At some point in your life, you may have heard Rudyard Kipling’s rhyme about the principal tools of reporters:
I keep six honest serving-men
(They taught me all I knew);
Their names are What and Why and When
And How and Where and Who.
Questions are, of course, a principal way to obtain information. Questions are also a form of priming in that they presuppose a perceptual frame and set the direction for the answers. When you ask, “Where does it hurt,” the perceptual frame is pain. There are times, of course, that question is the best one to ask. At other times, you may want the patient or client to shift his or her focus away from the pain and onto something else.
A psychotherapist treating a person for depression might begin every weekly session by asking, “So how was your depression last week?” without realizing the perceptual frame of the question is depression, so to answer the question, the client has to look for times during the past week he or she had felt depressed. With one question, the therapist could re-educate the client in how to feel depressed.
When you are asking questions—regardless of where or of whom—think about where you want the others person to focus their attention. Ask a question that directs attention appropriately. The “fuzzy” one of the six serving men is Why. Why often produces what we call a “Pez dispenser” list of answers, reasons provided without actual linkage to the real motivation, which is likely unknown at the moment. The answers to why questions tend to pop up until either the asker or the responder gives up. Almost always, asking what or how will produce a higher-quality answer.
Why did you do that? [Pez dispenser list of possible reasons.]
What were you hoping to accomplish? [An assumed goal for the behavior.]
How did you decide to do that? [The process of reasoning behind the behavior.]
Here are some questions to help you become more aware of how you can become very skillful at asking questions: When do you ask questions most often? How well planned are they for what you want to elicit from others? What can you do now to ask better questions in the future?
Send your questions about how other-than-conscious communication skills can hurt or help your patients and clients to Joel P. Bowman (Joel@SCS-Matters.com) or Debra Basham (Debra@SCS-Matters.com), co-developers of Subtle Communication Systems. We will provide answers to those for you. For more information about Neurolinguistic Programming (NLP), Hypnosis or Hypnotherapy, or about the Imagine Healing Process, visit:http://ImagineHealing.info or http://SurgicalSupport.info.
Healing with Language: Your Key to Effective Mind-Body Communication is available for a limited time for $10 plus $5 shipping within the U.S. For volume orders and overseas shipping, check with Debra. See the Table of Contents and List of Exercises in PDF format for more information about this comprehensive text and training manual.