By Debra Basham, on March 19, 2025 Last night at the North Ft. Myers Bluegrass Jam John dedicated Vince Gill’s song “Look at Us” to our new friends Steve and Brenda Finley and John and me. We both celebrate wedding anniversaries of over 50 years this week. Our 59th is today. March 19 is also the wedding anniversary of other music friends, Alan and Cindy Bickford, from Pine Island. Wishing them a happy anniversary as well.
Look at us lyrics:
Look at us
After all these years together
Look at us
After all that we’ve been through
Look at us
Still leaning on each other
If you wanna see how true love should be
Then just look at us
Look at you
Still pretty as a picture
Look at me
Still crazy over you
Look at us
Still believing in forever
If you wanna see how true love should be
Then just look at us
In a hundred years from now
I know without a doubt
They’ll all look back and wonder how
We made it all work out
Chances are we’ll go down in history
When they wanna see
How true love should be
They’ll just look at us
Chances are we’ll go down in history
When they wanna see
How true love should be
They’ll just look at us
When they wanna see
How true love should be
They’ll just look at us
Songwriters: Max Duane Barnes / Vince Gill
Look at Us lyrics © Reservoir 416, Diamond Cholla Music, Benefit Music, Irving Music Inc.
From a Buddhist perspective, a wedding anniversary is a time to reflect on the journey of a relationship, reaffirming vows of love, compassion, and mutual respect, and practicing mindfulness in the face of impermanence.
I have often found myself saying over the years that we have not actually been married to the same person for all of these years, and John is famous for adding, “And I am not just talking about hair color….”
I chose this photo for today’s post because Stacey was there with us on our wedding day and every anniversary since! We have all changed so much.
I have officiated at MANY weddings over the years. I have had the honor of officiating at only one uncoupling ceremony. I think the Buddhist teachings about impermanence are significant related to both. I found the following AI generated paragraph that speaks to the letting go of what was with love and respect.
“When it comes time to part, be it through death or another fluctuation of cyclic existence, we aspire to look back at our time together with joy — joy that we met and shared what we did — and acceptance that we cannot hold on to each other forever. We will wish each other well from the depths of our hearts and help each other as we both go on to new lives.”
I could not read those words without feeling the adjustment John and I are going through with Linda and Larry as we are both securing new seasonal rentals because we cannot return to the beloved Blue House we have shared in Punta Gorda for the past two winters. We have all loved this house. I have loved witnessing dawn from our east-facing lanai and biking the neighborhoods. We have shared many meals made in the roomy kitchen with friends and family. This is the nicest house John and I have ever lived in. Our homeowners have determined maintaining two properties is not sustainable for them. They are very sad to not have us as guests, but it is undeniably what needs to happen.
Those words from the Buddhist perspective about when it comes to part seem so fitting: we cannot hold on to each other forever. Not a house, not a spouse. So, for this moment, we treasure what is present.
Linda and her late husband had four children under the age of five when they got married. (March 19 is also their daughter Chris’s birthday.) Linda has shared that when life would get really chaotic they would say to one another, “I would still say I do.”
John Basham, that is what I say to you, Look at us. I would still say I do. I love you more with each passing decade. Happy 59th anniversary❤️
By Debra Basham, on March 18, 2025 I visited with some deep friends (if not long friends) yesterday. I met them two years ago while biking in Port Charlotte and their sweetest little dog grabbed my heart and would not let it go. Of course, she was the magnet, but my friends are the glue.
The purpose for the visit was an article from the Wall Street Journal on March 15, 2025. Yes, they had a paper copy! Jason Zweig was writing about a person who had been near and dear to him: Daniel “Danny” Kahneman. Daniel chose to go to Switzerland and end his own life while 90 years of age but still near his prime. He sent news of his decision to some close to him, spent wonderful time in Europe with family and his partner, then went alone to Switzerland. Something about his story is riveting to me and, I would guess, repulsive to others. It is a hotly debated issue….
Two quotations in the article have made their way onto my journal page so I will share them. The first is by Annie Duke, a decision theorist and former professional poker player who wrote a book in 2022 titled, Quit: The Power of Knowing When to Walk Away.
“Quitting on time will usually feel like quitting too early.” ~ Annie Duke
The second is by a psychologist at the University of Oregon, Paul Slovic:
“But often the reasons aren’t reasons.
They’re feelings.”
This morning’s aftersharing with the Still Mountain 6:30 am Tuesday meditation group was about what is often called “comfort care” – essentially the opposite of aggressive medical treatment to save or extend life. Several of those present had very strong desire for appropriate choice to avoid pain and/or anxiety. We spoke some about the nuances of palliative or hospice care, both of which often are referred to as comfort care. (Palliative care focuses on improving quality of life for individuals with serious illnesses by managing symptoms and providing emotional and spiritual support, while hospice care is a specialized type of palliative care focused on comfort and dignity for those with a life expectancy of six months or less who are no longer pursuing curative treatment. ~ Courtesy of AI)
The Four Immeasurables Prayer from Buddhism are profoundly meaningful to me: “May all beings have happiness and the cause of happiness. May all beings be free from suffering and the cause of suffering. May all beings never lose the happiness beyond all suffering. May all beings abide in equanimity, free from attachment and aversion.”
RIP Danny, RIP.
By Debra Basham, on March 17, 2025 Sandhill cranes are known for their lifelong pair bonds, making them symbols of devotion and faithfulness in some cultures. While I often hear them in the area (sometimes on Sandhill Boulevard) out riding my bike, yesterday morning I was gifted a very close encounter with a pair. These birds are very used to humans.
My encounter gave me joy and stimulated a substantial amount of nostalgia. When we were on the East Coast of Florida many years ago, they would come right into your garage if you left the door open! Of course, nature has a way of reminding us that too much of a good thing is still too much. What came to mind was the beautiful way the Deep Spring Daily Reflection encourages us to cultivate true compassion.
Compassion is a healer for the Earth, for yourself, for others. You are not here to do it perfectly, and no human does. What you are here to do is love. So often those of you that are so attuned to others, so desiring of service and so attuned to the suffering of Gaia herself and all that is upon her, you can become stuck in a place of sorrow and grief and anger for the things that are happening that don’t need to be. At this point in Earth’s evolution they are, but you see that we don’t have to destroy each other in war, we don’t have to destroy the food supply, none of these things. But these things are here now. Anger has an energy to it that sometimes is an impetus for change, but in and of itself it cannot truly bring that change that is needed and desired for you inside yourself, for others, for the Earth.
Compassion is the fertilizer of the soul.
So, I encourage you as you go through your daily life, in moments you’ll be sad, you’ll be angry, all the different emotions. They just come and they go. But when you begin to feel contraction or depression, anxiety or agitation, what you may call fear, or wanting to fight against, to push against, either to push away or to contract, to protect, when you notice it, just breathe. Sit and breathe for a moment. See it for what it is. It’s neither good nor bad, here nor there. But then consciously move into compassion. You cannot have true compassion for the Earth and others if you do not have it for yourself.
So, when you find yourself in constricted places, take time to move into compassion, but do not leave yourself out of the equation. ~ March 14, 2025
It seems the message here is quite universal: It’s neither good nor bad, here nor there.
When migrating, sandhill cranes carry a stone in their mouths to help them stay awake. If the stone falls, it wakes them up. Similarly, if a crane is standing watch at night, it will stand on one leg so that if the other leg drops, they wake up. This is why many equate cranes with vigilance. (from CreationGirl Blog)
A very good reminder….
By Debra Basham, on March 14, 2025 Can you see the holiness in those things you take for granted – a paved road or a washing machine? If you concentrate on finding what is good in every situation, you will discover that your life will suddenly be filled with gratitude, a feeling that nurtures the soul.
~ Rabbi Harold Kushner
Training has brought to awareness profound truth that the presenting problem is not the problem. We are, in mindfulness, continuously reminded not to take our problems personally. Everything is connected. Emotions are generated from “past similars” because emotions are stored in our bodies, however, the most powerful triggers are almost (if not always) outside of our current conscious awareness.
The following is my journal entry on March 7, 2025 after a night of sleeplessness:
Most of us are aware of the idea that someone cannot see something until they see it. Matthew 13:13 says it this way, “Though seeing, they do not see; though hearing, they do not hear or understand”. I have consciously been working to unwrap an emotional knot for the past several years. The triggers have become more and more amplified.
This morning early as the mist scooted across the surface of the water after several days of fierce winds, I could see!
I had the sense the onset had to do with a friend’s stress with her adult daughter who had undergone childhood trauma, but it was too nebulous and did not seem to fit with my friend when I shared my sense about it with her. It has taken a lot of time with the triggers getting more intense to gain baby steps of understanding. One of the most significant insights occurred in January when I realized I had held her responsible for things she had not done.
This morning’s additional insight might just have set us all free.
I had blamed her for not seeing what someone else had done, and continued to do even after I had asked him not to. But the pain and now the freedom within the precious insight was never about either of them, it was about my own childhood trauma!
Immediately after writing I spent almost an hour of precious tearful sharing with my sister about all of this. It comes as no real surprise that she had been awake since 2:30 am — thinking about childhood sexual abuse!
We know our older sister was sexually initiated by an uncle when she was preteen. We talked about not our not knowing consciously of a sexual initiation experience, we know we were both sexually aware very young. Many years ago when Janis was seeing a therapist we learned it is common for siblings who are secondary or indirect victims of sexual abuse to have emotional reactions. These can include anger at the parent for not being able to protect the sibling, as well as anxiety and helplessness and the urge to control events, and/or fear about the future.
Our older sister’s death about 5 weeks ago was quite likely a significant catalyst. In infinite gratitude for all of this to finally come forward in awareness for release.
I had opportunity to share some of it with a friend who is currently navigating strong triggers in her own home. At the end of our Zoom call I emailed her my journal entry along with an audio recording of Tricia Barker leading a release of deep soul wounds and reclaiming your power. This piece is for clearing wounds of rejection, abandonment, betrayal, and even injustice that can be powerful imprints, not just from this lifetime but from past ones as well. I had listened to it the day previous to my insight.
This morning I am listening to a radio broadcast with Barbara Brodsky speaking on how we awaken. Barbara says first you have to acknowledge it is happening and it is unpleasant, scary. Next, you have to have compassion for yourself and the other/s to see, literally, how anger and fear and separation arise. You have to see that they have no solid substance, and that if you do not have compassion for yourself, you cannot hear the other.
After having received what I emailed to her, my dear friend sent a text message, “It has been a while since I have connected dots like this about my life experiences. I feel so free and connected.”
Interestingly I had written in my March 7 journal entry how that morning’s insight might just have set us all free….
May all beings come to the end of suffering.
By Debra Basham, on February 20, 2025 Last week we heard a Vince Gill song that haunts me. The title is The Whole World.
I finally found the lyrics online this morning after a very busy bike ride with a soulful download of information and insight I might call A House Divided. I wish I had stopped to grab my phone so I could record the whole thing. I never capture it quite as it came through, but it began with something like this:
For the past few years we have literally lived in a house divided for one-third of our lives. The floor plan is sometimes called “zoned” with the primary suite on one side and the guest suite on the opposite. In the middle is the living/cooking/dining space. In our case, John and I have the guest suite, which works wonderfully because other than when we have guests we have a room for my meditation and John’s music. Speaking of music…. Vince Gill’s mournful voice singing The Whole World resonates profoundly. Here are a part of one verse and the chorus:
I’ll never hate you
If we disagree
Well brother you’re breathing
The same air as me
Feels like the whole world’s
Got a broken heart
We sure could use
A brand new start
How the hell did we wind up
So far apart
Seems like the whole world’s got a broken heart
Before my ride his morning I had also seen a message about “Four resistance actions (one was yesterday) that are being planned across the US.” That message, too, set my heart on a path of singing the chorus of The Whole World.
Just the simple asking John about what we could do for dinner today got twisted up. What he thought I was saying was not what I was saying at all and it was a major undertaking for us to get clarity!
In NLP we learned to notice language and the impact of it on the real people engaged in it. It was understood when John says, “Coke tastes better than Pepsi” he is not saying anything about Coke or Pepsi. He is telling us something about John. A simple change in language can help tremendously, “I prefer the taste of Coke over the taste of Pepsi.” Few people speak and listen with this level of consciousness.
If I wonder why this is such a challenging concept related to something as simple as what to have for dinner or a preferred brand of carbonated beverage no wonder the complexities in our world end up as issues being viewed across a great divide….
By Debra Basham, on February 9, 2025 Father Tom Weston says, “We do what’s possible.”
It has been what I call a wonder-FULL week. It was Divine Timing having Stacey arrive in Florida on the evening of the day my sister completed her transition in Michigan. I was delightfully distracted doing things we love: riding bikes, putting together jigsaw puzzles, and spending good time with good friends, ending our week with a day out on the water.
Several days ago a friend shared Sadhguru’s dharma talk and included a link to “I Am” by Kirtana. It is track 3 on The Embrace album, not an artist or a song I had heard of previously, but this opening stanza says it all.
Before the body, before the story
Before the name
Beyond the mind’s attempt to find
Or explain
Before the breath, beyond the sense
Of pleasure or of pain
And after death, and after death, I am
It is providential we have been watching Manifest, a sci fi series on Netflix. Stacey did not get to watch the end with us when John and Larry and Linda and I binge-watched the last five episodes last night. (I promised my sister, Janis, I would not include a spoiler in this post so no hint to the ending. However, I am saying many of the themes in this series are dear to my heart.)
A conscious living of the grief journey has been significant for me and Johnnie’s passing has been a growth catalyst. We only saw her once during the many years she lived in Texas where two of her sons reside. When she moved back to Michigan, my other sister (Janis) and I had opportunity to visit Johnnie once. Johnnie became quite debilitated with rheumatoid arthritis and was unable to even put in or take out her dentures. She had to move in with her daughter for a time before spending her last months in a nursing home. Our niece reached out to us last fall and I am so thankful Janis and I got to Ann Arbor twice before my coming south for the winter.
Life while we are here in body is often complicated, confusing, and painful — the characters in Manifest certainly demonstrated this fact. But, even in all of that, they proved that life is beautiful.
Johnnie had a peaceful passing, and for that I will be eternally grateful. She did it her way…. and Grace was oh, so present. These words about grace from Sadhguru’s dharma talk touched my heart:
Sun comes up in the morning but for you to see sun you have to open the blinds…. So, if you want to see sunlight as grace, even to receive that you have to do something…. Grace is not something that is happening to this person or that person; grace is…. something that is always on…. Grace is always on…. It’s just on. Grace has no discrimination. Grace has no distinctive way of identifying this person or that person. It’s simply on. It’s simply life….
Before the body, before the story, before the name; beyond the mind’s attempt to find or explain; before the breath, beyond the sense of pleasure or of pain, and after death, and after death, the I Am. We do what’s possible.
By Debra Basham, on January 30, 2025 Below is a Yellow Brick Road from October 28, 2020. The theme is floating back through my consciousness and might be helpful for others at this time again as well.
Need to Do
You must cherish one another.
You must work —
we all must work —
to make this world
worthy of its children.
~ Pablo Casals
Is this opening quotation, as it is written, true? Less and less I am concerned with being a doer, as more and more I am aware of the importance of how I am being. Listening to Rupert Spira speak about there being no doer, however, I also recognize the stages of learning we are experiencing around all of this. Spira says the belief and feeling “I am a person” is the same belief and feeling of “I am a doer.”
In mindfulness, this thought “I am a person” could be seen as operating from ego.
New Years Eve 2000 — twenty years ago — our meditation focus was a powerful writing titled “The Recovering Hero Proclamation.” Here is the last stanza:
I allow things to unfold naturally, and I trust the flow.
I joyfully accept and experience my humanity.
I need nothing.
All already is.
Blessed be.
~Aaliyah LivingWell
aka Gina Dawn Gavaris
GeneratingLove@aol.com
www.GeneratingSolutions.org
It is important to realize that this does not mean all action ceases. As Spira says, “No…. Cars continue to be driven, meals continue to be cooked, inquiring into the nature of experience continues to be undertaken.” Everything continues, but it doesn’t imply that there’s a doer.
I found this note in my journal: I forgive myself for believing it is my job to be the hero in any situation or save anyone else from having the experience they are creating.
Wow.
Those familiar with the SCS/NLP materials recognize fully we are moving off the Drama Triangle and experiencing life from the transrational perspective.
If we are able to drive, cook, and inquire into the nature of things without identifying ourselves as a doer, notice how much more can be done through the expanded awareness.
Recently a friend who hosts two of the Florida Zoom groups I participate in sent a message saying she has reached her stress limit and is going off the grid. We are still able to use her Zoom account, but she is not meeting with us.
William Wordsworth’s opening line in, “The World Is Too Much With Us”: The world is too much with us; late and soon.
Spira invites us to imagine a pink elephant under the chair. Both the statement, “There is something for the pink elephant under the chair to do,” and the statement, “There is nothing for the pink elephant under the chair to do,” are equally absurd.
Is there something we need to do? Today’s Daily Word:
Guidance
I am divinely guided from within.
There are times I find myself wondering which way to turn. Rather than feeling stressed or pressured into making quick decisions, I know these instances are perfect opportunities to calm myself and check my internal compass for divine direction.
The source guidance I receive allows me to perceive possible paths and shows me the way if I veer off course. All I need to do is become quiet and feel aware of my connection with God by pausing, breathing deeply, releasing, and relaxing into my intuitive knowing.
From this place, I instinctively know which way to turn and what to do. In faith, I follow the guidance of my inner wisdom and know everything I will need for the journey ahead is already mine.
Though we stumble, we shall not fall headlong, for the Lord holds us by the hand.—Psalm 37:24
Of course we do things. Until the mind jumps in after the activity and claims, “I did this, I did that” there is only a sense of the raw experience. A baby probably does not draw from the mother’s breast and think, “I just ate.” The nourishment and the nurturing and the satiating of hunger are the raw experience. No commentary is necessary.
Note* Is it significant that the “About Debra” page I am working on for launch of DebraBasham.com opens with a quotation that might appear to be in conflict with my own words?
She wanted to be able to look back over her own life
when she was much older and say,
“Yes I did that.
And that.
And that, too.”
~ The Gazebo, a novel by Emily Grayson, (p. 288)
John sings a duet of “When Did I Get Old” with his music friend, John Smith. The lyrics are by Derrick Clinton Dove & music is by Derrick Dove and The Peacekeepers. Don’t you love those names?
As the two John’s sing, “When did I get old, when did everything change? I don’t recognize this world, I don’t remember this pain. Did time speed up or did I slow down? When did I get old, it’s all behind me now. When did I get old, it’s almost over now,” I realize today is a good day for me to take another look at this blog post. Likely it is related to the timing of my older sister nearing her transition. Of course, it is not only old people who transition and even when it’s over it’s not really over.
Ah, there is time to take another look, and another look, and another look….
By Debra Basham, on January 22, 2025 Today is my birthday.
As my birthday ritual I did an audio Mudita meditation with John Orr from an online retreat day April 11, 2021. Mudita is a Sanskrit and Pali word that means “sympathetic joy” or “appreciative pleasure”. It’s a Buddhist concept that involves feeling joy for the good fortune of others.
The first person you choose is someone you can feel a genuine sense of happiness for their good fortune and happiness. Today I chose my older grandson, Bradley. Currently I am sharing substantial time with him as he his helping me get DebraBasham.com set up. It will be the new home to Yellow Brick Road and Sacred Stories and many of the resources that have been located on SCS-Matters.com.
The second person is often called The Benefactor — someone who has been loving and supportive for you at some time or times in your life. I chose Reverend Betty Lue Lieber, who founded Reunion with her husband, Robert Waldon. This is the the program I was ordained through in 1997.
The third person is a neutral person. It may not even be someone you know personally, but it is someone who is feeling happiness and good fortune with a recent accomplishment, something that likely brings that person joy. I chose Donald Trump. You are instructed in the meditation to notice any old mind states like jealousy or envy. Right there with those feelings say, “May joy infuse your life. May it continue all of your days. May you truly be happy. May you truly be free. May all of this grow. May it infuse your heart.”
The fourth person is sometimes called The Enemy but it is just a challenging person (a person you are having a challenge with). You are encouraged to notice all of the happiness in that person’s life — loving family and friends and relationships, meaningful work. “May you be truly happy and well.” You are invited to be genuinely grateful for all that you have learned from this person.
After the guided meditation ended I played a recording of the chant “Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavantu” from a residential retreat day October 10, 2019. Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavantu is a Sanskrit phrase that translates to “May all beings everywhere be happy and free”. It is a prayer for global well-being and peace, and a perfect chant to support the Mudita Meditation.
When I finished I looked at a list of others I know share a January 22 birthday:
1. Wayne Kaiser
2. Emily Warner
3. Phillip Largay
4. Joyce Zerbe
5. Aaron (Linda Gunter’s son)
6. Allen Mumper
7. Emily’s husband’s cousin
8. PT at Borgess
9. George Ross
10. Izzie (granddaughter Courtney’s friend)
11. Carrie Startcher (daughter Stacey’s friend in Clarksville)
12. Sivia’s mother
I like to also contemplate the day’s messages that come on this day from sources I value and follow.
Daily Reflection from Deep Spring
In a moment of darkness, you are wont to ask, “Why this darkness?” You have a sense that if you could but understand the darkness, you could protect yourself from it. Such thinking only further strengthens the illusion of the self. Can you sit there in that darkness and simply know, “Here I sit in darkness and I will wait. I need not fight with the darkness. I need not try to push it away. I need not grasp, even at faith.”
Just faith: faith expressed as the willingness to sit in darkness, if darkness is what is there, without a need to grasp at the light but with the willingness to open the doors and allow in the light. ~ Aaron
On this day of your life Debra, I believe God wants you to know that not everything has to turn out exactly the way you planned in order for you to call it a success. Sometimes all God wants you to do is to “get the ball rolling.” Then, She’ll take it from there.
So when things turn out other than the way you wanted them to, don’t be so quick to say, “Bummer!”
Many a Bummer is a Blessing in disguise. Consider the possibility that life is magic…and that there’s a rabbit in that hat.
Love, your Friend, Neale Donald Walsch
From Gratefulness.org
You must live life with the full knowledge that your actions will remain. We are creatures of consequence. ~ Zadie Smith
From The Daily Tejaniya
When you are truly aware you aren’t focusing, yet you are
aware of objects. You are aware of thoughts of the mind, sensations
of the body, and perceptions (sights,sounds, etc.) of the world.
By practicing in this way, the mind stays fresh.
It may not be usual to be happier for someone else’s birth than your own on your birthday, but today I truly feel greater joy that Stacey was born than that I was born. I get that she could not have been born unless I had been, but emotions don’t always make sense. In fact, they are often very distorted. That is just how it is. So at three quarters of a century I am grateful for the wonderful woman who came in as a teenage pregnancy and those that came in from her.
RIP Wayne Kaiser and Allen Mumper.
May all beings everywhere be happy and free. Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavantu….
By Debra Basham, on January 16, 2025 While statistics are not people, and people are not statistics, it is staggering to hear numbers related to losses. A few days ago the updates on the California fires included: 40,300 acres burned; more than 12,000 structures destroyed; at least 24 people have died; over 100,000 people have had to evacuate.
As the fires raged in California, the people behind the numbers became more real to me when learning that our great niece and her husband woke to blazes as the space they called home was destroyed by a fire in the second story of the home in which they rented a main floor apartment.
I was awake at 4:00 am today. That is early, but actually I had been sleeping since 10 pm. While we were in the thick of remediation from a German cockroach infestation the past month I would go to sleep at 10 and be awake and inspecting the kitchen about 12, 2, and 4. Grateful to say “Howard” has helped us be sighting-free for almost 2 weeks with one exception (which likely was a juvenile Palmetto bug who just wandered in late Sunday evening). They say you are probably clear when you go 7 days without a sighting.
Lying in this morning’s pre-dawn, praying for all who are navigating unfathomable difficulties right now, as I reach for my phone I see a post by our niece writing poignantly about the loss of home and possessions our great niece is going through.
This not only relates to people in California right now, but to people like our daughter and son-in-law in-law, who just lost their home and most of their belongings in a fire last week in Opelika, Alabama.
It’s a given that the most important thing is the survival of humans and pets – hands down. I think we tend to say things like, “Everybody got out, and that’s all that matters.” But, while that matters THE MOST, it’s not ALL that matters. It matters to lose the home you loved. It matters to lose all of your favorite clothes. It matters to lose things you held dear – stuffed animals you’ve had since you were a kid, little hand-written cards and letters and pieces of paper written by people you love. It matters to lose the guitar you’ve had and played for years. It matters to lose the collection of vinyls you’ve collected along the way, including ones that belonged to you late grandpa. It matters to lose the plants you nurtured for a long time. it matters to lose even the smallest things – the catch-all dish where you dropped your keys and your loose change when you got home from work, the dishes you bought for your dog, your favorite mug, the artwork you loved on the walls. And it matters that you’ve lost your happy place, your safe place, the place where you could be just the two (or however many) of you. It matters to lose neighbors because you can’t move back into the house you lived in next to them. It matters to lose the route where you walked your dog every evening, and the route you took from your door to work, or from your driveway to your closest friends’ house. It matters to lose the sights and the sounds that were unique to your little spot of the world. It all matters.💔
This past Friday we visited our former community and saw people who are our friends, some former neighbors, out on Pine Island. Folks there continue to navigate the damage and losses not only from Hurricane Ian in 2022 which displaced us from our former winter home, but also Hurricane Helene exactly two years later and then Hurricane Milton mere days on the heels of Helene.
Taoism holds that compassion is first among virtues.
Jesus modeled compassion through actions and words, and taught others how to be compassionate as well. He instructed those about to stone to death a woman caught in adultery, “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.” This is just one of the powerful examples of compassion in the bible.
Nietzsche’s criticism of the emotion of compassion included a distinction between “our compassion” and “your compassion” dovetailing with the caution to abandon what is called othering in Buddhism.
This photo was posted by our great niece on Instagram after the fire last week. She is holding this brass horse statue, one of very few possessions that survived a catastrophic barn fire at her home when she was just 11 years old. Her dad had taken a trip to Ecuador and brought the statue back to her. She says she has kept it with her for twenty years “as a small token of hope — a reminder that life persists even in the face of death and tragedy.” She says it still holds hope, even after facing a similar catastrophic fire taking so much from them now.
Friends who have family and friends in California have shared with me the odd feelings of relief as they learn of the safety of life and property for some and an overwhelming compassion learning of the loss of those precious aspects for so many others both those known personally and those not.
Perhaps the wisdom of compassion resides simply in the words of our niece, “It all matters….”
By Debra Basham, on January 1, 2025 One of the most wonderful things about being a snowbird is winter biking — New Year’s Day riding in low wind with clear skies is heavenly. Thankful for sidewalks. Especially thankful for all of the benefits of being either in a canal community or an intentional residential community designed where there are cul de sacs.
Yes, it’s a little harder on the knees and quite a bit slower riding a route with so many tight turns, but the ride becomes more like walking a labyrinth. There’s something so freeing about knowing that you can’t get lost!
You can’t make a wrong turn. You can’t get injured or injure another by being somewhere that you shouldn’t be. There is a soft, easy, simple serenity to not having to think. You can just put one foot in front of the other or, as in my case this morning, just keeping my butt centered on the seat and the wheels turning round and round.
It is wonderful to be in an area with so many places where all I have to do is keep making right turns. This New Years Day route has so many streets I barely recognize any of the street names even thought I’ve probably ridden here half dozen or 10 times during last season and this year so far. I realized how wonderful it is to not feel the need to be vigilant with absolutely no sense of needing to know what street I’ve come from, what street I am now on nor what street might be coming up. I do not need to watch for a turn that might be coming up, or worry what might happen next. I have no sense at all I could be someplace I don’t know where I am, or anyplace other than right where I want to be. This is the freedom of right turns in the world of cul de sacs.
I’m riding with this wonderful feeling in my body I have felt over several decades of walking in a labyrinth. It’s total freedom from fear of doing something wrong. Somatic freedom.
Maybe it’s freedom from guilt.
It also feels like freedom from grief.
I certainly have been feeling a lot of both of those emotions over this recent past.
Last evening we were watching “Society of Snow,” based on the true story (1972) of a plane carrying members of a rugby team from Uruguay to Chile crashing in the Andes. A group of survivors lived through the plane crash, only to face the frigid cold and snow of the mountains, avalanches and, most famously, a lack of food. It is a very intense movie.
Not light viewing, intimately seeing how those who survived the crash and lived 72 days did so by cannibalizing those that did not. At a pivotal ending point I received a text message from Michigan friend, Doris, sharing a photo of one of her granddaughters in the foot massager that had been owned by Michigan friend, Linda, who died in July.
After Linda died and Fred was dispersing her worldly possessions, the foot massager is something I agreed to find a suitable home for. The first time I really felt how important it is to find loving homes for things that are left after a person’s worldly life ends was when John’s mom died. She was a lover of things and we took to heart finding others that would love the things she had loved. It was VERY meaningful….
With the taste of the film in my mouth, I saw the photo and read the text, “Everyone has been enjoying Linda’s foot massager. Much appreciation and gratitude,” and burst into tears.
I didn’t anticipate how hard it would be here in Florida without her. It’s complicated because her parting words for me were to take care of Fred so bicycle riding therapy became a significant lifeline for him and me in those weeks following Linda’s death. Then, quite quickly Fred partnered with their mutual friend. She seems to be good for him so I’m not begrudging that at all. I’m also not denying that I’ve not only lost Linda but I’ve now also lost Fred as a riding partner. It takes me back to other losses (especially those ongoing losses).
I found myself singing in my head the classic song “There’s a Hole in the Bucket.” The first stanza has Henry saying there is a hole in the bucket and Liza begins to coach him in how to fix it, including at the last part when Liza is telling Henry to use the bucket to carry the water! In the final stanza Henry responds: “But there’s a hole in the bucket, dear Liza, dear Liza. There’s a hole in the bucket, dear Liza, a hole.”
I heard myself singing inside my head, “There’s a whole in my heart, dear Linda, dear Linda. There’s a whole in my heart, dear Linda, a hole….”
As the days turned into weeks and months, those companions who knew they were nearing death began giving their blessings for their companions to eat them after they died. One young man even left a written note quoting John 15:13: ” Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.” Touching and timely.
It is considered by many important to remember hearts only break in one direction: open.
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