or ways of being that you can’t sustain out of the metta practices. Metta is a way of taking off a blindfold, so to speak. It’s as if you’ve been walking around with very heavily shaded sunglasses and the whole world looks dark. There’s a certain appearance to it, and you begin to believe that’s how the world really is. It only takes a moment to lift off the sunglasses and see the true colors. When you put the sunglasses on again, you know you’ve got sunglasses on. You know that’s not the color the world really is. ~ Aaron
Sadness sits high in my chest and tears lie very near the surface as I put my sunglasses back on and release a lifetime of tension. I pray the great prayer: May all beings come to the end of suffering. May all beings love and be loved. May all beings know perfect peace.
What are other words for sensibilities?
Feeling, sensitivity, sensitivities, feelings,
emotions, sensibility, sensitiveness, responsiveness.
By Debra Basham, on May 24, 2023 “…we might almost say silence is the tribute we pay to holiness; we slip off words when we enter a sacred space, just as we slip off shoes. A ‘moment of silence’ is the highest honor we can pay someone; it is the point at which the mind stops and something else takes over (words run out when feelings rush in).” ~ Pico Iyer
A few days ago as I was riding my bike, I stopped to pick up a Coke can. I give them to friends who let their grandson take them back for the deposit. In Michigan that is ten cents per can or bottle (carbonated or alcoholic beverages). It was an oversight to not include water or juices.
Just a bit further on the ride when I did not stop to pick up a Gatorade bottle I felt a twinge. As I rode past the second non-deposit bottle I heard a voice inside say, “So, is it that you are concerned for and care for the planet, or are you just interested in the dime?” Wondering how familiar the average person is with that level of awareness of thought, feeling, impulse or insight.
The following day I came home with two non-deposit bottles and one ten-cent can.
This past week I was Zoom host for an online forum called Dying and Death: A Conversation. I hope many of you will have an opportunity to read the transcript when it is available, if you are interested. Some of the teachings were related to Buddhism, but even those which are specific to that path are relevant to any human being. I think you will easily see what I mean by taking a quick look at “Subjects for Contemplation” (or five facts that one should reflect on often, whether one is a woman or a man, lay or ordained).
1. I am subject to aging, have not gone beyond aging.
2. I am subject to illness, have not gone beyond illness.
3. I am subject to death, have not gone beyond death.
4. I will grow different, separate from all that is dear and appealing to me.
5. I am the owner of my actions,
heir to my actions,
born of my actions,
related through my actions,
and have my actions as my arbitrator.
Whatever I do, for good or for evil, to that will I fall heir.
Think about how familiar number 5 is to all of us. As ye sow, so shall ye reap. What goes around comes around. Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.
Yes, terms are for sure more conditioned to specific beliefs or traditions, but it is easy to see the universal meaning. The last question in the Q&A time was whether the term ‘our eternal soul that was created by the Divine from the beginning and is ongoing’ is the same as “our true essence’ which was used often by the facilitators.
Barbara Brodsky clarified that we are not ‘created’ but expressions of the divine. “We are that, otherwise there is duality. If we are not the divine (however we name that) but the Divine is out there and created us there is duality.” Arron says his experience is that there is no duality and we are all expressions. He uses the sun and the sunbeams as an example. The sunbeams are not created – the sun beams are the sun.
Interesting for sure that this was the last question. It certainly makes the point.
During the upcoming live-streaming retreat (June 3-1)) I will be staying in the efficiency apartment at the new home of my dear friends, Delcy and Tom Kulhman, who owned and operated Still Waters Retreat House for decades. I was a frequent guest at Still Waters during that time and this will be the first opportunity since October 2019 to have solitude during a retreat. Stacey will be visiting John during my time away. I know they will have a great time. They always do. And I will be a little envious and a lot grateful.
This morning I opened email from a friend and read this daily thought with the heading: “Taking a time-out will benefit everyone.” It went on to say, “Reacting too quickly to any situation, grave or mundane, can lead us astray. Only by pausing first to hear God’s suggestion can we be certain of doing the right thing or saying what’s best. Somebody has to be willing to back away from an ugly conflict, or it can turn violent. Let’s be the ones.” This reminder came from the book, A Life of My Own: Meditations on Hope and Acceptance rings so true.
The deepest work of my heart at this time is softening around judgment and comparison. My aspiration is to be more legitimate with the commitment to care for and about the planet without feeling like others who do not recycle or choose to use disposables without thought to the environment are somehow making a wrong choice.
John Orr spoke of a friend from his youth who has expressed some fear of an “eternal” judgment following death. Here is John’s precious reply to his friend:
I said to my friend, ‘Nobody’s going to judge you but yourself’. The judgment, any judgment that’s going to be happening is going to be happening within your own mind. And we have the opportunity to look at that judgment of ourselves, judgments of others, in our practice. And if we work with this, if we work with judgment in the judging mind now, in this lifetime, and see that a lot of that judgment comes from our fear, comes from our negativity, especially negativity and hatred towards the self. Judgment comes from the memories of unskillful things that we have done, or the feelings of unworthiness or inadequacy, these different habit pattern energies we experience in being human.
~ John Orr, Dying and Death: A Conversation, May 20, 2023
Oh, yes, Ram Dass is so right. We are all just walking each other home….
By Debra Basham, on May 7, 2023 Today is my dad’s re-birth day. Daddy had a fatal heart attack while rototilling his garden on May 7, 1992. He had pulled his old truck up to the edge of the garden and would do one row down-and-back, then sit in the truck to rest a bit before doing the next row. I think he knew his heart was blocked again but he was not willing to do more aggressive treatment and he was not going to stop doing what he loved doing, even if it killed him.
As my fingers dance across the keyboard, I have greater insight into my nervousness when I catch John sitting and resting during his working out in the yard time. A flood of compassion comes into my heart for me, and for all humans navigating this moment with the memory of former moments trailing a blaze of glory across our synapses.
This brings to mind natural horsemanship as taught by Pat Perelli. You are as kind as you can be. To begin, with your horse on a lead rope, lift up your hand and wiggle just your index finger at him as you give him the look that means you mean business. When you wiggle your finger, the lead rope shouldn’t move at all. If that does not get what you want, close your fingers on the rope and shake just your wrist. The rope should move a little, but it shouldn’t make the halter move at all. (Keep giving him ‘the look.’) If that does not produce the desired result, lock your wrist tight and bend your arm at the elbow. Move your forearm back and forth. This should cause the rope and the halter to move so your horse can now feel it quite a bit. Only if this does not work, lock your arm really straight and swing your entire arm from your shoulder joint. Your horse will really feel this, as the rope and the halter are moving hard. And most importantly, as soon as your horse takes even one little step–at any phase–stop immediately and relax your body. This is how he will know that he did the right thing.
But how do we know when we have done the right thing???
Yesterday, I did some drawing and writing after I became aware of a thought that “I would have expected myself to have had more awareness.” You have likely heard the phrase that the beatings will continue until morale improves? Well, that idea has big implications for each of us.
These are the words on my page:
Life is disorienting. You long for rules so you can always be sure what is the right way. It does not work that way. You are always making major decisions with insufficient data. (See An Eschatological Laundry list: A Partial Register of the 927 (or was in 928?) Eternal Truths, by Sheldon Kopp, 1974) You base past choices on present understanding. Notice how freeing it is for you to rest in the truth that people always make the best choices available to them at that moment in those conditions. Relax. Trust. Forgive. Release.
I included Brugh Joy’s injunctions: Make no judgements. Make no comparisons. Delete the need to understand.
And then I added ALL IS WELL WITH MY SOUL.
Daddy, I am glad your spiritual being helped me to recognize you are here with me even if it looks like you are gone. People do leave their bodies, but they do not leave their loved ones. I am especially grateful you were the way my heart came to truly know that the grace of god is more gracious than any religion or dogma. I love you, Daddy.
By Debra Basham, on April 18, 2023 My grandson, Brad, is working behind the scenes to move Yellow Brick Road to debrabasham.com and in doing so, we hope to bring together content from several websites, and purge information no longer accurate now that I am not formally working. It was fun this morning to read my very first blog posted Sunday, December 18, 2011 and titled “We’re Going Home, Toto…”
Here is the introduction to Yellow Brick Road: Your Path to Heart and Health.
It popped into my head that you can think about Wizard of Oz as an energy metaphor: you must follow the yellow brick road to get to the Emerald City. Ruby red slippers….
There’s no place like home….
This is my daughter’s cubical at work. She won a prize!
The more you think about it, the more powerful it becomes. And it fits with my life experience. In fact, I did not know anything about the “chakras” or hypnosis when I first learned about Healing Touch, but that did not keep it from changing my life for the better. I had been diagnosed with osteoarthritis of the hip and degenerative disc disease, L4, L5, and S1, had been experiencing chronic pain for a long time, and was currently taking 1,000 mg. of Naprosin daily. Along with the diagnosis, I was given the very bad hypnotic command that I would never have quality of life. Fortunately for me, I did not have to accept someone’s bad advice, even if I had paid to get it, and neither do you.
I admit that when I first learned Healing Touch techniques I did not fully appreciate them as self-hypnosis. They are, however, wonderfully trance inducing, and, as such, are very healing. Notice how hypnotic the language is in the Self Full-body connection: Place your right hand over the space between your legs just below the pubic bone, at the root chakra, and your left hand slightly below the navel on the sacral chakra. Picture a vortex of energy spinning in a clockwise direction until they match, balance, or feel equal. Just following the directions serves as a wonderful pattern interrupt.
Add to that awareness, the metaphor of each of the chakras. The needs of the root chakra are survival, health, and a sense of safety. The sacral chakra is about relationships, trust, flexibility, and freedom of expression. Your solar plexus governs feelings of your recognizing you have a good connection with others, and your knowing you are able to be comfortable in your surroundings. There are said to be colors associated with each of the chakras as well. Let’s just look at three for now: solar plexus is yellow, root is red, and heart is green. When you learn to use energy work as self care, it is like finding the wizard within.
You can see how the yellow brick road can be thought of as a balanced and functioning solar plexus chakra. And where does the yellow brick lead? Dorothy and her friends are off to see the wizard – they are going to the Emerald City: an open heart center. And where was her magic? In those ruby red slippers! When you are able to be well grounded and centered, you are comfortable with and in your body, and you act with confidence in the material world.
Think about the characters Dorothy met and begin to recognize the meaning in what each seemed to need. The Scarecrow needed a brain. We have all seen someone who was ungrounded and ran around like a chicken with its head cut off. Scattered thinking, fight or flight behavior, and overwhelmed with daily routine. The Cowardly Lion needed some courage. This is related to personal power, self-esteem, and trusting one’s “gut instincts.” Tin Man, of course, like each of us, desires the ability to give and receive love, to experience the acceptance of self and others, to truly live what is called unconditional love.
When this band of wayward ones arrives at the Emerald City, the truth is seen, once and for all. There is no outer wizard who has the power to grant our wishes. The journey itself was what enabled each to discover the power within. It was within her all along. All Dorothy had to do was to click those ruby red slippers together…. meaning get herself grounded. Then she and Toto would be home.
I was very fortunate that Doris Glowacki took a Healing Touch Level 1 workshop. She brought me her training manual and said to me, “I don’t know why I took this, but it is you.” I did not know about chakras. I did not know about auras. I did not know any of that, but the chakra connection said it was for relief from chronic pain and I knew about that. I looked at the pictures and put my hands where they showed and within a few weeks I was off all of the pain medication and I was pain free. It made a believer out of me and at that moment I made a vow that I would dedicate the rest of my life to telling everyone I met that you can be free of pain, too – physical, emotional and mental, or spiritual.
Here is a link so you can download a free handout and find out for yourself what a difference it makes in your life: http://scs-matters.com/Download/self-full-body.pdf.
A new version of the handout has language incorporating the Lord’s Prayer for those who wish to draw on the resources of the Christian religion http://scs-matters.com/Download/self-full-body-OF.pdf.
Now you can go home any time you like to….you were always safe and sound….it was all just a bad dream.
By Debra Basham, on April 17, 2023 We wake up to snow flurries this morning…. so grateful one week ago today we arrived home in Michigan in gorgeous sunshine. We had beautiful warm, sunny days all week. Until yesterday…. and now snow today. But the birds still sing!
Yesterday John and I went to St. John UCC in New Buffalo where I was guest pastor. When I spoke with Rol about coming I asked him if there was a theme he would most like me to reflect on, and he said he would like an update about our time in Florida. The title was Reflections from Florida: No Victims, Only Volunteers. Here are some notes from the sharing.
According to Merriam-Webster, “suffering” implies conscious endurance of pain or distress.
I did not cry a lot, but I did cry often.
In some ways I am perhaps the least prepared, and in other ways I am perhaps the best prepared for sharing a talk.
o Easy drive home
o Most pleasant week of weather we have ever returned to
o John’s getting sick right after we arrived home (stomach bug)
o My having a histamine storm a few days later (eyes swollen nearly shut and face on fire)
For all that has been — thanks. For all that shall be — yes.
~ Dag Hammarskjöld, Grateful Living Word for Today, Gratefulness.org
Opening Music: “Our Thoughts are Prayers” by Eric Hansen
Nothing is the same. Disorienting. Collective loss. Hard to stay in the present moment.
o The view
o The thoughts
o The feelings
o The actions
For all that has been — thanks. For all that shall be — yes.
Reading from: When a Loved One is Suffering
I will continue to try to help where I can.
Fortunately “suffering” implies CONSCIOUS endurance of pain or distress.
o Work day volunteers (each left work on their own damaged or destroyed home to come help at the Civic Center)
o Cajun Navy (group of boat-owner-turned-first-responder post Katrina that now respond to other post-Hurricane)
o Christ in Action (demolition of damaged homes free of charge, including removing debris and cleaning site)
o Nancy’s going with us to make deliveries/buying baked goods and juice (her need to also GIVE)
o Linda Higbee making dinner for us our last day of deliveries (undergoing cancer treatment this winter as they work to repair the previous rental home that was severely damaged but they purchased post hurricane)
For all that has been — thanks. For all that shall be — yes.
All solutions breed new problems – because both problems and solutions are simply arising and ceasing out of conditions.
o Linda and Larry creating meals for a family of 8 who still had no stove (or beds) after 4 foot of water surge
o Birthday blog resulting in the purchase of a stove for the family
o Joan (owner of Molly, the dog I met) donating a gift certificate, blankets, pillows, canned goods, dry goods
o Beth and David (Linda’s sister and brother-in-law) buying linens for three of the younger children
o Basham Bargain Bazzar – not giving away but giving back (awareness when I dropped off precious Indian Tree pattern china I had used and loved for ten years to a friend who’s family had that pattern)
For all that has been — thanks. For all that shall be — yes.
Ed’s gifting me a copy of Jingles’ Promise – meeting Norm and Rochelle. Ed calling this week with the story of Norm’s hiking in Japan.
Posted April 14, 2023 in Sacred Stories
Hiking in Japan
By Debra Basham
The conversation about traveling to Japan started decades ago when his best friend for over fifty years asked him to accompany him to Japan. He had always said no, but as the years went by it became evident that the challenges of getting older would limit their ability to travel the world, and the chance may never present itself again, so this time he said, “Yes, I’ll go with you.”
While in Japan he went for a hike and came across a woman on the trail who had taken a spill. A seasoned hiker himself, he had supplies in his pack so he stopped to offer her some first aid. She was not seriously injured.
He told her he was from Florida, USA. She said she was from Holland – not the city, but the country.
When he mentioned having previously hiked the Appalachian Trail, she quickly added that she had just read a book about a guy who had done that. “What is the name of the book you read?” he inquired before continuing, “My wife and I recently wrote a book about my trip.”
“Jingles’ Promise,” she said.
Reaching into his pack, he pulled out a copy of their book, Jingles’ Promise: A Father’s Quest for Truth on the Appalachian Trail.
“This is our book,” he was holding up a copy of Jingles’ Promise. “I am Jingles,” he said broadly smiling. They were both so moved by their having made this connection!
“How did you find out about the book?” he asked.
“A friend from another country in Europe told me about it.”
What are the odds these two individuals — he from Florida and she from Holland — would be hiking at the same time and in the same place in Japan?
They were standing on holy ground. They saw the significance. Even if they had been hiking there at the same time they likely would never have made the connection if she had not taken the spill.
They could both see clearly there is no “chance” experience….
Though he and his wife had done nothing to promote their book, here he was hiking in Japan and meets a woman from Holland — not the city but the country — who had learned about Jingles’ Promise from a friend in another country in Europe.
Amazing….
(ALL PROCEEDS FROM THE SALE OF JINGLES’ PROMISE WILL BE DONATED TO HELP PEOPLE RECOVERING FROM TRAUMA AND LOSS.)
Closing Music: “This is My Father’s World” by Amy Grant
Let us pray. “Suffering” implies conscious endurance of pain or distress – knowing there are no victims, only volunteers – remembering there are no “chance” experiences – continuing to try to help where we can – for all that has been, giving thanks, and for all that shall be, saying yes. Mark Nepo said joy is the transformation of our suffering, not the escape of all we have to face. Amen.
So today is cold and snowy. The weather conditions of our lives change. We navigate challenging conditions, pleasant conditions, neutral conditions. It is not what happens to us that is most important. It is how we respond to what happens.
The birds still sing….
By Debra Basham, on April 6, 2023 The winter season for this snowbird has included swimming in the river of emotions. We spent tender time with friends and neighbors who have lost their homes, had their homes severely damaged, are still working to repair or adjust six months after Hurricane Ian hit. And beyond all of that, losses of many friends and family members.
We are not alone in loss. Daily deliveries of loss remind us of the truth of impermanence.
When my sister and brother-in-law performed the final act of love and had their beloved cat euthanized, EVERYONE at the office, including the veterinarian, cried. Here is Janis and a sleeping Twizzle.
Twizzle was not an ordinary cat. The way he observed, learned, and participated in his surroundings demonstrated clearly he was more human than cat. Larry said he knows Twizzle could have helped him with projects if he had had opposable thumbs!
Life does not leave us bereft after loss, however, and vivid evidences of the continuity of love continue. Barbara Brodsky asked me when I was grieving the loss of an aged tree on our lot, “Does the tree still live in your heart?”
Oh, yes…. it lives on.
Our beloved Pine Island community lives on in our hearts.
My dharma brother, Allen, lives on in my heart.
Our cousin, Cheryl Basham, lives on in our hearts.
I miss Miss Molly, my doggy friend I made in Port Charlotte riding my bicycle.
My sister, Janis, heard this song on The Voice. She said it speaks truth of her beloved Twizzle. It probably speaks truth of all loss and love.
Ghost
Youngblood thinks there’s always tomorrow
I miss your touch on nights when I’m hollow
I know you crossed a bridge that I can’t follow
Since the love that you left is all that I get
I want you to know
That if I can’t be close to you
I’ll settle for the ghost of you
I miss you more than life (more than life)
And if you can’t be next to me
Your memory is ecstasy
I miss you more than life
I miss you more than life
Youngblood thinks there’s always tomorrow
I need more time but time can’t be borrowed
I’d leave it all behind if I could follow
Since the love that you left is all that I get
I want you to know
That if I can’t be close to you
I’ll settle for the ghost of you
I miss you more than life (yeah)
And if you can’t be next to me
Your memory is ecstasy (oh)
I miss you more than life
I miss you more than life
Whoa
Na, na-na
More than life
(Oh)
So if I can’t get close to you
I’ll settle for the ghost of you
But I miss you more than life
And if you can’t be next to me
Your memory is ecstasy
I miss you more than life
I miss you more than life
Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Jonathan David Bellion / Jordan Kendall Johnson / Justin Bieber / Michael Ross Pollack / Stefan Adam Johnson
Ghost lyrics © BMG Rights Management, Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd., Universal Music Publishing Group, Warner Chappell Music, Inc
Yesterday I was able to see a close friend who developed dementia and was moved to live near his family. Our daughter had to drive to another city to pick something up from a client. The facility my friend lives is was only 2.7 miles from where our daughter needed to be. John and I went along and we were so thankful to be recognized and to have the opportunity to visit with our precious friend. I took him one of his favorite vegan bran muffins.
Oh, yes, your memory is ecstasy….
By Debra Basham, on March 31, 2023 When you cease to relate to the darkness
as something separate or other than the light,
this invites the darkness into its sacred expression.
In its highest expression
it comes as teacher — perhaps not pleasant,
but as teacher.
Pain, fear, grief —
not separate from the light.
~ Aaron
On Tuesday evening at the Awakening and Living Awake class we heard, “When it is dawn in your back yard, it is dusk on the other side of the world.” We have been looking at our relationship to darkness over the past few years. Aaron has suggested we ask ourselves what duality (I would edit this to be “seeming” duality) we most frequently get caught in. Aaron said Barbara most often gets caught in wanting to have a body that is pain free and wanting a husband who can participate with her.
Someone spoke of the idea that it “should” (I would add or should not) be this or that way, rather than allowing it to be the way it is. The term “duality of expectations” was used.
In small group I spoke of my most frequent experience being a state that is not even holding an intention or an intention being held but awareness that is aware of holding and aware of being held where both exist. Words seem inadequate, but I think of it as a transcendent awareness. A classmate spoke of the need to not see yourself as “the kind one” or get caught up in being “the meditating one” as an identity. This is just another type of duality of expectations.
For example, I have been blessed to see three baby Killdeer on my early morning bike ride. The thing that is most unusual about this sighting is Killdeers’ determination to protect their offspring at all costs, even at great risk of harm to themselves. I recall having seen an adult Killdeer along that street a few times, but I was focused on the nesting Night Herons I have been watching up in the tree along that same street.
Truth be told, Killdeer chicks are born with great camouflage. Streaks of color make them near impossible to be seen against gravel, brush, or leaves.
Even so, the adults try every trick in the books to divert attention away from their young. They will often pretend they have an injured wing to get your attention and flail on the ground. This behavior has resulted in the Killdeer coming to signify protectiveness, family values, and self-sacrifice.
Once I had seen the chicks, the next day when first one and then a second adult crossed the street in front of me going off to my right I knew where not to look.
Looking in the opposite direction, I could see all three chicks directly across the street!
“Pure sheltered innocence of childhood” is also part of the symbolism of Killdeer.
We do not enjoy difficult experiences. It is natural to be resistant when things do not go or look as we expected. Our last few days in Paradise are spent with the house we are renting getting a new roof. The damage occurred six months ago when Hurricane Ian made landfall. We have been here since December 20, AND NOW A NEW ROOF? All this week, as have been trying to pack and load the cars the yard and drive have been booby trapped with roofing nails!
This is not what I wanted. But THIS ignites a spot previously touched. I had already experienced the home owner as dismissive about our finding two huge (dead) roaches in the pots and pans cupboard and the lack of cleanliness upon arrival. We learn both skillful means and unskillful means from our previous experiences.
Because of my previous experience I knew where not to look and I knew where to look to see what I wanted to see: the Killdeer babies.
In its highest expression pain, fear, and grief come as teacher — perhaps not pleasant, but teacher none-the-less. Getting caught in duality causes such profound pain. If we want to see what we want to see, we must know where to look.
We are all moving through our past. We were children. We were adolescents. We have had lots of experiences and some may have been challenging, unpleasant, dismissive or even abusive. We are also moving into our future where we do not yet know what we will see or not see. We do not know what will surprise and delight us — or surprise and offend or harm us. This is the nature of working with both the darkness and the light.
Would you think it possible to get two full-sized lampshades into a 2-quart pitcher? I was able to roll up two full-sized lamp shades and slip them neatly into this pitcher for safe travels North. Here is a photo to prove it!
As Robert Fulghum wrote in All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten: “Don’t believe everything you think!”
By Debra Basham, on March 22, 2023 Because the collective is shifting so rapidly, we are doubling back for upgrades to things we have long-known. Yesterday for me was “The Rule of Six.” Simply put, any thought or belief that I recognize has the slightest tinge of lack, I can allow six alternate ways of experiencing it. This teaches the mind instantaneous flexibility so we don’t clamp down on our thoughts or beliefs and cause ourselves pain.
Monday was another powerfully heart opening experience post-Ian. Linda cooked while I organized many boxes of household items. We had storage space for these items at our seasonal rental on Bounty Lane, but that precious home was damaged by the hurricane and is still in the tear-down-to-build-up phase, so we have used stuff here in Port Charlotte this winter but we are heading home in about ten days.
I filled the van with creatively displayed boxes. We drove to many friends on the island where they could select from the Basham Bazaar Buggy (the back of my van). At our first stop Nancy made her selections and said, “I want to go with you on the rest of your stops….”
The first was at the Winn Dixie grocery store for Linda to buy ice cream for the family we were taking a meal to. Our friend went into the store with me as Linda waited in the van. Our friend told me she wanted to buy some additional things for the family. She selected two boxes of Entenmann’s Minis Fudge Iced Golden Cakes, a large bottle of apple juice and some pink lemonade mix. I could feel how important it was for her to be part of the giving role.
Our next stop was at the home of friends that took on water up to her armpits. Connie and her husband have worked tirelessly for over five months and say now their home is almost back to pre-hurricane condition. This friend is actually the sister of a very close Michigan friend, named Pam.
Soon after I bought a whole box (almost an entire set) of these Indian Tree patterned dishes for $5 (from the estate sale of a woman coincidentally named Pam), Pam told me this pattern was their mother’s good china, and she had the set!
I confess I have a dish fetish. I have loved these dishes. I would invite Connie for tea every season so she could sip from “her mother’s” tea cups. When Covid kept us from meeting face-to-face I gifted Connie one tea cup and one saucer, saying we could drink from her mother’s dishes and feel our connections across time and distance.
I know these vintage dishes are rather expensive — online I saw one square sandwich plate for $40, one cereal bowl for $20, and a partial set listed for over $550. I had no idea.
 
I do not have room for them in Michigan.
It broke my heart to give them up, until I realized I am not giving them up, I am giving them back.
I also gave Connie the beautiful plaid napkins I found that coordinate beautifully. And a little red butter dish with a matching red knife.
The next day Nancy sent a photo of the dishes she selected from Basham Bazaar Buggy mindfully placed in the cupboard of her recently purchased duplex near center island after her house was a total loss.
Her text message read, “A beginning! So grateful!
Tears fall easily here….
By Debra Basham, on March 19, 2023 Last evening we watched “True Spirit” about Jessica Watson, an Australian teen who sailed around the world in a 30-foot yacht. This morning I went online to research some of the details of the account and, not wanting this to be a spoiler alert, I will simply share this reply to the inquiry of how true-to-life the film was:
There’s some “movie magic,” but True Spirit is “scarily accurate” to what she experienced on her journey, she said. In another Instagram, Jessica posted a video clip from the trailer and explains that “some of @teagancroft’s lines ring so true to me today – it’s a little unnerving in a lovely way.”
Watching was a bit more personal to John and me given Stacey and Doug setting sail on The Lady Gail in October of 2019. The pandemic stopped them in their tracks, and they sold their beloved boat in Florida, bought a truck, and drove back to Tennessee.
Not all journeys go where we expected to go, go the way we planned, nor end the way we dreamed.
On the last side street of my normal morning bike ride yesterday morning I had a wonderful but unexpected bird encounter. The first thing I saw was a fairly large bird flying with an impressive-looking branch/twig. It was obviously building material for a nest. The bird landed in the center of an empty lot. I thought it might be a juvenile Great Blue Heron, but a closer look revealed it to be a Night Heron.
I watched the Heron fly into a nearby tree and excitedly present the prized material to a companion. Rebuffed briskly, the Heron was daunted but not dissuaded. Still holding onto the precious branch, it landed on a lower branch before ever-so-gently trying again to present its gift. Success! This time the branch was inspected, accepted, and the pair began working together to weave it into what appeared from the ground to be quite humble beginnings of a home.
Parking my bike, I stood there quite still for a long time just taking it all in. Although the lighting was not helpful, I was able to get a short video and a couple of still shots of the couple. I had spotted another Night Heron a bit higher and off to the left in the tree. Then I noticed a second pair of Herons slightly below and to the right of the pair I had been observing. (This morning’s internet facts: Night Herons likely mate for life, are thought to be monogamous, and form small colonies where both the male and female work in nest building, taking turns sitting on the eggs, and co-parenting the chicks.)
Very few trees of much size survived Hurricane Ian so this may not have been a normal nesting tree for Night Herons, but they were obviously making the most of what was available to them.
This could all be said about my life. I had not set out to be a teen-aged bride or a mom at 16 — the same age as Jessica Watson. While I did not sail around the world in a 30-foot yacht, we have certainly weathered many storms, and our marriage has proved to be a worthy vessel. Fifty-seven years ago today, March 19, 1966, John Basham and Debbie Smith said “I do.” Here is a happy 57th anniversary haiku:
John, I loved you then
And I would still say I do
I am proud of us
We took what we had
Made the most of all of it
We are still sailing!
Spring always follows
winter which leads to summer
Fall is harvest time
What more may unfold?
Final chapters not yet done
And here we both are
Still crazy after all these years!!!!
This is our true spirit!
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