It’s So Simple, Isn’t It?

To speak ill of others is a dishonest way of praising ourselves. ~ Will Durant

From the book In God’s Care: Daily Meditations on Spirituality in Recovery: “The real root of our struggle to speak well of others is the pain we suffer because of our low self-esteem, and diminishing another person’s worth, unfortunately, gives us a moment of stolen satisfaction. But in reality, the illusion of elevating our own worth for that brief, hurtful moment dies quickly, and our remorse and shame linger on.”

Oh, boy…. life is in our faces right now. Weather is a challenge in so many places. We are grateful to be escaping the frigid temperatures and white-out-conditions at home while having copious amounts of liquid sunshine here in Southwest Florida.

Yesterday’s images from our beloved Pine Island show streets flooded. Of course, friends there are still navigating the aftermath of Hurricane Ian. Widespread flooding and still more rain today. Note* This is a road, not a canal or river.

Perhaps all humans have P-T-S-D – probably thinking something’s dreadful.

As I was online this morning with a group that chats following a 45 minute meditation, I had to be very watchful as frustration, sadness and worry moved through my body. My thoughts were along the order of, “If these are some of my sisters and brothers who are most dedicated to being watchful about emotions and thoughts, do humans stand a chance to survive as a race?”

My thoughts and emotions come on the heals of a visit I had on Saturday. I knew as the visit came to an end I was not sharing a point of view with my hostess. The conversation in both of these experiences was centered on what was not working, what the speaker experienced as unfair or unkind. But isn’t wasting our soul’s energy through thoughts of annoyance and feelings of aggravation just more of the same?

Monday is my birthday and I am planning to share a birthday ritual with a dharma friend in Singapore whose birthday is three days later. We will be using some wonderful information pulled together and shared by Dr. Robert Waldon, from Reunion Living Ministries. Here is an excerpt from Robert’s “2024 – Justice and Balance.”

During this year, you will be faced with opportunities to become aware of any areas in your life where you are drawn off center and lose your focus. Rather than letting this awareness shut you down further, recognize that the gift of 2024 is the energy and support to change these patterns.

Remember that you cannot change an old pattern without first becoming aware of what it is and its impact on your life. Celebrate these awarenesses and use this energy to re-create your life and your world. Don’t allow yourself to be pulled too far from your own center with any project and don’t let self-doubt or doubts from others interfere with what you know is best.

Robert also mentions that the potential “pitfall” is provocation, asserting our point of view at the expense of others, coming across as authoritarian and controlling. He says best to be willing to stand up for a belief or cause and convince others by strength of conviction, not strength of force or control. And he reminds us that our true strength comes out in nonjudgmental simplicity.

He offers these affirmations:

“I am gentle and strong.”

“My greatest strength is my compassion and non-judgmental forgiveness, allowing what is truly right for all to freely make itself known.”

As this morning’s conversation continued to be expressions of what is seen as not working, what people don’t like, and what people express they fear is coming, I spoke up. I am not sure if I was gentle and strong but I do know our greatest strength is compassion and non-judgmental forgiveness.

A precious nugget that came from this morning was learning about Vidyamala Burch and her work around navigating pain. While she is primarily speaking about physical pain, she says the pain could be any kind of pain: physical, mental or emotional.

“The problem is mainly resistance…. Everything we do is about learning to soften resistance…. When we resist, we hold the breath.”

Burch has people do a brief exercise. Make a fist. Notice what happened to your breath. There is a strong tendency to hold our breath when our body is in resistance. She asks you to move your attention into the clenched fist and ask the fist what it would like to do. It wants to soften. To let go. To release the tension. Here is a talk/article Burch gave “How Do I Work With Anger?” that you might really appreciate. This is from her talk:

And we’ve all got an autonomic nervous system in our bodies. And the autonomic nervous system is outside our control and it’s got two wings. It’s got the sympathetic wing, which has to do with activation, activity and the parasympathetic wing, which has to do with calming. And the out-breath, if we let the out-breath go all the way out of the body, we’re immediately bringing online the parasympathetic wing, which is calming. And of course when we’re angry and agitated, we’ve got sympathetic overactivity with all the associated hormones.

We’ve got adrenaline, we’ve got cortisol. We feel hot. We feel worked up. We feel edgy. And, uh, as soon as we allow the out-breath to also be emphasized or to overemphasize the out-breath, to give the out-breath really full expression, we’re immediately bringing online the hormones of the parasympathetic system.

This is oxytocin, endorphins. These are calming hormones, they’re peaceful hormones. They’re good for us. And straight away, we feel a little bit better, a little bit less riled, less agitated, less adrenalized. So this is really important.

And it’s so simple, isn’t it?

Years ago my business partner shared something his former co-author had told him: WHETHER YOU GIVE OFFENSE OR TAKE OFFENSE ADDS THE SAME MISERY TO THE UNIVERSE.I think that is going to be my mantra for 2024 because whether I give offense or take offense adds the same physical, emotional, or mental pain. Whether I give offense or take offense it is my sympathetic nervous system which is activated and floods my physical body with adrenaline and cortisol.

And it’s so simple, isn’t it?