The Confirmation Metaprogram, also known as the “Convincer Strategy,” governs the way people decide what is “true.” Most people are not consciously aware of their own, let alone those of others. That often causes trouble in relationships. How do you know when someone loves you? How do others know when you love them?
For some people, seeing is believing: They need some kind of visual proof. In interpersonal relationships, that might include, cards, gifts, and shared activities involving things seen, like watching a sunset.
For others, it is what they hear: They need to hear certain words said in a certain way, including tone of voice and rate of speech, possbily (but not limited to) saying “I love you.”
And for some others, it is what is felt: being touched in a certain way or a “heart connection” of shared emotion, such as the birth of a child or grandchild, or going on a honeymoon.
In love relationships, without consciously trying to do so, when the relationship begins, people communicate in ways that satisfies all three of the major convincer strategies. A few months or years down the line, however, most people give to the other only what they themselves like to receive. When that happens, the other person can be convinced the something missing is love.
Essentially the same thing happens in doctor-patient relationships. Your clients or patients will be convinced that you care about them and have the “right stuff” to help them with their problems and will follow your direction only to the degree you have convinced them that it will be in their best interest. In most cases, you won’t have the kind of extended interaction that would allow you to be certain of each person’s convincer strategy, but you can quite easily satisfy all three of the major strategies.
Give them something they can see: A prescription, written instructions, a handout, or something else visible.
Tell them what’s important in a way that will be easy for them to remember: Use your most caring tone of voice and say, “The three most important things for you to remember are X, Y, and Z.”
Touch them appropriately. A hand shake, a touch on the arm, or a pat on the back provides an anchor of safety for those to whom what is felt is most important.
While you are thinking about what a difference this makes for the others in your life, think about your own convincer strategy. What is absolutely necessary for you to know that someone loves you? That a particular product or service will meet your needs? That you can trust someone with something important to you (such a your health)? You might be surprised at what you learn about yourself—and others in the process.
Send your questions about how other-than-conscious communication skills can hurt or help your patients and clients to Joel P. Bowman (Joel@SCS-Matters.com) or Debra Basham (Debra@SCS-Matters.com), co-developers of Subtle Communication Systems. We will provide answers to those for you. For more information about Neurolinguistic Programming (NLP), Hypnosis or Hypnotherapy, or about the Imagine Healing Process, visit:http://ImagineHealing.info or http://SurgicalSupport.info.
Healing with Language: Your Key to Effective Mind-Body Communication is available for a limited time for $10 plus $5 shipping within the U.S. For volume orders and overseas shipping, check with Debra.See the Table of Contents and List of Exercises in PDF format for more information about this comprehensive text and training manual.