By Debra Basham, on August 15, 2015
Oh, to live the delusion that things are always black and white…. What a luxury that might be, but situations are complex. For example, the idea of a community putting out a Little Free Library seemed perfectly simple until I joined the ranks of other authors who are now taking advantage of digital delivery through e-publishing where the following paragraph was required to be included on the first page of my book:
This eBook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only.
This eBook may not be re-sold or given away to other people.
If you would like to share this book with another person,
please purchase an additional copy for each recipient.
If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it,
or it was not purchased for your use only,
then please purchase your own copy.
Thank you for respecting the hard work of this and all authors.
The facilitators of the writers workshop I have been attending this summer also stress the importance of our commitment to purchase our favorite books in support of the authors. We work for years creating a book, and our time, energy, and dedication need to be honored by a purchase. That makes perfect sense, doesn’t it….
I respect Todd Bol and Rick Brooks who created the first Little Free Library in Hudson, Wisconsin. They are said to have done that “to foster community and a love of books”—both values I deeply share!
According to the website, more than 25,000 Little Free Libraries now dot driveways and front yards in all 50 states. My home state of Michigan has about 268, and Little Free Libraries are found now in 70 countries.
Just from the authors’ point of view, I think you will get behind the idea of buying a book rather than borrowing it (especially with the ease of digital delivery). The larger issue, however, is the importance of your seeing the bigger picture in every situation.
Perhaps the best advice might be found in Stephen Covey’s best-selling book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, specifically Habit #4, Think Win-Win. Covey explains that there are six paradigms of human interaction:
1. Win-Win: Both people win. Agreements or solutions are mutually beneficial and satisfying to both parties.
2. Win-Lose: “If I win, you lose.” Win-Lose people are prone to use position, power, credentials, and personality to get their way.
3. Lose-Win: “I lose, you win.” Lose-Win people are quick to please and appease, and seek strength from popularity or acceptance.
4. Lose-Lose: Both people lose. When two Win-Lose people get together—that is, when two determined, stubborn, ego-invested individuals interact—the result will be Lose-Lose.
5. Win: People with the Win mentality don’t necessarily want someone else to lose—that’s irrelevant. What matters is that they get what they want.
6. Win-Win or No Deal: If you can’t reach an agreement that is mutually beneficial, there is no deal.
This post had been almost finished when I had to shut down the computer and drive downtown to make an appointment. The# 9 Tenderness card (Angelic Messenger Cards by Dr. Meredith Lady Young-Sowers) my client drew speaks directly to this important new way we are relating in the world.
Refuse to accept that one person is right and the other wrong.
Speak your truth while at the same time accepting that others will see their truth more easily than yours.
Believe in yourself enough to ask others to hear what you need to say.
Setting up a shared personal language for relationships allows you and others to express your feelings and your beliefs while at the same time making room for others to also be as right and sure of their opinions as you are.
Whether you buy or borrow, spend or lend, you will probably agree the things that foster community and a love of books are wonderful! Read on….
By Debra Basham, on August 4, 2015
When Joel and I met a woman who has trained in NLP (and DHE) for many years with Richard Bandler we spent some time sharing our history. She asked what our plans are for teaching in the future. I summed up where I am with things by saying I do not have an interest in building a better widget, but I am very interested in raising consciousness. The very next morning, this quotation came from Gratefulness.org. It fits my thoughts exactly!
Do not be small minded.
Do not pray for gourds and pumpkins from God,
when you should be asking for pure love
and pure knowledge
to dawn within every heart.
~ Sri Ramakrishna Paramahamsa
Gourds and pumpkins are OK, but they are not the ultimate.
Every day individuals on our planet are living lives looking at the bigger picture. I was blessed to see Myra Roberts’ amazing portrait of Malala. ArtPoems pairs visual artists with poets, and the synergy results in inspiring pieces that are sure to be remembered.
Visit ArtPoems 2014 to see the portrait of Malala, and let your heart release any small mindedness as you enjoy the companion writing by Lorraine Walker Williams.
Make sure you are a blessing in your own life, in the lives of others, and in the life of the planet. Yes, our planet is a living organization, and it, too, benefits from your kindness, compassion, and consideration. As pure love and pure knowledge dawns within every heart, plenty of gourds and pumpkins will exist, but the world will also be filled with so much more.
By Debra Basham, on July 21, 2015
Over lunch with some like-minded friends earlier today, I mentioned the home work for a writers’ intensive I had just completed a few moments before joining them. One of the group is moving back to Canada after living here for twenty-seven years. I don’t see her often, but I will miss knowing I might see her any time soon.
Designed for your discovering what motivates you, part of the homework process was based on a post by Mark Manson (touted as an author, thinker, and life enthusiast).
Mark’s 7 Strange Questions That Help You Find Your Life Purpose started out with “What’s your favorite flavor of shit sandwich?” The point he was making is that even when you do what you love, there may be parts of that you do not enjoy. The list of questions ended with “If you knew you were going to die one year from today, what would you do and how would you want to be remembered?”
When I put the phrase “If I only had one year to live” into a Google search, about 540,000,000 results came up! We are not alone thinking about things like this.
That is why I write. To share what has meaning in life is what has meaning in life.
My answer to the first question is: Some people I love die. I discovered that years ago. Not all, but some, and I open my heart to be broken again and again.
My answer to the last question is: I would do what I am doing now, with even less sense of urgency. Being in the present moment would allow one year to feel like forever.
Whatever is up for you right in you life right now, you might appreciate the insights to be gained by Mark’s strange questions.
By Debra Basham, on July 14, 2015
Every child is an artist.
The problem is how to remain an artist once we grow up.
I first heard this quotation by Pablo Picasso watching a YouTube video of Amanda Palmer talking about being an artist. “Connecting The Dots” is about the way digital publishing has leveled the playing field and how vulnerable writers are in this venue.
Yes, writers and painters and musicians are able to now share their gifts via social media, but Palmer compares the Internet to the Wild West where pickpockets and snipers abound. With the Internet you do not get to choose. Cyber criticism can be cruel.
It is very interesting to me that I watched the video because I am participating with a handful of other writers in an eight-week intensive. A few years ago, I discovered my love of writing and I added the word author to my online bio.
Admittedly, that late discovery of myself as a writer seems strange. I am someone with fifty years of journals. I am also someone who blogs regularly, publishes a wellness tip and a wholesome thought (audio and text) weekly, and co-authors a monthly newsletter.
But am I a writer just because my heart lives in a world of words?
Texting clients, family, or friends, meeting with a couple, creating a custom wedding ceremony for them, and then officiating at their wedding are also part of my world of words.
My maiden name is Smith. In my heart, my prayer is that I am a wordsmith: a person who works with words; especially a skillful writer (Merriam-Webster).
As Palmer says, once you share your art, the response is what it is. “You, as the writer, have to weather the critics.” That made me think of the Eight Worldly Dharmas I have been working with for a bit over a year. The dharmas come in pairs, and as we grasp for one, we are vulnerable to the other. I think they will make good sense to you.
Pleasure and pain
Loss and gain
Praise and blame
Fame and disgrace
My work around the dharmas included the “Reflections on Universal Well-Being” chanted by the monks of Abhayagiri Monastery, a Buddhist Monastery in the Thai Forest Tradition of Ajahn Chah.
May I abide in well-being, in freedom from affliction, in freedom from hostility, in freedom from ill will, in freedom from anxiety, and may I maintain well-being in myself.
May everyone abide in well-being, in freedom from affliction, in freedom from hostility, in freedom from ill will, in freedom from anxiety, and may they maintain well-being in themselves. May all beings be released from all suffering, and may they not be parted from the good fortune they have attained.
When they act upon intention, all beings are the owners of their own action and inherit it’s results. Their future is born from such action, companion to such action, and it’s results will be there home. All actions with intentions, be they skillful or harmful, of such acts they will be the heirs.
His Holiness the Dalai Lama says, “Spiritual practice is difficult in the beginning. You wonder how on earth you can ever do it. But as you get used to it, the practice gradually becomes easier. Do not be too stubborn or push yourself too hard. If you practice in accord with your individual capacity, little by little you will find more pleasure and joy in it. As you gain inner strength, your positive actions will gain in profundity and scope.”
May it be so….
By Debra Basham, on July 5, 2015
There are no problems, there are only situations that ask for your loving attention.
~ Aaron
I was blessed to be the guest speaker at Pilgrim Congregational Church and some requested I share these practical suggestions for how you can keep an open heart and experience true freedom.
Pema Chödrön suggests when we are frustrated or disappointed or otherwise not approving of life’s current circumstances, we can benefit by playing a game of “Just Like Me” to help us recognize our connection to all other beings. Sitting in traffic, think, “Just like me, these people have other things they would rather be doing.” Frightened by medical tests or procedures, realize, “Just like me, these people are frightened and suffering.” Concerned about finances, remember, “Just like me, others worry whether there is enough money.”
She says you can let life stop your mind and create a “Pause Practice.” A car backfires, a siren blows, a crow caws. Each of these common events can call us to be present, teaching us to live our lives without giving the conditioned mind the reigns. Take a few conscious breaths and say something that inspires our clarity such as:Loving others is an act of my true freedom.
The freedom of loving others as ourselves requires awareness and compassion. Our own response to racism, sexism, or fundamentalism may be fueled by our unconscious prejudice. We may be prejudicedagainst racism. The best way to lessen prejudice in the world is to not be prejudiced about the prejudice of other people.
Use this wonderful practice to develop sympathetic joy and keep your heart open. Bring to mind the person or situation and affirm, “May your happiness continue, may it increase.”
Breathe the phrase, “May your happiness and good fortune continue, may it increase. May it expand out into the world. May all beings experience happiness and good fortune.”
Use the practice for general categories: “May all women/men/children find happiness and good fortune. May all on this planet have a sense of well-being and enjoy success. May all be free from suffering and feel joy.”
Bring to mind any specific professional groups: doctors/lawyers/politicians. “May right livelihood bless our world. May all on this planet aspire to do no harm. May all on this planet and beyond aspire to do great good for all beings. May all be free from suffering and feel joy.”
Practice for corporations/countries/ethnic groups/institutions: “May all beings experience happiness and good fortune.”
Bring to mind the animals in the air, on the ground, in the ground, in the oceans and rivers and streams. Their particular happiness and well-being. “May they be well-fed and treated with kindness. All beings. Whatever happiness or well-being. May it continue and grow.”
Sacred Text: Galatians 5:13-14 (from the Message)
It is absolutely clear that God has called you to a free life.
Just make sure that you don’t use this freedom as an excuse to do whatever you want to do and destroy your freedom.
Rather, use your freedom to serve one another in love,
that’s how freedom grows.
For everything we know about God’s Word is summed up in a single sentence:
Love others as you love yourself. That’s an act of true freedom.
By Debra Basham, on June 29, 2015
Yesterday we celebrated my mother-in-law’s 92nd birthday.
What a wonderful surprise to see her name up on the sign in the sanctuary at church!
It is truly remarkable to think about how much everyday life has changed in her lifetime. Here are a few highlights from the year she was born:
- First baseball game played at Yankee Stadium.
- The world’s first portable radio is developed in the US.
- First Le Mans 24 hour race run in France.
- Time Magazine is launched on March 3.
- The Hunchback of Notre Dame, starring Lon Chaney is released.
- Women’s One Pieceswimming suits begin to be worn.
- The Ten Commandmentsdirected by Cecil B. DeMille.
- The explosion of recordings of African American musicians including the great Louis Armstrong.
Four-out-of –five of her sons, and three daughters-in-law, all enjoyed lunch out with her.
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| Left to right: Greg, Jerry, Mom, John, and Jim. |
It is rather amazing to think about having been her daughter-in-law for almost fifty years. My life has changed a lot, too, in those years. One constant, however, is John’s kindness, respect, and love for his mother. Here they are together at the restaurant:
The joke is he butters her up so she will tell him where the money is buried. I am not sure about the money, but I can tell you where you find real value.
You find it in the kindness, respect, and love over a lifetime. And that is true at any age….
By Debra Basham, on June 20, 2015
We live in an illusion and the appearance of things.
There is a reality. You are that reality.
When you understand this, you see that you are nothing,
and being nothing, you are everything. That is all.
~ Kalu Rinpoche
As a child I loved puzzles. As an adult I enjoy Buddhist teachings. I heard this quotation by Rinpoche at Emrich retreat center in Brighton, Michigan while there on a silent meditation retreat, the title of which was Be a Lamp Unto Yourself. Another puzzle or another teaching?
When I visited with a woman who is recovering from having three cancerous ribs removed, I was seeing clearly the truth of the teachings. She is understandably grieving, understandably in pain, and understandably angry that the doctor who removed her ribs did not take into account how difficult that would be for her given that she previously had her left leg amputated at the hip.
Prior to having the ribs removed, she was remarkably independent and active—totally adept with the aid of a pair of crutches. Now, she is adapting to being in a wheelchair, often very uncomfortable as she sits on the stump causing nerves to fire.
Her choice of words were very telling, “I am angry. That surgeon did not take the quality of my life into account. The only focus was to cut out the cancer.”
Often, frightened and overwhelmed by a medical condition, we can fail to be a lamp unto ourselves. I will not share my bias about the cruel slash and burn twin treatments of surgery and chemotherapy than can destroy lives in the guise of curing a disease, or my preference for whole-person health systems that actually assist the person coming into balance and provide opportunity for the body to heal itself. I would rather have you learn a powerful guided meditation to help us imagine a world of infinite possibilities I learned while sitting under a catalpa tree smelling the sweet blossoms falling all around us.
Imagine you are out on the ocean with many other boats. It is a beautiful day. The water is smooth. You put on your scuba equipment and dive down deep to the ocean floor. Everything is peaceful; the ground is solid beneath your feet; you move effortlessly.
As you surface from your dive, huge waves are rolling. The sea has become stormy! People on the boats nearby are yelling for help as they face being tossed overboard or the boats being capsized. The Coast Guard has been called.
You determine the best help you can be is to go back to the depths where you are safe and calm with your feet securely on the stable ocean floor. Once there, you imagine your arms stretching up to the surface of the water and you begin to help the people caught in the storm.
You lift many people onto the Coast Guard vessel where they are safe.
Next, my imagination had me lift a Saint Bernard, then an elephant, then an airplane before I was shown hospitals where this same amazing process of helping people was happening. Later, when I shared what I had seen in the meditation, another person at the retreat shared resuscitating children from this deep place of calm.
For quite some time, many of us have had a sense we have a way of being with difficult situations more constructively than focusing on what is unhelpful. Complaining (even about something we see as downright wrong) is disempowering. Even those who are unskillful or acting out of blatant greed or the ignorance of self-interest are better served by our compassionate wisdom than our anger.
I hope you will also find this vision powerful as you imagine situations in your life that can be more just, creative, and helpful. Clearly there was no “I” doing the lifting, rather it was about our sincerely intending to help all beings come to the end of suffering. It is about our being used by LOVE, as depicted in this poem by Teresa of Avila (1515–1582):
Christ Has No Body
Christ has no body but yours,
No hands, no feet on earth but yours,
Yours are the eyes with which he looks
Compassion on this world,
Yours are the feet with which he walks to do good,
Yours are the hands, with which he blesses all the world.
Yours are the hands, yours are the feet,
Yours are the eyes, you are his body.
Christ has no body now but yours,
No hands, no feet on earth but yours,
Yours are the eyes with which he looks
compassion on this world.
Christ has no body now on earth but yours.
Fortunately, we are everything!
* Posted this last night and went to Pilgrim Congregational Church this morning because my wonderful friend/colleague, Linda Beushausen was speaking. From the sermon title “Rowing Your Boat Gently and Merrily Even in a Storm, the cover of the bulletin (see image below), the scripture (Mark 4:35-41 about Jesus’ calming the sea), to singing Row Row Row Your Boat and I’ve Got Peace Like a River, you have to agree we are all in the boat together!
By Debra Basham, on June 7, 2015
People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.
This has been a very nostalgic week. I received an email message from a woman I worked with some time ago. Her email message:
I don’t know if you remember me or not. I was a patient in the early 2000’s, and you helped bring me out of a dissociative stupor.
I would love to see you again, to say thank you if nothing else. I will be in the your area in a few weeks.
If it’s not possible, please know that I’m thinking of you every day with tremendous gratitude.
My heart was so touched, I was brought near tears.
Maya Angelou said, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
I assured her, yes, I do remember her…
After all of these years, I still keep the hand-made afghan from her in my car, and this lovely needlepoint she made sits by my massage table here at the house.
Later in the week, my partner (co-developer of Subtle Communication Systems), Joel Bowman, and I met one of his former students as we walked through the WMU Engineering Campus. When she realized who he was, she said to him, “We had to do a presentation and I had been painfully introverted. I realized I had to overcome that to be what I wanted to be. Your class changed my life.”
Not everyone we touch will come back into our lives to say thank you, but whether someone is in our life for a lifetime or for a season, there is always a reason!
By Debra Basham, on May 26, 2015
It turned out to be a beautiful day, even though it started out cloudy and sprinkled a bit at the end of the Memorial Day Parade. The sky is now ribbons of blue and pink.
It has been a day of memories for me, for sure, as May 25, 2003, we had my mom’s Celebration of Life ceremony. It was the Sunday of Memorial Day weekend that year.
Most of us have heard the story about the woman who cut the end off the ham, put both pieces in the pan, and put the pan into the oven. When asked why she did that, she realized she did not know why, but she would ask her mother (who had done that).
Three generations back, the truth comes forth—her grandmother’s pan was too small for the ham to go into without cutting the end off!
Socrates once stated: “The unexamined life is not worth living,” and that certainly applies in this situation. Perhaps it applies to much more in our lives as well.
Today I discovered an amazing woman. Her name is Meggan Watterson, and she has traveled the outer world of religions in search of the divine feminine before going within to find it. Here is a powerful excerpt from the Introduction of her book, REVEAL: A Sacred Manual For Getting Spiritually Naked (Hay House Inc., 2013):
What I want the spiritual process revealed in this book to give you is what it gave to me: a sense of empowerment that allows you to shed any feeling of being a victim and own everything that has happened to you; a feeling of embodiment that allows you to let go of every notion about the body except that it’s sacred; an awareness of true love as a limitless source within you, not something or someone outside you; a feeling of self-worth that lets you accept that love is your birthright, not something you must prove yourself worthy of; the audacity and authority to know that you don’t need to keep your power hidden, that we all have a direct connection to the Divine; a belief in service and meaningful work in the world that doesn’t deplete you but rather demands that you receive as much as you give; an experience of the love and support of spiritual community to remind you again and again that you’re not alone—that women do the work of saving each other’s lives.
The readers of this blog who know my birth story have supported and nurtured me as I faced the inner pain of learning my mom discovered she had syphilis at the same time she learned she was pregnant with me. My dad had had an indiscretion. She and I spent my first trimester with her being treated at a syphilis sanatorium. She was understandably embarrassed, afraid, and angry. While this was not known by me until I was forty-something, her thoughts and emotions and beliefs about all of that affected me.
I am so thankful she was able to share with me before she passed from this life. I remember telling her about the vague sense of womb trauma resulting in not feeling loved or wanted. The gift she gave me was worth more than fortunes: “I could not have not wanted you, I did not even know you. I have loved you since the moment I laid eyes on you.”
Louise Hay (sometimes called the Queen of Affirmations) said, “You’re the only thinker in your head.”
Yesterday, awash in many emotions, two wonderful women friends again held my tender heart and assured me I am loved and wanted.
Yes, women do the work of saving each other’s lives. Today, as I remember my mom’s passing from this life, I remember the gift of love she gave me and I vow to pass it on.
By Debra Basham, on May 19, 2015
I look at the post date of my previous blog entry and I realize it was 13 days ago. Where has all the time gone? These days are extra busy. I find myself doing laundry after ten and making soup before nine.
We brought my mother-in-love home from the hospital on oxygen where she will now be getting support. What an intense time of meeting nurses and social workers and learning to operate machinery and setting up systems to keep things organized.
On Saturday when I picked mom up at the hospital to bring her home, the nurse/aide helped her into the front seat while I was opening the hatch for loading in the oxygen tank. Coming around to the passenger side of the van to buckle her seat belt, I noticed the seat was in a reclining position.
“Lean forward so I can bring your seat up,” I told her.
As she leaned up, I pushed the handle. The seat flew forward smacking her in the back.
She immediately popped out with, “I should have had a V-8!”
We both laughed.
We laughed later when we realized we had carefully put her oxygen tube on her, set the concentrator to “2” as we had been duly instructed, but I had never turned the oxygen on!
My sister-in-law also shared a funny story about one day when they were racing to the doctor and my sister-in-law ran through on a yellow light. Mom’s quick-witted quip was that they could stop twice the next time!
These are tender times for so many of us. One dear friend has her mom in the our local hospice residence. Another is bringing her younger brother home with hospice care today in a city in a nearby state. We are each facing the long journey of the only inevitability of our lives: our transition from these physical bodies.
Speaking at a nearby church next Sunday morning—Memorial Day—the title is “The Last Minute” and I will open with this:
Way back in the days of full-service gas stations, a minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant, a member of the church, worked quickly, but there were many cars lined up ahead of the minister.
Finally, the attendant motioned the minister toward a vacant pump. “Reverend,” said the young man, “Sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip.”
The minister laughed and responded, “I know what you mean. It’s the same in my business.”
Whatever is present in your life right now, it is best to remember we are each getting ready for a long trip every moment of our lives. Take a lesson from my mother-in-law, and don’t wait until the last minute. Let’s all make every day one filled with heart-felt laughter.
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