By Debra Basham, on June 26, 2021 WORD FOR THE DAY
from Gratefulness.org
The more you sense the rareness
and value of your own life,
the more you realize that
how you use it,
how you manifest it,
is all your responsibility.
We face such a big task,
so naturally we sit down for a while.
~ Kobun Chino Otogawa Roshi
I did not know John and I would make a spur-of-the-moment drive to Tennessee and have such a wonderFULL four days with our daughter, Stacey, and her family, including our 6 month-old great-grandson, Jackson. My heart is so full, my eyes keep running over….
A lasting effect of the pandemic.
One of the lasting effects of the pandemic is an open schedule which allowed us to pick up and go. Another lasting effect is the down-on-my-knees gratitude for surviving. Not only have we survived the virus, but we see now how we have also survived the thought-virus of “MY WAY IS THE WAY.”
Ours is not the only family that navigated the pandemic with physical isolation being secondary to the pain of emotional distance, this dynamic having played itself out for many, if not most. This dynamic plays itself out over-and-over in every human life as the eight worldly concerns (conveniently divided into four pairs of seeming opposites): gain and loss, praise and blame, good reputation and bad reputation, and pleasure and pain.
Did the dissipation of distance and the opening of our hearts occur because of our mutual love for Jackson? Caring for him, delighting in him, cooperating with one another on his behalf surely has produced a welcome lasting effect.
When I captured this photo of Jackson’s face-palm, his mom shared that this was his pose in the ultrasound images while he was in the womb, and his dad said that was the pose as he entered the world! The gesture is found in many cultures as a display of frustration, disappointment, exasperation, embarrassment, horror, shock, surprise, exhaustion, sarcasm, or incredulous disbelief. One friend commented that it is was his way of saying, “What have I gotten myself into?”
A lasting effect of the pandemic likely has all of humanity experiencing some of that feeling….
But, everything holds its opposite, as is seen in this photo of a very contented Jackson in the arms of his Uncle Adam.
“We live in illusion and the appearance of things. There is a reality…. We are that reality. When you understand this, you see that you are nothing, and being nothing, you are everything. That is all.” ~ Buddha / Kalu Rinpoche
And the older I get, the more thankful I feel, for the life I’ve had and all the life I’m living still. My heart still rings with John’s playing guitar and singing those lyrics from “The Older I Get” by Alan Jackson.
Another lasting effect of the pandemic!
The Older I Get
The older I get
The more I think
You only get a minute, better live while you’re in it
‘Cause it’s gone in a blink
And the older I get
The truer it is
It’s the people you love, not the money and stuff
That makes you rich
And if they found a fountain of youth
I wouldn’t drink a drop and that’s the truth
Funny how it feels I’m just getting to my best years yet
The older I get
The fewer friends I have
But you don’t need a lot when the ones that you got
Have always got your back
And the older I get
The better I am
At knowing when to give
And when to just not give a damn
And if they found a fountain of youth
I wouldn’t drink a drop and that’s the truth
Funny how it feels I’m just getting to my best years yet
The older I get
And I don’t mind all the lines
From all the times I’ve laughed and cried
Souvenirs and little signs of the life I’ve lived
The older I get
The longer I pray
I don’t know why, I guess that I’ve
Got more to say
And the older I get
The more thankful I feel
For the life I’ve had and all the life I’m living still
Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Adam Wright / Hailey Whitters / Sarah Turner
The Older I Get lyrics © Bluewater Music Corp., Hori Pro Entertainment Group
By Debra Basham, on June 20, 2021 
I cannot swear that Tami Simon, the founder of Sounds True, which produces Insights at the Edge had pondering fathers on her mind when she shared “Fierce Intimacy” with Terry Real. Now, I have to confess, I devoured two of Terry’s books — I Don’t Want to Talk about It : Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression and How Can I Get Through to You? Reconnecting Men and Women — long enough ago that he was going by Terrence Real.
Perhaps being a teenage wife (to an equally teenage husband) was part of the motivation of my avid interest, but I am honestly assuming the relationship of my own mother and father as I was growing up played an even more significant role.
In the interview with Tami Simon, Terry answers her question about how he developed the core skills he teaches with brutal transparency:
Bloodily. [and he laughs] People have asked me how I became a family therapist and I jokingly always say, “I started about four years old in my dysfunctional family.” I come from a violent, dysfunctional, depressed family and I was pretty messed up for most of my life. I write about it in I Don’t Want to Talk About It. That’s autobiographical in part. There’s this old joke that therapists are people that have to be in therapy 40 hours a week.
I had never heard that line about therapists being people who need to be in therapy 40 hours a week, but it resonates. I had also never heard of using the parallel of becoming relationally fit to becoming physically fit.
Tami Simon: In your book, The New Rules of Marriage, you actually make this comparison in the beginning of the book that becoming relationally fit has parallels to becoming physically fit. If you work out, if you do it, you’ll become physically fit. I thought, for most people, they think… I think most people think, that happiness in relationship is a lot more mysterious than becoming physically fit.
To become physically fit, this is something I’m going to do on my own. And I know that if I’m not physically fit, it’s because I haven’t been to the gym. I’ve been eating ice cream. Whatever. I take responsibility. I know inside, I’m not physically fit. I haven’t been doing it. But relational happiness, this is going to take a miracle outside of my own energy and effort because there’s this other person involved. And this other person’s really difficult.
Terry responded with, “Yes, isn’t that amazing the way the other person is always so difficult and we’re all so nice?”
Last week during the Dharma Path Intensive, we heard an amazing teaching from Aaron, channeled by Barbara Brodsky, about bringing beautiful flowers up from the deep crevasse of darkness. That certainly seems to fit with becoming relationally fit. Here is an excerpt from the transcript of a talk given by Aaron on June 1, 2021.
Now let us brave the long ladders that we find. Going down, and down, and down into the darkness.
Your feet finally touch the bottom. Firm ground. But what is there around you? Is it safe? But there is a sweet scent in the air.
Just as you get your footing, the sun crests over the edge high above you and shines straight down and illuminates a land filled with flowers and beauty. Just a few seconds, because the crack above you seems so narrow, so high above, and then it passes and you’re in darkness again.
Can you imagine this? You came down the ladder with courage and fear. You land on your feet, not knowing if you’d be attacked by something that wanted to destroy you, to eat you. And there in the darkness were radiant flowers with a beautiful scent.
You have large baskets on your backs. You ask the flowers, “Who will come with me?” And so many of them shout out, “Me! Me! Take me!” So you begin to fill the baskets with flowers. You carry them up. Some of them you cut; some of them you actually dig out by the roots and put in small pots. You climb back up.
Now instead of just your heart carrying the light of the Dharmakaya onto the bridge and out into the nirmanakaya, instead of just reaching for those who are able to come on the bridge and directing them toward the Dharmakaya, you have something of substance.
You carry it across the bridge. You do not set it on the nirmanakaya end of the bridge. You do not set it off of the bridge, but you set it on the edge of the bridge, so that people must take one step into the sambhogakaya to reach this wonderfully-scented offering.
Picture the beings who come and take these flowers, beings living in a nirmanakaya realm who have never seen anything except the most mundane flowers, and those still being beautiful, the dandelions and such. But this is something with such an exquisite scent and beauty…
Feel yourself there on the end of the bridge, holding out these flowers and asking people to simply take one step up to reach the flower and to receive their flower. Inhale the heavenly scent. See the radiant colors, colors so much more vivid than anything in the nirmanakaya realm.
But to reach this you had to have the courage to move off the safety of the bridge and into the darkness. There are flowers there. There are also tigers with enormous fangs, and huge snakes. This is not a realm only of light.
But as you brave the darkness and bring up the flowers, who say, “Take me! Take me!” and offer them out to the world of suffering, that world also can become transformed.
Janice Keller has transcribed Aaron’s teaching for decades. When she sent this one, she included an image and the precious line: bringing beautiful flowers up out of the crevasse.
You will know it is significant that you are reading this. I only know it is significant I am writing it as I am pondering fathers….
By Debra Basham, on June 16, 2021 There isn’t anything anybody wants
that is for any other reason than that
they think they would feel better in having it.
Our Love,
Esther
(and Abraham and Jerry)
Excerpted from Seattle, WA on 7/3/99
This morning I am pondering….
What have you lost and/or gained from COVID-19? Some people have lost their lives, others have gained weight.
My pondering has led me to wonder about the loss of our peaceful, easy, feeling with being with our daughter, Stacey. Stacey is our only child. We were sooooo young when she was born, we all grew up together. Most of our adult life there has been no one we more enjoyed that peaceful, easy, feeling with. Admittedly, the emotional distance predated the global pandemic. Likely, it was exacerbated by the political polarization that predated the pandemic.
AS I WAS KEYING IN THESE WORDS, Stacey send her dad a text message saying she would like to come up and see us, and asking if we would be comfortable!
We would certainly be more comfortable if we knew she was fully vaccinated.
On the surface “things” can look like they can be disconnected, but there truly is no such thing.
Last evening I could feel someone reaching out, a felt-sense someone was needing support. I did not know who, what, when, or where, so, I went to bed early with this intention on my mind and in my heart: May all beings come to the end of suffering.
Checking text messages early this morning revealed the particulars of the reaching out, and I was blessed by a FaceTime visit with my friend who had sent the text message asking for support the night before.
Just now, as I was reaching out asking for this emotional distance to be spanned, Stacey was also reaching out wanting the same thing.
We all know that a peaceful, easy, feeling feels better.
A friend shared having a dream that her entire body was covered with a honeycomb. It was very soothing — sort of like a protective layer. She woke up feeling very supported.
A bit later, she discovered that WHILE she was sleeping and dreaming of a honeycomb, her friend/colleague was awake trying to figure out how to create a honeycomb pattern with ink on paper with a dotting tool!
Bees, honey, and honeycombs are significant to life on earth. Neanderthals probably used honey as a food they gathered. The family of apes are known to utilize honey.
What we humans are going through on earth at this time is not new.
EVERYTHING IS CONNECTED.
The wisdom and awareness of this, as truth, is what is new….
By Debra Basham, on June 10, 2021 My life has been a tapestry of rich and royal hue,
An everlasting vision of the everchanging view,
A wondrous woven magic in bits of blue and gold,
A tapestry to feel and see, impossible to hold.
~ Carole King
Today is day five of a five-day workshop that in music might be called the crescendo of the past three years of an intensive spiritual program with Barbara Brodsky called “Dharma Path.”
The closing ceremony is one in which we are to express our deepest intention for our highest purpose of this human life. I wrote in my journal:
What is my highest intention for this incarnation?
- It is my highest intention in this incarnation to participate fully in what Aaron calls raising earth’s vibration and assisting in it’s becoming positively polarized.
-
It is my highest intention to know the realms of support for this coming to be.
- In the personal realm, that translates to balancing old karma, freedom from habit energy related to that old karma, stabilizing new patterns that activate the highest possible frequency and: Living, encouraging [and enjoying] a conscious spiritual journey.
- To respond to reactivity with clarity from this highest intention, I remember the great prayer: May all beings be free from suffering. May all beings feel joy. May all beings realize their intrinsic perfection and find perfect peace.
~~~~~~
This morning I awoke at 5:00 am and unable to fall back asleep, went into the front bedroom which is simultaneously serving as my meditation hall, office, and guest room. I opened my email to a promotional piece for a book by Cynthia Bourgeault, Eye of the Heart: A Spiritual Journey into the Imaginal Realm, and listened to an interview with her as she speaks about the book. Here is a link to the podcast: A Different Way to Live Virtuously, in which she says:
The fruits of the Spirit are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. The opposites tend to play out on our planet.
These things [fruits of the spirit] aren’t just virtues, they are not just nice little moral qualities, they are not just nouns. They’re actually energy packets, they are food. And they’re nutrients that our planet needs directly because the lack of them causes things to get so harsh and so desiccated and so dry and barren and parched that you can’t stand to live here. Craziness enters….
We do have something that we have to give back and pay back, and it is not only food for our own realm but for realms above.
She speaks about George Gurdjieff, Russian philosopher, mystic, spiritual teacher, and composer of Armenian and Greek descent, who died in 1949. She says her book is mostly about “World 24” – from his metaphorical number system about human consciousness.
World 24:
The world of Presence, deep equanimity, of deep mindfulness and of the conscious circle of humanity, the place where we actively receive on this planet assistance from above (from what Christians would call the Saints and the rest of the traditions would call the enlightened ones). Where we hand up our transformed gifts of goodness and love and forbearance and patience and devotion and where we bring down onto our planet the benefits of faith, coherence, temperance, forgiveness, courage. It’s a realm of very active interface between the visible and the invisible, what the senses and reason says is logical and sensible and what the heart knows is good and true.
World 12, accordingly, for the Christians it is Heart of Christ and for the Buddhist it is the Boddhisatva Consciousness – identical states of consciousness where human beings know we are bound to each other.
For over ten years now, my signature line on my email is this quotation by Mother Teresa: “If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.”
I ask you to offer support for my intention, and to craft your own.
May all beings come to the end of suffering.
By Debra Basham, on May 30, 2021 When I picked up the spoon off the napkin to stir my morning tea, a huge ant fell out onto the kitchen counter. I carefully picked it up with the napkin, and carried it out onto the porch.
Looking up “ant as animal totem” I was surprised to see a reference to MOLD:
The plant spirit medicine of mold is in partnership with Ant medicine and it teaches of the psychedelic dimensions of Earth.
The insect nation is in direct communication with such dimensions which is why it is often very disconcerting to encounter Dragonfly, Ant, Spider, and all the other tiny crawlers of Earth.
(Regular readers of Yellow Brick Road know we had quite the dance with mold.)
Coming back to get my tea, I saw a long-legged spider in the sink. I grabbed a tissue and carefully delivered the spider to the porch as well. Very unusual happenings both of these….
The following morning, another (near-identical) spider was in the sink!
Over the past week I have been gifting contents from my professional office. While it was not an easy decision to give up a formal practice space, I have already had many confirmations that opportunities abound to love, serve, and remember, as Betty Lue and Robert (Reunion) taught us to sing.
My massage table went to Tina at Creative Therapy School of Massage.
The elephant statue was dropped off to Kimberly.
It has been my hope that the love and healing related to each item and all of our history will continue to bless the world with remembered wholeness.
I had an odd interaction when I dropped off the door name plate to one colleague. Knowing she had last expressed not having been vaccinated, I put on my mask and offered a hug. “No hugs,” she replied. “I have to protect you.” The words did not match the energy.
“I am masked to protect you,” I responded.
“No hugs,” she repeated, shaking her head.
I got back into my car feeling some sadness. I was very grateful our next delivery was to drop off the afghan with Jesus surrounded all the forest creatures. It was a wonderful visit…. complete with hugs.
One of the members of the Zen Empty Circle shared the stressful situation with his in-laws, who neither mask nor choose to be vaccinated against the coronavirus — understandably wanting his young daughter to come spend time with them. They miss her. He does not feel comfortable allowing her to go. The meditation teacher said, “Remember you are not keeping her from them, you are protecting her from the virus.”
In our own family we have this dynamic.
In many families, this polarized world view expresses itself.
What will our post-pandemic world be? The wondering comes if we will we be like the Sneetches (Dr. Seuss) and get over ourselves, but at a cost like when McBean drives away with the Sneetches‘ cash, exclaiming, “They never will learn. No. You can’t teach a Sneetch.”
It did not feel as though she refused a hug “to protect me” but I do know she is not a Sneetch, and neither am I….
If you want to go fast,
go alone.
If you want to go far,
go together.
~ African Proverb
(The tag line on the ant totem reading.)
By Debra Basham, on May 20, 2021 Sometimes I feel like a motherless child,
Sometimes I feel like a motherless child,
Sometimes I feel like a motherless child,
A long way from home, a long way from home.
Odetta knew what LIFE can feel like.
Just yesterday — one day of LIFE holding sooooo much feeling.
A dear friend, navigating tenuous steps speaking her feelings toward her husband (related to the complications of decisions that could birth a new beginning):”This father does not want the child,” she says, speaking metaphorically, of course.
Another dear friend welcoming a companion as she was filled with trepidation reading online the results of a recent PET scan (positron emission tomography).
Sad news from our daughter that our grand-kitty, Thor, crossed the rainbow bridge. Thor, one of THOSE beings. Love oozed from Thor’s pores. Thor massaged love into your most tender spots, and his purr moved mountains of misunderstandings.
Utterances from the lips of a wife, candidly wondering aloud if they would both be better off if her husband stayed in long-term care.
“We are called beyond and empowered by the silver thread of hope that hangs by a thread below,” this expression of LIFE written by my friend in the midst of it all drapes over the feelings of the day like low-hanging clouds.
Don’t do things for personal benefit. And don’t do things to avoid personal damage. Do things to feel personal authenticity. Then your life will make sense, no matter what is going on around you. ~ Neale Donald Walsch
Today is the anniversary of my mom’s “rebirth” day on May 20, 2003.
May 20 is also the rebirth day of the woman who owned and lived in this tiny home for 33 years before we purchased it in 2017. Ursel had actually purchased the home on May 20 – 33 years prior.
According to the teachings of the Buddha, emotions are a fundamental part of who you are — an expression of our basic intelligence and creative energy. “When you can connect with the essence of your emotions, you can respond without preconceptions and judgments.”
Experiences are pleasant, unpleasant or neutral.
We tend to grasp after the pleasant feelings, try to avoid unpleasant feelings, and miss the neutral feelings much of the time.
Thought for Today
Breathing in, I am aware of you, of your suffering. Breathing out, I hold space for your suffering. Breathing in, I am aware of my suffering. Breathing out, I hold space for my suffering. Your suffering and my suffering, the same.
~ Aaron
By Debra Basham, on May 17, 2021 If it happens, it needs to occur.
~ Neale Donald Walsch
Jerry Ashmore, senior dharma teacher at Empty Circle Zen center in Hobart, Indiana, said simply, “If we don’t clear our stuff how can we help others?”
But how do we know what our stuff is? We can pay attention to the tendency we have to “perseverate” — meaning when we repeat or prolong an action, thought, or utterance after the stimulus that prompted it has ceased.
We have an interaction that triggers something. Thoughts pop into mind over and over and over again. For example, guilt or resentment might arise because we are looking at past actions not recognizing the experience as a moment of unconsciousness. (We don’t need to personalize it.)
Forgiveness is when we bring presence (consciousness) to the thought as it pops into our mind yet again. We can notice that something has not yet been undone.
This is not a new idea. Epictetus, a Greek Philosopher who was born in 50 AD and died in 135 AD, said: “Don’t hope that events will turn out the way you want, welcome events whichever way they happen: This is the path to peace.”
Suffering is simply arguing with the way things are. Sokukoji Buddhist Monastery broadcast a dharma talk with a very interesting phrase: Path of Zen starts at the mountain top and goes up.
Grandson, Adam, while he was in Europe.
Jerry Ashmore went on to say that all practice starts by releasing tension in the body. He said, “We can be OK. Don’t discount OKness… the more you experience things as they are rather than how you want them to be, you are on your path.”
Yesterday, The Mother (channeled by Barbara Brodsky) spoke this Darshan (blessing) to me:
Dear Friend, you are making a difference. Let go of the ten thousand (this is a reference to the person tossing stranded starfish back into the ocean) and stay focused on whatever is present in front of you and let your heart sing with joy for the difference you have been able to make in that presence.
Will you try to do that? And if the mind goes to the ten thousand, just, “Shhhh…. Stop.”
Contracting.
Fear.
Ahhh…
Right there with fear is the heart of love. And the heart of love must be allowed to be free to continue making the difference.
Today, I took a friend for cataract surgery and received such a lovely confirmation in her thank you card:
The opening quotation by Neale Donald Walsch concludes with this comment about path: “Whatever experiences the universe brings your feet are a part of your path, inviting you to consciously engage in a process of becoming the highest version of you.”
By Debra Basham, on May 13, 2021 The definition of complaining is the expression of dissatisfaction or annoyance about something.
A popular phrase is to speak of an undesired state (for example, complaining) as your eating rat poison expecting the rat to die. It is not always obvious, but our emotional state has myriad influences on US.
Often, John and I remind one another of the valuable awareness to not waste our creative energy complaining about what is. Any moron can do that.
Real wisdom arises as you devote your creative energy to what else is.
This morning, a short poem came through which articulates this so well:
What Else Is
Stewing or fuming
about what is
such a waste
of energy
Open heart
open mind
open up to
what else is
Debra Basham 05-13-2021
Sometimes it is helpful to be willing to see in what ways what is might be protecting you from what else is. Feeling anger might protect you from feeling powerlessness. Feeling impatience might protect you from feeling worry. Feeling boredom might protect you from feeling discouragement. A handy way to explore all of this is to be aware of an emotional guidance scale, such as the one described by Abraham-Hicks:
1. Joy/Appreciation/Empowerment/Freedom/Love
2. Passion
3. Enthusiasm/Eagerness/Happiness
4. Positive Expectation/Belief
5. Optimism
6. Hopefulness
7. Contentment
8. Boredom
9. Pessimism
10. Frustration/Irritation/Impatience
11. Overwhelment (feeling overwhelmed)
12. Disappointment
13. Doubt
14. Worry
15. Blame
16. Discouragement
17. Anger
18. Revenge
19. Hatred/Rage
20. Jealousy
21. Insecurity/Guilt/Unworthiness
22. Fear/Grief/Desperation/Despair/Powerlessness
Thought for Today
Sometimes you repeatedly find yourself faced with an unpleasant situation, until the mind begins to obsess with it. You may begin to ask the question, why am I so attracted to this obsession? It’s not a conceptual question. One begins then to investigate the nature of obsession itself.
Different of you have different patterns of obsession. For example, some go into old stories, casting blame on others or on yourself. Others may look for a way to solve it, planning. Others of you may just feel anger and helplessness and move into a state of depression.
You each have your own patterns. This is part of understanding the nature of obsession, to understand the habitual patterning with obsession. When mind becomes obsessive, what do you gain?
~ Aaron
Aaron, as channeled by Barbara Brodsky, refers to emotions as “aggregates.” Aggregates are non-self. Aggregates are impermanent. Aggregates arise because of the senses, triggered by smell, touch, taste, sight and hearing.
Aggregates rise up out from the sense experience and subside when the sense experience of our life changes. We feel worry when a person we care about is experiencing a health challenge. But worry (each emotion) is an aggregate, so YOU are not that worry.
In fact, the one who is aware of worry is not worried. That one is aware.
This is not about trying to not worry. In fact, as our friend, Yoda, says, “Do or Do Not. There is No Try.”
Hmmmmm, if there is just do or do not that makes me really appreciate what else is….
By Debra Basham, on May 10, 2021 Forgiveness is the fragrance
that the violet sheds
on the heel that has crushed it.
~ Mark Twain
Barbara Brodsky and Aaron say you learn a lot by noticing what you are still getting caught by:
Remember that you are not separate, that whatever you see is simply yourself reflecting back to you. When you see the beauty in another, you are seeing the beauty and radiance in the self. When you see the shadow side of another, you are seeing the shadow in yourself. If you relate to it as separate, it’s easy to move into a contracted place that wants to fix or blame. Cease to see it as separate and simply remember, ‘The negativity I am experiencing here is simply the mirror of that negativity in myself that I have not fully attended to. In this moment, can I smile and hold this fear and negativity within the self with love?’
“Conditions” give rise to negativity. Negativity does not just jump on you out of the shrubs….
Over the winter “conditions” of negativity had been painfully present with a Michigan friend.
As John and I were out walking Friday morning, I said I would really like to understand what that was all about for me.
The “conditions” would be that my friend and I would have an agreed upon time to do something (during covid, this was admittedly virtually either on Zoom or Facetime or the phone) and she would cancel last minute.
This pattern quickly became a relational habit. My friend had started dating a man.
I would get up and be ready for our 9:00 a.m. agreed upon time and then open a text at 8:45 saying, “He was over until after midnight. I am going to crawl back into bed to get some more sleep.”
I told her it was not working for me. I needed to not make plans she could not keep. She admitted anything we planned would be canceled if something came up with him.
So a very l-o-n-g silence between us ensued. Occasionally over the next few months one or the other of us would initiate a brief text message exchange, but that was it.
John and I had been home from Florida for a month when I sent a text message offering to return a book she had loaned me. “I will drop the book off tomorrow on our way to dinner with my sister and brother-in-law,” I offered.
She replied, “Sounds good! I’ll be home.”
We are both fully vaccinated.
I curled my hair. It is quite long now.
I used mouthwash and freshened my lipstick.
I felt nervous.
I sent a text message letting her know we were leaving our house. I did not receive a reply, and as we turned into her neighborhood, I was pretty sure I saw her in a vehicle with a man!
“I just saw her in that vehicle,” I told John. “Go ahead, go by her house. I can leave the book in the door.”
I slipped the book into a Ziplock bag, left it behind the storm at her front door, and got back into the van. That familiar heavy-hearted feeling… Those darn “conditions” were present again.
I sent a text message saying I had seen them heading out as we were coming in and I had left the book in the door.
“We were at his son’s house for dinner. I found the book! Thank you!”
The following morning I could see clearly how I had treated John this way for years while I was involved with SCS. The adventure and the fun of that life was obvious to anyone who looked. I was always going off somewhere doing something that excited me and excluded him. I saw how I had been taking our relationship for granted.
Interestingly, this is the exact story line of the book I was returning!
“As comforting as a mug of chamomile tea on a rainy Sunday.”
(New York Times Book Review)
When John woke up Sunday morning I shared all of this with him and asked his forgiveness and told him how grateful I am that he remained faithful and kept his heart open… I never intended to hurt him. He was not even in my radar.
Aha! That is exactly what I had been feeling: I was not even in her radar.
I don’t think she has any idea how this felt.
I certainly did not.
I do now.
And I am so grateful for the way life (karma) remains sticky until it brings us full circle.
By Debra Basham, on May 2, 2021
This world deserves a kiss on both cheeks
on the way out of the door
and you have to let people see you do it.
Failure to do so becomes —
you are just another advocate
but not much of a practitioner.
~ Stephen Jenkinson
Since arriving home in Michigan one month ago, the yet-unanswered questions include: am I going to reopen my practice and if (or when) I will see a friend who went from a daily contact to essentially a lack of contact over this past winter.
Of course, there is a much deeper structure than the surface of these (and all) questions.
It has taken me days to be able to listen to the entire conversation with Terry Patten and Stephen Jenkinson — an episode titled: “Overwhelming Beauty — and Being OK, Dying.”
On his 70th birthday, Terry was informed that there is a probably metastatic cancer in his lungs.
The talk is available on the State of Emergence podcast now.
Shortly after listening, a dear friend who is losing her hair in the current process of cancer treatment included this in her recent post about her hair loss: I made a common error…..I didn’t let my painful feelings have any air time. I shifted so quickly that there was no recognition that this particular development has impact. I’m aware where it ranks in the big picture ….. but it’s not meaningless.
I notice where the questions about my practice or the change in my relationship ranks in the big picture…. but they are not meaningless.
I appreciate my willingness to stay with the listening and to feel the painful feelings that were evoked by this podcast. To stay with the listening was not easy. The subject matter is not light. It was not pleasurable.
But it is meaningful and as I stay with the listening, I notice a bit more about what I found intolerable with my friend over this past year.
As I stay with the listening, Stephen’s words suddenly stimulate a whiff of clarity that sweeps into my being:
She is still selling comfort as the place to get to….
If you’re lucky, there are a few people who tend to your silence without asking you to break it….
I suspect it’s like war, in the following way. You come back from war, and there’s nothing to say for one of two reasons. Either the language has not yet caught up with the realities of war and so explicitly there is nothing to say that doesn’t digress. Or, there is nothing to say to anyone because they weren’t there and there’s no way to bring them closer to it, and if they were there, you’re not talking about it anyway….
The mother of gratitude is grief. It doesn’t come from being spared….
If you don’t die of this now, you will die of that then….
Terry’s stark honesty and his transparency of his not knowing pulls me back so I can stay with the listening:
We all have the terminal diagnosis. We don’t know the time or the contours….
The beauty of this life — the thing I don’t want to kiss goodbye — has made itself especially vivid and the fact that I am totally not in control makes everything poignant, tender, full of vibrancy….
You can’t kiss that goodbye except with tears and they’re not “unhappy.” They’re deeply felt, they are hardly knowable….
Jenkinson is the author of Come of Age: The Case for Elderhood in a Time of Trouble (2018), the award-winning Die Wise: A Manifesto for Sanity and Soul (2015), Homecoming: The Haiku Sessions (a live teaching from 2013), How it All Could Be: A workbook for dying people and those who love them (2009), Angel and Executioner: Grief and the Love of Life – (a live teaching from 2009), and Money and The Soul’s Desires: A Meditation (2002).
|
|
Subscribe to Blog via Email
Join 43 other subscribers
|
Comments are closed 
You must be logged in to post a comment.