When you need to distance yourself from something you wish to tell a someone else important to you, use a quotation that attributes the suggestion to someone else. The quotation doesn’t have to be 100 percent accurate to be effective. Many of the quotations attributed to Einstein, for example, are apocryphal, but they still gain authority from the “halo” effect.
When he sees someone trying to force something, Joel often quotes a saying he first heard from a favorite uncle: “Power is no substitute for finesse.” Having the saying attributed to his uncle seems less accusatory than simply saying, “You’re trying to force it.”
Here are some more examples of “quotes” at work:
- Even the tobacco companies now admit that that your health will improve when you become a former smoker.
- As the “Lightening Bone Setter” Dr. A. T. Still is quoted in The Osteopathic Difference (by William J. Faber, D.O. and Jason Haxton, M.A.), “It takes time for any new discovery to be well-accepted.”
- In recognizing that internal conflicts are the worst kind, Lincoln borrowed from the Bible when he said, “A house divided cannot stand.”
Whenever you think that the person you are speaking to will reject your advice, use a quotation—even if you have to make it up—to distance yourself from the advice. That will take the “edge” off the message and help preserve your relationship.
You may forward this language tip to those who may benefit. Send your questions about communication to Joel or Debra, co-developers of SCS Matters, LLC. We will provide answers as time permits.