By Debra Basham, on September 18, 2024 The Secret Garden was written by English-American author and playwright Frances Hodgson Burnett (1849–1924). It was originally serialized in The American Magazine in 1909 and 1910 and was then published as a book in 1911.
Originally published in 1924, The Boxcar Children is a children’s book series originally created and written by the American first-grade school teacher, Gertrude Chandler Warner.
As a youngster, these were my two all-time favorite books, and I finished rereading The Secret Garden today. I marvel at how we are shaped without noticing it. Or perhaps, it is more accurate to see our soul’s destiny has been pulling us along all along.
“In each century since the beginning of the world wonderful things have been discovered. In the last century more amazing things were found out than in any other century before. In this new century hundreds of things still more astounding will be brought to light. At first people refuse to believe that a strange new thing can be done, then they see it can be done- then it is done and all the world wonders why it was not done centuries ago. One of these things people began to find out in the last century was that thoughts- just mere thoughts- are as powerful as electric batteries- as good for one as sunlight is, or as bad for one as poison. To let a sad thought or a bad one get into your mind is as dangerous as letting a scarlet fever germ get into your body. If you let it stay there after it has got in you may never get over it as long as you live.” ― Frances Hodgson Burnett, The Secret Garden
When I was Founding Director of Holistic Alliance I would often be asked to lecture about holistic health and the weaving together of body, mind, and spirit. Many times I said, “All new ideas are met with three distinct phases: First, they are ridiculed. Then, they are resisted. Eventually, they are accepted as the norm.”
Searching some of the key words nestled within this idea, I found The Three Phases of a Great Idea, by Peter H. Diamandis :
It turns out that there’s a predictable process for the evolution of great and breakthrough ideas. Ideas that are revolutionary.
I learned about this process from Sir Arthur C. Clarke, inventor of the geostationary communication satellite and author of dozens of best-selling science-fiction books, including 2001: A Space Odyssey.
In the 1980’s and 1990’s I had the great honor to know Arthur C. Clarke, he was “Uncle Arthur” to me, Bob Richards, and Todd Hawley: the three co-Founders of International Space University.
Clarke described three phases of a great idea:
1. In the beginning, people will tell you that the idea is “crazy”—that it will never work.
2. Next, people will say: “Well, it might work but it’s not worth doing.”
3. Finally, they’ll say: “I told you that it was a great idea all along!”
Terri McClernon is a “Dharma Sister” and we have spent many years in classes and at meditation retreats together. A few years ago, Terri gifted me a Notched Fairy Cooking Wand, hand crafted by Harry Clarke of Kitchen Carver. I am OFTEN baking cookies for friends, and I ALWAYS use my Fairy Wand.
Imagine my surprise and delight yesterday morning when I fired up the oven to heat the house a bit after overnight temperatures dropped down below sixty degrees Fahrenheit and I noticed a heart on my Fairy Wand!
A winding path led me to listen to an episode of the ‘Gina Gardiner & Friends Show’ – this episode featured Mitzi Perdue and the theme was ‘A New Perspective On The War In Ukraine’. Mitzi had just returned from her third trip to the Ukraine as a war correspondent. I heard her speak of how the Russians are using weaponry to launch bombs containing hundreds of land mines each into prime agricultural lands. This prevents the growing of food to feed the people and it paralyzes the future economy of the country.
Would I have listened with the same presence if I had not just learned that Mitzi was a colleague and friend of Linda, my beloved friend who died July 5? This from her online bio: Mitzi Perdue has had a lifelong fascination with what it takes to lead the best life.
And:
She got to watch up close and personal how her father co-founded and was President of the Sheraton Hotel chain, and she also got to watch how her late husband, Frank Perdue, built his father-and-son chicken company into a company that today employees 21,000 people.
And:
In December of 2022, she auctioned her Atocha emerald engagement ring for $1.2 million, with all the proceeds going to benefit Ukraine.
I confess to feeling like I know Mitzi, although I had never even heard of her — let alone knowing about her friendship with Linda or her work in Ukraine — until a few days ago.
Terri has plans for starting a mobile soup kitchen. You can watch more about the vision for The Food Fairy® Mobile Soup Kitchen.
Imagine what we might see accomplished through Mitzi and Terri and people like us if we all use the Fairy Wand of our hearts and live by Colin’s motto in The Secret Garden): “I shall never stop making Magic.”
By Debra Basham, on September 7, 2024 The work of wisdom is to differentiate between what is skillful, and what is unskillful. ~ The Daily Tejaniya
My days continue to include bike rides and sharing with Fred. It has been two months and two days since Linda died.
We ride and talk. Most days we have a water break sitting somewhere or another.
We talk about Linda, about the loss we feel, about our lives that loom much smaller than they did decades ago.
Following this morning’s ride — taken in cloudy, breezy, chilly conditions — I read again from Ram Dass Here and Now #176 – Loving and Dying:
So, a lot of the work that you are doing in a lifetime is the preparation for the moment of death, and keeping death present enriches the moment of life. That the optimum way to be healed is the optimum way to die, which is your full consciousness. But your full consciousness listens, does what it can to preserve the precious human body, but also allows what is to be, and a lot of people lose it because they are so attached to which way it all goes all the time.
Like, I work with people that are having a slow illness, terminal illness, and they are losing their motor abilities and their control (sphincter controls and things) and each stage they lose, I watch some people who are able to open to the new stage and say, “Ah, so….” and those people don’t suffer. And then I watch somebody who looks at the shoes in the closet that they’ll never wear again and sits around feeling sorry because they can’t wear the shoes anymore. They’re holding onto the model of who they were a moment ago. A moment ago, they were somebody wearing those shoes, and now they are not wearing those shoes.
The minute you let go into what is, “Ah….”
The minute you hold onto the model of what might be, or what ought to be, or what should be, or what was: suffering. It’s that disparity that creates the suffering. So that any time there is suffering, it’s a clue to where your mind is holding, and that is why you keep using suffering.
We also talked about the story of the Two Wolves. From Wikipedia: It is a legend of unknown origin, commonly attributed to Cherokee or other indigenous American peoples in popular retelling. The legend is usually framed as a grandfather or elder passing wisdom to a young listener; the elder describes a battle between two wolves within one’s self, using the battle as a metaphor for inner conflict. When the listener asks which wolf wins, the grandfather answers, “Whichever one you feed”.
Fred spoke of the loss of Linda like a backpack that is weighing him down making it difficult for him to move forward. I suggested he might choose to set the backpack down.
Another quote from the Loving and Dying podcast by Ram Dass:
Maharishi, the saint, was dying of cancer and those around him were saying, “Don’t leave us. Don’t leave us.”
He looked confused and said, “Don’t be silly. Where could I go? I am just dropping the body. I am not going anywhere.”
And, so you realize that the grieving is part of the dramatic story line of your separateness, because you can’t grieve for something that didn’t go anywhere.
Perhaps the skillful action is for us to not try to get rid of the emotions and not try to carry the weight of the loss.
Last evening John and I were downtown St. Joe at sunset. The clouds were ablaze. Today on Facebook I saw a video of the same sky taken by our niece with her comment: “The sky last night was one of the most incredible ones I’ve ever seen. Some things just stir up the desire to worship the one who makes all of the beautiful things.”
I added: “And makes all things beautiful.”
Here are just two of the unedited photos of an extraordinary sunset.
Evidence.
Let those who have eyes see. Seeing beauty in what is IS skillful.
By Debra Basham, on August 24, 2024 It has been a week of mild medical stuff. I had a crown prep on Thursday with a new dentist. I always let folks know I experience anxiety about medical procedures. When I told Dr. Lisa, she said she totally understands, that she is afraid too. I said I sometimes cry. She responded, “So do I.”
While she stepped out, the dental assistant confided she is the patient with the highest anxiety they see in their practice. They can barely get her to have her teeth cleaned. I wondered if that might have been what led her to become a dentist.
Suddenly, the tears forming in my eyes were not for me. Deep compassion rose up in my chest and formed a lump in my throat. It must be challenging to have your work be uncomfortable for the recipient as you are feeling the anxiety yourself. In a marvelously mystical manner, my experience in the chair was transformed. There was no “I” in the experience. It was not “my” anxiety or/and “her” anxiety, there was just anxiety.
As a child, one might be frightened of clowns. A pair was just hung in our great room after having been packed away for the past seven years. We love these clowns because they look like us!
May all beings come to the end of suffering.
I had a realization! The trauma I experienced from extensive dental work as a child occurred following the trauma of having been diagnosed and treated for polio – being restrained during a spinal tap then hospitalized in isolation where I was told if I stopped crying my mom would come and get me only to have her standing behind the glass, never allowed to hold me.
Dr. Lisa’s trauma was a plastic surgeon having done something on her face along her eye. I don’t know why the procedure was being done but I do know her experience was as a young child, too.
Her hands were too abrupt for my taste, but I had the strong sense of her wanting to get in and out of my mouth as quickly as possible so both of us could feel relief from anxiety.
On Friday I had a complete eye exam. I love the doctor I see at Great Lakes Eye Care. He is one of the most present people I have ever met, a being-with so welcome in the medical profession. The conclusion of the exam was a mixed result. A new prescription will not significantly improve my vision as I had hoped. Cataracts have formed on both eyes. “They are ready for removal when you are ready,” he said.
The good news is my vision in general should be much improved after the surgery, although I will still need glasses for reading. When John and I talked about it we decided I will wait until spring, We have a busy fall planned and the schedule feels too tight to get it all done. We plan to go South earlier in November than normal because Brad’s band (Apache Jericho) has a gig we want to be in Tennessee for.
Crow is cawing outside my window and I can see three of them as I pull back the drapes. Native peoples recognize messages, meanings, and magic in every encounter so I look up Crow and read, “Spiritually, crows represent transformation, positive change, and intelligence. Seeing a crow is generally considered to be a good omen. Temporary and unexpected changes are coming, but the outcome will be positive.”
Given the meaningful medical musings about experiences we have as a child, you might also appreciate this recent “Insights” article published in The Herald Palladium:
As a Child
by Reverend Debra Basham
When I was a child, I spoke as a child. The opening of verse 11 from 1 Corinthians Chapter 13 speaks so clearly to a dangerous universal truth: each of us was a child. I understood as a child, I thought as a child…. You and I — and every other human being — have had experiences and perceptions that caused us to develop beliefs as a child. Some of those beliefs are not serving us as adults.
We were sitting on my porch sharing. She is navigating emotions a parent feels when an adult child is gravely ill. This woman’s son is on a double lung transplant list.
“How can I pray for God to take another parent’s child so my child can live?” she tearfully asked.
“God would not take another parent’s child so that your child can live,” I assured her. Painful things happen. God does not “cause” bad things to happen any more than branches waving cause wind. A child, not knowing the truth about how wind results from the warm and cold currents far from where we are, believes something that is just not true.
God’s love could motivate parents who lose a child to choose organ donation. Not donating the child’s organs would do nothing to spare the pain of loss, but donating them can allow beneficial results to come from such a devastating event.
Developmental biologist Jean Piaget studied and recorded the intellectual development and abilities of infants, children, and teens. As he was doing so, he noticed nuances he called stages. In 1936, he documented that the brains of children work very differently than those of adults. While not all experts agree with his idea of stages, it is undeniable that children’s brains work differently. The way children think about a situation, rather than the situation itself, results in a particular emotion and behavior. Think about a monster under the bed, for example. The natural process of this thinking as a child can have serious complications in our adult life, such as the woman who could not pray for an organ donation for her son.
A child experiences me/mine/you/yours and having or not having. One truck or one doll will be the experience. Either I have it, or you have it. The child’s experience develops into distorted beliefs. If you have something, I cannot have it. Either or thinking is born.
Visiting with a friend who had lost her husband, we saw this dynamic in her feeling that she could not move from the house they shared because he was “present” in her memories there in a way he could not be if she lived elsewhere. A child feels “with” only when the physical locality is shared. Adult awareness sees the truth that no matter how far or how long we are in separate spaces from our loved ones, we remain together in our hearts.
The good news is that every faith tradition has language to help us move beyond those distorted beliefs derived from experiences we had as a child. The child’s perspective is not bad or wrong, 1 Corinthians Chapter 13 expresses a universal truth: When I was a child, I spoke as a child. The result was that I understood as a child….
Sacred scriptures also say we shall know the truth and the truth shall set us free. Quoting Paramahansa Yogananda: “All the world’s great religions are based on common universal truths, which reinforce rather than conflict with one another.”
Perhaps spiritual growth is simply wisdom revealing that beliefs we developed as a child can bind and blind. Fortunately, we are adults now and can see clearly now how perfect peace results when we realize (see with real eyes) that.
By Debra Basham, on August 14, 2024 Most days of late I’ve been riding bike with Fred. I guess that could have been a good title for this post, but it is about so much more than biking or Fred. But, Fred did share something about a guy named Mammina he worked with who would say something like this: “You can only have a problem if there is a solution. If there is no solution there can’t be a problem. It’s just the way it is.”
They coined the term Mamminaism referring to this because it applied so often. I suggested we consider it a mantra as we navigate life with Linda now in spirit and us still here in form.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change… the opening of The Serenity Prayer. I have been encouraging Fred to consider how what he is doing in form is contributing to her in spirit even now. I heard myself tell him that she does not have an emotional body now so she is in a pretty good space to support us. And given that there is no solution, her being in spirit and us being in form can’t be a problem. It is just the way it is.
From the author page of Byron Katie: In the midst of a normal life, Katie became increasingly depressed, and over a ten-year period sank further into rage, despair, and thoughts of suicide. Then one morning, she woke up in a state of absolute joy, filled with the realization of how her own suffering had ended.
Katie says it so clearly, “I am a lover of what is, not because I’m a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. We can know that reality is good just as it is, because when we argue with it, we experience tension and frustration.”
I was experiencing a lot of tension and frustration today when I finally got to a real person at Microsoft about an email I received charging my account $450 dollars for Microsoft 365 Business. I have not yet found out if it is a legitimate charge and I guess it is true that in time, truth will reveal itself.
The literal thought about awareness about what happens after death is one has to wait until we die to know. Well, that does not seem the best use of human resources to me, does it to you? In time, truth will reveal itself.
I am grateful to have learned of the work by Dr. Allan L. Botkin, Psy.D., who discovered what has been termed Induced After Death Communication (IADC) in 1995. The protocol for IADC was derived from Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), an evidenced-based treatment for trauma. “When the grief-related sadness surrounding the loss diminishes, clients generally experience a state of calmness, openness, and receptivity. In this state, about two-thirds to three-fourths of clients report experiencing a deep sense of connection with the deceased loved one, which may be experienced through sensory means (sight, sound, smell, taste, etc.) or as a “sense of presence” of the loved one. This sense of connection is a well-researched phenomenon referred to in the scientific literature as after-death communication.” ~ IADC Therapy and The Center for Grief and Traumatic Loss
As Fred mines Linda’s worldly possessions — all of which were left behind — I have found my way back to decades of my journals. I find myself knowing I do not wish to leave everything to someone else when (NOT IF) I lay this body down. I had a near meltdown when I thought I was missing the years between 2012 and 2016 but I found one thin journal. This entry on September 26, 2012, was quite telling:
Yesterday morning I whacked my heal on the door to the pantry. It bled and my right eye pupil got huge! I started on energy work immediately and took both Arnica and Rescue Remedy. In about 60-90 minutes the pupil was mostly normal. I have a scab but otherwise I’m okay.
I blurted out, “WHO OPENED THAT DOOR?” There are only John and me here.
I realized my mom’s blurting out, “WHO PUT THAT THERE?” when something fell out of the freezer had been seen as evidence of her unwillingness to take responsibility for her actions and her tendency to blame others. I saw yesterday that blurt came from a non-rational place. There was no thought, just a reaction. It was very humbling.
Fred and I have talked a lot about The Drama Triangle Revisited from my days with Subtle Communication Systems (SCS). Fred is gaining insights, I am, too. Perhaps we are seeing the message one of Linda’s mugs that she had broken and he had put back together. He thought he had recalled there being a small triangular chip that he had needed to fix but we have both looked closely several times…. In time, truth will reveal itself.
We are now here, and the wound is nowhere to be seen.
It’s just the way it is.
By Debra Basham, on July 27, 2024 The Library of Congress is the largest library in the world, with millions of books, films and video, audio recordings, photographs, newspapers, maps and manuscripts in its collections. The Library is the main research arm of the U.S. Congress and the home of the U.S. Copyright Office. According to the Library of Congress, “In the 5th century B.C., Empedocles and Anaxagoras offered arguments for the spherical nature of the Earth. During a lunar eclipse, when the Earth is between the sun and the moon, they identified the shadow of the Earth on the moon. As the shadow moves across the moon it is clearly round.”
This information was not welcome.
While at the University of Padua Galileo learned of Nicolaus Copernicus’ theory (published in 1543) that the Earth and all the other planets revolved around the Sun. Soon Galileo’s observations with the newly invented telescope convinced him of the truth of Copernicus’ sun-centered, or heliocentric theory.
This information was not welcome either.
All new ideas are met with three distinct phases: First they are ridiculed. Next they are resisted. Then they are accepted as the norm.
Pondering all of this, I am reminded of the “As-if Frame” in NLP. From NLP World: “The intent of this frame is to make it easier for a person to explore possibilities and ideas internally, which would usually not be as available to them due to their limiting beliefs about themselves or others. The specific effect sought is to allow a person’s limiting beliefs to be temporarily set aside for the purpose of exploring alternate possibilities, without having to threaten or challenge their existing conceptual world-view in the process.”
Obviously there is huge benefit to suspending beliefs that are not generating wholesome outcomes — perhaps most especially our own beliefs! And, using the “As-if Frame” is an easy way to see for yourself where beliefs you are holding are holding you back.
Gary Zukav says the Universe is intimate. It is inside you, not outside.
In 1981, James W. Fowler published Stages of Faith. Here is an excerpt from a pdf I found on line:
Stage 1: This is the stage of preschool children in which fantasy and reality often get mixed together. However, during this stage, our most basic ideas about God are usually picked up from my parents and/or society.
Stage 2: When children become school-age, they start understanding the world in more logical ways. They generally accept the stories told them by their faith community but tend to understand them in very literal ways. [A few people remain in this stage through adulthood.]
Stage 3: Most people move into this stage as teenagers. At this point, their life has grown to include several different social circles and there is a need to pull it all together. When this happens, a person usually adopts some sort of all-encompassing belief system. However, at this stage, people tend to have a hard time seeing outside their box and don’t recognize that they are “inside” a believe system. At this stage, authority is usually placed in individuals or groups that represent one’s beliefs. [This is the stage in which many people remain.]
Stage 4: This is the tough stage, often begun in young adulthood, when people start seeing outside the box and realize that there are other “boxes”. They begin to critically examine their beliefs on their own and often become disillusioned with their former faith. Ironically, the Stage 3 people usually think that Stage 4 people have become “backsliders” when in reality they have actually moved forward.
Stage 5: It is rare for people to reach this stage before mid-life. This is the point when people begin to realize the limits of logic and start to except the paradoxes in life. They begin to see life as a mystery and often return to sacred stories and symbols but this time without being stuck in a theological box.
Stage 6: Few people reach the stage. Those who do live their lives to the full in service of others without any real worries or doubts.
We have come to see that many things thought about as “stages” are not linear in the way they were initially considered to be. A good example is the work around grief done by Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. You might want to look at Fowler’s stages of faith through an “As-if frame” allowing us to see even closely-held beliefs simply as having been developed.
Following a recent day of meditation on line with others around the world, I saw a green stick bug in our yard. It literally emerged from a plant and looked directly at me. It felt significant enough that I looked up the spiritual meaning, and read it’s amazing message.
Stick Bug symbolism is a reminder that life is full of illusions. Things that look like something but in reality are something entirely different. In other words, we have to see through what we perceive as fact to find the real truth hidden beneath it. Thus, it is now time to examine each of your beliefs one at a time so that you can discard anything that blinds you to reality. This process takes time. However, the Stick Bug meaning is a reminder that what you see is not necessarily what you get. This spirit animal insists that you open your eyes, ears, and mind today to discover a new truth.
Especially at this time in human history, there is a need for a willingness to recognize the limits of logic and to see life as a mystery.
By Debra Basham, on July 19, 2024 Yesterday I was having a bad hair day. I need to get my hair cut soon or decide to let it grow out. It is at that difficult in-between stage, much like our planet.
Suddenly, I had the idea to look at a photo of me taken with my two older sisters when I was just 16 months old. Both of them have adorable naturally curly hair. A picture is worth a thousand words: My hair was already unruly.
I began to laugh. It balanced all the times I have cried since my friend died two weeks ago today. Late last evening, nearing bedtime, I made John look at the photo with me and again I laughed. This time, I laughed so hard that I cried.
I thought about how I did not get our mom’s naturally curly hair, but I got her height and slender build. I got my dad’s stick-straight hair. My sisters got his shorter stature. We are each a unique form of the ONE, aren’t we….
With the memories still active, this morning I was led to a Yellow Brick Road blog posted on Word Press in 2011. Sharing that with you now:
We’re Going Home, Toto…
By Debra Basham, on December 18, 2011
It popped into my head that you can think about Wizard of Oz as an energy metaphor: you must follow the yellow brick road to get to the Emerald City. Ruby red slippers….
There’s no place like home….
The more you think about it, the more powerful it becomes. And it fits with my life experience. In fact, I did not know anything about the “chakras” or hypnosis when I first learned about Healing Touch, but that did not keep it from changing my life for the better. I had been diagnosed with osteoarthritis of the hip and degenerative disc disease, L4, L5, and S1, had been experiencing chronic pain for a long time, and was currently taking 1,000 mg. of Naprosin daily. Along with the diagnosis, I was given the very bad hypnotic command that I would never have quality of life. Fortunately for me, I did not have to accept someone’s bad advice, even if I had paid to get it, and neither do you.
I admit that when I first learned Healing Touch techniques I did not fully appreciate them as self-hypnosis. They are, however, wonderfully trance inducing, and, as such, are very healing. Notice how hypnotic the language is in the Self Full-body connection: Place your right hand over the space between your legs just below the pubic bone, at the root chakra, and your left hand slightly below the navel on the sacral chakra. Picture a vortex of energy spinning in a clockwise direction until they match, balance, or feel equal. Just following the directions serves as a wonderful pattern interrupt.
Add to that awareness, the metaphor of each of the chakras. The needs of the root chakra are survival, health, and a sense of safety. The sacral chakra is about relationships, trust, flexibility, and freedom of expression. Your solar plexus governs feelings of your recognizing you have a good connection with others, and your knowing you are able to be comfortable in your surroundings. There are said to be colors associated with each of the chakras as well. Let’s just look at three for now: solar plexus is yellow, root is red, and heart is green. When you learn to use energy work as self care, it is like finding the wizard within.
You can see how the yellow brick road can be thought of as a balanced and functioning solar plexus chakra. And where does the yellow brick lead? Dorothy and her friends are off to see the wizard – they are going to the Emerald City: an open heart center. And where was her magic? In those ruby red slippers! When you are able to be well grounded and centered, you are comfortable with and in your body, and you act with confidence in the material world.
Think about the characters Dorothy met and begin to recognize the meaning in what each seemed to need. The Scarecrow needed a brain. We have all seen someone who was ungrounded and ran around like a chicken with its head cut off. Scattered thinking, fight or flight behavior, and overwhelmed with daily routine. The Cowardly Lion needed some courage. This is related to personal power, self-esteem, and trusting one’s “gut instincts.” Tin Man, of course, like each of us, desires the ability to give and receive love, to experience the acceptance of self and others, to truly live what is called unconditional love.
When this band of wayward ones arrives at the Emerald City, the truth is seen, once and for all. There is no outer wizard who has the power to grant our wishes. The journey itself was what enabled each to discover the power within. It was within her all along. All Dorothy had to do was to click those ruby red slippers together…. meaning get herself grounded. Then she and Toto would be home.
I was very fortunate that Doris Glowacki took a Healing Touch Level 1 workshop. She brought me her training manual and said to me, “I don’t know why I took this, but it is you.” I did not know about chakras. I did not know about auras. I did not know any of that, but the chakra connection said it was for relief from chronic pain and I knew about that. I looked at the pictures and put my hands where they showed and within a few weeks I was off all of the pain medication and I was pain free. It made a believer out of me and at that moment I made a vow that I would dedicate the rest of my life to telling everyone I met that you can be free of pain, too – physical, emotional and mental, or spiritual.
Here is a link so you can download a free handout and find out for yourself what a difference it makes in your life: http://scs-matters.com/Download/self-full-body.pdf..
If you would like to add the audio, Self Full Body Connection is also available as a bonus track on the Freedom from Pain download (CD is also available).
A new version of the handout has language incorporating the Lord’s Prayer for those who wish to draw on the resources of the Christian religion http://scs-matters.com/Download/self-full-body-OF.pdf.
Now you can go home any time you like to…. you were always safe and sound…. it was all just a bad dream.
By Debra Basham, on July 17, 2024 Anālayo, a Buddhist monk, writes, “As long as the constant change inherent in life is not recognized, death is easily perceived as an abrupt end of all that has thus far been experienced as stable and lasting… it is not possible to live properly and fully unless the inevitability of death is accepted as an integral part of life.”
My previous post was on June 26. The days between then and now have been filled with my being present to what ended up being my friend’s death. Present with her. Present with those who love her and cared for her, including myself. She died Friday morning, just 24 hours after telling the doctor she wanted no more medical treatment but was choosing instead to be made comfortable and allowed to die in peace. We were preparing for her to come home with hospice care.
When people ask how I am, I say I am very sad, and I am glad she is no longer suffering, but mostly I am in awe. She is the first person I have touched after death. We were not yet at the hospital when we got the call she had died. I had spoken with that same nurse a little over an hour earlier. When I got to the hospital and entered the room with the purple door card I could not not touch her. Some will understand….
A dear friend who is no stranger to loss shared this from To Bless the Space Between Us: A Book of Blessings by John O’Donohue:
May you know that absence is alive with hidden presence,
that nothing is ever lost or forgotten.
May the absences in your life grow full of eternal echo.
May you sense around you the secret Elsewhere,
where the presences that have left you dwell.
May you be generous in your embrace of loss.
May the sore well of grief turn into a seamless flow of presence.
May your compassion reach out to the ones we never hear from.
May you have the courage to speak for the excluded ones.
May you become the gracious and passionate subject of your own life.
May you not disrespect your mystery through brittle words or false belonging.
May you be embraced by God in whom dawn and twilight are one.
May your longing inhabit it’s dreams within the Great Belonging.
It is mysterious why her death has affected me differently than any other. Yes, ours was a relationship which spanned over 27 years. I was present for her joys and sorrows over almost three decades. And, yes, we were both winter (Florida) and summer (Michigan) friends. Perhaps it is because I was so present with her that her absence is so alive with hidden presence.
I saw this on Facebook a couple of days before she died, and shared it with our Grief Journey Group.
I can’t say I loved you. I just can’t
Because it makes it sound as if my love is past tense. Gone, finished, ended.
And that is so far from the truth.
My love is not in the past. It will never be gone.
I love you now. Still.
You didn’t take all this love away with you. It stays. It lingers.
Some days it jumps up and hits me in the face just to remind me that it is still here. Still persevering.
Some days it nudges me. Challenges me to keep going. Daring me to find the strength to get through the day.
But mostly, it just resonates inside of me with everything I do. With every step forward and every glance back. Every close of my eyes. Every breath.
My love is not dependent on you being here.
There is nowhere far enough,
and nothing permanent enough
to stop me from loving you.
So I will not say I loved you.
Because I love you.
Still.
~ Becky Hemsley Poetry
I will not say I loved her. I love her still.
By Debra Basham, on June 26, 2024
Agitation is interesting.
Instead of trying to make it go away, allow it to be fully present, so that you can watch and learn its nature clearly.
~ The DailyTejaniya
It is difficult to recall how long ago now I saw so clearly the futility of speaking about a situation that is causing agitation. Any idiot can speak about the problem, but only someone with imagination has the wisdom mind to see solutions.
You are the only one who knows the conditions in your own life that are currently playing this dynamic out clearly, however, everyone has something going on right now that invites feeling helpless and perhaps even a bit hopeless.
I have previously mentioned my friend having SERIOUS health conditions in Florida over the winter and since returning to Michigan. (See Anxious Feelings – Power of Presence)
Well, conditions continue….
Last week I spent the morning with them at the hospital. She was having the long-awaited cardio version to return her heart to a normal sinus rhythm. We had opportunity to laugh at ourselves and one another. She had been desperate for a hair cut. The day before the cardio version she had an appointment, but when it came time to leave the house she refused to put her slippers on, going to the car instead in her bare feet! Helpless to reason with her, he drove her to the salon only to have her unable to navigate the unbearable heat of the blacktop parking lot. (Plus, with all the shenanigans they were already too late for her appointment!)
While the three of us waited in pre-op they were both willing and able to confess to and laugh at the absurdity they had collaborated. Unfortunately, we are all prone to mind states and habitual attitudes and unconscious catalysts that augment agitation and interrupt imagination, robbing us of the peace we truly are.
We talked about how counter productive human behavior can become when conditions prevent us from being able to have or do or be what we desire most — and sometimes actually need. You only have to think for one moment about the political or environmental or institutional climate crisis we are experiencing on this planet to understand fully the feelings leaning toward helplessness or hopelessness. Add as backdrop the layer of the inevitability of old age, illness, and death (from Buddhism: This body is subject to breaking up, subject to being laid down).
So, this morning I am allowing agitation to be fully present.
I am remembering how consistent I had to become with taking John’s vitals EVERY DAY and reporting them to his doctor EVERY WEEK for over two years now. You can watch and learn agitation’s nature clearly. The doctors’ agitation with the insurance stranglehold is not other than my own. The agitation with delay in getting access to what we want or need. The agitation that is precariously leaning toward helplessness or hopelessness, but also can open us up to imagination.
This comes from the preface of Imagine Healing: Guided Imagery to Help You Heal, by Debra Basham and Joel Bowman.
Woven into the fabric of your illness or health crisis, are the emotional, mental, and spiritual dynamics of both “dis-ease” and well-being. That simply means what is in the way, is the way. The use of your imagination can help you heal now.
By activating your imagination, you will not only be healing the physical ailment, you will be healing on all levels—body, mind, and spirit. Why settle for healing that is just skin deep, when you can activate your innate healing capacities. Although we cannot “unhappen” history, you are able to experience relief from painful memories, beliefs, attitudes, behaviors, even as you physically heal
Agitation is interesting.
Blessed be.
By Debra Basham, on June 13, 2024 Retreat Musings June 12, 2024
Today is the last day of this retreat with Barbara Brodsky and John Orr. I was blessed to stay in the guest quarters at the home of my dear friends, Delcy and Tom Kuhlman.
The title of this week is “Living Our True Nature as Love: Vipassana, Pure Awareness and Practices of the Heart” and this morning I wrote in my journal:
What has it meant for me to be present in this retreat? Nothing more or less than what it means for being present in any place and any time.
Two things that seem to want to be shared.
1) What is in the way is the way.
2) Practice with the everyday things of life, called the mundane. Years ago we learned an exercise to take a small amount of water into your mouth and just hold it as you watch an urge to swallow arise. When the urge begins to lessen, consciously swallow. Absolutely everything is arising and ceasing out of conditions. Perhaps there is a third thing that wants to be shared🤪
Everything in the mundane sense realm goes in totally. You may only be aware of aspects, but your experience includes everything: what you see, what you hear, what you feel (the kinestetic cluster includes what you taste and smell) as well as what you know. The sense realm that you are least aware of consciously often has the greatest influence.
It has come to be my experience that the same can be said of what are called the supramundane. Each mundane sense has a corresponding higher sense realm, because it is the consciousness with which we are perceiving that shifts what we perceive. These supramundane sense experiences are also always present, whether we have awareness of them or not: Nada is always there. Luminosity is always there. Chi energy is always there. Spaciousness is always there.
In Buddhism, however, nada refers to the sound of silence. To detect the nada sound, turn your attention toward your hearing. If you listen carefully to the sounds around you, you’re likely to hear a continuous, high-pitched inner sound like white noise in the background. (Article The Sound of Silence, published in Lion’s Roar.) Interestingly, nada is also the Spanish word for “nothing.”
According to Wikipedia, luminosity or clear light is the innate condition of the mind, associated with Buddha-nature, the realization of which is the goal of meditative practice. It can seem that everything is more brilliant than physical light, illuminated, almost glowing. Think about images of halo’s you may have seen.
Chi energy can be thought of as the bridge between your form (meaning your physical body, your thoughts, emotions, sensations) and the formless part of you which is your true essence — soul, spirit, or consciousness itself. Science might speak of the bio-electric magnetic field, energy that emanates from your organs.
Spaciousness is a bit more challenging to define but is likely the most basic. Think about it this way: The spacious mind has room for everything. It is like the space in a room, which is never harmed by what goes in and out of it. In fact, we say “the space in this room,” but actually, the room is in the space, the whole building is in the space.
The Daily Quote from Deep Spring for June 12, 2024 says, “There is no duality. Anything that is born of love also carries darkness and fear. These are not the essence; these are conditioned expressions. You cannot fully express love until you face fear. You cannot fully express light until you live in darkness and learn how to move through and transcend the darkness, transcending it by the light within you.”
The Daily Tejaniya tied right in: “Let things unfold naturally. As you watch an experience continuously, you will begin to recognize patterns. Later, you will see the whole picture. The value of meditation becomes more apparent with dedicated practice over long stretches of time.” (Article Noticing Space published in Tricycle.)
One of the most active points of this retreat was Dharma Sister who as the result of a brain bleed is having difficulty navigating the technology to access Zoom. It has taken a village to assist this beloved one to be able to have the experience of study, sharing, and meditating with others dedicated to the path. In thanking those who were physically there to offer the necessary support I said, “I am confident that if you had been with us on our closing Zoom circle to see and hear her read with such skill and depth of understanding of the Dharma her sections of the Mala Recitation I know you would share now in that joy completely.”
So many things shared by those on the retreat still resonate in my heart. Here are a couple of things that may also touch you deeply:
The Path of Love
by Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer
And here I thought the path of love
would look like love. Like kindness.
Like generosity. Like gentleness.
Instead it looks like me being bothered
by the sound of loud chewing. Me
wanting praise. Me needing to feel
loved. Hello me. How elegantly love
has arranged for me to meet
all the parts of me that would stand
in love’s way. How easily
it shows me I’ve thought of love
as a destination. But here is love
with no expectation. Here is love
with no name, no locus. Here
is love with no face, no shape, no
promise, no vow, no hope.
Here is love as itself, surging
and flowing, love as itself insisting
on love, love as itself eroding
all those layers of me that still
think they know something about love
(and love holds me while I rail
and love throws me back in the stream
and love is what is still here when I am not).
“Today, like every other day, we wake up empty and frightened. Don’t open the door to the study and begin reading. Take down the dulcimer. Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground.” ~ Rumi
Yes, there are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground, and love is what is still here when I am not.
Blessed be….
By Debra Basham, on May 26, 2024 Themes seem to emerge into awareness while I am doing things other than looking for themes. Like peeling potatoes for potato salad for today’s Memorial Day meal to be shared with my sister, Janis, and my brother-in-love, Larry. Or while I was out riding my bike and meeting a breed of dog that looks a lot like a hyena (Korean Jindu). Sometimes when I stop doing and put my feet up.
Of course, everything is connected so last evening’s phone conversation with a Dharma Sister was already active in awareness. My friend had just attended a 10-day retreat where they were working with mindfulness of breathing. “Know the long and short breath.” She said it was not about the length of the breath but about what you think is a long breath or short breath. She went on to say that we are to know the whole breath body. You need to pay attention to the beginning, the middle, and the ending. They were also contemplating impermanence.
It seems impermanence is perhaps the only true constant!
This morning’s awareness was also shaped by my having listened to Tara Brach after the call with my friend. Tara was speaking about Inner Fire, what she also referred to as Spiritual Aspiration.
I noticed (and after number 2 I kept count) my friend’s repetitive use of a 3-word phrase: LORD, HELP US.
It seemed significant so I mentioned to her that she had used that phrase five times during our conversation. She had not been conscious of using it even once. I asked what the phrase means to her. She had no sense of connection to it.
Make sure you know this blog post is not a criticism of her, or even a comment about her personally. It likely is, however, vital to her and to all of us.
So, immediately following that conversation, it really caught my attention when Tara Brach (about 5 minutes into the talk) told of a man who was searching for something important and began to pray, “Lord, help me,” saying he would dedicate his life to service, he would be faithful, clear, true, strong – if God would answer his prayer. Moments later, the man found the item and quickly prayed again, “Never mind, God, I’ve found it.”
A search for the phrase “God, help us” produced an interesting post by Collins Dictionary: If you say God help us, you mean that you have negative feelings about the person or situation you are talking about.
Other ingredients in this mental stew include a draft I am working on for my next Insights article. The working title is “As a Child” and encourages looking at how experiences humans have while growing up shape beliefs that continue to operate long after they would not hold up to the light of day at an adult stage of our development.
I did find a reference online clarifying that “Lord” in the Old Testament merely refers to someone of a higher rank. Further down the Yellow Brick Road we may look more closely at that nuance.
Looking for an image of the phrase “Lord, Help Us” lead me to a sermon. Listening to part of the sermon, I heard how we sometimes wait a long time before we ask for help, staying in a problem that could have been been taken care of sooner, had we asked for help.
There may not be rock solid answers provided in this post, but these ideas touch me deeply today. Lord, help us may be an invitation for all of us to benefit from greater awareness.
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