The classic negative command is, “Don’t think of elephants.” Negative commands set up a double-bind. People have to think of elephants so that they know what they are not supposed to think about. If you’ve ever told anyone, “Don’t look now, but…,” you know what happens next. The impulse to look is almost overwhelming.
Think about the times you may have had the tendency to preface something you are saying to your client (or someone else important to you) with not doing something:
- Don’t forget to take a pill with each meal. [Forget to take….]
- It’s not serious. Don’t worry about it. [It is serious. Worry about it.]
- Don’t give it a second thought. [Think about it day and night.]
- You can’t keep eating so much. [Keep eating.]
- You won’t regret it. [You’ll regret it.]
- Don’t be angry, but…. [Be really angry.]
Not every negative statement is a negative command. The conscious mind understands negatives, so if what you are discussing belongs in the realm of conscious processing, your listeners will understand. It is the unconscious mind (other-than-conscious) that doesn’t process negatives. Other nonverbal aspects of communication can, however, make the message clear. If your child is about to touch a hot stove, for example, the natural thing to do is yell, “Don’t touch that!” In this case, the emotion as expressed in the tone of voice conveys the warning.
If you catch yourself giving a negative command, you can always do a “real time” edit and just rephrase the command: “Let me restate the importance of taking a pill with each meal. Be sure to remember. Your health depends on it.”
Send your questions about how other-than-conscious communication skills can hurt or help your patients and clients to Joel P. Bowman (Joel@SCS-Matters.com) or Debra Basham (Debra@SCS-Matters.com), co-developers of Subtle Communication Systems. We will provide answers to those for you. For more information about Neurolinguistic Programming (NLP), Hypnosis or Hypnotherapy, or about the Imagine Healing Process, visit:http://ImagineHealing.info or http://SurgicalSupport.info.
Healing with Language: Your Key to Effective Mind-Body Communication is available for a limited time for $10 plus $5 shipping within the U.S. For volume orders and overseas shipping, check with Debra. See the Table of Contents and List of Exercises in PDF format for more information about this comprehensive text and training manual.