Pass it on!

Putting over 40 years of journals into the bottom cupboard of the new library closet we had installed this winter I was suddenly overwhelmed by the sacredness of reflection.

It has been too long since I wrote in my paper journal. The past few weeks have been a whirlwind of preparations, travel, arrival, clearing the chaos and construction dust so I’ve also not drawn a divination card or had much pondering time.

I’ve missed myself.

April 7, 2018 was Linda B’s wedding day. As she and Larry openly reflected upon their continued love for their previous spouses (Dan for Linda, and Joyce for Larry), something profound stirred within me and likely within all those who attended, and also possibly in you as you are reading this post now.

As fate would have it, April 7 was also the day Linda’s clergy “Insights” article was published in the local newspaper. Here is a quotation from her article shared as part of the story of our coming together in their ceremony:

Jamie Anderson said this about grief and it helps to explain what Larry and I have experienced. “Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.” Larry and I found a place for our grief – our love – to go.

The ceremony was rich with music: Elfie is a gifted pianist who also happens to be blind so unable to see sheet music. She learned the songs at the rehearsal by hearing them. Pamela is a singer and songwriter and our soul sister. Dave is brother of the bride. In fact, all of Linda’s siblings closed the wedding ceremony with a benediction sung to the tune of Edelweiss from the Sound of Music.

Ritual was meticulously matched to message and gratitude was the theme.

Many expressed having experienced Linda’s and Larry’s wedding as a vehicle for memories and massive amounts of hugs. Circles of caring, including our local “Caring Circle” Hospice (of which Linda previously served as President and CEO) overlapped over and over, wrapping us all securely in love beyond loss.

We witnessed wonder. We were moved. We felt and many of us wept.

As I left the church, basking in the palpable warmth of divine love, turning my minivan north on Washington Avenue, a single vehicle was in front of me at the 4-way stop. The license plated caught my attention and took away my breath. D-A-N were the first three letters, followed by three numbers. I cannot tell you the numbers. I was not granted time enough to fish my iPhone from deep within my purse and snap a picture. While I may always wonder what the numbers were, I think you will agree there is no question about the evidence of that message from/of Dan. It is as though he was thanking me for being part of Linda’s spiritual journey.

Congratulations are definitely in order….

Enjoy reading the unedited version of Linda’s article:

Herald Palladium
Insights Column
Rev. Linda Beushausen
April 7, 2018

Today is my wedding day! I knew this was to be the theme of my Insights column this time. I have been a widow for over 16 years and although I secretly (and sometimes not so secretly) hoped to find a special partner with whom to share the rest of my life, I wondered if it would ever happen. I mightily rejected the thought of another partner for the first 8 or 9 years after my husband, Dan, died, because I couldn’t imagine loving anyone else. I couldn’t imagine letting go of the love I still had for him, and I couldn’t imagine that someone else could take his place. And, if truth be told, I was still grieving and knew that grief would always be a part of my journey, so how could I think about another relationship? I knew my journey of grief was sacred and it was a huge part of my spiritual journey, and I wasn’t sure someone else would understand that. Amidst all of my questions and contemplations, I clung to the words from the end of 1st Corinthians 13 (The Message) that I had paraphrased and brought to mind over and over again since 2001: “When I can’t understand what’s happening, don’t know where things are headed, or I’m not sure what to do next, there are three things I CAN do: I can trust steadily, I can hope unswervingly, and I can love extravagantly.” These words have carried me through so many times the last 16+ years; Trust, Hope, and LOVE! The whispers of Spirit in my heart and soul told me that over and over again that there was someone special I would meet and I needed to be open, patient, and trusting. I poured myself into my work and my family, both of which gave my life richness and meaning, and I trusted the still small voice within that said someday a man would come into my life that would love and accept me, just as I am now and who I will become as I follow my conscious spiritual journey.

It happened, seemingly “out of the blue”, last April and immediately I knew he was very special. His name is Larry and he was also widowed and had some of the same concerns I did about how he could continue to have such strong love for his late wife, Joyce, and whether a new partner could be present with him in his own journey of grief. We both sensed immediately that there was a Divine purpose growing within us individually and as a couple. We each had a sense of hope and an even deeper sense of gratitude and awe. We had a knowing, deep within our souls, that Joyce and Dan were also a part of bringing us together. Before each of them died, they had poured out their hearts to us as they had each asked us to be open to loving another person and allowing another person to love us. At that time for each of us separately, neither Larry nor I could think about that, but their prayers and desires for us to find another loving partner, did not die with them. How awe-inspiring that amidst the season of Easter a year ago, we met and immediately knew there was something special happening. Love was beginning to bloom again and we didn’t have to stop loving Dan and Joyce! But how was this possible? How was it possible for me to love Dan deeply and Larry to love Joyce deeply, and still have such deep stirrings of love within us for each other? As we nurtured our relationship, we began to understand that we were not called to stop loving Dan and Joyce and we were not called to deny our grief, but rather that we WERE called to let our journey of grief continue as we allowed ourselves to love again.

Jamie Anderson said this about grief and it helps to explain what Larry and I have experienced. “Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.” Larry and I found a place for our grief – our love – to go.

Our deep love, and the sense that we knew immediately we were to be together in marriage, was hard to explain to our family and friends at first but we KNEW we were brought together as a loving, committed, couple for reasons we would understand more fully over time. We understood that it all happened faster than some could understand according to societal norms, and we also knew that our love would be an example for others. Amidst it all, we trusted, we hoped, and we loved. God brought us through the challenges of this last year and now today is our wedding day!

This is what is written in our wedding bulletin today:

We are blessed by so many amazing people in our lives and each of you here is among them. There were so many more people we wish we could have invited but we trust they understand and are loving and supporting us from afar. We could have slipped away quietly and gotten married but our lives are so rich with family and friends that we knew we wanted to share this time with others.

Both of us have known times of highs and lows in our lives and as we remember them, we are aware that we have been immensely blessed by both the highs and the lows. Our lowest times were when we each faced the death of our beloved spouses – Dan for Linda and Joyce for Larry. Grief was, and continues to be, a sacred journey for each of us in our own ways and it was the sacred journey of grief that brought us here today. Our hearts and souls have ached with sadness and despair and through love and trust we found healing. Although we both doubted we would ever find the kind of deep love we shared before, this is exactly what has happened! Our love for each other is profound, and yet does not diminish the deep love we each have for Dan and Joyce. Both Dan and Joyce wanted this for us and we believe that their prayers were answered when we were brought together. We have found, beyond question that love NEVER ends. It continues on as long as we open our hearts to love and in a special way when we open ourselves to loving each other completely – heart and soul – in marriage. This is why marriage is so important to us. We have found, beyond question, that when we don’t know what else to do, we are called to trust, hope, and love.

We have been given the gift of Love again and it is our promise to the God of Love, to each other, to our family, and to each of you, to show our gratitude every day by loving each other in a way that is contagious! We want to pass it on!!

I invite all of you to think about how you express love in your life. Express that love extravagantly and with trust and hope, in everything you do, and in the way that only you can. And then……pass it on!