How can I wish for myself
what I do not wish for everybody,
including those I think of
as my worst enemies?
~ Aaron
Another drive across the state of Florida, this time for our second vaccine, and this time we know where we are going. We are going to an ALL Spanish-speaking pharmacy near Miami. (See: A Dios Mio )
I have been transcribing Ram Dass speaking about Living and Dying.
So, now once you want to be free—at first you want to hang out with people that keep you high—later, you want to confront the fires that catch you, you want to purify through those fires. You just find yourself drawn towards the things that are still catching you, so that you can get to the point where you can be in them but not lost in them. Where you can keep your space even when you’re in them.
And dying is one of the big ones that sucks everybody in, and so part of the work is developing the ability to be with somebody that’s dying, or be dying yourself, and stay very clear and very present because those that are from religions that focus on the moment of death, which is most of the religions that have reincarnation in them, see life as a preparation for the moment of death
Many people in this culture don’t want to talk about death. They resist aging. They want an easy way out of something that is inescapable. So, there is suffering….
Our Canadian friends, Davey and Eli, had to leave Florida and go back to Canada or risk losing their medical coverage because he had been hospitalized with diverticulitis. The night before they left, we rang their doorbell, stepped back, and when Davey opened the door, John and I began to sing: Davey, Davey, give us your answer true, we’re half crazy, all for the love of you. Courtney’s won’t be a stylish marriage, without you there in your carriage, and we’ll be switched if she’ll be hitched without Davey and Eli there, too.
His eyes met mine…. and he said softly, “The best part of your singing was getting to see your smile.”
Davey has not seen me without a mask for over a year now.
Dass says any time there is suffering, it’s a clue to where your mind is holding.
My mind is holding to the question of how to see/be with my family (and meet our new great-grandson, Jackson) who are all in Tennessee. It is right on the way from Florida to Michigan. Visiting with them has always been what made leaving Florida something to be embraced. We saw Stacey and Doug and Adam and Brad and Christina briefly on the way down, but we have not seen our grand-daughter, Courtney, since November 2019. We have yet to meet the baby in person. We long for things to be normal again. To see smiling faces. To eat at the same table. To touch the same playing cards as I win 500 Rummy….
We will do what we can to help us all be able to gather again without fear of getting or giving a virus that humans don’t yet have herd immunity toward. A virus that ended the life of our grand-daughter’s other grandpa. Paw Paw was in the hospital with the coronavirus and he did not get to meet Jackson.
How can I wish for myself what I do not wish for everybody?
Dass says when Mahatma Gandhi was dying he walked out into his yard, an assassin shot him three times. Our image of an assassin in America – we think of the Kennedy brothers, Martin Luther King, always there is horror and violence connected with it, and we imagine (if we can the imagine) that the moment someone is shot they are stunned or confused. Gandhi had just as much time as the others when he was shot, but when he was shot and falls over he just says, “Ram.” He goes out on the name of God.
We, too, go out on the name of God. We will again drive to Florida’s East Coast.
“All shall be well,
and all shall be well
and all manner of things shall be well.”
~ Julian of Norwich
I heard a story years ago (and have shared it numerous times when appropriate) about a couple who arrived home with their newly purchased motor home. As they attempted to get it into their driveway, she was directing from outside the vehicle.
“Honey, do you see the mailbox?” she called out.
“I see it,” came his reply.
As he inched closer to the mailbox, she asked again, “Honey, do you see the mailbox?” with a little more urgency.
“I see the mailbox,” he called back, with minor annoyance developing.
Inevitably now heading right for it, she yelled, “HONEY, DO YOU SEEEEEEEE THE MAILBOX?”
“I SEEEEEEEEE THE MAILBOX!” he shouted back.
CRASH!
They were looking at two different mailboxes. The mailbox she was watching him bear down on was out of his vision. The mailbox he was carefully avoiding by looking in his mirror was blocked from her vantage point.
It is not easy when we see things so differently. We may actually be looking at different things.
Jeanne Robertson tells of a situation with her husband, whom she affectionately refers to as “Left Brain.”
She asked him to go by the store for her. He grumbled about not wanting to be late for his badminton game. She promised to keep the list short enough he could scoot through the express lane.
She gave him her list, and off he went.
1 pound of butter
2 large bottle of vanilla flavoring
3 dozen eggs
4 big tub of lard
5 5# bag of sugar
6 5# bag of all-purpose flour
7 bottle of 7-Up (six pack with handles)
When he returned from the store, it took Left Brain multiple trips to unload everything —- because he read her numbers on the list as quantities!!!!
Imagine how long it will take to use 25 pounds of sugar and 30 pounds of flour….
She had never written numbers on a list before, but she did it this time because the mailbox she was looking at was wanting to be sure he could go through the express lane. Oh, my….
If you are a person who prays, just add a few extra intentions for all humans to realize our point of view is only ONE way of seeing things, and how important it is to learn from what we cannot see.
Meanwhile, keep a sense of humor. Especially during difficulties.
“Being engaged in a struggle
may give us a sense of security,
so that at least we feel that
we are doing something.”
~ The Heart of the Buddha, by Chögyam Trungpa
It is another of those amplified times with a roller coaster of emotions. Several dynamics in my life account for the ride, but the whole is always greater than the sum of its parts.
Yes, my friend’s beloved former husband passed in his sleep this week.
Yes, my brother-in-law has a renal carcinoma and needs a procedure. (He lost a kidney to cancer a few years ago.)
Yes, we are approaching the one-year mark of the pandemic pause.
Yes, we are again preparing to travel back to Michigan without clear plans for an unencumbered visit with the kids in Tennessee.
Yes, we are at that friction-point where I know how much will need to be done to pack, load, clean, depart, travel, arrive, unload, unpack. And did I say clean?
And, yes, we are experiencing a stress so deeply personal I dare not speak of in this article. Grief has taken up residence in my mind.
But grief has a twin sister: relief.
What helps you come into balance and allows you to feel the relief, especially during stressful times?
Yes, nature is one thing that helps a lot of people, including me!
Yes, on our walk yesterday Deva, the dog, came running over to me for some petting. She dropped at my feet, rolled over, and would have been content to stay there if her human had not summoned her out of the middle of the road.
Yes, we were able to watch two dolphins frolicking in the canal last evening. One shot right under the dock we were standing on!
Yes, the adult eagles are now regular visitors as they leave the chicks alone for longer and longer periods, encouraging them to fly. The adults cannot teach the young to feed themselves until they are willing to fly.
Yes, I think that is true about humans, too.
Yes, angels and birds and bees (perhaps, everything with wings?) are always reaching out from what my friend Anna Marie called the perfume of the effulgent formlessness.
Yes, life, with all its uncertainty, including this tree, is showing us a pretty face!
Imagine our surprise to realize we had arrived at an ALL (perhaps I should say ONLY) Spanish-speaking pharmacy for our first covid vaccine in Hialeah, Florida, on Monday….
I would be lying if I said I was not nervous.
Hell, I was nervous before we drove across the state of Florida.
Seeing where we were was just the next step!
I was tapping away on the side of my hand.
Sheldon Kopp (29 March 1929 – 29 March 1999) was a psychotherapist and author, based in Washington, D.C. Very powerful hint to his person-hood that his month and day of birth is the same as his month and day of transition….
“I don’t know what your destiny will be,
but one thing I do know:
The ones among you who will be really happy
are those who have sought and found how to serve.”
~ Albert Schweitzer
Tapping with Scarlett Lewis of The Forgiveness Project during the World Tapping Summit, my heart opened deeply related to a stream of past energies. Scarlett’s 6-year-old son, Jesse, was killed at Sandy Hook Elementary School in the deadliest mass shooting at a school in U.S. history.
Interestingly, soon after tapping in forgiveness with Scarlett I was gifted some precious stories demonstrating what happens when you do what YOU can do.
Leaving work late, “K” had to use the maintenance door at the back of the building. The cement stairwell was packed with snow but there sat a fat toad! As she picked the toad up, he was very cold but his eyes fluttered open briefly.
That toad rode home in her passenger seat. She “turned the heat off and the music down.” He was safely placed in her monarch cage before she searched how to care for toads in captivity. Following instructions, she added a pan of sand and a bowl of water. The next morning he had dug down in the sand and covered himself with leaves. “K” put him in a dark cool part of house and he remains in hibernation. If he wakes, she will feed him. She hopes to keep him until spring and release him.
“K” did what she could do. She truly is a shaman. I sent her the toad totem meaning: Toads have always been ascribed supernatural powers and they are believed to have a special connection with invisible dark forces we people cannot understand.
“BJ” is a CNA working in hospice care. Covid-19 has certainly had an impact on patients and those who care for them. Standing at the bedside (gowned, masked, and gloved), a dying patient looked into her eyes and said, “Can I please hold your hands?” She felt like she was being touched by an angel for those short moments the patient held her hands before thanking her, and afterwards found a quiet place to reflect.
“BJ” just does what she can do. Every day she is present with patients, family members, co-workers and HERSELF, providing support and a safe space.
“A” also does what she can do. “A” just turned one-year-old.
Born at the beginning of the pandemic, she has spent her life without many of the things we had believed we needed to be happy.
But, at just 12 months old, “A” can wave and say bye-bye.
Her mother sent a video of her waving and saying bye-bye over and over! It was soooooo cute.
And then her mother asked if she wanted to say be happy. “A” smiled her biggest world-winning smile right into the camera and said clearly, “BE HAPPY!”
You can only imagine what gifts “A” will bring the world as she continues to grow…
We are not expected to do it all.
We are not expected to do it right.
We are invited to seek and find ways to serve and to be happy.
The surest way to do that is to just DO What YOU Can….
One of the women at Grief Journey yesterday said she reads everything she can about death. For her, this interest was triggered by the passing of her husband. This morning I received an email message about this book:
Another woman shared yesterday how her 99 and 1/2 year-old father is still wanting to delay talking about or preparing for his death. Just this past year she was able to get him to update his will. Her mother (who passed 30 years ago) was still listed as the beneficiary….
From the promotional listing about Living with Dying:
Whether you know you only have a few months to live or think you have your whole life ahead of you, death is a reality that will have to be faced sooner or later. And as far as the Buddhist teachings are concerned, the sooner you face it, the better.
No matter how rich, well-connected, famous, intelligent, talented and compassionate a person may be, no one can avoid death. Yet how many of us believe death will happen to us? Or wonder what dying will be like? Or imagine what comes after death? Death is certain and inescapable, so wouldn’t it be sensible to at least inform ourselves about an event that we have no choice but to experience?
In Living Is Dying, Dzongsar Jamyang Khyentse presents us with everything we need to face death calmly and confidently. Each stage of the dying process is described in detail, along with clear, practical advice about how to guide the dying through the bardos and into the next life. Rinpoche also addresses many common questions, such as: How honest should we be with the dying? How should we talk about death to someone who has no spiritual beliefs? How do we help someone who is already dead?
Regardless of your spiritual preferences and beliefs—or lack of them—if you are coming to terms with the imminent death of a loved one, your own death, or if you work with the dying, Living Is Dying will help prepare you to meet death consciously, soberly and with a mind full of compassion.
My new mantra: “May all beings prepare to meet death consciously, soberly, and with a mind full of compassion.” This seems to guide us to a life of compassion.
I have been obsessed with taking photos of the sky again.
This morning I was text-chatting about the changing nature of skies with my brother-in-love, Larry, who is a very skillful photographer / gifted artist. A powerful scene from the film, “The Last Samurai,” came to mind and I was able to find a clip I have long held in my mind and heart. I watched it a few times. I find it quite compelling.
While not historically true, this story of an American military officer who is hired by the Emperor of Japan to train the country’s first army in the act of modern warfare is worthy of noting:
As the government attempts to eradicate the ancient Samurai warrior class in preparation for more Westernized and trade-friendly policies, Captain Nathan Algren (Tom Cruise) finds himself unexpectedly affected by his encounters with the Samurai, which places him at the center of a struggle between two eras and two worlds.
Early on, Katsumoto (the samurai) tells Algren, “The perfect blossom is a rare thing. You can spend your life looking for one and it will not be a wasted life…”
True also about skies….
Like Katsumoto humans have found ourselves at the center of a struggle between two eras and two worlds.
With his dying breath Katsumoto discovered the truth:
“Perfect…. They are all…. perfect….”
Why wait to know that truth?
Continuing from the Daily Om opening quotation about coming full circle:
We know that we can handle challenges
that seemed insurmountable when we began our journey,
and there is the feeling that
we might be ready to take on a new problem,
or some new aspect of the old problem.
We feel empowered and courageous
to have taken on the challenge
of stopping a pattern,
releasing a habit,
or overcoming a fear,
and to have succeeded.
“Bhutan’s approach as a Buddhist country,
a country that values Gross National Happiness,
is different from a typical technocratic approach.”
~ Tenzing Lamsang,
an investigative journalist and editor of The Bhutanese
Those who know me well are well aware I rarely read news. Today, I was drawn to read the article about Bhutan’s experience of the pandemic.
While many points in the article moved me near tears, the most uplifting aspect of the article is that it gives my mind a space of hope. I have had many conversations about the need for a new model of leadership in the world.
Could this tiny country be a demonstration of what is possible?
Lets look closely at each aspect for what we can learn and apply.
First, hope that you are lucky and your country’s leaders are thoroughly engaged. Bhutan had trusted, smart, and hands-on direction from its king, whose moral authority carries great weight.
Second, invest in preparedness…. Bhutan’s health ministry staged a simulation at the country’s international airport. The scenario: a passenger arriving from abroad with a suspected infection caused by a new strain of coronavirus. All these measures reflect what Bitton sees as a dynamic, system-wide self-awareness. “You could call it humility; you could call it curiosity,” he said. “It’s this idea of, wow, we have a lot to learn.”
Third, act fast and buy time…. Bhutan’s system of community-based primary care had sowed the concept of prevention, and its free universal health care and testing meant that logistics and supply chains were already in place.
Fourth, draw on existing strengths. (They shifted workers from one segment to another as needed, and provided additional training where necessary.)
Finally, make it possible for people to actually follow public-health guidance by providing economic and social support to those who need to quarantine or isolate. Nuzzo calls these “wraparound services.”
First and foremost, we must understand ourselves: when humans are naive to the thought viruses that infect individuals, communities, and species, we are very vulnerable.
Whatever it might take, it is time for US (ambiguity intentional) to adopt a higher standard of collective being. If you are not familiar with the polyvagal theory of happiness and well-being, please enlighten yourselves. Creativity, productivity, respect, kindness, wisdom — all the virtues of a healthy relating — are needed for us to reach the other shore.
The Other Shore
Sitting
gazing longingly
across the surface
of the water at the “other” shore
Breathing
releasing contractions
throughout the body
all caused by distortions in the mind
Feeling
wholly spacious
emotions rise, fall
denying nothing and at ease
Hearing
birds sing
birds’ songs dance in the air
the air, joyful, joins the movement
Thinking
memories float
some pleasant, some not
illusions seen now for what they are
Debra Basham
February 11, 2021
Note* This poem is about the five aggregates of self: form (or material image, impression) (rupa), sensations (or feelings, received from form) (vedana), perceptions (samjna), mental activity or formations (sankhara), and consciousness (vijnana)
one breath at a time
letting it all go again
heart breaking open
how many times now?
an eternity of time
one more breath dear one
one more breath again
what more can one do than this?
eternity now…
~ A Haiku by Debra Basham February 4, 2021
Just prior to this haiku coming through, I had written in my journal: Find the space within that grasps at resolution. You can see it so clearly in others. Release judgement around that. Breathe space into your body.
Listening to Tenzin Wangyal Rinpoche speak about Healing with Form, Energy, and Light: The Five Elements in Tibetan Shamanism, Tantra, and Dzogchen , I was again fascinated by the connection of breath, mind and body. In part one of the recorded talks, he gave a short guided breathing exercise that begins on the exhale. (See all of the talk at Healing with Form, Energy and Light.)
…. Just breathe out. Exhale any tensions or discomfort that you are feeling in your body, that you are feeling in your breath, or that you are feeling in your mind. (He directs you from the outer (body), to the inner (breath), and then to the sacred (mind).)
Be aware of your body; the stillness of your body, as you continue to breathe deeply. Be aware of your silence; not speaking, feel the silence; much better to feel the silence than just being quiet. Connect with that silence. Awareness is much better than just being silent. Be aware of the spaciousness of your mind; rest in the space of your open mind.
Every day I learn of someone who is experiencing depression or anxiety. Many equate those emotions to the many months of the pandemic and the loss of familiar activities. When I feel my mind spinning, putting together jigsaw puzzles helps me to be present with my body, breath and thought.
I put together this 1,000 piece puzzle in one day!
You might appreciate part or all of Robert Waldon’s take on using affirmations to clear the mind and release tension in the body.
Affirmation Basics
The mind is the driving force in determining our experience in this world.
Affirmations are meant to “show up” any limiting beliefs so they can be erased or deleted, leaving us with a “clean slate”, in a state of health and wholeness—physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. They clear unconscious programming that tends to guide our thoughts, feelings and behavior.
The purpose of affirmations is to erase from the mind all negative thought forms or beliefs which we have falsely learned. Thoughts of limitation, lack and littleness are released and replaced with thoughts of freedom, abundance and magnificence.
SEEING THE BEST IS SEEING THE TRUTH.
Do not focus on what is not working. Just recognize where you are “off purpose” by lack of joy experienced, then focus on more joy.
Every thought creates a result. Negative or fearful thinking creates a negative life experience. Positive or happy thinking creates a good life and happy outlook. Some of both may create a neutral or conflicted effect on our life experiences. Negative experiences can be changed as a result of consistent positive thinking.
My favorite way to do affirmations is to divide the lined page down the middle.
The affirmation is written on the left side and your mind chatter or contradictory thought is written on the right side. Then cross off the negative.
Continue writing the affirmation 20 times and listen for the resistant thought after each one. 20 times daily for 14 days or until there is no resistance.
They will always feel like a lie in the beginning and you may find great resistance to doing them! Things may change dramatically, so be prepared to notice big difference.
Writing, speaking and hearing us say the affirmation aloud clears the false beliefs through our sense of sight, sound and touch.
It is essential that we keep writing and saying the affirmations until there is no longer resistance to the empowering beliefs.
Remember: Affirmations are not to be used to develop a new belief, but only useful to clear false limiting programs.
Once there is quiet, clarity and no resistance, we are complete.
While I, too, welcome a time post-pandemic — a time to hug and be hugged — I also treasure the depth of support that is available through technology right now. Currently, I am being encouraged (like an Obstetrician saying to a newborn baby, “it is safe to breathe”) via “Mystics Summit” presented by The Shift Network.
Last evening I heard Rabbi Rami Shapiro speak about an upgrade in his thinking/experience around a familiar prayer, The Hail Mary.
Here is the new version, shared with permission:
Hail Chochma (if Chochma is too hard to pronounce try Sophia, Wisdom, Mother)
Full of grace
The Divine is you.
Blessed are you and all women
And Blessed is the fruit of your womb: all being
Holy Mother, fount of Wisdom
Guide us seekers now and into the moment of our death
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