It’s that time of year. When we turn the page from December to January, most of us give at least a little thought to “New Year’s Resolutions.” It’s hard not to. Virtually every publication—both traditional and electronic—has at least one article on how to make and keep resolutions, what resolutions are being made by famous people, and how quickly resolutions can be broken. We tend to forget that we can leave old behaviors behind and/or begin new ones at any time, but birthdays and the start of a new year tend to amplify the sense of leaving the old behind and embracing the new.
The word resolution actually has two meanings. One is a nominalization based on solve, as in “solving a problem.” At the moment, the U.S. Congress is in in the process of solving the wholly manufactured problem of the “fiscal cliff.” When the members of Congress agree to a solution, they will say that they have “resolved” the problem. The other meaning is based on the word resolve, meaning “fixed in purpose,” “resolute.” or “determined.” I have always thought of New Year’s resolutions as referring to being determined rather than on “re-solving” a problem. A resolution is a vow or promise to initiate a new behavior.
Resolutions, whether for the New Year or at any other time, require a commitment to a new behavior. They typically also imply or explicitly state a moving away from something no longer desired. What behavior (specifically) are you going to change, and how (specifically) are you going to change it? This presupposes that you understand your current behavior well enough to determine how exactly it needs to change for you to keep the resolution. It also implies that you not only have a reason for wanting to move away from the old behavior, but also have a sense of what you want instead—a desired outcome.
The most common New Year’s resolutions are the following:
- Lose weight
- Stop smoking
- Reduce (or eliminate) consumption of alcohol
- Get in better physical condition
- Have, make, or save more money
None of those says anything about how specifically, and they are all objectives that need a variety of changes in behavior over time. Sticking to any resolution requires identifying related current behaviors, appropriate new behaviors, and a plan for implementation. I have known people who quit smoking “cold turkey” by making a firm decision to be a nonsmoker. When you consider all the behaviors that need to change—from the buying or “borrowing” cigarettes, to making sure that they are available, to the “ritual” of lighting, and so on—a lot of behaviors need to change, either one at a time or all at once. Not everyone can quit smoking “cold turkey,” but those who do can make one decision and then stick to it.
While you can become a nonsmoker with one firm decision, you can’t simply become a thin person or an Olympic athlete. As hard as it may be for some to believe, it is easier to quit smoking than it is to become thin and physically fit. Once the decision to quit smoking has been made, it is a matter of having the resolve or courage to stick to it. If you are overweight, however, you can’t just decide to be “thin.” Losing or gaining weight needs to be accomplished over time. The legendary hypnotherapist Milton Erickson often had those wishing to lose weight start by gaining weight so that they would learn that they can control their weight. Once you know that you really are in control of your weight, you can change your behaviors in appropriate ways to achieve your ideal weight.
Physical fitness is also something that needs to be achieved over time. Anyone who ever did too much of a new exercise routine too quickly knows that the results can be less than pleasant. Muscles not used to high levels of activity can get sore. Really sore—and really sore muscles are not especially conducive to continued exercise. Losing weight (or gaining, if that is what would make you healthier) and increasing your level of physical fitness require numerous changes in behaviors over time. This would also be true, of course, if you decide to quit smoking over time by identifying the where, when, and why (for what purpose) you smoke, and then changing specific behaviors on your way to becoming a nonsmoker. Learning that you are in control of when you smoke, gives you more control over choosing not to smoke.
You probably know the old saying, “What’s hard by the yard is a cinch by the inch.” The saying implies the identification of the steps leading to the desired outcome. For most of us and most desired outcomes, the problem is not with knowing the “inches” separating us from the desired outcome but with having the resolve to do what we need to do to get there. It also helps, of course, if we can enjoy being more in control of the habitual behaviors that caused the habits we are changing. Another old saying is, “What is rewarded is repeated.” It is a matter of stimulus-response conditioning. It NLP it is called anchoring. Establish a system of rewards for moving in your desired direction.
Remember to build in some fun along the way. Reward yourself for achievement, whether by the inch or by the yard. You might make your first resolution for the New Year to enjoy the process of becoming the person you were meant to be.
