By Debra Basham, on April 9, 2016
We were traveling on Interstate 75, driving from Florida, through Atlanta, on our way to Tennessee to surprise our grandson, Brad Zelenak. Brad was going to be performing his original musical compositions on the Rock Bottom Brewery Rooftop, 111 Broadway, downtown Nashville at 7:00 pm.
We were in the HOV lanes all the way through Atlanta, and we were making great time. We were going to make it.
Although we have made that trip dozens of times, we somehow accidentally ended up on Interstate 85.
Darn!
Traffic slowed to a crawl… A pungent odor waffled into the car. We realized it was our car. A look revealed a redish fluid all over everything under the hood. The temperature gage did not register high and the engine did not seem hot, so we merged back into traffic heading onto the 285 bypass, now going w-a-y east of the city.
It was difficult not to kick ourselves for the navigational error as we watched the clock. Time was crucial if we were going to make it to hear Brad. Just before 285 was to merge back into I-75 North, we experienced another traffic slowdown. This time, steam spewed out from under our hood!
We no choice: we had to see what was going on. We took the next exit with heavy hearts.
The road we were on came to a T and we went left. On the left, we saw a body shop, and pulled in. “I have some kind of liquid spewing out under the hood. Can somebody take a look and tell me what is going on?” my husband asked.
“We don’t do any mechanical work at all, but right next door is the best mechanic in Georgia.”
He motioned to the adjacent building, and was talking about Robert, at Canton Road Muffler & Automotive Center in Marietta, Georgia.
I choked back tears as my husband told Robert we were trying to get to Nashville to hear our grandson perform.
“If I order this part from Chrysler, it will not be delivered until tomorrow. I have made this part before. I can get you back on the road. You’ll make it to hear him….”
Robert said he sings, too, and that he would be performing in his church on Sunday.
I spoke aloud the gospel truth: “We thought we had gotten lost, but we know now we had help finding you!”
We were being guided even while thinking we had made a wrong turn and were lost. Brings to mind everything that is going on in the world, doesn’t it…
We walked into the room just as Brad was ready to sing. Love you, Brad Zelenak!
By Debra Basham, on March 25, 2016
Over a cup of coffee with a new writer colleague/friend, as the conversation got rather deep, she said, “We don’t know that much about the brain and about making lasting changes.”
“Bull $&@#!” I blurted out.
“Don’t hold back,” she went on.
“NLP was developed in the 1970’s,” I continued. “We do know how we run our brains. That is what Subtle Communication Systems is all about. It is vital for well-being. What we don’t yet know is how to get the mainstream to recognize and utilize the resources.”
We nicknamed our business SCS Matters, because it does!
I did not know I still had so much energy around all of this. I guess it is understandable, given the decades I have been involved in holistic education. I remember someone asking Dean Ornish in 2007 how he thought we were doing with the move to integration. His response was he was amazed at how far we had come and appalled at how long it was taking.
Why would I say the body of work we call Subtle Communication Systems is vital for well-being? Because it is: simply put, you need to know how your internal processes affect your energy and how your energy affects your health.
You cannot feel fear without having a specific way you are thinking about the trigger.
Every thought, feeling, belief, and attitude has a structure to it. Changing the structure allows you to have a different experience.
My work has been called satanic, dangerous, and fraudulent.
I am reminded that all innovation meets with three distinct phases: first, it is ridiculed; then it is resisted; and then it is accepted as the norm.
As Dean Ornish said, we are making progress.
Halleluiah!
By Debra Basham, on March 18, 2016 (An open letter to my husband, John Basham, on the occasion of our Golden Wedding Anniversary on Saturday, March 19, 2016.)
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| Mr. and Mrs. John Basham – 1966 |
Saturday, March 19 , 1966, it was a different world when we said “I do.” Gasoline was 29 cents per gallon, and we were still in high school. We were expecting what would be our only child.
While some of our friends who were pregnant when they got married used the phrase, “had to get married” about their wedding, there was no have-to-get-married for us. We had to go to probate court. We had to challenge the judge who said our baby belonged to the courts. We had to fight the courts and the odds to still be together 5 decades later.
In many ways, the 3 of us grew up together. You and I certainly never felt like we missed out on anything we wanted. We had it all.
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| 1991 – 25th Anniversary: Renewal of Vows |
I am glad we had a big event for our 25th as our 50th will be about as simple as our wedding itself. Just the four of us in the church that night. The sanctuary dark, with only the light in the chancel on. We entered the side door—you, me, your brother Jim, and sister-in-law Karen.
We still have the proofs of our wedding photos taken at the photographer’s home on our way to Berrien Springs for me to meet your grandparents.
After I was approved by all there, we drove back into Benton Harbor to buy Henny Penny chicken from Henry’s (for those who know Benton Harbor!). We drove to Eau Claire and ate our wedding dinner at the kitchen table in the home of Karen’s mom, Mable, where she and Jim and their son, Kurt, lived.
Our wedding night was spent in my bed, in my parents’ home at Spinks Corners, with my mom and dad in the next room! Not much privacy for a shy guy and his hormone-heavy bride, but we survived that and so much more, didn’t we….
All those who have been buried while we have been married….
So much change in the world and in us….
What is most important today is the truth that has never waivered: I would do it all over again. I would say, “I do.”
I love that we don’t have to like the same things; do what the other does; or even agree.
I love the freedom to be me that you so freely give, and I treasure how much our daughter and our grandchildren love you. We all did very well choosing you, and we all love you very much. My dad is glad he missed the night he shot at you because you came to the house in the middle of the night (for the record, it was 8:30 pm).
Since on this sacred occasion, we are celebrating without the benefit of formal ceremony, I will borrow a slightly edited version of a wonderful prayer for the wedding of Ann Kidd and Scott Taylor, from the book Traveling with Pomegranates: A Mother-Daughter Story, by Sue Monk Kidd and Ann Kidd Taylor:
Eternal Spirit, Mother and Father who art in earth and heaven:
We acknowledge your presence on this holy occasion,
Like the oak branch that reaches into heaven,
And the roots that travel into the earth,
You are above us and below us, and everywhere around us.
May we know You in the beauty of the green earth,
In the music of the flowing river, and
In the hearts that rejoice together at the 50th wedding anniversary of Debra and John Basham. Amen.
By Debra Basham, on March 15, 2016
I have a secret—something I am very excited about, but cannot yet share.
What I am aware of is how that excitement and feels in my body. My breath is a little quick, and high in my chest….
As soon as I can, I will share the details of my wonderful news.
In the meantime, I can share that today we had an amazing kayak trip today: one dolphin sighting, and many great encounters with fish, birds, sun, and sky.
Kathy Boevink says on any journey, we must find out where we are before we can plan the first step. True.
We looked at the map last night, and Cindy studied the mangrove paths on the GPS before we headed out.
Fortunately, it was a calm day, and we got to see some open waters!
It was not only a calm day on the water. It was also a calm day in my mind. I was present in my kayak; I was breathing. We know how fortunate we are to have this opportunity. We cooperated and we shared and we enjoyed.
By Debra Basham, on March 7, 2016
Some people will not be able to relate to the concept of feeling homesickness, but it is a feeling that has been with me since childhood. I would go to spend the night with a friend, have a wonderful time all day, and then at bedtime get overwhelmed by wanting to be home. More than once, the mother of a friend had to take me into her arms or into her bed to comfort me.
Homesickness is a feeling akin to that of not being wanted or safe, but it has a more subtle tug on the heart.
I can feel homesick for a space, like my office at 1111 Main Street, or an experience, like a day at Still Waters Retreat Center or watching So You Think You Can Dance.
Missing the beloved pets of friends or family will send me to the ice cream parlor or the auto repair shop to pet the resident cat there.
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| Here is Zeus, one of my kitty friends…. |
Even the smell of certain foods (oatmeal cookies, curry noodles, corn bread) can cause my heart to hurt. I can feel that longing for those who have passed, one who is living but not where I currently am, and sometimes even for those I have never met.
While I understand not everyone feels such angst of missing, I am also keenly respectful that the feeling is a symptom of my not being fully present in the current moment. Darn, it is awkward to find yourself where you wish you were not, even if you are where you choose to be.
One of the best things I have learned to do when overcome by my emotions is to tap. Emotional Freedom Technique, or EFT, or simply “tapping,” has become a very welcome addition to my energy medicine toolbox.
If you are not familiar with tapping, and would like to learn more, let me know. If you already know about it, I hope you are getting the benefits of using it, too, even if you never feel homesick.
For now, I will go for a bike ride—another of my favorite ways to stay present moment….
By Debra Basham, on February 25, 2016
It has been said that time flies when you are having fun. Delighted by the plentiful waterfowl, sea shells, and sunshine, the time is flying by with many family and friends visiting and enjoying some time here on Pine Island, what I call a zoo without cages.
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| Great Egret coming to check out what we are cooking on the grill. |
A recent kayak outing provided great opportunity for healing when I discovered we were lost out in the mangroves. The GPS showed clearly where we were, but there was absolutely no visible way back to the main canal. My Michigan skin had already met its tolerance for exposure to the hot tropical sun. I was suddenly transported back to the time I was alone in Europe. I had no Euros, and I did not know where I was. I could not find the woman I had been traveling with.
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| Blue is the water ways we were on. |
Sounding much more calm than my insides felt, I said to my companion, “We are lost. I am trying not to panic, but Google Maps cannot show us how to get out.” I handed him my phone.
I knew I did not feel confident to get us out. Everything we could see looked alike. I forced myself to remember that I had survived the Europe experience. I could feel tremendous fear both present and past.
We had come through an opening in the mangroves where we had to duck down. Had the tide risen sufficiently that we would be unable to get through, or just enough we would not be able to see the opening?
While I did believe we would survive, I imagined a helicopter having to come get us after days of exposure.
How similar is all of this to the larger schema of what is happening to human beings and planet earth? Have we lost our way and are we panicking because we are afraid of what we might yet encounter?
This morning, reading the book by Matt Kahn (Whatever Arises, Love That) in which he encourages you to love whatever arises, I am drawn to this sentence: “No matter how closed off you feel or how shut down you seem to be, it is your willingness to love that reminds you how safe you’ve always been.”
I am willing to love. I suspect we all are. We did get out of the mangroves, and we got home in time for lunch! The only visible injuries I encountered were some sunburned knees.
As my knees have recovered, I am deeply appreciating the reality that if we have always been safe, we will always be safe as well.Thanks be to God. Let’s all join Matt Kahn for what he calls “A Love Revolution That Begins with You.”
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| Here is my happy face selfie, taken when we were back in the canal! |
By Debra Basham, on February 11, 2016
A few days ago, we received the sad news that our grandson missed passing his EMT class. He needed an 80, and got 78.3. To miss a really big goal by less than two percent was a huge disappointment. He will need to wait until July to start the class over, and he will have to pay for the class again. In his mind, he has lost both time and money. I understood how disappointed he was feeling about the situation.
The very next day, our daughter—his mom—found out an on-line application she had helped her father-in-love (OK, I just like that much better than father-in-law) send in. They had an email message confirming receipt, and they had the confirmation number, but the employer had no such application in the system. The following day, they were told to apply online again, only to have the very same “candidate” number as the application that was already not showing up in the system. They were understandably frustrated.
I spoke with a woman navigating cancer who was had her scheduled appointment for radiation treatment canceled a second time because of a problem with the machine. Of course, she was feeling disappointment, frustration, and fear.
As we observe the circumstances each of these individuals are going through—and the emotions generated by the unique conditions—it is rather amazing how visible universal patterns are coming to be. We understand the feelings. How do we find grace and peace in the midst of such times? How do we get over disappointment, frustration, and fear?
We know disappointment, frustration, and fear are worth getting over. The words of Seneca, Roman dramatist, philosopher, and politician (5 BC-65 AD), may be of help to all of us facing life today. “If we let things terrify us, life will not be worth living.”
Perhaps things are not all that different, after all….
By Debra Basham, on February 1, 2016
Ram Dass said, “We’re all just walking each other home.” My friend, Pamela Chappell, wrote a song based on the quotation.
On my way to the remote Buddhist Sangha for the weekly meditation, my van bottomed out in one of the ginormous mud puddles. Two wheels were up in the air, and water was up to the top of my fender. Two young women in a bright yellow jeep pull up, and one calls to me, “We will be right back and get you out. We have to go get a tow rope!”
Too far off the beaten path for satellite to locate me, I was still on the phone with Road Service when the jeep came back.
What motivates someone to help a total stranger?
I am not talking about dropping a bill in the bucket as someone is ringing the bell, letting someone pull out in busy traffic, or buying a flock of geese for a family in a village in Africa. These are all worthy acts of kindness, but this was not that—picture throwing off your good shirt, stepping out of your good shoes, wading into foot-and-a-half deep muddy water and getting down on your hands and knees.
“I go to a place near here where jeeps do off-roading in the mud flats. I don’t participate. I have too much money in my jeep for that. But when they get stuck, I pull them out.” Bonnie explained as she drove my vehicle to high ground where I could leave it and go to meditation.
“I am sorry we got your van dirty!” she called as they drove off.
They were capable—yes—but more than that: they were willing. I would guess you can easily understand why I was touched to tears by the compassionate action of these sisters!
Later, sharing my gratitude on a local issue social media site, I spotted a one line message: “Does anyone know a woman named Blah Blah here? I need to get in touch with her.”
I responded. “I know her. She is a colleague/writer friend of mine. I have her cell phone number. Send me a private message and I will let her know to get in touch with you.”
This morning, as I was preparing to participate online in a global meditation and prayer time for peace in the middle east with James Twyman via Dr. Mary Jo Bullbrook, my phone rang. It was my writer friend.
“Thank you! I don’t do much on Facebook. I don’t even have internet here. That woman’s husband had found my credit card. I did not even know I had lost it. I had left it at the ATM.”
The signature line on my email is by Mother Teresa: “If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.”
Tens of thousands were joined in a vision of peace. I kept hearing Pamela singing, “We’re all just walking each other home.” Maybe I need to change my signature line.
By Debra Basham, on January 27, 2016
“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it…”
RUMI
This morning a man who has written a daily thought for years put in his opening the following quotation about worry:
“How would your life be different if…You stopped worrying about things you can’t control and started focusing on the things you can? Let today be the day…You free yourself from fruitless worry, seize the day and take effective action on things you can change.”
—Steve Maraboli, motivational speaker, author, academic, social philosopher, columnist; age not provided
He went on to write about one of his readers, a woman who is addicted to worry, and encouraged other readers to reply to his post (sharing ways we have been able to overcome worry.)
I shared the Daily Quote from Aaron that I had just received:
“The emotions are a major catalyst for humans. They’re very powerful. They’re painful. They’re confusing. The best guideline I know is simply to ask yourself, ‘What is my highest purpose here?’ If the highest purpose leads you to enact the emotion, try it and see what happens. Perhaps insight will come that the emotion can arise without expressing it into the world, and without shame that it arose.”
FYI—I grew up with a mother addicted to worry. I have that as basic training. Meditation has been for me the ability to hold my worried emotions without shame, allowing them to rise and fall without my having to get caught up in them.
Yesterday, on my way to mediation group, I was stopped for speeding (30 in a 20). I had seen the flashing light, and I had dropped to 20 MPH. However, I had returned to a normal speed before completely leaving a school zone.
As I sat in my car while the officer ran my information, knowing I would be late coming into mediation and would miss the coveted opening words of my dear friend who hosts the group, I started tapping. (See information on the FREE tapping summit)
As I tapped, I was able to forgive myself for being reckless. As I did, I genuinely felt gratitude for the job officers do every day. When the officer returned my drivers license and insurance and registration, I was deeply appreciative to be let off with a warning!
I tiptoed in to meditation with another student, took my seat, began to breathe deeply while also hearing others breathing. I appreciated watching my hyper mind slow from its ordeal.
As we moved from meditation to sharing, I was able to tell my story when the conversation came right around to how you can often change the outcome by managing your state of being.
Perhaps overcoming the addiction to worry is like getting off with a warning!
By Debra Basham, on January 19, 2016
“You have not lived today
until you have done something for someone
who can never repay you.”
~John Bunyan
When my sister came to Florida on Friday she could not have known the details of the warm welcome awaiting her. Oh, sure, the morning of her arrival the area experienced heavy thunderstorms (complete with a tornado warning), but Saturday Pine Island put on her most beautiful face and everyone enjoyed a fun boat tour—including a visit to Cabbage Key where she got to touch a Gopher Tortoise!
Sunday’s delicious potluck cookout took place on the lanai (heavy winds were blowing, keeping even the Michiganders indoors), but even so, several Michigan friends were here to help celebrate her birthday.
We had an unseasonably cool day Monday, but we know it is nothing like the Arctic blast that is happening at home in Michigan. Our landlord sent a text message, “You certainly picked a good week to enjoy Florida. It is bitter cold here.”Our warm thoughts reach out to all of our family and friends there.
One of the amazing gifts given to celebrate her birthday is the total generosity of our captain who took us on the boat tour of the Sound. I met his wife a couple of years ago. I was a stranger, just someone riding my bike down their street as she was tending to her garden. I stopped to chat because her dog played in the yard. When she found out we had spent several winters here but had not been out on the water she said simply, “When you get down here next year, give us a call and we will take you out.”
What allows some people to be so kind?
This may not be the most memorable birthday of my sister’s entire life, but the way my brother-in-law proclaimed his bliss as we docked back at the house says a lot, “That was the most awesome adventure I’ve had in a long time!”
Thank you, Captain Chuck, and First Mate Dorene. I don’t know how I can ever repay you for the happy birthday blessing of that awesome boat ride you were willing to do for my sister!
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