Quite a few NLP trainers and Master Practitioners suggest that we would do well to avoid “why” questions. In some cases, the reason “Why” may not be the best question to ask is obvious. Imagine answering the following questions:
- Why is the sky blue?
- Why were dinosaurs so big?
- Why don’t you love me anymore?
- Why do you think that?
In some cases, “why” is basically asking, “what is the reason,” and when the reason is complex (blue sky, dinosaur size), each response is likely to produce another “why” question. That’s also true when the reason is unknown (don’t love me, think that). In such cases, the listener will usually provide a “PEZ Dispenser” full of possible reasons. When the first “reason” doesn’t satisfy, another one pops up.
Nevertheless, “Why” questions are at the heart of all scientific inquiry. In many cases, the other “Serving Men” of inquiry (what, how, when, where, and who) are essential for understanding. They don’t, however, always get to the heart of the matter. “Why does water boil?” is a different question from, “At what temperature does water boil? The answer to the “why” question requires an understanding of molecules and thermodynamics, whereas the answer to the “what temperature” question requires only an understanding that elevation is an influencing factor.
Even those NLP practitioners who specialize in marketing and sales often fail to recognize that why is the principal motivator. In Start with Why: How Great Leaders Inspire Everyone to Take Action, Simon Sinek points out that most people—and most organizations—get the sequence wrong when they start (and sometimes end) with the what:
- Here’s what we do.
- Here’s how we do it.
- Now you know why you should buy from us.
Inspiring leaders do the reverse. They show that what they do is an outgrowth of what they believe—why they do it. The belief leads to the “how” of the strategy which, in turn, leads to the “what” of product or service. For a quick overview of Sinek’s ideas, take a minute (or two) to watch his TED talk: Simon Sinek: How great leaders inspire action.
People, Sinek says, don’t buy what you do, they actually buy why you do it. What you do proves what you believe. People who resonate with what you believe will buy what you do as an outgrowth of that belief. Those who have different beliefs about your product or service (or perhaps no particular belief) will, of course, buy different products or services. Those for whom cost is most important will tend to buy based primarily on cost. That, too, is a belief, and just as some people will be the first in line to purchase a new product (Sinek uses the iPhone as an example) so that they can demonstrate their beliefs and values, some will hunt for “bargains” everywhere they go.
Sinek points out that “what” questions address the needs of the neocortex, the rational/logical part of our brains. The “why” and “how” questions speak to the limbic system, the part of our brains that processes emotions. The difference is between “liking” something we find “adequate” or “loving” something we find exquisite. If you have read Core Transformations: Reaching the Wellspring Within, by Connirae Andreas with Tamara Andreas, you are familiar with asking, “And what will that get for you,” until you finally arrive at a core value (Being, Inner Peace, Love, OKness, Oneness). I suspect that the “why” questions Sinek has in mind lead to a core value. We buy products, services, and ideas from those who present what they are offering in ways that help us find our own “wellspring within.”
This is what accounts for brand loyalty. People who had bought Apple computers were willing to be early adopters of iPods, iPhones, and iPads because they resonated with the core values of the corporation. There’s always a question, of course, of how long an organization can retain loyalty. My guess is that loyalty will continue as long as the dream remains a dream. When what was a dream becomes a plan, the dreamers will move on. This would seem to be the core message of Car Guys vs. Bean Counters: The Battle for the Soul of American Business, by Robert A. Lutz, which describes the decline of U.S. auto manufacturing that occurred when the MBAs took over and changed the dream of great cars into a plan to maximize profits. Sinek points out that Martin Luther King said, “I have a dream.” He did not say, “I have a plan.”
As the title of Lutz’s book implies, some people make cost their most important value—their “dream” is to save money. You may know people who brag about how little they had to pay for a product or service. At least in the video (I have downloaded the book to my Kindle but haven’t read it yet), Sinek does not address cost as a principal belief. Even with cost, however, starting with the why may be more effective than the what. When you think about it now, how would you define what you do? How would you describe how you do it? And, finally, what would you say about why you do it? What are you inclined to say first about whatever it is you do now?
Perhaps all of us should spend some time revisiting our “elevator speeches.”
