Spiritual Victory

Sitting in meditation recently I became the yin/yang symbol, flowing back and forth from a sense of form to knowing myself as nonform, experiencing a momentary flash of luminosity at the tipping point as the endless flow of black flowing into white, white flowing back into black. I had a brief thought this might be a another full-body dissolution (where ego dissolves into awareness). This is a practice in meditation. One does not cease to be, but one does cease to be identified as a body or a thought or an emotion or a sensation.

Imagine the yin (the dark swirl with the white dot) as being associated with femininity and our shadow side; the yang (the white swirl with the dark dot) representing brightness, passion and growth.

Each contains the “seed” of the other.

You know you are this fluid AWARENESS.

The thought for today from Aaron is also related our identity: “The self that aspires to be perfect while loving itself as imperfect moves from a place of love. The self that strives to be perfect because it hates itself as imperfect moves from a voice of fear.”

I have been considering the possibility of registering for an upcoming weekend retreat November 13-15. Today is the registration deadline. Wanting to always be generous with dana (offering) for the teachers, knowing our seasonal rent is coming due in a few weeks, and John’s $2,500 dental appointment this past Tuesday, the financial aspect of attending the retreat has been dominating my mind.

I decided to draw a card asking, “What is true about my attending this retreat?”

Beyond mind, there is an awareness that is intrinsic,that is not given to you by the outside, and is not an idea… This state only happens if the master inside of you is awake… When your awareness becomes a fire, it will burn the whole slavery regime that your mind has created. No happiness is more precious than freedom or becoming a teacher of your own destiny. (excerpt from p. 47 Osho Zen Tarot: The Transcendental Game of Zen)

I love that card, and the truth that The Master is not a teacher for others, but he a teacher for himself, without personal purpose nor desire for anything, but always letting thing happens as it should be – knowing truly there is nothing to strive for.

One of things that has been pulling me to attend this retreat now is the generous offer for me to use a friend’s cottage.

I can feel a sense of uncertainty about leaving my space here that has been my womb since April 6. I can also feel the possibility. This would be the first retreat since October 2019 where I could truly be in noble silence the entire time. Noble silence is a central part of knowing the mind, and letting go the identification with all the suffering caused by the mind.

I picked up my phone to look at the date. Saturday, November 14, 2020 is Diwali.

Diwali is the Indian festival of lights, one of the most popular festivals of Hinduism, but with slightly different emphasis also celebrated in Sikhism, Jainism, and Buddhism.

Diwali symbolizes the spiritual “victory of light over darkness, good over evil, and knowledge over ignorance.”

Now that is a true spiritual victory!