Mindful Gap

Last evening after our Zoom dominoes game ended, Linda asked us when we are planning to head south. One of the realities of the pandemic: It is difficult to plan.

The one thing we have put into place is a reservation at a hotel in Smyrna for Saturday night. It feels undeniably awkward to not be pulling into 1500 Clayton Court and having Baxter come running out to meet us, followed closely by Thor and Butter and Stacey and Doug.

Also undeniable is the lump in my throat and the tears running down my face.

For some reason, this move is triggering an avalanche of sadness and missing and fear of the unknown that staying safe at home since April has held back.

On the surface, it would be easy to blame our son-in-love, Doug, for the emotions. Doug has expressed his unwillingness to wear a mask in his own home over the four-day weekend. Since Stacey let us know that mind has been spinning, churning up the hurt.

Listening this morning to a talk by Pema Chödrön on the “Mindful Gap” allowed space for the wisdom mind to look at the neurotic mind, and now I am feeling what I am feeling: I don’t know what will allow me to feel safe visiting the kids.

You see, it is not just that I am afraid of John or me getting the virus from them. I am afraid of having them give the virus to one or the other of us and then them having to live with that.

Shantideva, an 8th-century CE Indian philosopher, Buddhist monk, poet and scholar cautioned against letting the mind be wild with impatience, gossip, attachment to things going your way. “When the urge arises…. do not act, be silent, do not speak, and like a log of wood, be sure to stay.”

So this morning, I am staying with the truth of the painful feelings that things are not going to go my way.

Meeting with our Grief Journey group yesterday brought home this universal suffering of arguing with what is, and the universal necessity of surrender.

One mother lost her adult son in August of 2020.

One wife lost her husband in January of 2020.

One wife lost her husband 15 years ago… In 2020 she is still navigating life as it is. As we all are.

This quotation by Hermann Broch, shared by a 70-something woman who lost her mom at age 5, points wisdom mind to the truth: No one’s death comes to pass without making some impression, and those close to the deceased inherit part of the liberated soul and become richer in their humanness.

In our collective humanness, we are not just navigating the loss of persons. In the year 2020, we are collectively navigating the loss of the way things were, and the loss of the insistence things go our way.

Weather permitting, perhaps we could gather a picnic and meet at a park. (Right now the forecast says 50% chance of rain.)

Perhaps we could get take out from our favorite Thai restaurant and meet at their church fellowship hall.

Neale Donald Walsch says, So, don’t try to “figure it out.” Stop it. Just focus on what you now wish to create. Keep moving forward. There’s nothing behind you that can possibly serve you better than your highest thoughts about tomorrow.

In whatever ways it unfolds, all thoughts today about tomorrow deserve to be our highest.

That is a mindful gap….