February has long been celebrated as a month of romance, and St. Valentine’s Day, as we know it today, contains vestiges of both Christian and ancient Roman tradition.
A few days ago (asking if we are to pursue having Dr. Deutsch be John’s cardiologist) I drew The Lovers Osho Zen Tarot: It is time to refresh your mind and heart and the pure fragrance can spread.
The idea of a refreshed mind and heart spreading its pure fragrance is somewhat foreign for a lot of us. Much (if not most) of the time, humans live from moment to moment on autopilot. I often observe myself reacting out of habit rather than from awareness and presence of mind.
Nonviolent Communication training evolved from Dr. Marshall B. Rosenberg’s quest to find a way of rapidly disseminating much needed peacemaking skills.
Growing up in an inner–city Detroit neighborhood Dr. Marshall Rosenberg was confronted daily with various forms of violence. Wanting to explore the causes of violence and what could be done to reduce violence, he chose to study clinical psychology and received his Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from the University of Wisconsin in 1961. In 1966 he was awarded diplomat status in clinical psychology from the American Board of Examiners in Professional Psychology. (See About Marshall B. Rosenberg)
Nonviolent communication creates a space for attention and respect inevery moment.
This was all very much on my mind as Stacey and I accompanied John on one of his cardio rehab walks a few days ago. We went by one of the neighbors where a big party was happening. Cars and carts, bikes, and people everywhere.
As we went by, Stacey almost touched the guy who lives there. She called out, “I thought you were going to hand me a beer!”
I reacted.
I said I would prefer not to engage the guy who lives there. I asked if she had noticed the 3×5 foot “Come and Take It” flag flying on his golf cart. The flag has a picture of an M4 AR15 machine gun on it.
She said I was judging.
I was.
Nonviolent Communication teaches a lot about being able to observe without judging. The four foundations of NVC are:
Observe without judging. …
Express feelings. …
Express and clarify your needs. …
Express specific requests based on your feelings and needs.
Stacey has a carry permit. She is a staunch “Second Amendment Advocate.” (Her words! She changed it to second-amendment supporter.)
Interestingly, one of the most powerful lessons of life reveals itself for me as Stacey and I are doing jigsaw puzzles together. WE SEE THINGS SO DIFFERENTLY.
Our most recent puzzle demonstrated these differences and the COLLECTIVE strength that grows from them more clearly than any puzzle we have ever done together.
There were some fascinating “odd” shapes.
Very complex, very interrelated, very unique.
It was challenging.
It was very unique in that the pieces did not connect in a traditional way, they would just rest against each other.
Stacey was challenged in the areas that were more landscape in style; I was challenged in the areas where she would say, “This is the cat,” and I was not even aware we had a cat in this puzzle! It would often take a half-dozen pieces to be assembled around a unique piece before it was clear where that piece itself went.
Humans are very complex, very interrelated, and very unique.
I can’t help but dream of our collective humanity being able to raise our consciousness sufficiently that we smooth our rough edges so our pure fragrance can spread….
Certain times of life and/or experiences of life seem AMPLIFIED.
In Hard Pivot: Embrace Change. Find Purpose. Show Up Fully. Apolo Ohno says every person will have an experience that changes their life forever.
This has certainly been the case with John’s surprise open-heart surgery.
In Hard Pivot, Ohno suggests we make the best of these times by practicing.
Gratitude: A daily practice that lets us maintain perspective, cultivate empathy, and alleviate stress
Giving: Selflessly giving our time, attention, and resources to others
Grit: How to develop mental stamina, resilience, and toughness to persevere through hard times
Gearing Up: Ways to prepare ourselves to meet challenges with flexibility and grace
Go: Developing the courage to take risks, learn from success and failure, and come back stronger
Ohno says clearly, “Though we can’t usually predict when we’ll need to reinvent ourselves, sticking to a daily practice will prepare us when we face our next big challenge.”
One of the demonstrations of this is our walking practice. We began walking for health back in the 1980’s when we participated in “Dump Your Plump” with friends and members of Stevensville United Methodist Church. For the most part, walking has been a steady companion all of these years.
While not as obviously directly impacting John’s recovery, our habit of spending less than we earned contributed to our being here in the sun and warm rather than in Michigan during white-out conditions today.
This morning I baked cookies and John delivered some to our friend, Richie. Richie is supporting his wife as she undergoes chemo. I wrote on the package: A guy should be fortified while he is supporting the wife he loves.
As I am writing this post, I am listening to Kyle Gray’s live event titled: GIFTS AND GUIDANCE FROM YOUR ANGELS. The gratitude you feel stimulates a light in the middle of your chest until this light washes over and through your physical body. You are encouraged to bask in it. It has the capacity to shine in darkness. Call that light up and out, for the greatest good for all.
What comes next may not be obvious from every point of view, but perhaps these guardian angels have a broader perspective.
Kyle is speaking of cutting the cords by speaking your intention, “I am the keeper of my mind and my body. Wherever love is present, fear is a stranger, and love is present in me.”
He says when you are feeling safe, affirm that by saying, “I am safe. I am free.”
Other words might be used to speak about this. Without a doubt, spiritual or esoteric practices speak of angels. So do some religions. Angels may be what native peoples call “ancestors.”
“Before you were in this body, before you were in this lifetime, you were ONE with divine love.”
Kyle shares opening of many spiritual experiences growing up, including personal close-encounters with angels.
“You have felt called,” Kyle goes on.
Perhaps you have felt called to spirituality, religion, art, nature.
“Your angels will always speak to you in the language most familiar to you,” Kyle assures us.
“When it comes to your having your direct connection with your angels, it is important to pray first not last,” he continues.
“Instead of saying, please angels help me with this, pray, thank you angels for helping me.”
Sue Mierau shared a gorgeous snow photo today on Facebook.
“Don’t just pray when things go wrong,” we are reminded.
“When you are in prayer, make it a space of gratitude.”
There is beauty in every season of our life, whether the weather is sunny or snowy.
What comes next after summer is autumn.
What comes next after autumn is winter.
What comes next after winter is spring.
It occurs to me that what comes next after gratitude is the balance of Ohno’s list: giving, grit, gearing up, and go.
Today is Monday, January 24, 2022. I wrote in my journal:
Dear Holy Spirit,
Three weeks ago today, on January 3, 2022, John had CABAG (open-heart, quadruple by-pass surgery).
That feels otherworldly.
We continue to be gobsmacked by the OBVIOUS perfection of the unfolding of all of this.
For example, his first morning having had an episode of pain in his chest lying down happened Tuesday, December 28, 2021 — the day Linda and Larry arrived across the street from us here on Pine Island. John felt OK, and went on to shuffleboard. Sciatica pain prevented him from helping unload their van. We went out for shrimp that night, with Linda and Larry and Nancy.
That night John had a second episode, and Wednesday about noon I took him to convenient care; then on to the ER at Cape Coral Hospital. From there he was transferred by ambulance to HealthPark.
And the rest, you know, is his story….
Oh, that Stacey has a job that would allow her to come be with us.
Oh, how we were protected from exposure to the Covid Omicron variant because Larry’s onset of symptoms occurred just before John was discharged from the hospital. Otherwise, we know we would have all been together.
Oh, that the home health nurse assigned to us had car trouble and could not get here on Saturday, which resulted in our having met our Magical Maggie!
Within the days (daze), there are so many more points of proof, but you get the gist of it.
This week will be very busy:
Tuesday, January 25, 2022 — post surgical visit with Dr. Cervantes
Wednesday, January 26, 2022 — last home health visit with Maggie
Thursday, January 27, 2022 — cardiac rehab orientation
Friday, January 28, 2022 — post in-patient visit
Whew!
Daoism, sometimes spelled Taoism, comes from Ancient China. The concept of Wu Wei (going with the flow) teaches us that rather than fighting against the conditions in our lives, we can allow things to take their natural course.
I love the musical version of Desiderata. Desiderata is a 1971 album by Les Crane with music by Broadway composer Fred Werner and concept and various lyrics by David C. Wilson. It is a spoken word album with sung refrains and instrumental accompaniment. This section speaks to Wu Wei:
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.
Through it all, we are so very grateful this happened when and where it did. Time and place were, and are, divinely guided.
Perhaps, maybe likely; likely, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should —— it always is. Amen.
I was tagged in a Facebook post. Words I had shared had been carried around and then laminated, and framed.
The words were:
KNOW WHAT YOU FEAR.
AND WHAT YOU DESIRE.
SURRENDER THAT TO THE HIGHEST GOOD.
LET GO OF OUTCOME.
I soooooo needed to hear those words myself right now.
Amanda Gorman, a 22-year-old poet, read an original work “The Hill We Climb” at President Joe Biden’s inauguration on Jan. 20, 2021.
From her reflection about how she almost declined to be the inaugural poet:
But though our fears may be the same, we are not. If nothing else, this must be known: Even as we’ve grieved, we’ve grown; even fatigued we’ve found that this hill we climb is one we must mount together. We are battered, but bolder; worn, but wiser. I’m not telling you to not be tired or afraid. If anything, the very fact that we’re weary means we are, by definition, changed; we are brave enough to listen to, and learn from, our fear. This time will be different because this time we’ll be different. We already are.
And yes, I still am terrified every day. Yet fear can be love trying its best in the dark. So do not fear your fear. Own it. Free it.
The following exchange took place between Barbara Brodsky and myself, in the chain of email messages about Amanda Gorman’s comments about fear.
Barbara wrote about her own process of caring for her husband the past 4 years following his stroke. “The almost daily crisis of one sort or another…. higher BP, tension held long-term in my body…. the side effects of that tension (mind less clear, less able to sleep, living always on crisis mode, almost like PTSD….”
I wrote to Barbara:
Oh, Barbara, your words express my experience! And this is with things going well! Each moment (for both John and me) is PRODUCING compassion. I have greater compassion for your process with Hal through this.
I had awareness yesterday doing yoga of how much I had not given credit to my yoga instructor. Her husband passed just before Covid and she was in lockdown during the throes of her grief. She had cared for him for 13 years….
I am not alone in this…. I think of Ellen Hummel navigating all she is.
I have too much awareness to feel sorry for myself or take this personally, but it is HARD.
I feel the tears coming now. Just saying that is kindness.
Nothing operates in a vacuum. “This” stress is not isolated from the tension of navigating political differences over the past 15 years.
It is not isolated from the stress of having Covid when John’s brother suffered the abdominal aortic aneurysm, and passed. Not isolated from packing my family home at age 10.
But — and this is a huge BUT, I see gifts in all of it.
Someone said we can act ourselves into right thinking easier than we can think ourselves into right acting.
Barely an hour goes by that something has not triggered that high alarm. I am getting ready right now to go get my Covid booster. John and I were scheduled to get them the day he ended up in the hospital.
KNOW WHAT YOU FEAR.
I know what I fear. I fear having a reaction because I had Delta Variant. I fear getting sick and not being able to take care of John.
AND WHAT YOU DESIRE.
I know what I desire. I desire having the best chance to not get seriously ill from Covid. I desire feeling well enough to be a helpmate for John. I desire feeling safe in my body.
Nothing operates in isolation from everything.
SURRENDER THAT TO THE HIGHEST GOOD.
Feeling safe in my body now releases all the times in the past when I did not and teaches others to do the same.
LET GO OF OUTCOME.
If you are interested in the “FEEL SAFE IN YOUR BODY” tapping wisdom with Nick Ortner, let me know.
As that alarm is turned down, it is replaced with love and with peace. Notice how that expands.
I’ve learned so much from all of this….
As hope expands, as love expands, as gratitude expands, notice how it turns down that alarm.
Entry from my journal: Tuesday, January 18, 2022 @ 3:37 am:
Dear Holy Spirit,
I am awake and in the TV room listening to Karen Drucker’s “I Surrender.”
I will surrender to my greatest highest good.
I will release every fear that’s in my way…
and I am grateful every moment of every day.
I spoke with my doctor late last evening. I had called because my blood pressure had spiked the past few days. At home in my pantry is a prescription bottle of an anti-anxiety medication she prescribed for me in 2017 when this had happened. I took one once, and I have carried one with me in my purse every day since. I took 1/2 on Sunday, and 1/2 on Monday, but the pressure was still elevated when Linda B/G checked it last evening.
I love that my doctor knows my blood pressure goes up because of anxiety, rather than thinking it is organic. When she prescribed the anti-anxiety medication in 2017, she said, “Anxiety driven blood pressure doesn’t respond well to the classes of medications normally used to lower blood pressure.” And that list is long: Diuretics; Beta-blockers; ACE inhibitors; and Vasodilators, just to name a few.
Of course, John’s recent experience of having had severe “silent” coronary artery disease (CAD) has triggered my childhood pattern of being terrified of all things medical. Now that we are home and things are moving along smoothly, this current tremendous anxiety is a result of my having just gone through everything with him. Waking up early Saturday morning to not-one-but-two tornado warnings blasting on our phones probably added insult to injury…
My doctor said she is not worried about me. She has years of good blood pressure readings taken in her office by her nurse. She assured me they have done research about the spouse of a heart patient going through this sort of thing.
I took 1/2 of one 2mg Valium (with permission) and I went to bed optimistic about getting a good night’s sleep. I went to sleep, but I woke up in massive ANXIETY. While there were no conscious thoughts of scary things, I could feel my body in high alert, totally overrun with adrenaline.
I grabbed my phone, popped in my earbuds, and began tapping along with some Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) audios. After a couple of shorts — including Tapping Universal Reversals — without much measurable benefit. Then I tapped through FEELING SAFE IN YOUR BODY with Nick Ortner. During the 6 minute 50 second closing I began to feel a shift. I repeated that part. I repeated it again. And again.
Conditions came to mind: womb trauma when my mom had syphilis and was a terrified inpatient; being traumatized by hospitalization in isolation after the diagnosis of polio at age five; the out-of-body experience at age 12 when I was in the auto accident; the terror I felt during the trip to Europe in 2011. An avalanche of more minor situations that reveal the deeper structure of anxiety also came forth in my mind. When one is driven by amygdala hijacking, even choosing the ‘right’ color of paint can feel like a life-or-death situation.
I felt my body releasing the pattern and welcoming bliss back.
My niece, who has recently shared her life-long struggle with anxiety and depression, came to my mind over and over. I had said to John a few day ago I was feeling like I need to reach out to her.
My nephew, who has used drugs to combat severe anxiety, resulting in his having multiple incarcerations, came to mind.
And so many others….
I began listening to the Surrogate Tapping audio, and I said out loud to myself, “I dedicate the merit of this to all who suffer from anxiety…” Jesica Ortner’s words encircled my body and soothed my mind:
…. This is a blessing in disguise and I am so grateful…. I let go of my need to control this situation….
I can feel some hints of integration as I listen.
….As I heal in the presence of darkness, we are all uplifted….
I wonder if this pattern of fear and anxiety might actually be a part of our collective divine mission.
….I no longer live the lie; the lie that I don’t have what it takes; the lie that others don’t have what it takes….
I can still hear the refrain of Karen Drucker singing I surrender to my greatest highest good in the background of my mind’s ear. I can feel myself breathing! I look and my heart rate on my Fitbit is showing 67 beats per minute!
My grandson, Brad, comes to mind. He has spoken of his own awareness of this pattern of anxiety-driven achievement.
….This person has what it takes to have what they want….I have faith that this person I love will do what’s right for them. The outcome is greater than I could have ever imagined so I let go of my need to predict. I let go of my need to control. Everything is in divine order. I am grateful for this situation for it helps me learn and grow. I am grateful for this situation for it helps me learn and grow. I’m grateful for this blessing in disguise. I’m grateful for this blessing in disguise.
When the surrogate tapping audio is finished, I open my email and read two “Thought-for-today” messages that speak directly to my current experience.
Look around, look around at how lucky we are to be alive right now. ~ Lin-Manuel Miranda (from Gratefulness.org)
Get to know fear. What is fear? It’s very interesting. Fear is always about what might happen, not much about what’s happening right now. When you’re present in the moment there may be discomfort, even real pain or sadness, but not a lot of fear. Fear is about your projections. ~ Aaron (from Deep Spring Center for Meditation)
And when I turn on the computer to write this Yellow Brick Road post, this is the random screen saver image I am looking at. And I surrender to my greatest highest good….
If you live in the moment with fear,
‘What if this doesn’t work? What if that happens?’,
your fear contracts your energy field.
When thusly contracted, the light can’t pour out of you.
Equally important, you are armored and the radiance of the outside world cannot pour in.
~ Aaron
From my journal this morning:
Dear Holy Spirit,
I went to bed early. John stayed up later and when he came to bed I got awake and was restless. Knowing we both need rest, I went in to the guest bedroom.
I did an internet search of coughing after bypass surgery. Some said it could last weeks and that it is very much a beneficial part of the healing and recovery.
I listened to the tapping audio by Dawson Church and fell asleep.
I looked at my watch the first time at 1:13 and saw that the date was January 13. That silly coincidence of it being 1:13 on 1/13 captured my attention.
Earlier in the evening John had dozed off in the recliner in the TV room. He was so still…. I spoke his name softly. He did not respond. I called his name a bit more loudly. Nothing!
So, I rubbed his leg, saying his name gently until he woke up. I said, “Sorry to wake you up. I was nervous.”
A few days ago he moaned in the bathroom and scared me. A yawn, a moan, a grown…. a grunt…. a sigh, even silence all carries with it a dab of dread. He seems to understand how care and concern has blown itself into a sort of hyper-vigilance.
How long might this rob me of the full joy and relief of these moments we are blessed with?
None of us are promised anything more.
Is this enough?
Will I discard the gift of this sweet bliss in the field of forever fear?
I hope not.
I also saw the clock at 3:13! In Europe, they put the date before the month.
I got up at 5:55 and this day has had moments of feeling almost normal.
“Courage is being scared to death … and saddling up anyway.” — John Wayne
The wisdom of all ages and cultures emphasizes
the tremendous power our thoughts have
over our character and circumstances.
~Liane Cordes
On Christmas Eve I joined a Zoom Interfaith gathering. Jeshua’s message,”You Are the Light That Comes to Transform the Earth,” channeled by Barbara Brodsky, was powerful. Here are a few excerpts:
People have sometimes misunderstood my work, said that I came to save the world from sin, with confusion about that word. I take the letters S-I-N to mean sinking into negativity. Through so many lifetimes many beings have been sinking into negativity. And what will save us from that? It is not me that will save us; it is all of us together holding the potential of Love on an Earth that is awakened, the Eden we have been promised. You are important—vital, really—to recreate that brilliance, that love….
You know those lines about the darkest time of the night before dawn. Dawn is coming. You each carry that dawn in your own hearts, especially when you compassionately observe the ways that you do sink into negativity. The watcher is not caught in that negativity. Of course, you fall into negativity at times; you are human. Every human does this at times….
In the darkest hours, look around and say, “Yeshua, where are you?” And I am here, I promise. I will never break that promise or your trust because you are my beloved sisters and brothers. Together we undertook this work. And yes, we are doing it. Despite how the darkness seems to envelop us, we are bringing light, and that is all that’s needed.
This morning I was writing in my journal about writing prompts when a prompt popped into my mind: What if we could….
What if we could use all of the power of the universe for the good of all? Might humans cease fighting as though there was not enough for all? Would men and women cease blaming one another and love and revere our differences instead? What might occur if we can recognize fear and negativity when it shoves us off the path of awakening and we can lay a finger across our lips and whisper, “Shhhhh…..”
What if we do away with ‘what if’ and simply focus on the truth of WE COULD.
We could remember who we really are. We could rise above grasping and clinging and aversion. We could feel the wind and know our body is breathing. We could watch the sun rise and set as sacred witness to the ever-present ever-changing nature of All That Is. We could soften around our experiences and let the space of possibility weave laughter and hope and trust back into our days and our nights.
We could….
A bit later, I listened to an interview with Leesa Anderson: Channeling the Miraculous. She and her family witnessed a motorcycle accident. A deer stepped right into the path of a man at cruising speed. The man went end-over-end and landed in a heap, with his head and arms underneath his chest. You really do deserve to hear Leesa tell in her own words how she heard a message from God; a message given to her to whisper into his ear. And then, to be lost and stop for directions only to connect with the motorcyclist’s wife. Please listen….
Leesa’s spiritually transformative experiences have often happened when she was on the highway. I hope you will take time to listen to the entire interview and to check out IANDS.
NLP (Neurolinguistic Programming) has a nifty process of setting up a chain of anchors, moving an individual’s mind states along the path from “I can’t” to “I might” to “I could” to “I can” to “I will.”
Join me in moving our own mind states from “I can’t” to “I will” say yes and join Leesa in Channeling the Miraculous!
I confess to recently having looked into the mirror and noticing a drooping of my jowls, deep crevasses of a frown on both sides of my mouth. More accurately, not frowning, just the absence of laughter and smiles.
Darshan is a reciprocal experience of meeting with a holy or revered person or diety which results in the human viewer’s receiving a blessing. The person just before me to receive darshan had been told, “To be is your gift of the world. There is nothing at all selfish about just being for some period of time and letting yourself feel energetically restored. If you have a beautiful fountain, water must come into the basin or the fountain cannot continue to send out its beautiful movement. Fill the basin — with pure, radiant water.”
In much of the world, this is the season for giving gifts. But to be able to give a gift, there must also be those to receive. Most of us are familiar with the lyrics of the song about the little drummer boy.
I played my best for him
Pa rum pum pum pum,
Rum pum pum pum,
Rum pum pum pum
Then he smiled at me
Pa rum pum pum pum
Me and my drum
I was the last to receive a blessing from The Mother.
To Debra:
And this last topic is a little less precise for you. You do take time to restore, but I think after you’ve taken some and you think, “I’ve already had my restoration and its time for me to flow out again.”
Please stop thinking about in and out. The water comes into the basin of the fountain so it can go out. When it goes out it lands in the perimeter of the basin, flows into the center, then out. And it just keeps recirculating.
Sometimes you’re more in one phase, sometimes more in the other. For you it would be good to try to find where the balance is. And remember that the basin is never empty, because it is not only you that fills it, but everything around you fills it.
The gifts that you give to the world… I’ve enjoyed through Barbara reading your blog. It’s very beautiful. This is a gift to everyone. You’re hosting an event like this. This is a gift to everyone.
Now to whatever degree it’s useful, focus on, “What do you need in order to be more fully nourished? And how can you invite that into yourself, knowing that it will recycle back out? … but in this moment, what will suit me in order for the fountain to be full and ready to pour out again of light?”
This flowing of water into the basin so it is ready to pour out again brings to mind the ebb and flow of light on our planet.
It has been a challenging autumn. August 30 we tested positive for Covid. September 24 John’s brother, Jerry, passed. The week of Thanksgiving, our 55-year old niece had a brain bleed. Since the first of November John has had an extremely painful sciatica flare. But the December full moon has come and gone. Known as the “cold moon” by the Mohawk people, this full moon occurs just a few days shy of December 21, the winter solstice.
Humans have honored the significance of the winter solstice for a very, very long time. The ancient Monument of Newgrange is a 5200 year old megalithic structure built in precise alignment with the rising sun over the solstice each winter. Built around 3200 BC, that means it is 600 years older than the Pyramids at Giza, and 1,000 years older than Stonehenge.
“What do you need in order to be more fully nourished? And how can you invite that into yourself, knowing that it will recycle back out?”
I need to remember that spring always follows winter.
I need to remember that water comes into the basin of the fountain so it can go out.
I need to remember that, as Stephen Spender so beautifully expressed, “The only true hope for civilization — the conviction of the individual that his inner life can affect outward events.”
I need to remember the face of our great-grandson, Jackson, when his G-ma took him to visit Santa.
I need to remember that when my eyes fill with wonder and my heart with love or joy, I do not betray my concerns for the world — I nourish my capacity to attend to them.
From my keyboard to yours, Merry Christmas everyone….
We are enjoying wonderful weather here on Pine Island. Whether the weather is pleasant or unpleasant, John and I continue to navigate some challenging physical stuff.
John started with planting a mum early November in Michigan’s hard autumn ground. Stepping on the shovel with his right leg, he felt a pop in his low back. Three chiropractic sessions, a TENS unit, and exercises could not prevent our long drive times from Michigan to Tennessee and from Tennessee to Florida from pushing him over the edge. Fast forward to this week:
I am having some sort of chronic sinus stuff. Interestingly, my friend (who did not know about this) sent an article titled “Marvels of Mucus and Phlegm.”
It is challenging to not feel discouraged.
A couple of days ago problems with some Amazon Web Services cloud servers were causing slow loading or failures for significant chunks of the internet. Our Alexa device stopped working. Everything looked right at the configuration level, but nothing I did brought her back online. Later, when Alexa came back online, we could still not access Amazon Music Unlimited.
Add to this a new app for TV here in Florida. Hmmmm, you know about teaching old dogs new tricks, right? We are struggling big time with that.
I said to John, “This house is too quiet!!!”
True confession. Those words have never come out of my mouth before.
I miss his music.
I miss putting together thousands of puzzle pieces as he is playing his guitar and I am (badly) singing along with him.
I miss him being out-and-about gabbing.
I miss the way we have historically lived life here.
We have both realized the profound fact that a lot has changed.
John’s brother, Jerry, passed in September. John will not be hanging out with Jerry for his normal two-days-per-week-off-island this January, February, and March. Also, John’s long-time musician friend, Walt, sold his place here on Pie Island after Walt’s wife passed in September.
Big changes.
I am currently the one to go to the store, the pharmacy, the store, the pharmacy; the pharmacy, the store, the pharmacy. The other day, the pharmacy tech at CVS was having a really bad day. She used the “F” word, and she cried.
We are not alone living through these stressful times.
Yesterday I had the privilege of transcribing my (marvels of mucus) friend’s private session with Barbara Brodsky. Here is a brief excerpt:
You said you’ve been – I don’t remember who – you said you’ve been listening to some of these teachers. I am looking at the questions.
Adyashanti – alright, he is very rooted in the true self, and I don’t know the 30 specific pointers and “practices” but I would imagine they must be pointers toward remembering and resting in the true self.
I am glad you are doing that. That’s perfect.
My true self is way beyond the mucus. John’s true self is much more than sciatica pain.
For sure, everything is a reminder of how we are giving meaning to our experiences. I drew an Osho card this morning. 7 of Water. Projections. The last lines: And there are as many worlds as there are minds, because every mind lives in its own world.
Grandson Brad checked in with us last evening. He suggested John tally his highest level of well-being each day. Rather than using a pain scale to see his lows, what was he able to do/enjoy/achieve today?
A couple of evenings ago, after some lateral leg pulls and a few minutes on the makeshift inversion table John was able to walk upright. He looked like someone with a book on their head, as proud as punch!
A suggestion from my friend’s reading: I want you to find that infinite source of love, that essence of love which you are…
And from Adyashanti: Essence isn’t a small thing, essence is an immense thing. The essence of you is everything you ever see, taste, touch, and experience. Everywhere you go, every step you take, every breath you take is actually happening by the essence, of the essence, in the essence, and to the essence.
The marvel of mucus and the severity of sciatica are both happening in the essence….
Tuesday evening while still in the post-overnight-drive malaise, I tried to log on as Zoom host for our Dharma Path class. It said “username / password incorrect” so I tried again. Same thing. Then the foggy thinking took over and I questioned if the link was set up on one of the other accounts. I tried both, but neither of those worked either, so I tried the main account once more.
Up popped, “YOUR ACCOUNT HAS BEEN LOCKED FOR 30 MINUTES DUE TO FIVE INCORRECT LOGIN ATTEMPTS.”
About 15 minutes late opening the room, and about 15 minutes before the class is to begin, I used the student link to log in as a participant. That worked, but I was unable to support the class as host by making the teacher/s co-hosts, muting, spotlighting the teacher, recording the class, etc.
I asked one of the other students who is also a volunteer host to give it a try. He got the same message. I sent a text message to the Zoom team leader who was not attending the class. Perhaps she could help.
Barbara said we would begin and we would just rely upon audio recording with her iPad.
About 15-20 minutes later, the Zoom team leader was successful logging in as host! She was able to make me host, and I was able to perform my hosting duties.
You so want to be of genuine service….
I was very aware of the significance of Aaron’s opening illustration about a young child’s coming to dinner and lamenting, “I don’t want that black stuff on my potatoes.”
Note* I am allergic to black pepper. It gives me a sour stomach and “juicy” burps.
Aaron had Barbara share her experience at age 17 of being on a freedom ride with a group of students from the north who went into the deep south working toward the end of segregation. When Barbara voiced her fear in anticipation of the following day’s event, an elder church member said to her, “WE would not want you to do this if you were not afraid — you need to recognize the harm that could be done so you can already forgive them for any possible harm.”
It is like Jesus saying, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.”
The following day their bus was run off the road. It was tipped on its side. The angry mob was breaking the windows. Glass and rocks were raining down on them. Amidst this shock and risk a single voice began to sing, “We shall overcome…” before they all joined in.
Barbara remembers that as a pivotal moment.
Great harm or even death may have come to them if not for the arrival of the National Guard.
Many of us are old enough to remember segregated movie theaters, drinking fountains, schools. Forward movement is not always a straight line.
A substantial theme of the class was this path of genuine service while navigating an ongoing pandemic and divisiveness. We were asked how we would (or could) respond if a neighbor’s child fell on the sidewalk and was obviously seriously injured. The parents of this child had been very hostile toward social distancing, wearing a mask, or getting a vaccine. Perhaps one of the parents currently had Covid. Several student were able to describe ways to tend to the needs of the child while still protecting themselves from potential exposure to the virus.
During the Q&A, sincere anger and frustration was expressed about a grown son who refused to get a Covid test for his mother to be comfortable coming to and assist the family with a toddler and an expectant mom. Aaron used the example of saying a firm “no” from a place of compassion as one would do if a teenage son had been drinking and wanted to drive the car.
Aaron responded to the anger and frustration with such wisdom and loving kindness.
“Compassion does not make you weak.”
Another person expressed fear around the deepening of positions of humans around alternate views.
“They are not here as destroyers of each other, they are teachers for one another.”
As this last month of 2021 unfolds, my sister (Janis) and I continue to use the 2020 Magic Eye calendar as a spiritual template for the upcoming month.
December’s is a lovely holiday scene.
As you let your focus relax, three deer appear in the foreground. The one on the left is looking toward the right. The one on the right is looking toward the left. The one in the middle is looking forward.
Varying slightly from culture to culture, symbolism of deer is gentleness, awareness of surroundings, unconditional love, and mindfulness. A deer represents innocence, kindness, grace, and good luck.
May all beings act from these qualities that are within each of us.
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