By Debra Basham, on April 6, 2023 The winter season for this snowbird has included swimming in the river of emotions. We spent tender time with friends and neighbors who have lost their homes, had their homes severely damaged, are still working to repair or adjust six months after Hurricane Ian hit. And beyond all of that, losses of many friends and family members.
We are not alone in loss. Daily deliveries of loss remind us of the truth of impermanence.
When my sister and brother-in-law performed the final act of love and had their beloved cat euthanized, EVERYONE at the office, including the veterinarian, cried. Here is Janis and a sleeping Twizzle.
Twizzle was not an ordinary cat. The way he observed, learned, and participated in his surroundings demonstrated clearly he was more human than cat. Larry said he knows Twizzle could have helped him with projects if he had had opposable thumbs!
Life does not leave us bereft after loss, however, and vivid evidences of the continuity of love continue. Barbara Brodsky asked me when I was grieving the loss of an aged tree on our lot, “Does the tree still live in your heart?”
Oh, yes…. it lives on.
Our beloved Pine Island community lives on in our hearts.
My dharma brother, Allen, lives on in my heart.
Our cousin, Cheryl Basham, lives on in our hearts.
I miss Miss Molly, my doggy friend I made in Port Charlotte riding my bicycle.
My sister, Janis, heard this song on The Voice. She said it speaks truth of her beloved Twizzle. It probably speaks truth of all loss and love.
Ghost
Youngblood thinks there’s always tomorrow
I miss your touch on nights when I’m hollow
I know you crossed a bridge that I can’t follow
Since the love that you left is all that I get
I want you to know
That if I can’t be close to you
I’ll settle for the ghost of you
I miss you more than life (more than life)
And if you can’t be next to me
Your memory is ecstasy
I miss you more than life
I miss you more than life
Youngblood thinks there’s always tomorrow
I need more time but time can’t be borrowed
I’d leave it all behind if I could follow
Since the love that you left is all that I get
I want you to know
That if I can’t be close to you
I’ll settle for the ghost of you
I miss you more than life (yeah)
And if you can’t be next to me
Your memory is ecstasy (oh)
I miss you more than life
I miss you more than life
Whoa
Na, na-na
More than life
(Oh)
So if I can’t get close to you
I’ll settle for the ghost of you
But I miss you more than life
And if you can’t be next to me
Your memory is ecstasy
I miss you more than life
I miss you more than life
Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Jonathan David Bellion / Jordan Kendall Johnson / Justin Bieber / Michael Ross Pollack / Stefan Adam Johnson
Ghost lyrics © BMG Rights Management, Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd., Universal Music Publishing Group, Warner Chappell Music, Inc
Yesterday I was able to see a close friend who developed dementia and was moved to live near his family. Our daughter had to drive to another city to pick something up from a client. The facility my friend lives is was only 2.7 miles from where our daughter needed to be. John and I went along and we were so thankful to be recognized and to have the opportunity to visit with our precious friend. I took him one of his favorite vegan bran muffins.
Oh, yes, your memory is ecstasy….
By Debra Basham, on March 31, 2023 When you cease to relate to the darkness
as something separate or other than the light,
this invites the darkness into its sacred expression.
In its highest expression
it comes as teacher — perhaps not pleasant,
but as teacher.
Pain, fear, grief —
not separate from the light.
~ Aaron
On Tuesday evening at the Awakening and Living Awake class we heard, “When it is dawn in your back yard, it is dusk on the other side of the world.” We have been looking at our relationship to darkness over the past few years. Aaron has suggested we ask ourselves what duality (I would edit this to be “seeming” duality) we most frequently get caught in. Aaron said Barbara most often gets caught in wanting to have a body that is pain free and wanting a husband who can participate with her.
Someone spoke of the idea that it “should” (I would add or should not) be this or that way, rather than allowing it to be the way it is. The term “duality of expectations” was used.
In small group I spoke of my most frequent experience being a state that is not even holding an intention or an intention being held but awareness that is aware of holding and aware of being held where both exist. Words seem inadequate, but I think of it as a transcendent awareness. A classmate spoke of the need to not see yourself as “the kind one” or get caught up in being “the meditating one” as an identity. This is just another type of duality of expectations.
For example, I have been blessed to see three baby Killdeer on my early morning bike ride. The thing that is most unusual about this sighting is Killdeers’ determination to protect their offspring at all costs, even at great risk of harm to themselves. I recall having seen an adult Killdeer along that street a few times, but I was focused on the nesting Night Herons I have been watching up in the tree along that same street.
Truth be told, Killdeer chicks are born with great camouflage. Streaks of color make them near impossible to be seen against gravel, brush, or leaves.
Even so, the adults try every trick in the books to divert attention away from their young. They will often pretend they have an injured wing to get your attention and flail on the ground. This behavior has resulted in the Killdeer coming to signify protectiveness, family values, and self-sacrifice.
Once I had seen the chicks, the next day when first one and then a second adult crossed the street in front of me going off to my right I knew where not to look.
Looking in the opposite direction, I could see all three chicks directly across the street!
“Pure sheltered innocence of childhood” is also part of the symbolism of Killdeer.
We do not enjoy difficult experiences. It is natural to be resistant when things do not go or look as we expected. Our last few days in Paradise are spent with the house we are renting getting a new roof. The damage occurred six months ago when Hurricane Ian made landfall. We have been here since December 20, AND NOW A NEW ROOF? All this week, as have been trying to pack and load the cars the yard and drive have been booby trapped with roofing nails!
This is not what I wanted. But THIS ignites a spot previously touched. I had already experienced the home owner as dismissive about our finding two huge (dead) roaches in the pots and pans cupboard and the lack of cleanliness upon arrival. We learn both skillful means and unskillful means from our previous experiences.
Because of my previous experience I knew where not to look and I knew where to look to see what I wanted to see: the Killdeer babies.
In its highest expression pain, fear, and grief come as teacher — perhaps not pleasant, but teacher none-the-less. Getting caught in duality causes such profound pain. If we want to see what we want to see, we must know where to look.
We are all moving through our past. We were children. We were adolescents. We have had lots of experiences and some may have been challenging, unpleasant, dismissive or even abusive. We are also moving into our future where we do not yet know what we will see or not see. We do not know what will surprise and delight us — or surprise and offend or harm us. This is the nature of working with both the darkness and the light.
Would you think it possible to get two full-sized lampshades into a 2-quart pitcher? I was able to roll up two full-sized lamp shades and slip them neatly into this pitcher for safe travels North. Here is a photo to prove it!
As Robert Fulghum wrote in All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten: “Don’t believe everything you think!”
By Debra Basham, on March 22, 2023 Because the collective is shifting so rapidly, we are doubling back for upgrades to things we have long-known. Yesterday for me was “The Rule of Six.” Simply put, any thought or belief that I recognize has the slightest tinge of lack, I can allow six alternate ways of experiencing it. This teaches the mind instantaneous flexibility so we don’t clamp down on our thoughts or beliefs and cause ourselves pain.
Monday was another powerfully heart opening experience post-Ian. Linda cooked while I organized many boxes of household items. We had storage space for these items at our seasonal rental on Bounty Lane, but that precious home was damaged by the hurricane and is still in the tear-down-to-build-up phase, so we have used stuff here in Port Charlotte this winter but we are heading home in about ten days.
I filled the van with creatively displayed boxes. We drove to many friends on the island where they could select from the Basham Bazaar Buggy (the back of my van). At our first stop Nancy made her selections and said, “I want to go with you on the rest of your stops….”
The first was at the Winn Dixie grocery store for Linda to buy ice cream for the family we were taking a meal to. Our friend went into the store with me as Linda waited in the van. Our friend told me she wanted to buy some additional things for the family. She selected two boxes of Entenmann’s Minis Fudge Iced Golden Cakes, a large bottle of apple juice and some pink lemonade mix. I could feel how important it was for her to be part of the giving role.
Our next stop was at the home of friends that took on water up to her armpits. Connie and her husband have worked tirelessly for over five months and say now their home is almost back to pre-hurricane condition. This friend is actually the sister of a very close Michigan friend, named Pam.
Soon after I bought a whole box (almost an entire set) of these Indian Tree patterned dishes for $5 (from the estate sale of a woman coincidentally named Pam), Pam told me this pattern was their mother’s good china, and she had the set!
I confess I have a dish fetish. I have loved these dishes. I would invite Connie for tea every season so she could sip from “her mother’s” tea cups. When Covid kept us from meeting face-to-face I gifted Connie one tea cup and one saucer, saying we could drink from her mother’s dishes and feel our connections across time and distance.
I know these vintage dishes are rather expensive — online I saw one square sandwich plate for $40, one cereal bowl for $20, and a partial set listed for over $550. I had no idea.
 
I do not have room for them in Michigan.
It broke my heart to give them up, until I realized I am not giving them up, I am giving them back.
I also gave Connie the beautiful plaid napkins I found that coordinate beautifully. And a little red butter dish with a matching red knife.
The next day Nancy sent a photo of the dishes she selected from Basham Bazaar Buggy mindfully placed in the cupboard of her recently purchased duplex near center island after her house was a total loss.
Her text message read, “A beginning! So grateful!
Tears fall easily here….
By Debra Basham, on March 19, 2023 Last evening we watched “True Spirit” about Jessica Watson, an Australian teen who sailed around the world in a 30-foot yacht. This morning I went online to research some of the details of the account and, not wanting this to be a spoiler alert, I will simply share this reply to the inquiry of how true-to-life the film was:
There’s some “movie magic,” but True Spirit is “scarily accurate” to what she experienced on her journey, she said. In another Instagram, Jessica posted a video clip from the trailer and explains that “some of @teagancroft’s lines ring so true to me today – it’s a little unnerving in a lovely way.”
Watching was a bit more personal to John and me given Stacey and Doug setting sail on The Lady Gail in October of 2019. The pandemic stopped them in their tracks, and they sold their beloved boat in Florida, bought a truck, and drove back to Tennessee.
Not all journeys go where we expected to go, go the way we planned, nor end the way we dreamed.
On the last side street of my normal morning bike ride yesterday morning I had a wonderful but unexpected bird encounter. The first thing I saw was a fairly large bird flying with an impressive-looking branch/twig. It was obviously building material for a nest. The bird landed in the center of an empty lot. I thought it might be a juvenile Great Blue Heron, but a closer look revealed it to be a Night Heron.
I watched the Heron fly into a nearby tree and excitedly present the prized material to a companion. Rebuffed briskly, the Heron was daunted but not dissuaded. Still holding onto the precious branch, it landed on a lower branch before ever-so-gently trying again to present its gift. Success! This time the branch was inspected, accepted, and the pair began working together to weave it into what appeared from the ground to be quite humble beginnings of a home.
Parking my bike, I stood there quite still for a long time just taking it all in. Although the lighting was not helpful, I was able to get a short video and a couple of still shots of the couple. I had spotted another Night Heron a bit higher and off to the left in the tree. Then I noticed a second pair of Herons slightly below and to the right of the pair I had been observing. (This morning’s internet facts: Night Herons likely mate for life, are thought to be monogamous, and form small colonies where both the male and female work in nest building, taking turns sitting on the eggs, and co-parenting the chicks.)
Very few trees of much size survived Hurricane Ian so this may not have been a normal nesting tree for Night Herons, but they were obviously making the most of what was available to them.
This could all be said about my life. I had not set out to be a teen-aged bride or a mom at 16 — the same age as Jessica Watson. While I did not sail around the world in a 30-foot yacht, we have certainly weathered many storms, and our marriage has proved to be a worthy vessel. Fifty-seven years ago today, March 19, 1966, John Basham and Debbie Smith said “I do.” Here is a happy 57th anniversary haiku:
John, I loved you then
And I would still say I do
I am proud of us
We took what we had
Made the most of all of it
We are still sailing!
Spring always follows
winter which leads to summer
Fall is harvest time
What more may unfold?
Final chapters not yet done
And here we both are
Still crazy after all these years!!!!
This is our true spirit!
By Debra Basham, on March 16, 2023 “The truth is that you already are what you are seeking. You are looking for God with his eyes. This truth is so simple and shocking, so radical and taboo that it is easy to miss among your flurry of seeking.
You may have heard what I am saying in the past and you may even believe it, but my question is, have you realized it with your whole being? Are you living it?” ~ Adyashanti
The emotional experience this winter is challenging terrain. It is so interesting that for a while I have been navigating a lot of stuff with a fairly stable inner essence. At this time, not navigating so much, but experiencing a lot of inner instability.
Words seem to be part of the conditions that give rise to this. Co-housing with three others plays a part of the conditions for sure. But these are not what is really happening.
I was sharing something that had happened earlier in the day with the Deep Spring Group 2 on Tuesday night. John had gone in to take a nap. A while later Linda asked me, “Is John sleeping?” On the surface that seems like an easy question to answer, but a yes did not come to be. My response was more honest than a yes would have (or could have) been.
“Say only he went into the bedroom to take a nap,” I heard the words as they were being spoken. “I have no way of knowing if he is sleeping or not.”
This is so literally true, however it did not feel skillful. I fumbled trying to explain what was happening within my mind that would not let me speak something I knew I did not know. I watched emotion arise: sadness. I have been feeling a lot of sadness of late.
John Orr shed some light on my experience by speaking of the practice of DON’T KNOW MIND. John said just as there is within “the one who knows” there is also within “the one who does not know.” We are encouraged to practice don’t know mind until you are comfortable resting in uncertainty, until you can do your best and laugh and say “Don’t know.”
I can say I don’t know what has my emotions so stirred. I don’t know what will allow those waters to settle.
With certainty I can say it has not been easy living with me these months of co-housing.
With certainty I can say the emotions are not “me” or “mine” but they are mine to navigate.
On Sunday we went to Farmer Joe’s to buy fresh produce. Linda and I had a lengthy conversation about apples prior to our going. My lunch every day is an apple with some cheese. Earlier in the season we got Honey Crisp apples for 99 cents a pound. That day they were priced at one dollar and 99 cents a pound. I told her the price was not much different from the Pink Lady variety we had been buying of late, and, yes, I would appreciate her getting some Honey Crisp apples while they were at the market.
As we pulled into the parking lot, however, John announced that they had Fuji apples on sale, suggesting we buy those. When Linda turned to me and asked did I want her to get those my emotions flared. They got the Fuji apples and I had the first one yesterday. Say only, they are in my experience an inferior apple.
The sadness that rises within speaks many phrases. Why can others in our home be indulged for the things they prefer: John gets yogurt and milk and English muffins. Larry gets his grits and wine. Linda gets her carbonated water. I hear myself thinking, “I ask for so little.”
This could be seen as something happening inside of me or outside of me or both. But what is it really? The one who knows knows it is not about apples. The one who does not know watches the emotions cloud the sky. It has been most interesting to me to notice how much separation I am feeling. Lonely feelings in the midst of my dear ones.
One of my dharma sisters said to me at the end of our Group 2 sharing that I am likely feeling the emotional weight of the collective. We are here in the midst of the aftermath of Hurricane Ian. People still don’t have roofs; have not settled with their insurance companies; are sifting through rubble or do not even have access to rubble. So much familiar and favored has vanished. I have my personal experience of all of this, for sure, but nothing is happening in a vacuum.
Today John and I will drive to Pine Island and clean windows for our dear friend Nancy Green. Nancy has just purchased her half of a duplex near center island; she is now sharing a wall with a long-time friend who also was displaced by the winds and the rains.
We have seventeen days of this season here in Port Charlotte before we will return to our respective homes in Michigan.
Sufficient time for seeing these emotional distortions as real experiences rising out of the conditions but not having any permanent nature; days and nights for shining the light of compassion on it all; an eternity of time for practicing that don’t know mind until we are comfortable resting in uncertainty.
How long will this all take? Say only, “Don’t know.”
By Debra Basham, on February 25, 2023 Opening email this morning and reading Neale Donald Walsch’s words: “… in moments when things look bleak — especially in those moments — see only perfection, express only gratefulness, and then imagine only what manifestation of perfection you choose next.”
Cellular memory of our daughter Stacey’s move to Tennessee shortly after the birth of our first grandchild flooded in while sharing recently with a person who had made a cross-country move soon after her mother’s transition in the Midwest. While she was sure she was where she was to be, she was navigating intense feelings of “missing” her family and the fear of additional loss felt overwhelming.
Speaking about loss, grief, and the necessity of regaining our emotional equilibrium in the midst of a sea of changing conditions was a reminder my current feelings are woven together with the collateral losses resulting from Hurricane Ian.
My deep listening to Adyashanti shed some light on the universal journey with all of this. The talk was called “Self-Realization: I Got It!, I Lost It!” but it was excerpted from “The Timeless Nature of Being” given October 6, 2019, in Palo Alto, California.
Something about it is still with you. Not by grasping at it but just almost like that intuitive sense, “What haven’t I lost?” – just sensing that, making space for it…. ~ Adyashanti
I was at Walgreens waiting at the check-out counter for someone to come help with a rain-check for Ultra Soft Kleenex tissues. A young girl, maybe 10 or 11 years old, was next in line. As my wait time became longer and longer, I told her she was welcome to go ahead of me rather than wait. She said, “Its okay, I have my whole life ahead of me.”
Unable to stop myself, I responded, “I have my whole life ahead of me, too, but I suspect you have more time than I.”
A very wise expression came over her face….
The sea of conditions is ever changing, that is for certain. But notice how much our expectation creates our experience of what is, what was, and what is yet to be. That young girl might have transitioned before I got up this morning. No, the odds are not in that direction, but the life that we experience is not always what the odds might indicate.
We played a crazy-fun game this week while Linda’s sister, Brenda, was visiting. Poetry For Neanderthals is a word-guessing game like Password, but with a couple of quirky twists. First, you can only use one syllable words as clues. Second, if you use a larger word you get bopped in the head with a 2-foot long inflatable club.
For example, if you are trying to get your team to guess the word broccoli, you might say “Green thing you eat for live long and have good health.” The game forces you to explain complex ideas using simple words. I like that. I am good at that. That is why this post is SEA OF LIFE NOT STAY SAME.
One might go on to add SEA OF LIFE CAN STILL BE GOOD.
It takes a bit to be good at it but you can even say SEA OF LIFE CAN BE GREAT.
WHAT WILL IT TAKE FOR YOU TO BE GLAD FOR WHAT IS WHILE YOU STILL FEEL SAD FOR WHAT WAS?
I THINK YOU GET THE POINT NOW. RIGHT?
By Debra Basham, on February 17, 2023 Here is a new spiritual practice for you:
don’t take your thoughts too seriously.
~ Stillness Speaks, by Eckhart Tolle
Overall our co-housing continues to go well here in Port Charlotte. I am noticing a subtle communication pattern that feels a bit like argumentativeness or attachment to view. Note: I said a SUBTLE communication pattern.
The content of the communication is irrelevant, other than there has to be something that reveals the pattern. We had fish for dinner. Fresh catch Sheepshead from Lon Maas.
Dinner talk shifted from how good the fish was to a freshwater fish by that same name that Linda had become familiar with fishing Lake Erie. I mentioned my niece having caught a Sheepshead while she was visiting Pine Island about ten years ago and my first understanding that the salt-water Florida fish is Sheepshead (plural sheeps), while the freshwater fish is Sheephead (singular sheep). My niece had said, “I think I found Grandma Smith’s dentures!”
Linda did a quick search and read aloud several tidbits, a couple of which were not at all what I thought I was remembering from the past. That was the end of our conversation. We went on with dinner and then played cards. But…. the following morning when I noticed my mind was still engaged, I did a quick search and opened to read:
Sheepshead fish (Archosargus probatocephalus) are a species of ray-finned, predominantly marine fish commonly found along the eastern coastline of North America and South America. Sheepshead fish live in marine habitats and estuaries in the western Atlantic Ocean, from Nova Scotia in eastern Canada, down the eastern U.S. and Central American coastline, and as far south as southern Brazil. They are known for their front teeth, which can look uncannily like human teeth (opens in new tab). While sheepshead fish usually live in salt water and slightly salty brackish water, they are sometimes found in freshwater habitats in winter.
Sheepshead fish should not be confused with a similarly named species of fish on North America’s western coastline called the California sheephead (Semicossyphus pulcher). While both fish species have teeth, they are not closely related and belong to different families.
Sheepshead fish: Facts about the fish with ‘human’ teeth:
Linda and I did talk about this some, specifically about how the browsers have a hand in shaping what information comes up in our searches. Years ago I was with three friends when we all put in the same key words using the same browser and totally different links came up for each of us. Whoa…
An English professor wrote the words: “A woman without her man is nothing” on the chalkboard and asked the students to punctuate the sentence correctly.
All of the males in the class wrote: “A woman, without her man, is nothing.”
All of the females in the class wrote: “A woman: without her, man is nothing.”
Punctuation is powerful. Words are powerful. Intention is powerful. Silence is powerful.
The content of the next communication catalyst here in sunny Florida was palm oil. I will leave the conclusion to you: By the Way, Doctor, Is Palm Oil Good For You?, but after writing some in my journal about all of this, and talking to a friend who is fluent in all things metaphysical, I would note some of the current astrological influences written by Leah Whitehorse.
February 16, 2023
A strong karmic overtone is in the air. With Mercury’s square to the Nodes, we’re pressed to address a skipped step, a missed conversation or connection that is vital for our evolutionary journey. Independent thought, without rejection of the perspectives of others, is important now. Talk about your past, what you found difficult, what you overcame. Free your mind to move forwards.
Today is the last time that the Sun will meet Saturn in Aquarius for almost 30 years. This then is the jewel in the crown of this transit, the illumination of ancient teachings, the foundation stone of innovative changes. Maybe we now understand the lesson, get a sense of a greater pattern or receive a glimpse of the future, a hint of things to come. Sitting at the feet of the Great Architect we learn that we have an integral part to play in the world. Step into your authority. Shoulder responsibilities with grace. Commit to your soul’s journey. You are capable. You are wise.
On February 14, 2022, Leah wrote about the US Pluto Return:
Pluto is a symbol for profound change, regeneration, cleansing. It is the phoenix born from the ashes, death and rebirth. As ruler of the underworld, Pluto rules all those things that are unseen. The unseen might be treasure – like diamonds and precious metals that form deep in the earth. Or the unseen might be crime, abuse, theft, the sleazy stuff that goes on behind closed doors.
More from Stillness Speaks, by Eckhart Tolle:
Throughout history humans have inflicted countless violent, cruel, and hurtful acts on each other, and continue to do so. Are they all to be condemned; are they all guilty? Or are those acts simply expressions of unconsciousness, an evolutionary stage that we are now growing out of?
Jesus’ words, “Forgive them for they do not know what they do,” also apply to yourself.
Silence is essential to remain loud and clear.
My silence inspires me to find my own voice.
Silence is the environment and atmosphere, the sacred vacuum into which God speaks.
Silent people have the loudest hearts.
In simple terms: Anything we did not totally clean up previously is getting stirred up. Everybody is going to be uneasy. We are going to experience anger. We can’t get out of it. Denial, projection, rationalization – none of the psychological defense mechanisms will protect us from Pluto. Because Pluto won’t let anything be hidden any more!
By Debra Basham, on February 13, 2023 The meeting of two personalities
is like the contact of two chemical substances:
if there is any reaction, both are transformed.
~ Carl Jung
It’s been said that no one comes into our lives by accident. It might also be said that no experience we have is by accident either. The conditions of our lives are simply arising and ceasing out of conditions.
On Friday morning we were driving from Port Charlotte to Naples for a follow up appointment with Dr. Steven Deutsch, the cardiologist that diagnosed John’s cardiovascular disease and referred him to the surgeon who did the quadruple bypass surgery. I had a flashback of the 7-Eleven cashier who came from behind her counter to put her arms around me and pray for us, saying, “Lord, let all of the news this woman gets today be good news.” Accompanying this cellular memory was the guidance for me to bask in the years of “Sacred Stories” that have been published.
Seated in the way-back seat, I asked Linda to send back the small notepad. She said, “I have the addresses if that is what you are after.” I wanted the pad because I felt the need to journal. Pad in hand, I noted a subtle trying to anticipate another person’s needs and wrote: Another habit energy I see, bless, and release.
We picked up Nancy Green and Claudia Mierau and then proceeded to Naples where we met Pat Jordon and all enjoyed a fabulous lunch at True Foods. It was truly a holy Holistic Alliance Reunion!
As we were driving from the restaurant to the doctor’s office, I asked Linda (who was in the front seat navigating for John) if John was going to turn left or right when we got to the address. Linda said to John, “Does she not think I would have told you?”
I said out loud, “Even if he knows where he is going to turn that doesn’t mean that I not also like to know,” and then added, “Am I pissing you off today, Linda?”
She did not respond, but we had opportunity to talk about all of this the following morning and Linda confessed she and John had previously shared some of his energy about my backseat driving. I understand his frustration with that behavior. I also understand how challenging it is to be in the way-back as he is driving — even though I totally trust Linda’s navigating. It is nothing personal — for almost 57 years now I have been the one navigating EVERY time John and I drive somewhere together.
I have been noticing what I would say is Linda’s subtle tendency to try to anticipate some one else’s need. Of course, this habit energy is within me! Oh, my….
I open the Daily Reflection from Deep Spring Center:
Look at that part of you that feels you should be able to do everything for everybody. Can I be spacious with myself with any guilt, with that little voice that says I should be able to do it all? Why? Why should I? ~ Aaron
Nancy asked about another Holistic Alliance friend who has for a number of years lived on a boat at Marathon Key after having lived quite near Claudia in Michigan. I have been able to reach out to Shirley and let her know we had been wondering about her. She is now living in Clearwater and was very glad to know she was being thought about by her Holistic Alliance friends.
We are so fortunate to have one another….
I am so glad Nancy Green was willing and able to go with us on Friday. It was wonderful to have Claudia staying with us for a couple of days. It is always so special to be with Pat Jordan. And the opportunity to have things amplified by our living together for three months is a holy alliance with Linda which I am wholly grateful for.
By Debra Basham, on February 6, 2023 
Some of my clearest insight and inspiration occurs when my mind is occupied with other things, for example, while riding my bike or putting together the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. This morning I was finishing up a puzzle which had been fairly challenging for my skills and processing a powerful scene we watched in the miniseries “From Scratch” that is now showing on Netflix. Many layers of depth expose themselves from a simple plot: an American student studying in Italy, meets and falls in love with a Sicilian chef. I am glad I did not realize it is based on a true story as I was watching last evening….
The scene moved me to a tearful remembrance of an experience with a client years ago, the details of which are included in Falling Together in Love: Stories From My Heart. The story begins on page 53, under the heading “Working with Words: Conversations that Changed Lives.” It involves the birth mother in an open adoption having had second thoughts after holding the baby she had just given birth to.
My role was in helping the adoptive mom to find a way of assuring the birth mother that she could take all the time she needed to be 100% confident that she wanted my client to raise the baby. Those specific words that changed lives resulted in the completion of the adoption.
The part of their story that did not make the book was the birth mother’s also having tearfully said to the adoptive mom, “I wish you could adopt me, too.”
A bit ago I was triggered by some interaction related to planning a Zoom event honoring a friend that recently passed. Our convoluted email exchange was certainly also working with words, but in this case the words were not working, but all conversations change lives.
Doctors tell patients what they have been diagnosed with is going to kill them.
Parents tell children they will never amount to anything.
Earlier today as Linda and I were talking about tonight’s menu, it became clear that everything on the list for tonight are things I normally make for John and me, so I told Linda I could make dinner tonight. Her response was, “Are you sure that is OKAY?”
Walking over to the desk where she was sitting, looking her in the eye, I spoke the truth clearly, “You know me well enough to know that I do not offer to do something I am not in alignment with doing. You know it is OKAY or I would not have offered.”
The exchange results from the beautiful way our co-housing has evolved. Linda and Larry love to meal plan, and they love to cook. John and I love to eat, and I am a bit compulsive with cleaning. Ours is a match made in heaven.
Now, it is going to be interesting to see if I still clean up the dinner dishes. I have already set the table and made the salad. The green beans are in the pan ready for steaming, and I have added baby carrots with tarragon onto the menu. None of this is about the tasks. It is, however, often about the roles. It is about how our genuine being-ness can get hijacked by our doing. Yes, it is the evolved order of things for them to cook and me to clean, but that does not mean if I cook tonight they have to clean tonight.
Evolved mindful living is not about tit-for-tat. It is about giving and receiving. While many of us were taught that it is better to give than to receive, the profound truth is that receiving is as essential as is giving. It is vital to give and receive.
This Daily Quote from Aaron today:
You are used to thinking of dana as a payment that’s made. It’s not payment. This generosity within you is a strong force that inspires you—the heart opening in generosity, holding as the highest value an alleviation of the suffering of all sentient beings. That’s a profound form of generosity. Not putting yourself first, not caught in the small self, but asking of yourself that you look at the challenges that come forth and give that deep breath and thank-you. Be mindful of the habitual tendencies that say, “I can’t give this; I can’t give that. I must keep myself sheltered. Must I? Perhaps I can open this way…” This is generosity. This is love. Then you give this love to the others in your life. You cook food for those in your families, if that is what is asked of you today. You walk the dog. You sit and meditate because it’s a form of generosity to yourself. This is one of the spiritual qualities that truly help carry you and support you.
So, today I will cook food for those in my family.
I will do so knowing that I give that freely, regardless of who cleans up the kitchen!
That is not tit-for-tat….
By Debra Basham, on February 1, 2023 When God Winks: How the Power of Coincidence Guides Your Life is the title of a book but it certainly can also become a way of life.
An amazing response from a dear friend to my Happy Birthday Haiku blog post was an immediate offer to purchase a stove for the family still without one four months after Hurricane Ian ripped away the fabric of everyday life here in Southwest Florida.
Words fall short to describe my heart’s joy at that kindness.
Today when the generous benefactor’s teammate sent a text message related to her handling the purchase and making arrangements for delivery, I was again made aware of the magnificent magic of the fabric of this universe.
This is close to my heart. My family has been vacationing on Sanibel Island for the last 47 years. My mom and I were actually supposed to be on Sanibel in our timeshare condo during the week that Hurricane Ian hit. Unfortunately, as you know, Sanibel was devastated and our condo community was destroyed. I thought many times of coming down and trying to assist an area that is so beloved to me. This is making me very happy that I’m able to help in a small way with getting this family a new oven. ❤️
Claudia, beloved friend and wife of Wayne who transitioned in August, is coming to visit one of her grade-school friends. That friend recently bought a home here in Southwest Florida.
John had a doctor’s appointment in Naples so we scheduled to have lunch with our friend, Pat, who has lived in Naples for many years. We try to get together while we are here for the season. After we made the lunch date with Pat, we got an earlier date for John’s appointment, and then we were bummed to discover Pat could not meet us on that day. The morning of his appointment, however, we were notified the doctor would be at the hospital all day and could not see John. His rescheduled rescheduled appointment now is during Claudia’s visit, so we plan to have lunch with Pat. Incidentally, we all met Pat through Wayne while she was living in Michigan….
Also during Claudia’s visit with us, Wayne’s dear friend Bob, and Bob’s wife, Sarah, will be less than ten minutes from where we are staying, so we are planning a time we can all have dinner together….
It certainly is a small world after all. I guess I am just short on words today. I am exceedingly grateful the Holy Spirit intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. Grateful when God winks.
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