on the capacity for getting along with ourselves.
The self-respecting individual will try to be as tolerant of his neighbor’s shortcomings
as he is of his own.”
Eric Hoffer, American moral and social philosopher, author,
recipient of the Presidential Medal of Freedom
1902-1983
Probably no cultural situation is more complex than gender dysphoria which, simply put, is the condition of feeling one’s emotional and psychological identity as male or female to be different from one’s biological sex. Jeanne Talbot certainly understands that from a parent’s point of view. She clearly shared the fear she had when her “daughter” went to middle school the first day in a “Huffington Post” article. The principal introduced “Nicole” to the students before engaging them in a conversation about bullying, transgender, and the importance of calling people by the name they prefer. He set a positive tone and expectation, and Jeanne’s daughter was forevermore Nicole. It was what that same principal said to Nicole a few months later that stopped a breath in Jeanne’s chest.
“Nicole, you are my greatest teacher.”
His greatest teacher. A teacher of living authentically. A teacher of courage. A teacher of perseverance. A teacher of doing the right thing, even when it’s difficult.
You may appreciate reading the entire article: You Might Be Shocked By What Two Principals Said About My Transgender Daughter
Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev, commonly known as Sadhguru, is an Indian yogi and mystic involved in social outreach, education and environmental initiatives. He speaks to a way of approaching issues appropriate for all of us. Sadhguru said, “The sign of intelligence is that you are constantly wondering. Idiots are always dead sure about everything they are doing in their life.”
It is often easiest to be dead sure about things you know the least about.
A writer/colleague of Debra’s understands this issue profoundly. For two decades, her husband’s cross-dressing had been a part of their lives; but she had witnessed her spouse’s devastation each time he returned to his male persona. Once David finally realized he was “more than just a cross-dresser,” she encouraged him to become Deborah.
Leslie Hiburn Fabian’s My Husband’s a Woman Now: A Shared Journey of Transition and Love, is the personal, heartfelt tale of a wife supporting her mate’s transition to female, while grieving the loss of her male partner. It’s a love story, abounding with tales of the Fabians’ challenges, changes, and ultimate triumph over the radical upheaval of their lives…by their own choice. This story can and will inspire you, whether you’re transgender, gay, straight—or anything in-between!
In 1992, Bruce Hilton published Can Homophobia be Cured: Wrestling with Questions That Challenge the Church. When Debra became pregnant and got married in the second semester of her sophomore year of high school, she was cut off from classmates. She was befriended most sincerely by a classmate who ended up coming out as a lesbian while in college. That woman has been in a life-long same-sex relationship.
One young man in Debra’s youth program moved to New York after graduating collage, seeking a more open attitude toward his gay life. He, unfortunately, became HIV positive and in 1995 died from AIDS. While both his mother and father were ordained United Methodist ministers, serving local congregations, this young man’s sexuality remained a barrier to the church of his youth. Debra encouraged love and acceptance within her religious organization, and eventually left organized religion herself. Sadly, the United Methodist Church’s position on the issue can still best be called an impasse.
Debra has worked with clients whose personal, professional, emotional, and spiritual lives were made difficult by gender and sexuality issues. She considers them great teachers.
Karen Casey, in A Life of My Own, as quoted in a “Today’s Thought” by the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation would agree:
Our teachers surround us.
When we were young, our parents and siblings served as our teachers, but they weren’t always good ones. We may have learned habits that haunt us still. Shame and guilt may still trouble us because of the messages our parents and siblings gave us. We can’t undo the past teachings, but we can come to believe those teachers did their best. They passed on to us what they had been taught. Fortunately, the Twelve Step program can help us discard behaviors that serve us no more and cultivate ones that do.
We’re students of life and we’ll encounter many teachers. From some, we will learn patience; from others, tolerance and acceptance. A few will make us laugh. All will change us in some way. We may be apt to pass judgment on the interactions we have with others, but those with more wisdom than ourselves remind us that we can learn. In fact, we are privileged to learn something of value in absolutely every interaction. Our teachers are all around us.
I will accept that every person is my teacher today. I may be in for many surprising lessons!