In a previous language tip, we have discussed matching another person’s rate of speech and other aspects of nonverbal behavior to enhance rapport. We also introduced the concept of Metaprograms, or the “master” behavioral patterns that govern behavior. An important program for influencing whether people respond to you in the way you desire is the Response Metaprogram.
You can quickly determine your own Response Metaprogram by taking three coins: a nickel, a dime, and a quarter. Place all three coins (face up) in front of you. Then—very quickly—state the first three things you notice about them. Once you have done that, read the rest of this tip.
Here are some of the things people typically say:
• They are all round.
• They are all silver.
• They are all money.
• They total 40 cents.
• They are all heads.
• They are different sizes.
• They are different values.
• They are different presidents.
• They are different years.
Note that several in the list focus on how the coins are alike, while others focus on how they are different. Focusing on similarities is matching. Noticing differences is mismatching.
When someone is matching, he or she will tend to agree with what you say. When he or she is mismatching, the tendency is to disagree. Those who are in between will find something to agree with and something to disagree with:
- Message: It’s a nice day today.
- Matcher: Yes, it is.
- Matcher: We have had a very nice spring (or whatever season it is).
- Mismatcher: No, it isn’t.
- Mismatcher: It could be warmer (or cooler).
- In-betweener: It’s nice this morning, but it is supposed to rain this afternoon.
- In-betweener: Fortunately , the clouds are supposed to clear by afternoon.
Once you have determined the general tendency of your client or patient, you can structure your interaction to increase his or her compliance with your directions. Matchers are easy. They will agree with what you say and are more inclined to comply. Mismatchers need to have something to disagree with to feel good about complying. Those in between need a little of both. The following examples address a message about being more careful about nutrition because that is vital to health.
- For a Matcher: You will find that you feel better when you eat nutritional meals. [The Matcher will agree.]
- For a Mismatcher: Although you probably can’t do it, you would feel better if you could eat nutritional meals every day. [The Mismatcher will say to him- or herself, “I show you that I can do it.”]
- For an In-betweener: You may not always be where you can easily get healthy foods, but you will find that you feel better when you regularly eat nutritional meals. [The In-betweener will say to him- or herself, “Maybe I can be where I can get something healthy every day. I’m going to try.”]
Even though you may not be skilled at this your first use, it gets easier, and it is fun because it works with children and colleagues, too….
Send your questions about how other-than-conscious communication skills can hurt or help your patients and clients to Joel P. Bowman (Joel@SCS-Matters.com) or Debra Basham (Debra@SCS-Matters.com), co-developers of Subtle Communication Systems. We will provide answers to those for you. For more information about Neurolinguistic Programming (NLP), Hypnosis or Hypnotherapy, or about the Imagine Healing Process, visit:http://ImagineHealing.info or http://SurgicalSupport.info.
Healing with Language: Your Key to Effective Mind-Body Communication is available for a limited time for $10 plus $5 shipping within the U.S. For volume orders and overseas shipping, check with Debra. See the Table of Contents and List of Exercises in PDF format for more information about this comprehensive text and training manual.