– Osho Zen Tarot
I feel a little bit like the morning after Christmas, or the ninth day of Hanukkah. For the closing sharing of this eight-day Intensive/Retreat—the culmination of a two-year commitment to study and practice—I had written: When I logged on this morning, Dallas was the only other one online. I asked him about his virtual image in his background – a waterfall. I showed him a photo of me, also at a waterfall in Maui. We had a lovely visit and I am so glad we shared…
That photo of me at the waterfall is framed and sits on my altar helping me value the dharma path that began long before I knew the word dharma.
I was born in fear and I was living in fear. Not MY fear, but THE fear. My mother was informed that she had syphilis simultaneously with the discovery that she was pregnant. My first trimester in her womb was spent with my mom at a sanatorium being treated. She was angry, embarrassed, afraid….
My alcoholic father had had sex with someone else, and that is how my mother got infected. I knew nothing of this until in my 40s when I began to have awareness of feeling unloved, unsafe, and unwanted. I was a successful professional, happily married, and I had had a good relationship with my mom. Nothing could account for those feelings, but I knew they were there.
I knew I would benefit by uncovering the pain.
In a hypnotic regression to the womb, hearing Les Crane sing Desiderata to me through headphones I had total realization of those feelings. Later I asked my mother if she could help me understand. She told me of the syphilis.
Many of you were there when I shared this as part of “Listen to Your Mother” and it is still available on YouTube.
The fear I lived with, the feelings of not loved, not safe, not wanted arose out of the human condition. I am so grateful to know the truth. Those feeling, any feelings, are not me nor mine.
Instead of sharing all of those words as my closing, I simply shared a series of photos of the sky taken from the window in the guest/room office where I was “on retreat” for those eight days, and where I am now with my fingers on the keyboard, looking at the ever-changing sky:
Aaron’s closing talk was brief and to the point:
You have everything within you
to co-create a future
for the highest good of all beings.
A future where beings are awake,
free of suffering.
Two years ago,
we did not know that
there was going to be
a COVID-19 in our future.
But of course,
there would be something
in our future.
Some challenge.
And you are meeting it with
wisdom and open hearts.
Please do not forget to imagine…
to hold your heart open
and picture an earth free of disease,
free of hatred
—an earth in which
all sentient beings
can truly flourish.
May it be.
May it be so.
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