~ Pema Chödrön
This week’s Oakwood Retreat has been very intense. Staying at home for retreat has some benefits. You don’t have the expense of lodging or travel time, and you get to sleep in your own bed. Like all of life, though, everything holds its opposite.
The morning instruction on working skillfully with distortion and heavy emotions was soooooo relevant…
I have had one of the decidedly most unskillful weeks I have had for decades. When you are sitting in meditation for 6-8 hours, day after day, stuff will come up. The catalyst for my stuff was the (hopefully) last of the work to complete home repair related to the mold remediation. But vital to realize the catalyst (whatever the catalyst) is not the distortion. The distortion is how we relate to the what is triggering us.
On one walk, I saw two crickets. On another, about a half dozen earth worms. Twice I had a red-bellied woodpecker hanging right on my window! Every day that shrub is filled with the comings and goings of sparrows. But one morning I heard a disturbance, opened my eyes and saw that a hawk was actually in the middle of the shrub. I had six Blue Jays at the feeder one morning, and this morning I had four big crows.
Cricket totem: A sign of good luck in many cultures, cricket symbolizes initiative and intelligence, and having the gift of foresight.
Earthworm totem: Working old ground; examining the past and its effects upon present conditions; including exploring past lives.
Sparrow totem: Integrity, empowerment, persistence, hard work, peace and wisdom. Guides us to learn to work hard with all.
Woodpecker totem: The power of rhythm. Discrimination. Connected to the heartbeat of Mother Earth herself. Symbolizes the stimulation and awakening of new mental faculties. New ways to look at things — new wisdom and new rhythms to dance to.
Hawk totem: Represents focus, strength, and poise, and can show you your hidden abilities to lead yourself and others to a more positive outcome.
Blue Jay totem: Symbolized by assertiveness, determination, and above all, intelligence.
Crow totem: Watchful creatures with sharp and powerful foresight. An omen of transformation and change.
When you go on retreat, you practice noble silence. This does not just mean not talking. You are excused from any of the normal social politeness. No small talk, no anticipating others needs, no distracting yourself with discursive thought. You see clearly the weeds in your own garden. So I wrote a poem.
-
When Weeds Grow: A Haiku
Every place where weeds grow
Oxygen is shared with you
Breathe in and feel TRUTH
Challenges abound
And LOVE is always around
We have so much help
What do you see as
Weeds grow there in your garden?
Breathe…. They are pure gift
During the final sitting, my mind went back to some trauma I experienced while traveling to Europe in 2011 — this exact same week! Mind was churning trying to remember the details. What was the name of the country where I had gone to the exotic gardens? Thinking, grasping, trying to remember until I let my mind soften, like taking a step back, and simply intended access to the information. Pop! Monaco….
This is not a new lesson for me. I remember leaving the house a bit late with my earrings in my hand. Pulling up to the stop sign, the left earring slipped in but I could not find the hole in my right ear. The next stop sign, I tried again. Again without success. At the third stop sign I asked for help. Pop! The earring went right in and I heard a voice say, “We would have helped at the first stop sign if you had asked.”
I have wired lamps, lifted heavy objects, remembered things, found things, and received guidance regularly for a very long time. Our teacher, Aaron, was speaking of how the mundane mind can be very helpful to orchestrate some tasks. One student asked Aaron if he uses Barbara Brodsky’s mundane mind for working with the technology. Aaron replied, “No, I just invite the computer to co-create with me.”
The current conditions are chaotic. We need all the co-creation with spirit we can access. As Aaron said, “How can I save anyone if I can’t save myself?”
This week I saw a quotation by Thich Nhat Hanh: “The next Buddha may be a sangha.”
It definitely took a sangha to offer this wonderful week of focused dharma practice. Sharing a few notes from my journal:
You have come as midwives. You can be the midwife who is there in the room being calm or the one running around the room saying, “It isn’t coming quickly enough!”
Be with things as they are. Not stoically, but lovingly. Liberation means walking on the unstable ground and finding your own balance.
Allow the practice to ground us in the innate perfection without denial of the conditions.
Say, “I consecrate this effort to the good of all beings.”
Each time you are able to offer kindness in a difficult condition, it changes the world around you.
One day when we sang “This Little Light of Mine” the teacher said it is really a great big light, so I wrote new words to the tune:
This GREAT Big Light of Mine
(sing it to the tune of This Little Light of Mine)
This GREAT BIG light of mine
I’m gonna let it shine
This GREAT BIG light of mine
This light is divine
This GREAT BIG light of mine
Isn’t even really mine
Let it shine, let it shine, let it
Let it shine around your town
We can let it shine
We have help, we’re not alone
Please just let it shine
Let it shine when fear appears
We can let it shine
Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine
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