Learn, Grow, and Change

One week ago today I got a call from the son of my long-time business partner, Joel Bowman, asking who in Kalamazoo could take his dad to the ER.

Of course, I am in Florida. A former student, Deb Doerschler, is also still in the south-for-the-winter location. Joel’s wonderful friend, Bob Kipp, was at their place up north. I suggested a neighbor who has been part of the behind-the-scenes support for the past several years. Thankfully, she was able and willing.

Joel was admitted to the hospital that evening.

I was so angry a few days later when Joel’s son did not even let me know that Joel had been moved to a skilled nursing facility. Two of Joel’s friends had tried to visit him at the hospital, and were told he had been discharged.

The anger has born fruit. (Uncomfortable emotions have a way of doing that.)

Wednesday night, seeking some inner peace around the situation, I was led to watch “The Roots of Anger” by Thich Nhat Hanh on YouTube. Here are my notes:

You don’t have the right to keep your anger to yourself alone more than 24 hours.

You should tell him or her but in calm speech. If you cannot do it, you can write it down on a piece of paper.

Sentence one:
I suffer. I am angry, and I want you to know it.

(I don’t know why you have done such a thing to me. I don’t know why you have said such a thing to me. I suffer very much. I’m angry. I want you to know.)

Sentence two:
I am doing my best.

(I am practicing mindful breathing and mindful walking, generating the energy of mindfulness in order to take care of my anger, in order to bring relief, and then I will be looking deeply into my anger to see what the root of my anger is. That is to see whether it is my wrong perception that has created anger, maybe because of some of your unskillfulness.)

Sentence three:
Please help me. I need your help.

Thursday afternoon as I was doing yoga, awareness visited me and opened my heart. I had total body memory of the first night my mom was at an adult foster care home. After dropping her off, I had my best night’s rest in months.

Relief from my uncomfortable emotions because she was not in her own home totally hid from awareness her uncomfortable emotions because she was not in her own home.

Compassion for all of us washed over past, present and future.

When I was able to speak to Joel while he was in the hospital he told me he had been taken captive, was being held in some industrial compound, and some kind of experiment was being conducted on him. I said, “I understand totally that from your perspective Western medicine might feel like that, but you are in Bronson hospital. Nancy Anderson took you to the ER because you were very sick and could have died if you did not get treated immediately.”

I encouraged him to look on the walls of the room. Could he see a white board with his name on it? Yes, he could. He told me it also had the date and the names of the doctor and nurses assigned to his care.

“It isn’t aliens who are taking care of you,” I assured him.

To which he replied, “In a way, we are all aliens….”

Profound awareness.

These past years I have often been angry at Joel’s son and daughter-in-law. I have been an alien to the roots of that anger. The roots of that anger had been guilt and pain over my lack of awareness for my mom’s emotional needs during that time.

And for all of these years I had been an alien to the forgiveness and peace awareness brings.

Awareness frees us.

Jesus said, ‘Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.’