While riding my bike with a couple of friends in the Apple Cider Century we stopped by a local pumpkin patch. Scattered throughout the yard were some creatures, and I could not resist taking a couple “selfies.”
I sent this first photo to my daughter, Stacey, and she quickly wrote back, “Scary! I don’t like clowns.” That is a family funny. When he was about four years old, our grandson Adam told his mom he wanted to go home (he was visiting us in Michigan) because we have clown paintings on our kitchen walls and they scared him. I took the paintings down and turned them against the wall so we could go on and have a great week together!
A few weeks ago, I had the following article about fear published in the local newspaper.
Fear of Feeling Fear
Since WMMT ran a news story about my work helping people overcome fears and phobias, I have been thinking a lot about how fears and phobias relates to our faith.
In the Christian New Testament, it is written: “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” (1 John 4:18, New International Version)
In the March 22, 2012, Psychology Todayarticle, “The (Only) Five Basic Fears We All Live By”, Karl Albrecht, Ph. D., writes we are all afraid of the same few things: Extinction, Mutilation, Loss of Autonomy, Separation, and Ego-death.
The first two are pretty self-explanatory, but it may be helpful to think a bit more deeply about the other three. Loss of autonomy shows up anywhere our desires are thwarted—including feeling overwhelmed, smothered, or entrapped. Fear of separation is related to feelings not being wanted, respected, or valued. Ego-death is experienced in our lack of lovability, capability, and worthiness.
It may be that we all learned a subtle habit of fearing fear when we saw others acting out emotional avoidances: not asking for a truly deserved raise, a deeply desired date, or a much needed hug—not being honest about what we wanted or needed for fear we would not get it.
My father was an alcoholic. My mother, understandably embarrassed by his drinking, had essentially no social life, but it was not until after his death that we recognized she was actually agoraphobic. Her social fear had been hidden behind my father’s behavior.
Community-based fears spring up around a shared experience. In the aftermath of the bombing at the Boston Marathon, security expert Brian Schneier was quoted in The Washington Post: “If you are scared, they win. If you refuse to be scared, they lose.”
Marianne Williamson (A Return to Love) was quoted by Nelson Mandela: “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
Just as Susan Jeffers explains in her internationally acclaimed best-selling classic, Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, we had been unable to see our emotional reactions to life as the “memories of” fear they really are. We may have rationalized them, justified them, denied them, or projected them onto others, but they were just our own memories. Fear comes from our past to rob us of the opportunity found in each present moment.
If you are ready to move beyond any fear habit you learned along the way, you might enjoy reading Patty Chang Anker‘s book, Some Nerve: Lessons Learned While Becoming Brave. Chapter 7 includes her overcoming the fear of moving water by surfing for the first time in Lake Michigan off the shores of Saint Joseph. Spoiler alert: Patty did that in 36 degree water in February!
We must all walk our talk by letting grace allow us to live in love, not fear.
I had a lot of fun snapping photos with the scary creatures. This one was really fun!
What makes some things scary to some people and not to others? We know fear is a learned response. Hypnosis is known to eliminate fears. Fortunately, we are not helpless!
