When someone else’s behavior is self-defeating or different from what we believe is helpful or useful, it’s easy to judge or label the behavior as “wrong” or “bad.” The irony is that the more we judge a behavior, the more resistant it becomes to change.
Every behavior was learned because it helped satisfy a particular need at a particular time or in a particular place. Although a behavior may not be useful in a given context at this time, it may still be useful in another way or another time or place. In the context of attending to a health problem, procrastination, may not be useful. In the context of becoming a former smoker by delaying the next cigarette, however, procrastination serves a useful purpose.
Remember that all behaviors are learned responses to the external environment and every behavior has a positive intent. The positive intent for smoking, for example, may be the desire to be more “grown up,” a desire to fit in with a crowd, or even (ironically) the need to breathe deeply. It is a matter of where and when to use a particular behavior. Although a behavior may not be useful in a given context now, it is a learned skill, and you can help the person find new and appropriate ways to use that skill. The most effective way to change a behavior is to provide the individual with an alternative behavior that produces the same benefit, in a more effective, more appropriate way.
Send your questions about how other-than-conscious communication skills can hurt or help your patients and clients to Joel P. Bowman (Joel@SCS-Matters.com) or Debra Basham (Debra@SCS-Matters.com), co-developers of Subtle Communication Systems. We will provide answers to those for you. For more information about Neurolinguistic Programming (NLP), Hypnosis or Hypnotherapy, or about the Imagine Healing Process, visit:http://ImagineHealing.info or http://SurgicalSupport.info.
Healing with Language: Your Key to Effective Mind-Body Communication is available for a limited time for $10 plus $5 shipping within the U.S. For volume orders and overseas shipping, check with Debra. See the Table of Contents and List of Exercises in PDF format for more information about this comprehensive text and training manual.