It’s Not the End

John Lennon said, “Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.”

Claudia and I drove to Holly the day before the retreat started so we did not have the several hours of travel and unpacking and settling in all before noon on opening day. Awake early the next morning, I wrote in my journal:

D: What is the meaning of my being here?

V: You, My Dear, give whatever meaning that is given. Think about this in relationship to what is called “divisiveness” in your country today.

D: It is staggering and humbling.

V: It does appear clearly that.

When folks arrived at the Maryville Retreat Center on Monday, October 14 2024, I had not expected to shed so many joyful tears. I wrote on the white board: The joy of reunion brought to mind the way it is spoken of the joy when we are reunited with loved ones “in heaven.”

Very unusual opening words by Aaron, “We are not here for meditation — we are here for sangha.”

At the Tuesday morning sitting I realized when I had to re-string my mala last winter one bead was put out of place. As I held that bead in my hand, my heart was so open! I thought about the tradition of making a deliberate mistake. Quiltmakers, Navajo Indians, even carpenters are aware of and use this idea. One source even says that the errors included are the same for a particular artist – sort of like a maker’s mark.

When our small group met with the teachers I shared how complete I felt in our coming together, as if I had died at that moment I would have known I had done absolutely everything I came into this incarnation to do.

Maryville has a wonderful chapel, with a peaked roof above the altar, skylights, and huge windows looking out onto the serene setting. Stained glass words line the seam between the walls and the ceiling. Each word seemed to invite complete states of being like peace, joy, hope, and love….

I spent quite a bit of time in that space, once using it as a walking meditation. Afterwards I wrote in my journal:

V: To whom do you pray, Dear One?

D: To the center of Life.

V: And what is this center of Life? It is much like the center of an onion. There is “no” thing there that is other than. This is a profound truth.

The theme of reunion kept coming forth as a sweet fragrance. I meditated on the cellular memory of the on-going joy my sister, Janis, and I celebrate every moment of our lives now. This closeness and preciousness is the result of our having a profound loss of rapport and connection that lasted a significant amount of time.

So grateful for the gifts of sitting in group meditation, chanting with other’s voices and feeling the harmonies, and having time dedicated to Noble Silence.

The first six words from Shakespeare’s “As You Like It” Act two, Scene 1, the Forest of Arden, spoke volumes: Sweet are the uses of adversity…. And as John Lennon said, “Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.”

Home from the retreat now, the simple gift of our being together remains most salient for me.