Killdeer Babies: Know Where to Look

When you cease to relate to the darkness
as something separate or other than the light,
this invites the darkness into its sacred expression.
In its highest expression
it comes as teacher — perhaps not pleasant,
but as teacher.
Pain, fear, grief —
not separate from the light.
~ Aaron

On Tuesday evening at the Awakening and Living Awake class we heard, “When it is dawn in your back yard, it is dusk on the other side of the world.” We have been looking at our relationship to darkness over the past few years. Aaron has suggested we ask ourselves what duality (I would edit this to be “seeming” duality) we most frequently get caught in. Aaron said Barbara most often gets caught in wanting to have a body that is pain free and wanting a husband who can participate with her.

Someone spoke of the idea that it “should” (I would add or should not) be this or that way, rather than allowing it to be the way it is. The term “duality of expectations” was used.

In small group I spoke of my most frequent experience being a state that is not even holding an intention or an intention being held but awareness that is aware of holding and aware of being held where both exist. Words seem inadequate, but I think of it as a transcendent awareness. A classmate spoke of the need to not see yourself as “the kind one” or get caught up in being “the meditating one” as an identity. This is just another type of duality of expectations.

For example, I have been blessed to see three baby Killdeer on my early morning bike ride. The thing that is most unusual about this sighting is Killdeers’ determination to protect their offspring at all costs, even at great risk of harm to themselves. I recall having seen an adult Killdeer along that street a few times, but I was focused on the nesting Night Herons I have been watching up in the tree along that same street.

Truth be told, Killdeer chicks are born with great camouflage. Streaks of color make them near impossible to be seen against gravel, brush, or leaves.

Even so, the adults try every trick in the books to divert attention away from their young. They will often pretend they have an injured wing to get your attention and flail on the ground. This behavior has resulted in the Killdeer coming to signify protectiveness, family values, and self-sacrifice.

Once I had seen the chicks, the next day when first one and then a second adult crossed the street in front of me going off to my right I knew where not to look.

Looking in the opposite direction, I could see all three chicks directly across the street!

“Pure sheltered innocence of childhood” is also part of the symbolism of Killdeer.

We do not enjoy difficult experiences. It is natural to be resistant when things do not go or look as we expected. Our last few days in Paradise are spent with the house we are renting getting a new roof. The damage occurred six months ago when Hurricane Ian made landfall. We have been here since December 20, AND NOW A NEW ROOF? All this week, as have been trying to pack and load the cars the yard and drive have been booby trapped with roofing nails!

This is not what I wanted. But THIS ignites a spot previously touched. I had already experienced the home owner as dismissive about our finding two huge (dead) roaches in the pots and pans cupboard and the lack of cleanliness upon arrival. We learn both skillful means and unskillful means from our previous experiences.

Because of my previous experience I knew where not to look and I knew where to look to see what I wanted to see: the Killdeer babies.

In its highest expression pain, fear, and grief come as teacher — perhaps not pleasant, but teacher none-the-less. Getting caught in duality causes such profound pain. If we want to see what we want to see, we must know where to look.

We are all moving through our past. We were children. We were adolescents. We have had lots of experiences and some may have been challenging, unpleasant, dismissive or even abusive. We are also moving into our future where we do not yet know what we will see or not see. We do not know what will surprise and delight us — or surprise and offend or harm us. This is the nature of working with both the darkness and the light.

Would you think it possible to get two full-sized lampshades into a 2-quart pitcher? I was able to roll up two full-sized lamp shades and slip them neatly into this pitcher for safe travels North. Here is a photo to prove it!

As Robert Fulghum wrote in All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten: “Don’t believe everything you think!”