If you have been paying attention to the news lately, you have undoubtedly noticed how many people are becoming frazzled by the rancorous exchanges between and among the various hostile factions, not only in the States, but also around the world. It is easy to be influenced by the unraveling of the metaphorical rope that holds society together. With wear and tear, the end of the rope becomes frayed. The question I want to address in this post is how you can stay above the fray, above the frazzled end of the rope without becoming detached from “everyday life.”
You may have heard the story about the monk who lived as a hermit in a cave and was famous for his serenity. Pilgrims would stop by to receive his blessing. One day, a pilgrim stopped by and stayed for more than a blessing. He went into the guru’s cave and started moving things around, telling the monk that he was poorly organized and that he needed to do various things to make the cave more hospitable. As the hours went by, he became more aggressive in telling the monk how he should live his life. The monk became increasingly agitated and eventually used a stick to drive the guy out of his cave. Outside the cave, the guy turned and smiled at the monk. He said, “It’s easy to be serene when you isolate yourself from the world and spend your days in meditation. It’s not so easy when you actually have to interact with other people, is it….”
The real question is how can you participate in life while remaining above the fray. It is easy to see why people have traditionally gone on “retreats” or otherwise found special places (churches, synagogues, mosques, caves, the desert, sweat lodges, mountain retreats, and…) where they could avoid what Matthew Arnold referred to as “ignorant armies” clashing by night (“Dover Beach”). As Jean Paul Sartre said, “Hell is other people” (“No Exit”). Being with other people requires the give-and-take of cooperation and conflict, and the true test of what in NLP terms is called state management is being able to remain “above the fray” regardless of that give-and-take.
A number of studies have shown that, monks in caves notwithstanding, meditation really will help. Regular exercise—especially aerobic exercise—also helps. Self-awareness of the sort that Dr. Dan Siegel calls “Mindsight” can also help. (See Mindsight Institute. If you prefer video, you can see Dr. Siegel on YouTube.) While I think that “mindsight” is a skill well worth learning, my recommendation is for learning of another kind.
A long time ago Art Fettig spoke at a meeting I attended. One of the things he said stuck with me. At a Toastmaster’s meeting, Art said (this is a paraphrase rather than a direct quotation): “Someone in the room is the best speaker, and someone is the worst. And you can learn from both.” I still think about that from time to time, and not only about speakers, but also about political advertising and other signs that ignorant armies continue to clash by cable TV.
Most viewers do their best to tune out commercials in general and political advertising in particular. Most viewers say that they dislike the “hate ads” that comprise most political advertising. But, for reasons explained in a previous post (“Show Us the Money,” 30 September 2010), such ads can have a profound influence on behavior because the overriding mental principal is risk aversion. The brain picks up the theme of negative messages below the level of conscious awareness. Can you spell hypnosis?
The best way to avoid falling into the negative advertising trap is by paying attention. You will, of course, need to pay attention in a specific way. How—exactly—are the ads attempting to influence you and others? Pay particular attention to the following factors (what Debra and I like to call The Big Three of NLP:
- Anchoring. Based on the concept of “stimulus-response conditioning,” anchoring works by association. You probably learned in school that Pavlov trained dogs to salivate by pairing the sound of a tuning fork (often referred to as a “bell”) to the presentation of meat powder. The dogs soon learned to salivate to the sound of the tuning fork even without the meat powder. You may have already noticed the way advertisers use this form of conditioning by pairing something you already don’t like to something they want you to dislike.
- Submodality Shifts. One of the most common submodality shifts in TV advertising is to crank up the volume. If you fail to mute, you leave the room (and perhaps go outside and down the street) you can still hear the ad. The use of “happy” and “sad” music is also used to anchor feelings to candidates and political proposals. The music constitutes a submodality shift in the same way your parents used a combination of volume and tone of voice to shape your behavior. No matter how old you are, you can probably still recall what your father and/or mother sounded like when angry.
Also pay attention to the way advertisers shift visual frames and from black and white to color to influence the way you perceive certain individuals. Close ups and distance shots are also submodality shifts, changing the visual frame through which you are perceiving different components of the ads. The more you pay conscious attention to the purposes behind such shifts, the less influenced you are by them at the unconscious level.
- Advanced Language Patterns. The two major sets of advanced language patterns in NLP are the Metamodel and the Milton Model. The Metamodel is called the Metamodel because it was the first and foundational language model developed by Richard Bandler and John Grinder as they were developing NLP. The Milton Model is named (also by Bandler and Grinder) after Milton H. Erickson, M.D., known as the “father” of modern American hypnotherapy. Yes, it is the language of hypnosis.
Listen especially for presuppositions, which assume one thing to be true while distracting the listener with something else. “The failed policies of X, are….” While you’re paying attention to what they are, you accept the presupposition that they are “failed.” Presuppositions can be especially effective when they are stacked or linked. “Candidate X voted with Y 94 percent of the time, sent jobs overseas, bailed out Wall Street bankers with your money, and….” You get the idea, don’t you….
Notice, for example, how Nazi references abound and the word “failed” is paired with a variety of concepts. Notice how often U.S. politicians are shown standing next to the American flag or attempt to dress like one of the locals at state fairs. Is the background music “happy,” “sad,” or “evil-sounding”? Ask yourself who in the experiment we call “TV advertising” is Pavlov and who are the dogs….
To remain above the fray, focus on what you can learn from the ads you would otherwise tune out consciously while you absorb them unconsciously. That way you can decide for yourself the degree to which you want to agree with what’s being presented.
