For those who believe, no words are necessary.
For those who do not believe, no words are possible.
~Attributed to Saint Ignatius in Think of an Elephant : Combining Science and Spirituality for a Better Life (2007) by Paul Bailey, but earlier attributed to Franz Werfel, Philippine Studies (1953) by Ateneo de Manila, p. 269; also in Everest : The Mountaineering History (2000) by Walt Unsworth, p. 100.
I spent October 6-13, 2019 at a Deep Spring meditation retreat at Oakwood Retreat Center in Selma, Indiana. Great advice on how to respond to the question if you had a good retreat is to simply smile and say, “It was Divine.”
Truly, for those who have a practice of Vipassana (mindfulness), no words are necessary. For folks who admit to being terrified by the mere mention of seven days and seven nights of silence there are no words possible to describe the depth of experience.
This is from the Deep Spring website: A meditation retreat is a wonderful opportunity to experience our own inner being while sharing in the support of others. Mindfulness throughout the day will be a focus, with alternating periods of sitting and walking practice. The retreat will be held in silence, free of conversational talking. This kind of retreat may not be appropriate for all people. If you have concerns about your emotional stability under the pressures of a deeply introspective meditation experience, please discuss your concerns prior to registering.
More specifically, this was our week’s schedule: First sitting 6:30 am. Breakfast at 7:30 am. 8:45 instruction and sitting. 10:15 walking meditation. 11:00 am sitting. Noon lunch. 2:00 sitting. 2:45 walking meditation. 4:15 various afternoon programming. 5:15 dinner. 6:30 pm evening sitting. 7:15 dharma talk. 8:30 final sitting. 9:00 rest. (It is almost incomprehensible that one could lie awake staring into the darkness much of the night after such full days, but we often did.)
The theme of this retreat was experiencing light within the darkness. Sunrises were exquisite!
We were guided to stay present with the aversion or dislike, the wanting to escape. You can hold attention skillfully with openness of heart. Being present with kind attention, you are including everything in your experience.
It was easy to see beauty within destruction on the Oakwood campus because they sustained severe wind damage a few weeks ago. The bridge between the meditation hall and the teaching space was roped off, but brave meditators ducked under the “CAUTION” tape and gingerly tiptoed across to the other side.
Breath-taking beauty resulted from branches having been cut off a pine tree.
Perhaps it is true that beauty grows up through the cracks of our pain.
People came to this retreat with genuine human burdens: incurable cancer, Alzheimer’s disease, history of abuse, addiction, loneliness, anger, sadness, grief, physical pain.
And we each sat with what we brought…. sitting in meditation is done for relief for all sentient beings.
Pain. Unpleasant. Fear.
We were instructed to understand the difference between armoring and shielding. It is very appropriate to shield. We appropriately shield without moving into a place of armoring. Shielding with physical pain might mean applying some arnica cream or taking an aspirin.
The armor does not just appear. There is a feeling ‘unsafe.’ There is a wanting to armor. There is a wanting to feel safe. There are stories made up.
On Tuesday morning I noticed I had been gently rocking back and forth as I sat in the instruction periods. I vividly remembered having done that often as a child, and even into my adulthood, to comfort myself.
“Hindrances come as stepping stones to awakenings,” our teachers assured us.
The Buddha said, “It it were not possible, I would not ask you to do it.”
I reflected about so many of the attendees sharing deep agony of their habit patterns of self-loathing and self-criticism. I wrote in my journal: Perfection is present in every stage. The perfection of an infant only capable of lying and being held. The perfection of a toddler beginning to walk. A preschooler running with abandon. Teenagers active with hormones raging. A mother walking a child to the bus. A grandmother being helped to walk down the street. Every age has its inherent beauty.
I was given this focus for my practice: “You love so deeply. You support so many. But you often ask, ‘Did I do enough? Could I have done more?’Spend this week really feeling what it is to truly cherish yourself. You are enough. Cherish yourself.”
Thursday afternoon we had darshan with the Mother. There were very few words spoken. I wrote these down.
What if there were no right or wrong?
You are loved. You don’t have to earn that love.
You carry family karma. You did not cause it, but you must tend to it because you carry it.
I wrote in my journal: I set my intention for total relief of the karma of sexual guilt.
People found ways to skillfully process the heavy emotions. Like this art on the table in the dining hall:
I wrote a haiku.
Shadow Haiku
Stink bug in window
Its shadow toys with my mind
Are there one or two?
Who leads? Who follows?
Shadow looms larger than life
Illusion brings fear
Lips curl in a smile
Such games the light plays with me
I let myself play
Bees buzz and birds fly
Butterflies flit and then land
So brief their sweet lives
Does some distant God
Watch with curiosity
As I move through life
Perhaps we are all
Light and shadow just dancing
Nothing ever dies
Debra Basham
10/08/2019
Oakwood Retreat
I wrote “Am I Enlightened” and shared it at the campfire when we were invited to share about our week:
Am I Enlightened?
Many people have said I’m the most enlightened human being they’ve met. I don’t know what enlightenment is.
Am I enlightened because I think to close the door softly when my roommate is sleeping? Or when I pick up a piece of trash remembering the day the sheet of paper was sucked off the front seat of my van while I was driving on the highway leaving me with no way to retrieve it?
Am I enlightened when I taste the soil and the sun, and the sweat from the hands of the laborer, and the smoke from the cigarette held by the yellow-stained fingers of the delivery man on the bread I toasted dark brown and slathered with jam?
Am I enlightened because I celebrate like a 2-year-old every time I poop? Am I enlightened because I find no satisfaction in getting even or getting done?
Am I enlightened because I have felt a baby’s birth and an elder’s death and I know they are the same?
Am I enlightened because I crawl into bed at night saying, “I love my bed,” humbled knowing based on national reports, it’s estimated that no less than 150 million people, or about 2 percent of the world’s population, are homeless, and about 1.6 billion, more than 20 percent of the world’s population, may lack adequate housing?
Am I enlightened because unloading silverware from the dishwasher and putting it into the drawer, I hear the bell that rings calling us to meditation when I am on retreat?
Am I enlightened because I remember I am walking on the home of ants and moths and moles as I walk across the grass still wet from the morning dew?
Am I enlightened because I heard Ella tell me hers was a perfect incarnation for someone who desired to feel loved and wanted every second of their life as I was making the hour drive to be at the hospital to baptize her knowing a baby born with anencephaly might be stillborn or survive only a few hours to a few days after birth?
Am I enlightened? I do not say I am for I know wisdom and kindness and ignorance and cruelty and I know I am none other than All That Is.
This past Saturday night our daughter Stacey and her husband hosted a Bon Voyage-Slushy Party. Approximately 75 friends and family feasted on Doug’s pulled pork, beef brisket, and homemade Granny’s BBQ sauce.
Here is the crew starting to pull the pork:
Here is the morning after in the back yard, with barely any evidence of the partying that happened the night before:
Doug’s smoker has been sold, and regular readers of this blog know Stacey and Doug are about to pull up anchor and go on an adventure.
One question was asked of me sooooooo many times over the evening. “Are you afraid?” If I were the one going on this trip, I would be afraid. I am not afraid for Stacey or Doug.
The following is scheduled to be published in our local paper on Saturday, but many more readers have access to this blog so I am sharing it early.
Living Your Dreams
On October 3, 2019, our daughter, Stacey, turns 53 years old.
Four days later, she and her husband, Doug, are scheduled to be dropped off at a marina in Paris Landing, Kentucky. They plan to motor their 34-foot sailboat down to the Gulf of Mexico, sail across the Gulf of Mexico, sail around the Florida Keys, and then sail on to the British Virgin Islands where they will live on the boat for the next year or more.
They have spent over three years totally reconditioning the boat. This past April, they renamed her Lady Gail after our son-in-law’s mother. Our daughter never met her, but Gail lives on in Doug’s dream.
On October 7, 1919—exactly 100 years to the day before their planned departure date—Stacey’s paternal grandfather was born. Doug never met him, but Grandpa B too lives on in their dream.
During the ceremony to rename the boat, our grandson, Brad, and my husband, John, played guitar and sang along with our granddaughter, Courtney. The song, “Save Some Time to Dream,” by John Mellencamp, was a surprise.
The message of the song is powerful. Could it be that this is all there is? Could it be there’s nothing more at all? Save some time to dream. ‘Cause your dream could save us all.
Stacey cried. So did I.
A few years ago, Doug was diagnosed with atrial fibrillation (also called AFib or AF), a quivering or irregular heartbeat (arrhythmia) that can lead to blood clots, stroke, heart failure, and other heart-related complications. At least 2.7 million Americans are living with AFib.
This sailing adventure is major. It was scheduled for last year, but Doug ended up needing a major surgical procedure on his heart. Two cardiovascular surgeons worked simultaneously to perform an inside-outside cardiac ablation. We are so grateful it was totally successful!
So many people give up on their dreams.
A handwritten note with a quotation from Traveling with Pomegranates: A Mother and Daughter Journey, by New York Times bestselling author, Sue Monk Kidd, and her daughter, Ann Kidd Taylor, hangs on the side of my computer: “This is a really good idea. Before you dismiss it, remember how you felt when it came to you.”
Someone told Stacey she must really love sailing to do this. Stacey said, “Not really, but Doug really loves sailing, and I really love Doug.”
A plaque with the words of Mark Twain hangs in Lady Gail’s galley: Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do, so throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
Dr. Wayne W. Dyer, inspirational writer and teacher, said, “Don’t die with your music still in you.”
Stacey and Doug’s living their dream encourages us all to live our dreams. During the time they are gone, I expect I will journal more about my experience of their being gone. It is so very tender.
Doug’s father lost a toe, a foot, and a leg last year—the result of a cut cuticle in a pedicure that could not heal due to diabetes.
This year, Stacey’s dad is working through some health stuff.
None of us are spring chickens. But we are all so proud of them.
So many people give up on their dreams.
Jana Stanfield sings:
What would I do if I knew that I could not fail
If I believed would the wind always fill up my sail
How far would I go, what could I achieve /Trusting the hero in me
If I were brave I’d walk the razor’s edge
Where fools and dreamers dare to tread
Never lose faith, even when losing my way
What step would I take today if I were brave
What would I do today if I were brave
What if we’re all meant to do what we secretly dream
What would you ask if you knew you could have anything
Like the mighty oak sleeps in the heart of a seed
Are there miracles in you and me
If I refuse to listen to the voice of fear
Would the voice of courage whisper in my ear
What would I do today if I were brave
In “Save Some Time to Dream” Mellencamp cautions not to let your time slip away. A man we met in Florida told us how wise Stacey and Doug are to do go on this trip now while they are young and strong enough. This friend had intended to take a very similar voyage to the one Stacey and Doug have planned. He waited until after he retired, but then his health prevented him from being able to sail. This past year, he sold his boat.
Stacey and Doug anticipate having to go back to work after this trip. And even if their time away might delay formal retirement, living their dream is worth it.
If you can refuse to listen to the voice of fear, what dream still lives in your heart?
Could it be that this is all there is? Could it be there’s nothing more at all? Save some time to dream. ‘Cause your dream could save us all.
Aaron Daily Quote
Everybody wants to be safe and comfortable.
For most of you, your habitual pattern around being safe and comfortable
is to move into a control mode.
And so you try to think it out and plan it out
and get it perfect
and then rehash the plans
and see if they can be better.
You don’t know how to let go.
You can’t let go because you cannot yet recognize,
‘This controlling voice is simply fear.’
But it is recognizable if you pay attention.
As soon as there’s a contraction
and the mind starts spinning out the plans,
please just note, ‘Ah, fear is here.’
During this second year of our Path of Clear Light study group, we are working with sacred darkness. Think terms, ‘dark night of the soul’ or ‘shadow’ work.
Aaron opened with a couple of extended guided meditations. The first was a narrow bridge over a raging water fall below. We were in a harness but when we got to the middle of the bridge our direction was to allow ourselves to fall! The belief is/was that the harness would catch us, keeping us safe, ultimately preventing us from falling to our death. Fear was so present for this one who does not swim.
The second scenario is/was sleeping in a cave in the pitch black. We were to spend some time each day in these metaphors, allowing ourselves to feel the fear.
At the conclusion of the talk, when Aaron opened for questions, I shared that I love sleeping in darkness. I put a pair of socks over the little blue light on the cable box when I go to bed at night. I asked if that metaphor work for me if I was not afraid of the dark.
One of the other students sent me a private message on the Zoom format, “There is mold in the cave.”
How brilliant! We are always closer to those habit patterns of fear than we notice.
In my journal I wrote that I was aware of fear around the mold remediation insurance claim having been paid at more than the actual remediation cost. I had reached out to the adjuster about that, but it was not resolved. What is/was that fear? I know I don’t have to be fearful about not being able to pay it back if I had to.
I was able to see that it had to do with feeling out of integrity with the vow to not take what is not freely given.
Fear: I am bad
I will be punished
I will lose face
I have a flash of a past life in which I was shunned. We were a dark-skinned people.
I see the fear that I could be fined, or that our coverage could be cancelled.
I see how vulnerable that habit energy makes me feel. I recall the 8 worldly dharmas (also called concerns or preoccupations): pleasure and pain; gain and loss; praise and blame; fame and ill repute. Oh, my….
Journal entry:
V: You are aware of your habit pattern of wanting to be right. How might that have fueled your fear?
D: Well, certainly right or wrong (duality) pulls a heavy weight. Notice what the odds are that you will be wrong if there is only one right answer/choice/conclusion. EVERYTHING ELSE IS WRONG.
V: Doesn’t seem likely in something as unfathomably enormous as life, does it….
D: So if it is not a matter of right or wrong, how do I best think about it?
V: You know about wholesome and unwholesome. You know about skillful and unskillful. What do you think those mean?
D: These seem to be part of clarity, wisdom, and kindness; taking into account all needs/desires/outcomes.
V: Exactly. You are certainly seeing now how much highest purpose plays a role. If your highest purpose is to love/peace/clarity, many options open up. It isn’t about not having mundane purposes as well. In those times of inner conflict or just not being totally sure, you can rest easily within your highest purpose.
D: We are all connected. Love is the glue!
What a beautiful reminder that we are all dancing in the darkness.
P.S. Updating you on the previous post’s plumbing predicament, more mold was found! A second leak occurred (a chain-reaction to the first break) and in the need to get the belly of the mobile home dried out, PuroClean found a 4×4 board covered with black mold. That was able to be removed. We are so grateful for the miraculous mayhem. The results truly are in the hands of the divine!
Years ago I worked in a department store that had a pretty large jewelry section. Every time there was a chain with knots (and there were always chains with knots) I was the one who was given the job of de-tangling. I became really good at it.
I am doing that right now as I am looking at the threads of events that have brought me here now.
Many more threads were raveling before the one on which I was riding my bike and noticed a garage sale with a double sink. I rode right on by. I did not need a double sink.
The following day the sink was by the side of the road with a sign on it: FREE.
The sign said it was a great sink, that they had just remodeled.
I rode my bike home and then drove my van back to get the sink. I thought it might be able to be cut in half. If not, I would just take it to our local Habit for Humanity ReStore where they sell donated home goods and use the funds to finance home builds.
The good news is the sink was able to be cut in half, and my neighbor said he wanted the other half. Woohoo!
So during the installation process, the removal of the old countertop and sink resulted in a snapped hose fitting, and a cracked water pipe under our mobile home. Not only did the bathroom floor get flooded, but the underneath of our mobile home is wet now too.
Have you been following my summer of mold????
My center of peace was shut as quickly and as tight as our water main….
I grabbed the only deck of cards handy on the counter in my office. Osho Transformational Tarot. The card I drew was #53-Play.
Play??? You’ve got to be kidding. How could that fit?
When I got to this line, my pulse began to slow. “The result of your activity is in the hands of the Divine, you simply do.”
Mind you, this is all unfolding right at this moment as my fingers are on the keyboard generating this post.
I thought the mold remediation mayhem had all been taken in stride, but the residual fear flared sky high with this plumbing predicament.
But the context of these words of advice in the Osho Tarot was unique: war.
War is the most serious affair. You cannot be playful about it, because lives are involved, millions of lives are involved—you cannot be playful.
And Krishna insists that even there you have to be playful.
You don’t think about what will happen in the end, you just be here and now. You just be a warrior, playing.
Don’t get worried about the result because the result is in the hands of the Divine.
And it is not even the point if the result is in the hands of the Divine or not—the point is that it should not be in your hands, you should not carry it. If you carry it then your life cannot become meditative.
I think I am going to make this my new mantra…. the result is in the hands of the Divine.
One morning I photographed an amazing web wet with the morning dew. Later that evening, I mentioned the web while at dinner with friends. My one friend grimaced, said she hated spiders, and since dinner was in the home of our mutual friend, who was also desirous for our dear friend’s fears to be gone, I launched into the process of doing a Fast Phobia Cure. The process ended with a significant statement by my friend, “I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to spend my evening feeling anxious. I want to enjoy our time together.”
“Nature’s Ways” is the name of my October Beyond Mastery Newsletter article, and it extols the skills of spiders as metaphor for life. I also have a previously post about spider’s and karma, so I won’t go into that now. But I have been reflecting this week on my desire to help my friend overcome the phobia of spiders.
Oops…. I made a mistake. I wanted something she did not want. It was not respectful to push. We often walk the tangled web of desiring for another something the other is not desirous of. The following morning, I wrote this poem:
Remembrance
Dew wet the grass
then the rains came
will the sun come again?
This dance of despair
familiar like an old pair of shoes
but far from pleasant!
One more time
I recall that you may not remember
the years of faithful tending.
Tending the garden
removing weeds of sorrow
so buds could grow again.
Pulling the deep roots
of delusion
exposing healthy bulbs below.
New sprouts of hopefulness
peeking out from the soil
rich, pungent, ready for life.
Once I was caught in the underbrush
too fearful to let go
yet not willing to open to the light.
Like a seed
fear must be buried
before reemerging transformed.
Perhaps I can remember
for you too
as new life comes into view.
09-03-2019
Tangled webs are woven of fear. My feelings of sadness hanging in the air were tangled webs. My feelings of remorse were more tangled webs. My mulling over and over thinking and wishing things could have or should have been different—tangled webs.
On June 17, 1999, I wrote An Ode to Letting Go.
An Ode to Letting Go
I will not look back at our time together and see it all as bad. I will have the courage to call it all good – our coming together and our coming apart. I will honor your memory by remembering the growth that our relationship inspired. I will not insult either of us by insisting that it could have, should have, or would have been different. It was as it was. I will use this experience to affirm the beliefs I wish to guide my life by; All things work together for good. You are free. I am free. Be with your life lightly as I am with my own. Take not from here a false belief that you or I are less than what you are: a child of the universe, whole, holy, and loveable. Be tender with yourself as you make this adjustment, just as you would be tender with a body part as it heals. Look into the mirror often and recall the truth – I once loved you deeply. Though the feelings have waned as the moon – your worthiness (as my own) has neither diminished nor dissipated. I will always honor your memory. I will always cherish your soul. Go in peace. Live, grow, heal, and continue on your journey. For this time of our being together has ended but the ties that bind our hearts in love continue – even as the love at the center of all of life continues to hold us and guide us and heal us. Amen.
I cannot even recall now what the 1999 trigger for this writing was, but today, I know that what I am letting go is the weaving of tangled webs….
It has been a very full week. Early Tuesday morning I met my sister and brother-in-love at the hospital. She was having an angiogram, with the possibility of angioplasty or a stent, if necessary. After she was prepped for the procedure, we were able to sit with her as she waited. She mentioned that her acupuncturist, our close personal friend, had called the previous evening saying she was shocked to hear about the procedure. I looked at my sister and said, “There is your confirmation. Your heart is fine. If anything had been wrong, Leah would have known.”
It was barely an hour later when the doctor shared the good news with us, “There was no blockage, and her heart is fine.”
Later that day, I sat with a friend who’s adult son died in his sleep from an epileptic seizure last year. We used a process called Induced After Death Communication. I am not formally trained in his procedure, but IADC® Therapy was developed by Dr. Allan L. Botkin, Psy.D. It helps people find peace following the death of a loved one.
You are to imagine having a conversation, or, as we did on Monday, you can write a letter to your loved one and let your loved one write back.
This mother said she felt so much lighter afterwards.
One of the women in our ongoing Grief Journey Group mentioned Mike Dooley’s book, The Top Ten Things Dead People Want to Tell You.
The number one thing is this: I am not dead.
Most people who do the Induced After Death Communication process believe their experiential reconnection is real, but Botkin says they do not have to believe in the authenticity of the experience to benefit from its profound healing effects.
When I ask people to share with me anything that might be an evidence of communication from their loved one, most easily identify multiple experiences, even while continuing to hold a belief that what they know they experienced cannot be possible.
It is vital to notice when your experience transcends your beliefs. Our beliefs can be like clouds that block the sun. The clouds don’t affect the sun, but they certainly affect our experience of it.
It is safe to soften, or even release our beliefs so we can acknowledge and honor our experiences.
Matt Kahn expresses it this way, “Having spent the majority of my adult life being divinely guided by the presence of my angels, I wanted to share everything the angels have taught me, while aligning your energy field into greater communion and communication with the angels you may or may not know are always with you. I can tell you first hand, in looking back on my life’s journey, if it weren’t for my angels’ love, guidance, patience, and inspiration, I don’t know that I would still be here to serve you and all members of our Love Revolution.”
For several years I have been publishing a Sacred Story every Saturday morning, stories dealing with angels or the connection of persons with their loved ones who have passed. Because many of the readers of this blog also receive these sacred stories, I will not include the entire post here. I do encourage you to read Annabelle’s Own, if you have not already done so, but here is the happy ending:
I was so surprised and pleased to get that gift card, but was even more taken aback when I read it. Ann had donated the gift certificate because of my Mom and had written in the From space of the card: Annabelle & Carol Brannan (my Mom).
It truly was a gift from my Mom – aligning everything to get me there and draw that card. What a fun and memorable night! And it was the sign I’ve been needing, to know that my Mom is okay and watching over me every single day!
Here is another of my favorite Sacred Stories, posted May 9, 2015.
She had recently relocated to Florida, and her son and family had already moved there, too. Her adult daughter so wanted to come join the family, but she was having a challenge finding an appropriate rental home (within her budget and one that would take pets!).
After weeks of searching, on a particularly frustrating morning with no success, she threw her hands up, saying out loud, “I am going for a walk. If there is a real estate angel who can work on this while I am gone, I would be very grateful.”
Nearing the end of her walk, and very nearly back home, she struck up a conversation about Florida plantings with a man who was working out in the yard. One comment led to another and she confessed her frustrating morning and her need for a house for her daughter. The man said, “I am here working today getting ready to put this house up for rent.”
The house was charming, the rent was in their budget, and the owner welcomed pets. That house has been her daughter’s home for many years now.
She titled this wonderful story, “There’s An Angel for Everything!”
Just before I received the email message containing the story about “Annabelle’s Own”, I had the thought, “I need to stop scheduling the Sacred Stories for Saturday’s only and just publish the stories as they come to me.”
Perhaps I was being divinely guided by the presence of my angels….
It is interesting where sayings come from that sit in our memory banks and shape our experiences without our noticing.
One such saying comes from the late 19th and early 20th centuries when two-story apartment houses sprung up during the manufacturing boom. Cheaply built, with identical floor plans on the first and second floor, it was common to clearly hear the person living above kick off the first shoe, and be waiting for the other shoe to drop.
I was the ‘responsible adult’ with a dear friend having cataract surgery this week. I spent the night and the following morning she and I were enjoying the gorgeous view from her deck, each of us sipping on our morning brew. We were both writing in our journals when this Braham Kumaris thought for the day popped in:
Suddenly the following poem poured onto my journal page.
View from the Deck
We will die. What dies?
Wasting the gift of this moment
living ‘waiting for the other shoe to drop’
When heart is open, eyes looking up
Every moment is precious ‘living on borrowed time’
Butterfly flits across the sky
Sea gull sings in the distance
Big dog toe nails tap dance on the deck
Being present to your breathing
feeling my heart beat
Carried beyond the chasm of panic
through the valley of doubt
fearing no evil
remembering all is well
with my soul
Is my soul other than this?
Light pierces the darkness
because that is the nature of light
Darkness offers a way of seeing
that transcends the human eye
Seeing suffering calls forth compassion
Sadness itself reaches for joy
Loneliness, despair, sheer terror—
calling cards each one
saying, “Come. Rest. Renew. Receive.”
Spring always follows winter
Which phase of the moon IS the moon?
Laugh at the gyrations when you see them; theirs is a false god
Fog is rolling in—thunder in the distance—so be it
The sun has not been touched
Be with yourself as the weather shifts
it surely will
Debra Basham August 20, 2019
As I finished reading the poem aloud to her, she burst out, “Waiting for the other shoe to drop! That is how I have lived my entire life.”
I told her that had been the working title for the poem….
We went out for a decadent breakfast of banana bread French toast, then she had me read the poem to the surgeon when she went for her next-day check.
She has had some cloudy vision, neither of us expected that. It is probably due to a burst blood vessel and a small blood clot.
The surgeon will see her again at one week, and he assured her all is well.
It will be wonderful if rather than expectantly waiting bad news, now that she has gone through this process, she can continue to appreciate the evidence that she is making progress. All is well. She is for sure seeing more clearly every day.
Tonight is one of those times when tears are just so close to the surface. Perhaps it is because 57 years ago yesterday I had a near death experience. Things that happen to you change your world view….
Perhaps it is because this morning I got to work with a man, and a woman, and their precious dog. The woman had just stepped backwards into the motor pit on their boat. She began expressing her concern about not wanting to intrude on her husband’s session. We ended knowing you cannot take blessing from someone else by receiving blessing yourself. Even the dog came over to me and asked to receive healing attention! We were all so blessed by our time together as we were in that stream of the ever-perfect.
Perhaps my heart feels so tender because 11 years ago today Nonnie’s beloved Mike passed….
Perhaps tears are close to the surface because the evening sky is breathtakingly beautiful.
Or because I read this precious truth written by Danusha Laméris about how small kindnesses are the ‘true dwelling of the holy’:
I’ve been thinking about the way, when you walk down a crowded aisle, people pull in their legs to let you by. Or how strangers still say, “bless you” when someone sneezes, a leftover from the Bubonic plague. “Don’t die,” we are saying. And sometimes when you spill lemons from your grocery bag, someone else will help you pick them up. Mostly, we don’t want to harm each other. We want to be handed our cup of coffee hot, and to say thank you to the person handing it. To smile at them and for them to smile back. For the waitress to call us honey when she sets down the bowl of clam chowder, and for the driver in the red pick-up truck to let us pass. We have so little of each other, now. So far from tribe and fire. Only these brief moments of exchange. What if they are the true dwelling of the holy, these fleeting temples we make together when we say, “Here, have my seat,” Go ahead—you first,” “I like your hat.”
I like The Giving Hat that belongs to my dear friend, Jane Foster.
Perhaps my heart is so open because Jane was told she had less than a year to live by her surgeon who also said she needed to find a holistic healer. That was almost 20 years ago. Jane now coaches and encourages others to live life regardless of any medical diagnosis. So perhaps my heart is open because today Jane was on the mat beside me doing yoga for the first time!
As I drove back downtown to the office after yoga class, the vehicle at the red light in front of me had this license plate:
I sent the photo of the license plate to Jane and to Kathy, our wonderful yoga teacher. Kathy wrote back that 108 is a very special number. She said, “The number 108 is significant in yoga. It is the number of beads in a mala, and it is the number of sun salutations done daily in India. It is probably significant in other ways, too.”
I wrote back, “Also 108 movements in Tai Chi.”
“Did not know that!” Kathy shot back. “That would be a good blog entry…. I’d read it.”
Lord Buddha’s footprint is imprinted with 108 auspicious illustrations.
In Islam, the number 108 refers to God.
In the Christian Bible, the phrase ‘first born’ is used 108 times. Both ‘in truth’ and ‘to forgive’ are also used 108 times, in the New Revised Standard Version.
In numerology, the number 108 is reduced to 9, but adding all the digits together. Nine represents the earthly lesson of humans, which is ‘forgiveness’.
Nine is about selflessness and compassion.
People with nine energy are said to work without motive.
Nines know their purpose is for the greatest good of all.
Nines also have a protective energy, and they have great power, and great love in their soul.
Today was the birthday of the woman I met with after yoga. I gave her a copy of The Gift: Poems by Hafiz The Great Sufi Master. Her husband passed a few months ago so she is in the process of reinventing her life. She is only 73, not 108, but I am quite sure it would be OK with her if we put 108 candles on her cake and sang happy birthday to her. I had her read the last poem in the book.
AND LOVE SAYS
And loveSays,
“I will. I will take care of you.”
To everything that isNear.
I also gave her a lovely decorated heart-shaped empty box. My friend, Claudia, learned to set a special box on your nightstand or dressing table, as a reminder that each day is a present and being present is a gift you give to yourself.
108 times today I will say, it is such a privilege to be alive. It is such a joy to be awake.
I woke up yearning to get out on my bike but clicked on the video by Mary Reed (The Unwitting Mystic). I spent the next hour hearing, feeling, knowing I was right where I was to be.
I have spent time with Mary Reed in person, and I have followed her video offerings. Mary is the real deal. Her message of love is simple but not easy.
In the video, she describes the mechanism of creation as the FOCUS of awareness, the INTENTION of awareness, and OUR REACTION to what we’re aware of.
Mary shared this talk in reaction to the latest mass shootings, but it is in all of life that we are being asked to observe honestly, “What is my contribution?”
It is so easy to think we have nothing to do with horrific events, but as Mary says, everything that is happening is only happening within me…. there is no other way it can happen.
I am aware of that which I am in oneness with, and I am in oneness with that which I am aware of.
It is vital to remember, I am the only place from which there can be a different reaction.
I can focus clearly….
I can intend wisely….
I can react lovingly….
I can ask myself if I really am willing to be that presence of divine love. And I can answer, “Yes, I am.”
Regardless of how busy your life seems, you will be glad you took an hour to watch.
Faith.
It’s all about believing.
You don’t know how it will happen.
But you know it will.
~ Anonymous (AwakentheGreatnessWithin.com)
Sometimes I think it could be quite helpful to be an astrologer, or a psychic, or a saint. Especially when life presents challenges.
Below are three recent journal entries. The “D” stands for Debra, and the “V” stands for what I call The Voice (of the Holy Spirit). I have used XXXX where an individual’s name was recorded in my journal. I think you will agree the messages are for us all.
D: What would Spirit have XXXX XXXX know in consciousness about her son XXXX? (Autistic and threatened harm to them both.)
V: It may be time for her to seek a residential program for him. She (all of you) must recognize your limits. You are human. You cannot live every day in such distress. What would happen to him if she died?
D: We don’t like to think about that. We need to…
V: Karma helps us see truly. Her staying in a situation that is detrimental to her generates karma for him; generating karma for him generates more karma for her. As she chooses freedom for herself, she is helping him. People are so worried about doing something that is selfish. Sacrificing yourself in the name of love is the most selfish act you can do. Loving (doing the most wholesome thing for) yourself is the most generous. Everyone benefits or everyone suffers.
Tell all who know. They all know.
Love,
Holy Spirit
V: Yesterday you reminded your friend of ‘the rule of six.’ Can you come up with six options you see you for her husband?
D:
1. 24-hour care
2. 16-hour care
3. Facility
4. Bed pan
5. Catheter
6. Hospital bed / wheel chair
V: Notice these all go downhill. Are you able to imagine him having another rally? He has had many. Make sure you don’t turn a rough moment into a rough day or rough period into a rough life.
D: Thank you for that! I see what you mean.
V: Tell all who know. They all know.
Love,
Holy Spirit
D: XXXX is so distressed over her daughter-in-law and granddaughter, following the granddaughter’s recent attempt at suicide. What would you have her know?
V: In many ways, regardless of the conditions, the same message is called for: There is nothing to fix. There are only circumstances that require your loving attention. I wonder if XXXX has considered having them live with her? Not that this would be the final decision, but notice how XXXX’s town could be a good social environment for her granddaughter. Andrews University had many people of other countries and many with black skin. When we are willing to do whatever it takes, we are inspired, and what-ever-it-takes expands.
Tell all who know. YOU all know.
Love,
Holy Spirit
Years ago I wrote about the importance of using our WIT, whatever-it-takes. The phrase “resistance is futile” became prevalent in popular culture. The film Star Trek: First Contact used the phrase as the tagline for the 1996 film.
The next time life presents a challenge, just try using your wit. Rather than bringing into focus all the things you are not willing to do to improve the situation, let yourself expand all the things you are willing to do. I am so often inspired by recalling the story of the man who got his arm wedged in the rocks while climbing. Using a pocket knife, he cut his arm off and got himself to safety.
Most likely, none of the circumstances you are currently navigating—regardless of how challenging—require you to cut your arm off.
Black Elk said it this way, “It may be that some little root of the sacred tree still lives. Nourish it then, that it may leaf and bloom and fill with singing birds.”
Let’s all nourish our faith.
You don’t know how it will happen. Why waste time imagining the worst.
Even though it won’t happen exactly as you imagine it, imagine a scene that proves beyond a doubt, things have gone even better than you imagined….
P.S. XXXX’s husband is doing better, and so is XXXX’s son. Join in holding space for XXXX’s granddaughter, too….
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