By Debra Basham, on June 24, 2012
Be still, and the world is bound to turn herself inside out to entertain you.
Everywhere you look, joyful noise is clanging to drown out quiet desperation.
High Tide in Tucson, by Barbara Kingsolver
When I was a youngster, I absolutely loved going to camp. There was something surreal about the experience, and the setting. I loved the connection to God I felt there. I felt that same thing last week as June 16-18, 2012, I was able to attend a three-day meditation retreat. We arrived on Saturday shortly after lunch. My dear friend, Claudia Mierau, has been attending this particular meditation retreat for about nine years. She and I were assigned to the same room so we brought in our luggage, and Claudia showed me around, introducing me to others she has known over the years. I had the sense that we were all a bit like children in our excitement and anticipation.
The retreat was held at The Emrich Retreat Center at Parishfield—nestled among 5,000 acres of state park land in Brighton, Michigan.
 |
| The Emrich Retreat Center at Parishfield in Brighton, Michigan. |
We gathered for an opening session in the meditation hall (held in the chapel), and each person introduced him- or herself, sharing a bit about our meditation experience, and telling if we had previously attended this specific retreat.
There was a wonderful mix of newbies and veterans, and I found some of the stories of what brought each of us there very touching. Easy conversation was shared over dinner—especially sweet as we all knew that once we entered the evening gathering we would all be in “noble silence” for the balance of the retreat. Being silent allows you to have your concentration on your practice of mindfulness as you walk, shower, open and close doors, do our work assignments, etc. I am not new to the practice of silence, but this was the largest group (maybe 50 people) and the longest time frame (3 days), and I found it to be a welcome and wonderful gift to body, mind, and spirit.
During the interview process with the teachers, I was given the suggestion of focusing especially on walking meditation during the free-time for practice. I was blessed to enjoy my practice in a marvelous labyrinth in the meadow near our dorm.
One of the first “lessons” came as I watched a bee drawing nectar from a buckhorn. In my mind, I was aware of the way I have experienced jealousy when other teachers have audience and fame. It was as though I was aware of an intrinsic knowing of the bee as to where to be. Deep peace came to my heart as I let that truth seep into my wounded perspectives of not being recognized or valued. Each awareness blessed me more and more deeply as the silence allowed me to witness my own inner states with compassion.
 |
| According to the chef, the labyrinth was home to fourteen varieties of dragonflies! |
One exercise was particularly profound. To see beyond the mundane, we were encouraged to look with defocused eyes or if we wore them to take off our glasses. I took my glasses off and spent the next hour walking in the labyrinth with that soft focus, seeing just the outlines of shapes and colors (big picture), rather than being focused on the details.
When I got to the center, I put my glasses back on and the beauty of the detail of the wildflowers nearly took my breath away!
I came away from my time at Emrich with a profound sense of inner peace. I will do my best to recall the experiences I had there and to make time to practice that holy awareness every day. What gift you give to the world when you can do that… and what gift you receive!
By Debra Basham, on June 12, 2012
Over the weekend, a wonderful young, Zen worker gave my front walkway a facelift, replacing the old, worn out, poorly installed concrete sidewalk with some beautiful new pavers—artfully designed and lovingly installed. Thank you, Rob Roy!
 |
| Thank you, Rob Roy, for designing and building our new Zen walkway! |
This morning, I am enjoying the surprisingly cool air and the peaceful ambiance while having my inner time out here. As I listen to the sounds of the birds—and the sounds of the traffic—I am reminded of the saying that opinions are like @$$holes. Everyone has one.
In my opinion, the bird sounds, and the gentle singing of the leaves blowing in the breeze, are sounds of nature, and the traffic sounds (both near and distant) are not.
Seng-ts’an said there is no need to seek the truth—just put a stop to your opinions. If his name is new to you, an internet search will reveal that his life was lived in the late sixth century, and he was the third patriarch of the early Chan (Zen) lineage in China. One teaching story about his life is that he had leprosy when he met his teacher, Hui-k’o, when Hui-k’o asked Seng-ts’an what he could possibly want since he had leprosy.
According to one website, Seng-ts’an is supposed to have replied, “Even if my body is sick, the heart-mind of a sick person is no different from you heart-mind.” Impressed by this response, Hui-k’o accepted Seng-ts’an as his disciple, and later named him his spiritual successor.
It probably comes as no surprise that our earth is under some stress right now. That is something a lot of people have a lot of opinions about. I have a few of my own. Yesterday I took this photo of some beautiful trees, all of which had been brutally maimed to accommodate utility lines. As the horror of the butchering came into my awareness, I heard these words of wisdom inside my head, “This could have all been avoided by simply putting the wires underground or realizing how big we would grow to be and planting us in a safe place.”
 |
| There is a better way…. Utility wires can be underground. |
Both yesterday and today I have drawn the Gecko card, the subtitle of which is: Do What We Must in Struggles. Gecko teaches the importance of righteous anger and the need for proper responses to the causes of that anger. We lessen stress by doing what we can.
We can place utility wires underground and we can plan sufficiently as to give trees room to take root and grow tall and live long and happy lives filled with just the right amount of rain and sun and wind and calm. And we can remember that all humans are a part of nature—rather than a part from nature.
One opinion I hold is what the world needs now is awareness…. My life is dedicated to expanding my own and that of others. I will begin right now by surrendering my opinion in order to let truth find me sitting here on my beautiful new walkway enjoying the early morning air and the sounds of all of nature.
By Debra Basham, on June 2, 2012
Your success and happiness lie in you….
Resolve to keep happy,
and your joy and you shall form an invincible host against difficulties.
~ Helen Keller
It seems as though I have used this quotation before. Helen Keller’s attitude always touches me. A few years ago, the beautiful daughter of my dear friend, Tanya, played the role in The Miracle Worker at our local community theater. It is quite significant to realize that challenges can create character.
 |
| Forgiveness can feel a lot like the dawn coming up over the horizon. |
Recently, I have been working as administrative assistant to Johnny on the Spot Window Cleaning Service. It is amazing to me the difference in attitudes people have. What makes that difference? Is it personality or circumstances? I certainly know at times I bring my best to the table and at other times I fall far short.
And just last night, worn to an emotional breaking point by a very demanding schedule complicated by two days of rain, we were edgy with one another, having gone to bed in stony silence. Fortunately, this morning the sun is out. He came down the hall and said simply but honestly, “I am sorry for being such a crab last night.” My response, “It’s OK. We have both been under a lot of pressure.”
The following is excerpted from “I’m Still Learning to Forgive” by Corrie ten Boom (GuidepostsMagazine. Copyright © 1972 by Guideposts Associates, Inc., Carmel, New York 10512).
It was in a church in Munich that I saw him—a balding, heavyset man in a gray overcoat, a brown felt hat clutched between his hands. People were filing out of the basement room where I had just spoken, moving along the rows of wooden chairs to the door at the rear. It was 1947 and I had come from Holland to defeated Germany with the message that God forgives.
It was the truth they needed most to hear in that bitter, bombed-out land, and I gave them my favorite mental picture. Maybe because the sea is never far from a Hollander’s mind, I liked to think that that’s where forgiven sins were thrown. ‘When we confess our sins,’ I said, ‘God casts them into the deepest ocean, gone forever. …’
The solemn faces stared back at me, not quite daring to believe. There were never questions after a talk in Germany in 1947. People stood up in silence, in silence collected their wraps, in silence left the room.
And that’s when I saw him, working his way forward against the others. One moment I saw the overcoat and the brown hat; the next, a blue uniform and a visored cap with its skull and crossbones. It came back with a rush: the huge room with its harsh overhead lights; the pathetic pile of dresses and shoes in the center of the floor; the shame of walking naked past this man. I could see my sister’s frail form ahead of me, ribs sharp beneath the parchment skin. Betsie, how thin you were!
[Betsie and I had been arrested for concealing Jews in our home during the Nazi occupation of Holland; this man had been a guard at Ravensbruck concentration camp where we were sent.]
Now he was in front of me, hand thrust out: ‘A fine message, Fräulein! How good it is to know that, as you say, all our sins are at the bottom of the sea!’
And I, who had spoken so glibly of forgiveness, fumbled in my pocketbook rather than take that hand. He would not remember me, of course—how could he remember one prisoner among those thousands of women?
But I remembered him and the leather crop swinging from his belt. I was face-to-face with one of my captors and my blood seemed to freeze.
‘You mentioned Ravensbruck in your talk,’ he was saying, ‘I was a guard there.’ No, he did not remember me.
‘But since that time,’ he went on, ‘I have become a Christian. I know that God has forgiven me for the cruel things I did there, but I would like to hear it from your lips as well. Fräulein,’ again the hand came out—’will you forgive me?’
And I stood there—I whose sins had again and again to be forgiven—and could not forgive. Betsie had died in that place—could he erase her slow terrible death simply for the asking?
It could not have been many seconds that he stood there—hand held out—but to me it seemed hours as I wrestled with the most difficult thing I had ever had to do.
For I had to do it—I knew that. The message that God forgives has a prior condition: that we forgive those who have injured us. ‘If you do not forgive men their trespasses,’ Jesus says, ‘neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses.’
I knew it not only as a commandment of God, but as a daily experience. Since the end of the war I had had a home in Holland for victims of Nazi brutality. Those who were able to forgive their former enemies were able also to return to the outside world and rebuild their lives, no matter what the physical scars. Those who nursed their bitterness remained invalids. It was as simple and as horrible as that.
And still I stood there with the coldness clutching my heart. But forgiveness is not an emotion—I knew that too. Forgiveness is an act of the will, and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart. … ‘Help!’ I prayed silently. ‘I can lift my hand. I can do that much. You supply the feeling.’
And so woodenly, mechanically, I thrust my hand into the one stretched out to me. And as I did, an incredible thing took place. The current started in my shoulder, raced down my arm, sprang into our joined hands. And then this healing warmth seemed to flood my whole being, bringing tears to my eyes.
‘I forgive you, brother!’ I cried. ‘With all my heart!’
For a long moment we grasped each others hands, the former guard and the former prisoner. I had never known God’s love so intensely, as I did then.
 |
| One of the many crosses I saw in Europe last year. |
I am coming to appreciate how much my physical well-being is connected to my emotional well-being, and vice versa. When I am tired or hungry or have not been eating well, I have fewer emotional resources. Likewise, when I am angry or afraid, annoyed or frustrated, my hormones and my physiology are adversely affected by those emotions. If Corrie ten Boom could forgive, perhaps there is that sacred space within each one of us as well.
It reminds me of the reading for today in Mark Nepo’s The Book of Awakening, “Tragedy stays alive by feeding what’s been done to us, while peace comes alive by living with the result.” We truly are human beings having a physical experience, aren’t we….
By Debra Basham, on May 22, 2012
Please forgive me. I forgive you. Thank you. I love you.
Ira Byock wrote an amazing book about how we can all live our lives with less regret by staying aware of what matters most. The Four Things That Matter Mostcame after he had spent over a decade in emergency medicine, and more than two decades in hospice and palliative care watching people wrestle with the inner demons of wishing things had been different. What four phrases matter most? These phrases that burn peace into our hearts: Please forgive me. I forgive you. Thank you. I love you.
Recently I saw how powerful those energies are, especially between a parent and an adolescent child. This past weekend, my grandson, Adam, and my son-in-law, Doug, were racing go-karts here in Michigan! (see Deep Gratitude blog post from Wednesday, January 4, 2012) Since the track was only about 40 miles from where Lisa lives, she and her husband came out for the day. Lisa is my husband’s niece but she is also my beloved god daughter. It was a rather magical opportunity to share the day.
Lisa’s cell phone did not have reception at the track, but she had been keeping tabs on her younger daughter via text messages through her nephew, Kyle. Lisa granted permission for an outing. The agreement was, “Let me know when you are back.”
Time passed… no word. Lisa left several messages asking her daughter to call her. Nothing… With growing tension, and knowing she would not relax until she knew her daughter was fine, Lisa and her husband headed home.
When Lisa called to tell me she had finally heard from her daughter and that they had been having so much fun playing outside in the sprinklers in the 90 degree heat she had forgotten to give her mom a call. Lisa was on her way to pick her daughter up, saying to her, “You know the rule. You broke the rule.”
My heart broke in that moment…. the mother in me had given way to the grandmother in me. Mothers love so much they can sometimes feel enough responsibility that that rules can in the emotional moments seem more important than the four things that really do matter most. Before hanging up, filled with compassion, I remember quietly saying to Lisa that long after I was a parent myself, I had been at my own mother’s, heading home in Michigan winter weather with the request to let her know we had made it home safely. I would make my way through that storm, and then arrive home but totally forget to give her a call to let her know we had arrived safely until my phone would ring. I would hear her voice and realize how worried she had been.
Lisa said, “Thank you. That just took me down a few pegs. I have done that, too.”
The reason Byock recognized those four things matter most is that we all have….
I am on a healing circle and a member, Lois, recently shared “Something came into my life while here in California. After months of processing and listening, I have found its purpose in my life. ‘It’ is an old Italian candelabra. It is now an important part of my healing ritual. I light a particular candle with a tone and prayer from a request to the Sound Healing Circle. The candle will burn as spirit moves, sometimes an hour, sometimes days. I am so full of joy with this added source of energy from the candle light, the crystal reflections, along with my own energy, together with all of yours, including my Italian ancestors. Life is so blessed as we share and support each other. Gratitude. Gratitude.”
Here is a photo of the Italian candelabra Lois uses as part of her healing ritual. Today, in my heart, I light the candles out of gratitude that our lives are blessed as we share and support each other by remembering and gently reminding one another I have done that, too.
Thank you, Lois. Thank you, Lisa. Thank you, Life. Gratitude. Gratitude.
By Debra Basham, on May 13, 2012
Mother love is not the same thing as smother love. This morning I saw this quotation that says it best: “A mother is not a person to lean on, but a person to make leaning unnecessary.” (Dorothy Canfield Fisher) This week when I rode my bike to Riverview Park I was delighted to come upon this mother goose and her fuzzy little goslings. What a wonderful sight! I was very thankful she allowed me to get close enough to get this photo.
My friend Byron Stock, had this quotation on his weekly tip that I received a few moments ago: “Mothers have as powerful an influence over the welfare of future generations, as all other causes combined.” (John Abbott)
Betty Lue Lieber wrote in her Happy Mother’s Day Loving Reminders, “All of us have a birth mother and sometimes many who nurture and nourish us.”
Years ago, when I was teaching personality courses, one of my favorite tools was an exercise called the Parental Review, from The Celestine Prophecy: An Experiential Guide, by James Redfield and Carol Adrienne. These notes are from the section called Observing the Feminine Teacher (Your Mother). Today may be a perfect time for you to reflect on your own mother, or those others who have nurtured and nourished you.
Observing the Feminine Teacher (Your Mother)
The role of the feminine in our lives is to help us relate to others. Generally, but not always, it is our mother who shows us how to connect with our ability to heal, comfort, and nurture others. If you did not relate well to your mother, you might have difficulty with intimate relationships or lack the ability to nurture yourself properly. A feeling of deprivation around the mother might even underlie such behavior as overspending or underearning. The feminine is the creator of your goals and reveals what has heart and meaning for you.
Work Accomplishment
1. What type(s) of work or activities did your mother do when you were young?
2. Do you think she felt fulfilled in her activities?
3. In what way did she excel?
Affirmative Self-Expression
4. List positive words that best describe your mother (e.g., intelligent, creative, loving, etc.)
5. What one or two words best describe her personality?
6. What was unique about her?
Negative Self-Expression
7. List words that describe any negative traits in your mother (e.g., strict, insecure, opinionated, etc.).
8. What triggered negative behavior?
9. What one or two words best describe her worst traits?
Mother’s Childhood
10. Describe as best you can your mother’s childhood.
11. Was she happy? Neglected? Went to work at an early age? Poor? Rich? Sheltered? Ambitious?
Control Dynamics
Even the best of mothers has times when we are not our best. At those times, children can take a mother’s behavior personally and become afraid. The following list allows you to notice your mother’s tendencies. You may wish to estimate a percentage of what was the most common control dynamic:
_____Intimidator: On the verge of exploding; threatening; gave orders; inflexible; angry; self-centered; made you feel afraid.
_____Interrogator: Probed to see what you were doing; critical; undermining; needling; infallible logic; sarcasm; monitored you.
_____Aloof: Tended to be distant; busy; away from home; not too interested in your life; unresponsive; secretive; preoccupied.
_____Poor Me/Victim: Always saw the negative; looked for problems; always talking about being busy or tired; made you feel guilty for not solving her problems.
Your Reaction to the Feminine
How did you react when your mother was in her control dynamic? If more than one is applicable, it might be helpful for you to estimate a percentage value on the descriptions that apply.
_____Intimidator: Did you stand up to your mother and take a strong or rebellious position?
_____Interrogator: Did you try to get her attention by asking questions? Did you try to be smarter than her or find loopholes in her arguments?
_____Aloof: Did you withdraw into yourself, or hide out in your room doing some activity by yourself? Did you stay away from home a lot? Did you hide your true feelings?
_____Poor Me/Victim: Did you try to make your mother feel that you needed help, money, support, attention, by focusing on your troubles so that she would pay more attention to you?
12. What control dynamic/s do you think herparents used?
13. In what way do you think herchildhood influenced her life choices?
Mother’s Philosophy
14. What was most important toher?
15. What statement or credo best expresses your mother’s philosophy of life?
Missing Elements
16. List what you think was missing from her life.
17. What might she have done if she had had more time, money, or education?
I have often said that it seemed like the day I became a grandmother I learned everything I needed to be a good mother. Perhaps for all of us, the learning is best valued in hindsight.
Today I honor my own dear mother, Cathryn P. Smith. I love you, Mom!
 |
|
“Youth fades; love droops, the leaves of friendship fall;
A mother’s secret hope outlives them all.”
~ Oliver Wendell Holmes, physician and poet
|
By Debra Basham, on May 7, 2012
While many of us are somewhat aware that anniversary energies affect us, I am coming to respect this phenomena with a deeper reverence as pure gift. Twenty years ago today (May 7, 1992) my dad died. I was at home that morning and the phone rang. It was my mom. She said, “I think your dad is dead.” I remember a nervous laugh as I responded to her statement with a question, “What do you mean, you think he is dead? That should be pretty easy to determine.” Mom went on to say that my dad had gone out to rototill the garden, and he had parked his truck along the edge of the garden so he could do a row and then sit and rest. When mom looked out she saw him slumped over the steering wheel and she called me.
Mom had already called 911. I told her I was on my way and for her to not let them take him until I got there. I hung up, jumped into the car, and called my sister, Janis. She said, “Pick me up….I am going with you.” She worked right on the way. I called my mom back (I had a bag phone at that time so you know a lot has changed in twenty years). Janis kept her on the phone, so we knew before we arrived that the paramedics were there working on dad.
As I am revisiting those memories today, I am also aware how the conscious awareness of this day is a ritual of healing past, present, and future. I wrote about all of this in The Endless Path: A Grief Journey with Jackie Donohoe. If you would like a copy of the draft (not yet available for sale) send an email message to debra@scs-matters.com.
Becoming sensitive to the impact of how your body remembers will insure your avoiding a negative experience of letting an anniversary slip up on you. Birthday, anniversary, and holiday times are pretty obvious. The specific day of the week, month of the year—even the date (for example, every seventh of the month)—can leave one feeling low. Seasonal changes and weather conditions such as a snowstorm or a sunny day can trigger the emotions. You may benefit by planning a ritual of honoring by doing something for yourself or enjoying something that was special to your loved one.
In all instances expand your awareness, and let your healing be a profound gift.
My dad knew he was having heart trouble. Thankfully, my dad was not afraid to die. He had told me previously if it killed him to do something at least he would have died happy. I can see the wisdom in his knowing that if he could not do what he loved, he was, in a real sense, already dead. He loved his garden and he took the risk to do what he loved.
I still remember that lifetime in those few moments on the ground with the paramedics working on my dad. Janis flew into them like a banty rooster, pulling at their hands and yelling at them to leave her dad alone. I recall her actions stopping abruptly when her eyes met the pleading look and the quiet words of one of the guys, “Don’t you realize I would stop if I were allowed to? I cannot stop.”
I began to just coach my dad, telling him, “Daddy, don’t let them bring you back! Whatever they do, you stay right where you are!” As they loaded dad into the ambulance, they were unable to keep me from crawling right in there with them. The whole trip, my coaching continued, sometimes right out loud, and sometimes in my heart and to his mind.
Dad was pronounced dead at the arrival. I hope I thanked them for letting me stay with him on the drive. Those two guys, doing what they were paid to do, may not be aware of the anniversary energies around this date, but I am quite sure they were affected by our time together. A bit more from An Endless Path:
In The Global Soul: Jet Lag, Shopping Malls, and the Search for a Home, author Pico Iyer quotes Huston Smith, “”Daily the world grows smaller, leaving understanding the only place where peace can find a home.” Regardless of where you have been in your experience of life, life after death, life after life, and the grief journey, you are likely to begin to integrate beliefs that had previously seemed quite foreign and to develop new understanding. NBC’s popular series, “Medium,” brings home communications received by a real life psychic forensic, Allison DuBois. For more information, you may wish to check out Allison’s book, We Are Their Heaven: Why the Dead Never Leave Us.
 |
| Howard Clarence Smith (Photo by David Summers, Howard’s first grandchild.) |
A lot has changed over the twenty years. I now have an iPhone 4S and today I can say, “Siri, please call Janis mobile.” Yet, with all the changes, and with all the years, and honoring all of the anniversary energies, one thing remains constant—a father’s love.
I love you, too, Daddy!
By Debra Basham, on April 28, 2012
Perhaps it is simply a result of my not having been a Catholic in this lifetime (rather than an indication of any ignorance), but I confess that Saint Rita of Cascia had totally escaped my awareness until this past week. I eagerly read these words about her, “She is known as the Saint of the Impossible. Those who bear heavy burdens, especially women, worship her as the patron saint of desperate causes.”
Now, a patron saint of desperate causes seems like something we would want others to know about. Especially at this time in our world. I am sharing the information with you all now.
She had repeatedly begged her parents to allow her to become a nun, but at a mere twelve years of age, she was forced to marry. After having given birth to two sons, she lived with an abusive husband until he was violently murdered some eighteen years later.
After the death of her husband, she still wanted desperately to enter the monastery, but she was refused entry because of the violence around his death. She finally entered the monastery of Saint Mary Madalene at Cascia, Italy, when she was 36 years old!
The story of her entry is considered a miracle. One night, while all the doors to the monastery were locked, she was “transported” into the convent by her patron Saints. When the nuns discovered how she got in, she was allowed to stay, and she remained there until her death.
The symbol most often associated with St. Rita is the rose. Lying in the monastery, near death, she directed a friend to the garden of her childhood home to pick a rose and bring it to her. Although it was January, the rose was blooming right where she said it would be!
Another remarkable story is how she would (against her husband’s orders) often make and take food to the poor. One day, as she was sneaking out of the house with a loaf of bread tucked within the folds of her dress, her husband ordered her to show him what she was hiding. When she obediently pulled back the fabric, she revealed a bouquet of roses!
 |
| Nathan Jonas, doing his morning meditation. |
From now on, I will remember that the Catholics believe you can say a prayer to Saint Rita, and you can expect she will be able to assist you with the seemingly impossible. Perhaps when dealing with desperate causes, her devotion works miracles. And perhaps we, too, were born hard-wired for this devotion to the divine. Looking at this photo of Nathan doing his morning meditation, everything inside me says you can know that is true.
By Debra Basham, on April 22, 2012
I was in a Holiday Inn at five in the morning after twenty-four hours of vomiting every twenty minutes. I was slumped on the floor, holding the space of a rib that had been removed there three weeks earlier.
And my wife—in anger, in panic, in desperation—called out,
“Where is God?”
And from some unknown place in me, through my pale slouched form,
I uttered, “Here….Right here.”
The Book of Awakening:
Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have
by Mark Nepo (April 22, 2012)
It has been that sort of week. A friend wrote asking for prayers following the senseless act that left her brother-in-law dead and her sister and nephew fighting for their lives. This was no random act of violence. The bat-wielding intruder was their son. A few days later, my friend had a post on her Facebook page questioning a quotation about the unconditional loving nature of God, and asking how God’s love could be true in this case. My heart has held these questions this week: for her, for me, and for all humans trying to make sense of senseless acts.
Perhaps that is the key. Perhaps we cannot make sense of senseless acts because they are senseless. We are left with the tender, open, wrenching, emotions that cannot be soothed by thinking. These moments leave us with the choice to be with them or to try to escape. In some twisted way, that desperate desire to escape inner pain may have been behind the drug use that snuffed out the light of clear thinking in the young man now in jail for murdering his father.
With grace, our own actions of escape will never be that extreme, but our ability to sit in the fire of our deepest pain without wounding others is something it can take a lifetime to cultivate.
I have invited others to join me in praying for my friend and for her family. When confronted with the senseless, sometimes we respond asking “Where is God?” but, with grace, from some unknown place in us, may we each utter simply, “Here….Right here.”
By Debra Basham, on April 15, 2012
So what to do with people like this? Let them rant. When they take a breath, repeat back what they said in your own words. Any counselor will tell you that repetitively explaining anger dispels it. You don’t have to fix anything. You don’t have to make any promises you don’t intend to keep.
The important thing is the angry person thinks,
“Finally, I found someone who will listen.” It isn’t easy.
How to Deal With Angry People by David HaynesApril 12, 2012
A few days ago, I was instant messaging with my daughter, Stacey, and I mentioned that I have started reading Living Buddha, Living Christ, by Thich Nhat Hanh, a Vietnamese Buddhist monk, teacher, author, poet and peace activist who now lives in France where he was in exile for many years. Stacey expressed some curiosity about the book, and shared that recently she had been involved with some discussion with the youth group at her church about whether Jesus is the only way to experience salvation. She said her response was that is what the church teaches.
Recognizing that AIM might not be the best platform for the topic, I also admitted to feeling some stress in the exchange, as though she might not really want to know what I thought (or what Thich Nhat Hanh thought). As I reflect on that conversation now, I regret that I was not able to just listen to her with my whole heart. The fact that I was triggered by the exchange, even slightly, probably comes from my own wrestling with the demons of what the church teaches and how that differs from what my heart feels.
It has been sixteen years since I was formally part of the Christian church. It has seemed like a lifetime for me to get even a whiff of peace around that. Thankfully, like the song bird outside my window who feels the dawn and begins to sing while it is yet dark, peace is finding me.
 |
| Photo of Jesus taken at Unity of Fort Myers, Florida. March 2012. |
While I was staying on Pine Island, I had a couple of very significant encounters with the Living Christ. Perhaps the sharing of those will find their way into another post. A few days later, as I was waking up one morning, I had the clarity of Jesus as Teacher. What is appropriate relationship to/with a teacher? Love a teacher? Yes! Follow a teacher? Yes! Respect a teacher? Yes? Worship a teacher? No! I remembered my dad saying, “There is only one God Almighty.” I remembered the scripture telling of the importance of worshiping no other gods.
Surely it is by grace that this book is speaking to my heart and mind and soul. “For dialogue to be fruitful, we need to live deeply our own tradition, and, at the same time, listen deeply to others. Through the practice of deep looking and deep listening, we become free, able to see the beauty and values in our own and others’ tradition.” (p. 6)
It is no wonder that I am very much enjoying Living Buddha, Living Christ. I have discovered that in my heart I am Buddhist! Some of you know of my trip to Thailand and my time at Veranda High Resort in Chiang Mai, in Northern Thailand. My sister, Janis, told me she could sense life returning to my dry bones while I was there. Hearing the monks chanting, smelling the incense, and being in a culture for whom meditation is natural were each new life to me.
 |
| Photo of Buddha taken at temple in Chiang Mai, Thailand. September 2010. |
|
Forgive me, Stacey. I love you and I love Jesus. I also love Buddha! For now, even though my altar is not in France, I will let these words of Thich Nhat Hanh speak what is true for me:
On the altar in my hermitage in France are
images of Buddha and Jesus,
and every time I light incense,
I touch both of them as my spiritual ancestors.
By Debra Basham, on April 8, 2012
Mark Twain is thought to have said, “I can live for two months on a good compliment.” The statement honors how easily we all can be influenced by what another says or thinks about us. That is probably why it feels so good to be with others who share similar values to our own. That happened for me with the International College of Integrative Medicine. That professional group is made up of folks I would call physician/healers. Their passion, dedication, commitment to lifelong learning, and their dream of positive changes in the philosophy and practice of medicine is palpable.
I am still processing my experience at the conference in Lexington, Kentucky, last week, and I expect I will continue to treasure the connections with those I spent time with the same way you savor a fine meal. What makes the most sense to me is that something personal has taught them to be truly present with their patients. The presence they bring is also packed with skill.
 |
| Joel Bowman shown here with Aline Fournier, D.O., in Lexington, Kentucky, as she finishes his session after the end of the workshop on Mesotherapy. Joel was the demonstration subject. |
In My Grandfather’s Blessing: Stories of Strength, Refuge, and Belonging, Dr. Rachel Naomi Remen writes of having (years ago) cared for a “desperately sick” two-year-old boy. As he lay in the hospital bed, day after day, his mother would be there with him, her hand under his blanket, holding his small foot. When asked, the mother shared that she would “just close her eyes and dream her dreams for him.” Over and over again.
That tender, unswerving, mother’s love made me think of an idea called THE THREE C’s in Twelve Step circles: “I didn’t cause it; I can’t control it; and I can’t cure it.” What a relief to remember these when invited into the sacred circle with another.
If medicine, meaning drugs and surgery, was the cause and healing was the effect, then think for a moment about why it works some times and not others, and become aware now of why some people heal without medicine, drugs, or surgery.
Think about something really physical like a hip replacement, and notice how nothing the surgeon does – nothing the nurses do – actually “makes” that hip heal. If healing results, not from what is done to the individual by others, then what is it that actually causes or allows healing to occur?
In Love & Survival: 8 Pathways to Intimacy and Healing, Dr. Dean Ornish reminds readers that even when drugs and surgery are necessary, they are just the beginning. The physical body – the heart, is more than just a mechanical pump. Ornish says you also have an emotional heart, a psychological heart, and a spiritual heart.
“Curing is when the physical disease gets measurably better. Healing is a process of becoming whole. Even the words heal and whole and holy come from the same root. Returning healing to medicine is like returning justice to law.” (p.15)
Healing is the most natural of processes. Remember a time when you cut a finger or skinned a knee. Something inside you allowed healing to occur. That something inside you is your innate healing capacity. Your greatest goal, as facilitators of healing, is to support the individual discovering the attitudes, beliefs, and behaviors which turn on this innate healing capacity to its maximum.
While mere focus on cure might see death as failure, look at life as the process of living, as more than flesh and bones, and you gain a greater sense of the sacred art of healing.
“Illness and the opportunity it presents people to engage consciously and actively in a journey toward wholeness can be one of the most transformative experiences that life offers. It provides you with space for self-reflection, for caring for yourself and your needs in a way that may not have been possible in your busy everyday life. It can give you time for learning about who you are, your purpose, your potential; a time for reassessing your priorities and the value of your relationships, work, and possessions. Illness (or disease) can be the beginning of a deep, spiritual quest.” Rituals of Healing :Using Guided Imagery for Health and Wellness, by Jeanne Achterberg, Ph.D., Barbara Dossey, M.S., FAAN, and Leslie Kolmeier, R.N., MEd., (p. 12).
The things that promote a sense of meaning in our lives, our connection to others and to what is sacred, can heal our lives even when medicine is not able to cure  our bodies.
|
|
Subscribe to Blog via Email
Join 43 other subscribers
|
Comments are closed 
