By Debra Basham, on September 14, 2014
It has been over a year ago that I was asked to do a talk on Healing: Body, Mind, and Spirit. While the title is new, the significance of weaving together the threads of body, mind, and spirit are anything but. My first idea for a name of my healing practice was “tapestry.”
The image that I often use to help us really get the point is a three-legged stool. If you think even for a moment about the logistics, you realize NO stool can stand without at least three legs. For our focus today, let’s think about our goal for well-being as Body: calm; Mind: confident; and Spirit: focused.
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| I found this perfect illustration on line! Thank you to whomever created it. |
What is key to your having a calm body? For most of us, we must retrain our brain, because the human brain is still functioning as though we are being chased by lions and tigers.
Most everything I share with clients, friends, and family is designed to retrain the amygdala and allow you to know you are safe so you can make sane choices about how to best respond with love and compassion and wisdom and kindness. Here is a sampling list:
- Self Full Body Connection
- Etheric Vitality Plus
- Aromatherapy
- NLP
- Hypnosis
- Music
- Meditation
- Guided Imagery
- Yoga
- Tai Chi
Let’s face it, life is hectic. Parents with young children know that; working people know that; and even retirees know that. That is why I like these offerings because they address all three legs at once. They calm your body, empower your mind, and inspire your spirit.
By Debra Basham, on September 5, 2014 It seems as though “stuff” comes in cycles, and this is a time when so many I know are going through so much. A twelve hour surgery (associated with a month-long stay in another state where the surgery took place); a drunk driving and a child custody case; purchasing a used car that turned out to be a lemon; losing a wallet with drivers license and all the debit and credit cards; not being able to meet financial obligations; and lost jobs and lost loved ones.
John Lennon said, “Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.”
A dear friend is going through a revisiting of some symptoms (Rocky Mountain Fever and Gilbert’s Syndrome). I am impressed with her steadfast awareness that she is whole and generating a deeper sense of well-being as she navigates this now.
In some amazing ways, each challenge we meet is itself a path to more of what we have desired. The trick is to see the opportunities rather than to think you are a victim.
This is totally in harmony with the information in “The Drama Triangle Revisited” that is published in Healing with Language: Your Key to Effective Mind-Body Communication.
When Joel Bowman (co-developer of Subtle Communication Systems) and I wrote that material, we were living the drama. We had arguments so intense we named them: Parking Lot Number 1, My Office, Parking Lot Number 2. It has taken profound commitment and expanding awareness to move beyond those painful patterns, but it can be done.
We are never alone or abandoned. Help is always available. There are no victims, only volunteers.
Whether your current state is pleasant or unpleasant; easy or difficult; physical or emotional or mental or spiritual, if it’s not okay, it’s not the end. In all challenges, the constant truth is revealing itself: “The universe is abundant with unseen helping hands.”
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| Image from a quilt by Kathryn Zerler, used by permission. |
For ongoing inspiration, I share Sacred Stories. Share these with others and send me your own stories, too. Saying thank you to those unseen helping hands….
By Debra Basham, on August 23, 2014
Jen Bricker was born without legs, and put up for adoption. Fortunately, she grew up in a home where the word can’t was forbidden.
She learned to tumble on a trampoline in her yard, but that was not enough for her. She went on to be the first handicapped high school tumbling campion in the state of Illinois!
In an almost unbelievable coincidence, Jen’s athletic drive was inspired by seeing Romanian gymnast Dominique Moceanu on TV. Amazingly, Moceanu turned out to be Jen’s biological sister! The story is told in detail in Moceanu’s memoir book, Off Balance.
I had the honor of meeting Kyle Maynard. Kyle was also born with missing limbs. Kyle went on to be the first quadruple amputee to climb Mount Kilimanjaro without the aid of prosthetics. He is an amazing speaker, author, and is an award-winning mixed martial arts athlete.
Stories like these of Jen and Kyle are so important only if they inspire us to go beyond what we have felt limited by. We do not all have missing limbs, but most (if not all) of us have had experiences that might have left us feeling less capable than we really are. Perhaps it is time for each of us to go beyond anything that had limited us in the past.
Take time to reflect on what you might still yet have or do of be as you begin now to live as though you have never said the word can’t? If your answer needs to be inspired, check out this 5-minute video of Jen.
The world needs each of us to show others what is possible if you never said can’t….
By Debra Basham, on August 18, 2014
May I see that my preoccupation with the faults of others is really a smokescreen
to keep me from taking a hard look at my own,
as well as a way to bolster my own failing ego.
May I check out the “why’s” of my blaming.
(from A Day at a Time, a Hazeldon Foundation book)
I notice when my own energy is low, I start finding faults with others. I have a couple people in my life I use as my emotional litmus test. If my heart is feeling gracious, they are OK, if not, the list of their faults (in my mind) is very long.
Blame is Being Lazy About My Energy….
Fortunately, we are not helpless and things are not hopeless. We can become aware of dynamics that affect our energy, like diet and exercise, rest and relaxation, music and aroma. Too much time in some activities—or too little time in others—takes a toll. We can become fluent in energy medicine as self care.
Many of you know about Self Full Body Connection. If not, check out the free handout showing the positions from the Healing with Energy tab. The earlier version of this was called Chakra Connection, by Brugh Joy, and it gave me back quality of life and inspired me to learn Healing Touch™ to share with others.
Jin Shin Jyutsu has some very simple technique that work wonders to move you out of the blame game. Here is a short video about Safety Lock # 13(located at the breastbone) which rids your thoughts of those inner child wounds! And remember if you forget everything else you saw in the video (or did not watch it), you can hold your middle finger!
Linda Beushausen shared this most incredible true storyof forgiveness when she spoke at Pilgrim Congregational Church on Sunday, August 17. It was posted on February 10, 2013 by Geoff Heggadon. As Linda said, she will probably never have any where near what this woman has to forgive, but when she does face the things in her life that feel too big to forgive, we can all remember what is possible….
The scene is a courtroom trial in South Africa.
A frail black woman rises slowly to her feet. She is something over 70 years of age.
Facing across the room are several white security police officers, one of whom, Mr. van der Broek, has just been tried and found implicated in the murders of both the woman’s son and her husband some years before. He had come to the woman’s home, taken her son, shot him at point blank range and then set the young man’s body on fire while he and his officers partied nearby.
Several years later, van der Broek and his cohorts had returned to take away her husband as well. For many months she heard nothing of his whereabouts. Then almost two years after her husband’s disappearance, van de Broek came back to fetch the woman herself.
How vividly she remembers that evening, going to a place beside a river where she was shown her husband, bound and beaten, but still strong in spirit, lying on a pile of wood. The last words heard from his lips as the officers poured gasoline over his body and set him aflame were, “Father forgive them…”
Now the woman stands in the courtroom and listens to the confessions offered by Mr. van de Broek. A member of the South Africa’s Truth and Reconciliation Commission turns to her and asks, “So what do you want? How should justice be done to this man who has so brutally destroyed your family?”
“I want three things,” begins the old woman calmly, but confidently. “I want first to be taken to the place where my husband’s body was burned so that I can gather up the dust and give his remains a decent burial.”
She pauses, then continues, “My husband and son were my only family, I want secondly, therefore, for Mr. van der Broek to become my son. I would like him to come twice a month to the ghetto and spend a day with me so that I can pour out on him whatever love I still have remaining in me.”
“And finally,” she says, “I want a third thing. This is also the wish of my husband. And so, I would kindly ask someone to come to my side and lead me across the courtroom so that I can take Mr. van der Broek in my arms and embrace him and let him know that he is truly forgiven.”
As the court assistants come to lead the elderly woman across the room, Mr. van der Broek, overwhelmed by what he has just heard, faints. As he does, those in the courtroom, family, friends neighbours—all victims of decades of oppression and injustice—begin to sing, softly but assuredly: “Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me.” (From J.John & Mark Stibbe)
By Debra Basham, on August 8, 2014
The “theme-of-the-week” (if a week can have a theme) has been fear. Of course, I love the plays on the word, such as false evidence appearing real. I found a website with many more. Here are just a few:
Frustration, Ego, Anxiety, Resentment
Forever Escaping And Retreating
Frantic Efforts to Appear Recovered
For Everything a Reason
Forgetting Everything’s All Right
Knowing everything is all right does not help much when you are in the middle a mental/emotional pattern that has triggered fear or anxiety. Tapping (Emotional Freedom Technique) is a good resource to learn now so you can navigate with clarity when you are confronted by a real risk. At some point, in some way, you must confront your fear or you will lose more and more freedom to enjoy life.
Every faith tradition seems to encourage us to overcome fear and anxiety. Hebrew scriptures say it this way: “I will not be afraid, because the Lord is with me. People can’t do anything to me.”(Psalm 118:6) According to Buddhism, fear is at the very root of ego.
In the article, “Starting on the Path of Fearand Fearlessness”, Judith Lief, writes, “We have our conscious day-to-day fears—of a close call, an accident, a bad health diagnosis. But then there is an undercurrent of fear, which is very relevant to practitioners. This undercurrent of fear lurks behind a lot of our habits. It is why it is so hard to just sit still or stand still or stand in line—not doing anything in particular—without feeling nervous and fidgety. We have a fear of being still.”
This week, I attended a book signing by Patty Chang Anker, author of Some Nerve:Lessons Learned While Becoming Brave, and former Director of Media Relations for The New York Times. Patty was in Saint Joseph to visit the scene of one of her overcoming. Having experienced a near-drowning in a river as a youngster, she faced the fear of water in one of the most chilling settings: Surfing on Lake Michigan in February!
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| Patty Chang Anker, author of Some Nerve: Lessons Learned While Becoming Brave. |
Recently, the local evening news ran a story about another brave woman, Jules Follett, who has overcome the fear of heights. Although it is not mentioned in the news story, one of our SCS/NLP graduates, Kimberly DeFields Bay, initially guided Jules through the Fast Phobia Cure (developed by Richard Bander) under my supervision as a demonstration of mastery. It is a simple technique, with profound benefits!
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| Jules Follet (your right), enjoying no fear of heights after the fast phobia cure, in Dubai. |
While it is true we do not have to become as adventurous as Patty—or as world-traveled as Jules—to know they are enjoying a life free of irrational fears, it is exciting just to know you, too, can. Then just sit back and see what marvelous things are able to happen in your life….
By Debra Basham, on July 30, 2014
When I saw this photo on the wall of a friend on Facebook a few days ago, I instantly had the thought I would blog about it.
This morning early, it was quite interesting to receive a text asking me if I communicate with people who have passed. I told her I learned the work Dr. Alan Bodkin calls “Induced After Death Communication.” I use that, when appropriate, to help people overcome grief, face fears, and resolve internal conflicts.
She wrote back, “Does that mean you are a medium?”
Explaining that Dr. Bodkin says you do not have to believe in spirits to have the technique be helpful, I went on to say that I am very intentional to work within the individual’s beliefs. I added my own belief that we are all mediums, meaning that spirit can and does communicate to and through each of us.
I remembered and shared with her the Thanksgiving my daughter, Stacey, came to Michigan. She got ready to make my mom’s famous Dutch Apple Pie, but realized she did not have the recipe. After quite some time of struggling to remember the ingredients and the quanties, the information clearly popped into her mind. At just that moment of clarity, Stacey heard my mom’s voice in her head say, “Well, damn, Sugar, I’ve been trying to tell you!”
Whatever your beliefs, if you would treasure some time with a loved one who is now in spirit, decide a location where you would like to meet. Or just sit with your loved one in your mind’s eye on this bench. Close your eyes and get comfortable. Bring your attention to your heart. Use your imagination and just see what wonderful happens.
You can write a letter to your loved one in spirit, using the same process of imagination. Say what is on your heart to say, then listen with your heart for the answer. Many of Bodkin’s patients reported similar phenomenon as those who had a near-death experience (NDE).
The real gift is you genuinely experience of feeling a reconnection….
By Debra Basham, on July 22, 2014
A wonderful woman I have been working with is facing a surgery that has been referred to as “The Mother of All Surgeries.” She is an amazing individual, and she did her homework to find the right team to do this surgery for her.
At the same time she is on this amazing healing journey (one that alone could be a full-time endeavor for some), a huge project is coming together at work as well.
Things just seem so amplified for many people right now.
After meeting with her, I spent some time writing a tapping (EFT) script for helping her Imagine Healing. This is the last sequence in that tapping:
EB: I realize my healing journey is unfolding;
SE: and I am extremely grateful for that.
UE: My body can relax a bit more into the truth of that now.
UN: Maybe a good outcome for the surgery can be easier than I thought.
CH: It won’t happen exactly as I imagined it, but things can go better than expected.
CB: I am grateful for feeling any relaxation,
UA: as I deal with what needs to be done.
TH: This journey may help me help others some day. For that, I am glad.
As I read through the words again just now, I realize if you just take out the words “for the surgery” this is a message for each of us.
Some are struggling to make ends meet. Many are experiencing physical challenges. People are navigating their way to a sane and sober life after a time of having been using substances or behaviors to numb pain from their past.
Each of us can say honestly, “I realize my healing journey is unfolding; this journey may help me help others some day; and I am extremely grateful for that.” Our bodies can relax into the truth of all this and more. How many times have we worried about something that never came to be? Often the gifts and blessings amidst challenges far exceed anything we might have imagined.
One thing is certain, as the Dalai Lama said, “If a problem is fixable, if a situation is such that you can do something about it, then there is no need to worry. If it’s not fixable, then there is no help in worrying. There is no benefit in worrying whatsoever.”
By Debra Basham, on July 15, 2014
I often notice when a certain theme seems to be prevalent in the world around me. For example, I spent the past weekend with my daughter and her family. My grandson, Adam, just graduated from high school and is about two weeks away from leaving for a three-month culinary work-study experience in Italy. Whether it is a delayed case of “senioritis” or something else going on, the two of them are going through a challenging time of relating right now.
The adult daughter of a friend had a triggering event with her husband over a glass of wine she drank (she is nursing her new baby daughter). That triggering event led to a huff up the stairs and some silent-treatment and tense atmosphere for everyone (including my friend and her husband).
My sister got triggered when her former daughter-in-law was upset about some demands with regards to visitation time with grandson, Tony. It only took a few moments for her to realize she was reliving some past pain with a former husband around her own young son.
Like pimples on the oily face of a teenager, this theme of past pain seems to be popping out at me from everywhere.
In Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha,Tara Brach makes a key point about it: ”Because we are responding to an accumulation of past pain, our reactions are out of proportion to what is happening in the moment. When someone criticizes us or disapproves of us, we get thrown back in time and have no access to our adult understanding.” (p. 170-171)
“Your ultimate victory is in taking back the power to dictate your own emotions and to use your free will to make choices that enhance your life and bring you inner peace.” (The Secret of Overcoming Verbal Abuse Getting Off the Emotional Roller Coaster and Regaining Control of Your Life, by Albert Ellis, Ph.D. and Marcia Grad Powers, p. 124.)
As I was with another person, also slogging through the depth of interpersonal stress, I had the message pop into my mind to tell her that right now, the only expression of Jesus in her life was this other person. It seemed too harsh, and I tried to avoid the necessity of sharing the idea. When I did share it, she and I both cried.
I cried recalling the day I had felt the unjustness of judging Jesus based on what others said he said.
Terrence Real writes with great wisdom about relationships in How Can I Get Through to You? Closing the Intimacy Gap Between Men and Women. Chapter 13 is about “Relational Esteem.” Real defines self-esteem as “one’s capacity to hold oneself in warm regard in the face of one’s own imperfections and limitations, one’s capacity to cherish oneself as a flawed, flesh-and-blood, human being.” (p. 207)
Relational esteem, accordingly, is the capacity to hold the relationship in warm regard in the face of its imperfections and limitations.
Perhaps we can come to value past pain in a similar way. As Real shares with readers, the only instrument for change we possess, our only tool, is ourselves…
As I sit here writing, I remember these tender interactions between people who want to express lovingly with one another and I let emotion course through me. I feel my heart soften toward myself and all these “others” who are each only doing the best we can. I am reminded simply of the truth about past pain: Sometimes it takes generations to heal.
By Debra Basham, on June 30, 2014
So many people have expressed astonishment that I would actually enjoy a week-long silent meditation retreat. I admit that it may not be everyone’s cup of tea, but silence—to my heart—is golden.
I treasure the deeper seeing that occurs naturally. For example, the awe that I felt when I saw these two dandelions growing side-by-side in the labyrinth. They were the only two in the whole area, and instantly, I was aware of the profound reality present in the old is the new not yet come.
The theme of the week was Self or No Self. Imagine my shock when I crawled into my bunk the first night, looked up at the bottom of the top bunk and saw dozens of eyes looking back at me!
In meditation training, it is said, “The one who is aware of anger is not angry.” As I was drifting off to sleep, I wondered who is the “I” looking, and who is the “I” being seen?
While we might argue these ideas until the cows come home, it is very simple to experience truth beyond ideas when you are intentional to notice the ego perspective and do as Jill BolteTaylor describes as stepping right of your left brain. She is the author of My Stroke of Insight, and if you have not yet seen her amazing Ted talk, check that out.
I am slowly settling back into a routine here at home, but I am being very intentional to integrate the expanded mindfulness my week of silent mediation gifted me with.
For today, let me remember you can see the eternal expressing itself in the impermanent moment-by-moment. It is so reassuring to know this is the truth of each of our lives.
By Debra Basham, on June 16, 2014
I was sitting out on the Zen walkway, sipping a cup of tea with a dear friend. Our sharing naturally included reports of many of those we “hold energy” for: friends and family, folks personally known or those who have come into our hearts and minds via the many-threaded web of our intentionally conscious life.
I mentioned one dear friend, Bernie, having recently been in the hospital with pneumonia—having complications including MRSA. Methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus (MRSA) infection is far-too-often contracted in a health-care facility. It is caused by a strain of staph bacteria that’s become resistant to the antibiotics commonly used to treat ordinary staph infections.
Nancy got quiet… then she said, “What is your sense of this challenging time with all this?”
“You mean with antibiotic resistant infections? With all the challenges?” I queried.
“All of it,” Nancy nearly whispered as the hummingbirds zipped around the feeder hanging just a few feet from where we were sitting.
My heart felt soft. Just looking around at those in my immediate sphere of influence could bring tears to your eyes unless you can see the bigger picture. “Was it not just in the 1940’s that antibiotics were first used on humans? We have been in a pattern of fighting against. We know that when you pick up a stick, you pick up both ends…”
Nancy nodded her head, and we sat in silence for a few moments before talking a bit about how each of us can meet challenges with unlimited optimism and faith. Nancy told me earlier that morning she had heard Oprah Winfrey speak of Maya Angelou’s having taught that message to all blessed enough by grace to hear.
This morning I am listening to Maya’s memorial service for myself. Oprah shared a time she had called Maya, hysterically crying about something so devastating at that moment, but the subject of which Oprah cannot even recall now. Maya immediately spoke truth and wisdom that has benefits for each of us today.
Maya’s beautiful words:
Stop it.
Stop it, now!
Stop your crying now.
Stop and say thank you, because whatever it is, you have the faith to know that God has put a rainbow in the clouds, and you’re going to come out on the other side of whatever it is the better for it.
How will we humans navigate the current and coming rough waters of our individual and collective lives?
We can navigate with enough faith to know that God has put a rainbow in the clouds, and we are going to come out on the other side the better for it.
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| Rainbow Flying photo from my dear friend, Dahlis Roy. |
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