It is easy to forget about verb tenses. We’ve been using them a long time and do so automatically. What is often overlooked is that verb tenses really do orient people in time. Make a mental image of yourself for the following:
- I dance.
- I danced.
- I will dance.
If you’re like most people, you made still images of yourself having danced in the past, dancing in the present, and dancing in the future. Note the way the progressive tenses (those with “ing” endings) add movement to your mental images.
- I am dancing.
- I was dancing.
- I will be dancing.
Paying attention to the verb tenses you and those around you are using lets you know how you and others are orienting to problems (and solutions) in time. Using verb tenses also gives you a way to help yourself and others move from a “stuck” state to a state moving in a better direction:
A Friend: My back really hurts.
You: How long has your back been hurting?
You: [After additional conversation] How much better is your back feeling now?
While language alone won’t solve every problem, using the right verb tense can help you help your friends and family add movement to their stuck states and open them to the possibility of a better future.