By Debra Basham, on September 27, 2015
Character
is who you are when nobody is looking….
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| Virginia “Ginny” Grove, with son, Sean. |
The Celebration of Life ceremony for Virginia “Ginny” Grove was held on Saturday, September 26, 2015. Knowing how deeply Ginny felt about Native American spirituality, I wondered how well that might be honored in a service officiated by a Roman Catholic priest, and held in the cafeteria at the Catholic school where finished out her teaching career.
Before the service began, my sister, showed me a reading she had asked Ginny’s son to share. He said he was not emotionally able to do that. My sister understood—herself unable to hold back the emotion to read. As the service began, the paper with the treasured prayer was folded up, and placed back in her purse.
The priest really did know Ginny! That was such a relief. I loved hearing him read the sacred texts related to nature. Ginny taught science, but, more than that, as the priest said, “Ginny taught LIFE.”
Ginny was (IMHO) way too young to die, but I knew she had had a major heart attack many years ago. Following the heart attack, she experienced severe anxiety and was sometimes afraid to stay alone at night. I remember leaving our back door unlocked each night, so Ginny could let herself in at any time if she needed to. Some mornings, she would be curled up comfortably on the family room sofa when we woke up.
Her coworkers spoke of Ginny’s integrity, creativity, and passion for inspiring students. Many giggles were sprinkle throughout the room when her leaf collection requirement was mentioned! Wonderful words of praise were shared, including a note from a former student, unable to attend. It is very different to teach a class than to inspire a life. Ginny inspired. She was one of our daughter’s teachers in middle school, and Ginny was the flow into my life of several dear friends (best called soul mates).
One teacher who spoke—another passionate cat lover—had been mentored by Ginny. It almost took my breath away when she closed her sharing with the poem my sister had brought hoping it would be read! It was perfect that it was shared by another teacher, one blessed to be nurtured by Ginny. Authorship is not conclusive, but it is often referred to as Native American. It may have come from such an oral tradition, but was likely written by Mary Elizabeth Frye. Regardless of the source, it is a source of comfort for Ginny’s friends and family, and a beautiful tribute to Ginny.
Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.
In 2001, I had the privilege of officiating at Ginny’s wedding. Ginny made bouquets of feathers—Turkey, Bluejay, Crow, and she chose to say her vows on the Pier, where the Saint Joseph river was flowing freely into the waters of Lake Michigan.
Ginny chose this Sioux Prayer:
O our Father, the Sky, hear us,
And make us strong.
O our Mother the Earth, hear us,
And give us support.
O Spirit of the East,
Send us your Wisdom.
O Spirit of the South,
May we tread your path of life.
O Spirit of the West,
May we always be ready for the long journey.
O Spirit of the North,
Purify us with your cleansing winds.
Ginny’s son has created a scholarship in her name. What a thoughtful action. Recipients will be from the three schools Ginny blessed during her career as an educator. Ginny’s body has been donated to the science she loved.
Ginny has made the long journey, but Ginny’s legacy lives on. Aho.
By Debra Basham, on September 9, 2015
Sometimes awkward experiences yield valuable insights. That certainly was the case when a young woman (upset about her older brother’s attitude toward her) blurted out, “He does not deserve my kindness!”
My response may have not meant much to this young woman at the moment, but it meant the world to me. I told her simply: “YOU deserve your kindness.”
Most of us are familiar with the saying about resentment being like our eating rat poison, expecting the rat to die. Instantly, I was witness to how her hateful response to his treatment of her was toxic to her. In fact, I am quite sure at the time he was not even aware she was upset.
It reminded me of Richard Bandler’s teaching that the best way to help a poor person is to not be one.
Her brother had not shown her kindness. He reacted to something she had done with impatience—and rather than ask her respectfully to take care of things, his tone of voice was disrespectful. By returning his unkindness with more unkindness, neither was experiencing the respect both essentially would have preferred.
When might the effects of her kindness be seen? Perhaps her brother will never learn the value of treating her with kindness, or maybe it will be a long time from now before he sees the value of his treating others with greater kindness. But, this young woman could have experienced kindness instantly by following Mahatma Gandhi’s suggestion: “Be the change that you wish to see in the world.”
What might have changed with her ability to meet her brother’s unkindness with kindness? For sure, she would have changed.
By Debra Basham, on August 31, 2015
Dr. Wayne Dyer, the renowned motivational guru and author of dozens of self-help books, has died at age 75, his family announced over social media Sunday.
DrWayneDyer.com
“Wayne has left his body, passing away through the night. He always said he couldn’t wait for this next adventure to begin and had no fear of dying. Our hearts are broken, but we smile to think of how much our scurvy elephant will enjoy the other side. … We Love You Forever Dad/Wayne,” his family posted in a message on Dyer’s Facebook page.
Suffice it to say, most “seekers” have profoundly appreciated his teachings and his essence.
For those familiar with the Christian Bible, the Sermon on the Mount speaks to our experience of loss. Matthew 5:4, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” But how will you be comforted?
A person wrote online asking advice on how to deal with grief, and someone responded with wisdom worth sharing. Please read the entire article, and take to heart the essence:
- Grief comes in waves, at first very high and very frequent
- Sometimes the best you can do is just float
- Find a memory or photograph or someone else who is floating to hang onto
- Stay alive; eventually you can breathe and function between the waves
None of us escapes physical death. We face this truth each time someone we know and love transitions back into spirit. We can be especially shocked when an icon we value greatly is no longer in our world with skin on. After the news of Dr. Dyer’s transition went out on our “Fellowship” list, several people responded. These two messages speak volumes:
He will now be working from the other side.
So glad this was shared. What a beautiful spirit to have walked this earth. I am sure the stars will shine brighter tonight….and I know he definitely brought light to my world.
Yes, Wayne Dyer brought light into our world. Although he lived in an orphanage, he did not let his past limit his future. He proved you can rise above the mundane conditions of life, spread your wings, and fly. Soaring above limiting emotions and looking at a panoramic view of life, he invited others to enjoy a transcendent existence as well.
Dr. Wayne Dyer has taken off his earth suit and is now in our midst as unlimited energy and light and love. “You are what you choose to be today, not what you have chosen to be before.” We will remember….
By Debra Basham, on August 23, 2015
Those who forget the past are condemned to repeat it.
~ Carlos Santayana
Last Sunday a friend emailed some information from an international financial analyst pointing to a severe correction in the stock market coming very soon. Everything in me wanted to call our investment manager Monday morning and tell him to get us out of the market for a while. In 2007, sharing my concerns with our previous investment manager about a similar warning resulted in my having been made to feel that my worries were unfounded. Feeling insecure, I did nothing back then, and we lost money we had worked hard to save for our retirement.
Monday morning I did nothing about the nudges I felt to make that call. In short, I ignored the gnawing feeling, then watched the market lose about ten percent in two days.
My post is not about finances, but it is about changes in perspective.
Notice what you see in this amazing pencil prayer by my dear artist friend Carol L. Myers.
As I ponder what I see, I remind myself it is not helpful to beat myself up about the stocks.
I recall the message I received from spirit following the 2008 losses. “Debra, you know your security is not dependent upon the stock market.”
This greater consciousness is consistent with Steve Siebold’s “Million Dollar Mind” process, in which he contrasts “World Class” perspective with “Middle Class” thinking:
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1. The Middle Class competes…The World Class creates
2. The Middle Class avoids risk…The World Class manages risk
3. The Middle Class lives in delusion…The World Class lives in objective reality
4. The Middle Class loves to be comfortable…The World Class is comfortable being uncomfortable
5. The Middle Class has a lottery mentality…The World Class has an abundance mentality
6. The Middle Class hungers for security…The World Class doesn’t believe security exists
7. The Middle Class sacrifices growth for safety…The World Class sacrifices safety for growth
8. The Middle Class operates from fear and scarcity…The World Class operates from love and abundance
9. The Middle Class sees themselves as victims…The World Class sees themselves as responsible
10. The Middle Class slows down…The World Class calms down
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Mark Twain may have said it best, “October: This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks. The others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August and February.”
I don’t know for sure what the future of the stock market holds. No one does. However, we do know for sure we can choose to cultivate World Class behaviors. We can nurture an abundance mentality, managing risk, and living in reality. We can operate from love and abundance, calm down, and see ourselves as responsible. We can even be comfortable being uncomfortable.
This certainly beats hungering for security and living in fear and scarcity.
Look again at the same pencil prayer, this time from the horizontal view. Notice the peaceful images that emerge automatically with just a slight change in perspective.
It has been my habit to let Carol’s work share my desk with me until it seems the many messages tucked within have been received. This one is about ready to move to my altar.
By Debra Basham, on August 15, 2015
Oh, to live the delusion that things are always black and white…. What a luxury that might be, but situations are complex. For example, the idea of a community putting out a Little Free Library seemed perfectly simple until I joined the ranks of other authors who are now taking advantage of digital delivery through e-publishing where the following paragraph was required to be included on the first page of my book:
This eBook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only.
This eBook may not be re-sold or given away to other people.
If you would like to share this book with another person,
please purchase an additional copy for each recipient.
If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it,
or it was not purchased for your use only,
then please purchase your own copy.
Thank you for respecting the hard work of this and all authors.
The facilitators of the writers workshop I have been attending this summer also stress the importance of our commitment to purchase our favorite books in support of the authors. We work for years creating a book, and our time, energy, and dedication need to be honored by a purchase. That makes perfect sense, doesn’t it….
I respect Todd Bol and Rick Brooks who created the first Little Free Library in Hudson, Wisconsin. They are said to have done that “to foster community and a love of books”—both values I deeply share!
According to the website, more than 25,000 Little Free Libraries now dot driveways and front yards in all 50 states. My home state of Michigan has about 268, and Little Free Libraries are found now in 70 countries.
Just from the authors’ point of view, I think you will get behind the idea of buying a book rather than borrowing it (especially with the ease of digital delivery). The larger issue, however, is the importance of your seeing the bigger picture in every situation.
Perhaps the best advice might be found in Stephen Covey’s best-selling book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, specifically Habit #4, Think Win-Win. Covey explains that there are six paradigms of human interaction:
1. Win-Win: Both people win. Agreements or solutions are mutually beneficial and satisfying to both parties.
2. Win-Lose: “If I win, you lose.” Win-Lose people are prone to use position, power, credentials, and personality to get their way.
3. Lose-Win: “I lose, you win.” Lose-Win people are quick to please and appease, and seek strength from popularity or acceptance.
4. Lose-Lose: Both people lose. When two Win-Lose people get together—that is, when two determined, stubborn, ego-invested individuals interact—the result will be Lose-Lose.
5. Win: People with the Win mentality don’t necessarily want someone else to lose—that’s irrelevant. What matters is that they get what they want.
6. Win-Win or No Deal: If you can’t reach an agreement that is mutually beneficial, there is no deal.
This post had been almost finished when I had to shut down the computer and drive downtown to make an appointment. The# 9 Tenderness card (Angelic Messenger Cards by Dr. Meredith Lady Young-Sowers) my client drew speaks directly to this important new way we are relating in the world.
Refuse to accept that one person is right and the other wrong.
Speak your truth while at the same time accepting that others will see their truth more easily than yours.
Believe in yourself enough to ask others to hear what you need to say.
Setting up a shared personal language for relationships allows you and others to express your feelings and your beliefs while at the same time making room for others to also be as right and sure of their opinions as you are.
Whether you buy or borrow, spend or lend, you will probably agree the things that foster community and a love of books are wonderful! Read on….
By Debra Basham, on August 4, 2015
When Joel and I met a woman who has trained in NLP (and DHE) for many years with Richard Bandler we spent some time sharing our history. She asked what our plans are for teaching in the future. I summed up where I am with things by saying I do not have an interest in building a better widget, but I am very interested in raising consciousness. The very next morning, this quotation came from Gratefulness.org. It fits my thoughts exactly!
Do not be small minded.
Do not pray for gourds and pumpkins from God,
when you should be asking for pure love
and pure knowledge
to dawn within every heart.
~ Sri Ramakrishna Paramahamsa
Gourds and pumpkins are OK, but they are not the ultimate.
Every day individuals on our planet are living lives looking at the bigger picture. I was blessed to see Myra Roberts’ amazing portrait of Malala. ArtPoems pairs visual artists with poets, and the synergy results in inspiring pieces that are sure to be remembered.
Visit ArtPoems 2014 to see the portrait of Malala, and let your heart release any small mindedness as you enjoy the companion writing by Lorraine Walker Williams.
Make sure you are a blessing in your own life, in the lives of others, and in the life of the planet. Yes, our planet is a living organization, and it, too, benefits from your kindness, compassion, and consideration. As pure love and pure knowledge dawns within every heart, plenty of gourds and pumpkins will exist, but the world will also be filled with so much more.
By Debra Basham, on July 21, 2015
Over lunch with some like-minded friends earlier today, I mentioned the home work for a writers’ intensive I had just completed a few moments before joining them. One of the group is moving back to Canada after living here for twenty-seven years. I don’t see her often, but I will miss knowing I might see her any time soon.
Designed for your discovering what motivates you, part of the homework process was based on a post by Mark Manson (touted as an author, thinker, and life enthusiast).
Mark’s 7 Strange Questions That Help You Find Your Life Purpose started out with “What’s your favorite flavor of shit sandwich?” The point he was making is that even when you do what you love, there may be parts of that you do not enjoy. The list of questions ended with “If you knew you were going to die one year from today, what would you do and how would you want to be remembered?”
When I put the phrase “If I only had one year to live” into a Google search, about 540,000,000 results came up! We are not alone thinking about things like this.
That is why I write. To share what has meaning in life is what has meaning in life.
My answer to the first question is: Some people I love die. I discovered that years ago. Not all, but some, and I open my heart to be broken again and again.
My answer to the last question is: I would do what I am doing now, with even less sense of urgency. Being in the present moment would allow one year to feel like forever.
Whatever is up for you right in you life right now, you might appreciate the insights to be gained by Mark’s strange questions.
By Debra Basham, on July 14, 2015
Every child is an artist.
The problem is how to remain an artist once we grow up.
I first heard this quotation by Pablo Picasso watching a YouTube video of Amanda Palmer talking about being an artist. “Connecting The Dots” is about the way digital publishing has leveled the playing field and how vulnerable writers are in this venue.
Yes, writers and painters and musicians are able to now share their gifts via social media, but Palmer compares the Internet to the Wild West where pickpockets and snipers abound. With the Internet you do not get to choose. Cyber criticism can be cruel.
It is very interesting to me that I watched the video because I am participating with a handful of other writers in an eight-week intensive. A few years ago, I discovered my love of writing and I added the word author to my online bio.
Admittedly, that late discovery of myself as a writer seems strange. I am someone with fifty years of journals. I am also someone who blogs regularly, publishes a wellness tip and a wholesome thought (audio and text) weekly, and co-authors a monthly newsletter.
But am I a writer just because my heart lives in a world of words?
Texting clients, family, or friends, meeting with a couple, creating a custom wedding ceremony for them, and then officiating at their wedding are also part of my world of words.
My maiden name is Smith. In my heart, my prayer is that I am a wordsmith: a person who works with words; especially a skillful writer (Merriam-Webster).
As Palmer says, once you share your art, the response is what it is. “You, as the writer, have to weather the critics.” That made me think of the Eight Worldly Dharmas I have been working with for a bit over a year. The dharmas come in pairs, and as we grasp for one, we are vulnerable to the other. I think they will make good sense to you.
Pleasure and pain
Loss and gain
Praise and blame
Fame and disgrace
My work around the dharmas included the “Reflections on Universal Well-Being” chanted by the monks of Abhayagiri Monastery, a Buddhist Monastery in the Thai Forest Tradition of Ajahn Chah.
May I abide in well-being, in freedom from affliction, in freedom from hostility, in freedom from ill will, in freedom from anxiety, and may I maintain well-being in myself.
May everyone abide in well-being, in freedom from affliction, in freedom from hostility, in freedom from ill will, in freedom from anxiety, and may they maintain well-being in themselves. May all beings be released from all suffering, and may they not be parted from the good fortune they have attained.
When they act upon intention, all beings are the owners of their own action and inherit it’s results. Their future is born from such action, companion to such action, and it’s results will be there home. All actions with intentions, be they skillful or harmful, of such acts they will be the heirs.
His Holiness the Dalai Lama says, “Spiritual practice is difficult in the beginning. You wonder how on earth you can ever do it. But as you get used to it, the practice gradually becomes easier. Do not be too stubborn or push yourself too hard. If you practice in accord with your individual capacity, little by little you will find more pleasure and joy in it. As you gain inner strength, your positive actions will gain in profundity and scope.”
May it be so….
By Debra Basham, on July 5, 2015
There are no problems, there are only situations that ask for your loving attention.
~ Aaron
I was blessed to be the guest speaker at Pilgrim Congregational Church and some requested I share these practical suggestions for how you can keep an open heart and experience true freedom.
Pema Chödrön suggests when we are frustrated or disappointed or otherwise not approving of life’s current circumstances, we can benefit by playing a game of “Just Like Me” to help us recognize our connection to all other beings. Sitting in traffic, think, “Just like me, these people have other things they would rather be doing.” Frightened by medical tests or procedures, realize, “Just like me, these people are frightened and suffering.” Concerned about finances, remember, “Just like me, others worry whether there is enough money.”
She says you can let life stop your mind and create a “Pause Practice.” A car backfires, a siren blows, a crow caws. Each of these common events can call us to be present, teaching us to live our lives without giving the conditioned mind the reigns. Take a few conscious breaths and say something that inspires our clarity such as:Loving others is an act of my true freedom.
The freedom of loving others as ourselves requires awareness and compassion. Our own response to racism, sexism, or fundamentalism may be fueled by our unconscious prejudice. We may be prejudicedagainst racism. The best way to lessen prejudice in the world is to not be prejudiced about the prejudice of other people.
Use this wonderful practice to develop sympathetic joy and keep your heart open. Bring to mind the person or situation and affirm, “May your happiness continue, may it increase.”
Breathe the phrase, “May your happiness and good fortune continue, may it increase. May it expand out into the world. May all beings experience happiness and good fortune.”
Use the practice for general categories: “May all women/men/children find happiness and good fortune. May all on this planet have a sense of well-being and enjoy success. May all be free from suffering and feel joy.”
Bring to mind any specific professional groups: doctors/lawyers/politicians. “May right livelihood bless our world. May all on this planet aspire to do no harm. May all on this planet and beyond aspire to do great good for all beings. May all be free from suffering and feel joy.”
Practice for corporations/countries/ethnic groups/institutions: “May all beings experience happiness and good fortune.”
Bring to mind the animals in the air, on the ground, in the ground, in the oceans and rivers and streams. Their particular happiness and well-being. “May they be well-fed and treated with kindness. All beings. Whatever happiness or well-being. May it continue and grow.”
Sacred Text: Galatians 5:13-14 (from the Message)
It is absolutely clear that God has called you to a free life.
Just make sure that you don’t use this freedom as an excuse to do whatever you want to do and destroy your freedom.
Rather, use your freedom to serve one another in love,
that’s how freedom grows.
For everything we know about God’s Word is summed up in a single sentence:
Love others as you love yourself. That’s an act of true freedom.
By Debra Basham, on June 29, 2015
Yesterday we celebrated my mother-in-law’s 92nd birthday.
What a wonderful surprise to see her name up on the sign in the sanctuary at church!
It is truly remarkable to think about how much everyday life has changed in her lifetime. Here are a few highlights from the year she was born:
- First baseball game played at Yankee Stadium.
- The world’s first portable radio is developed in the US.
- First Le Mans 24 hour race run in France.
- Time Magazine is launched on March 3.
- The Hunchback of Notre Dame, starring Lon Chaney is released.
- Women’s One Pieceswimming suits begin to be worn.
- The Ten Commandmentsdirected by Cecil B. DeMille.
- The explosion of recordings of African American musicians including the great Louis Armstrong.
Four-out-of –five of her sons, and three daughters-in-law, all enjoyed lunch out with her.
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| Left to right: Greg, Jerry, Mom, John, and Jim. |
It is rather amazing to think about having been her daughter-in-law for almost fifty years. My life has changed a lot, too, in those years. One constant, however, is John’s kindness, respect, and love for his mother. Here they are together at the restaurant:
The joke is he butters her up so she will tell him where the money is buried. I am not sure about the money, but I can tell you where you find real value.
You find it in the kindness, respect, and love over a lifetime. And that is true at any age….
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