From All Sides

I have been working with a habitual habit energy. I’ve been at that place in the process where I could see clearly it was habit energy but I was not yet able to see what was driving it. You cannot see it until you can see it, and you cannot release it until you can see what is fueling the pattern from all sides..

This past Sunday Barbara Brodsky, (as The Mother), spoke to me about resistance. I was encouraged to just note it gently so the resistance can inform me about the places where I still hold something separate from myself. She reminded me that it is subtle, and cautioned me to not try to fix anything. Just be present with whatever is happening in the mind and body. Be aware of the overlap of that with the essence which is so open and broad and filled with love.

This reminds me of the holy experience of fully experiencing both the grief and the relief with loss. This morning it was the loss of a friend as navigated with her kitty. Eddie, an indoor-only de-clawed cat, got out and has been missing since Saturday. On Wednesday she was resolved to accept Eddie’s was the shriek she heard in the night on Saturday, rather than a rabbit being eaten by a coyote (as her neighbor and kittie-sitter wants to believe). Of course, neither of them has proof. (Please see update at the bottom of this page.)

Related to the habit energy I have been navigating, I am now able to observe how underneath the resistance has been sadness and fear. I am more aware of the sadness. This reminds me of the question: If a lion roars in front of a mirror, do you think the mirror roars? The mirror does nothing, it simply reflects.

The opening of a retreat with Barbara Brodsky includes taking The Five Basic Precepts, derived from the Tiep Hien Precepts. The second seems relevant to my having seen what has been fueling this habit energy pattern from all sides.

Possess nothing that should belong to others. Respect the property of others. Prevent others from enriching themselves from the suffering of humans or other beings.

In what ways do I take that which is not mine? Do I take more than my share? Can I become more mindful of when, why and how this happens?

I undertake the precept to refrain from taking that which is not freely given.

This is not the first time I have written about this habit energy. (See: It’s So Simple Isn’t It)
What I am able to see now is a time in the past when the shoe was on the other foot. What I have been experiencing as both recurring and painful I once was doing to another. I know harm was not intentionally inflicted, but I see clearly now that I was inflicting harm nonetheless.

A memory just popped in from years ago when I had seen some trash on the beach and a judgment about “someone who would litter” arose. Moments later as a receipt on my passenger seat was sucked out when I opened the car window on the drive home.

A stressful event occurred when the woman I was traveling in Europe with changed her mind about some directions she had given me without communicating that change. She was frustrated, angry, and lashed out. As she was admonishing me for not doing what she now wanted me to do, I had lucid awareness (time and place) of my having done that to another.

If someone calls us a fool and we
get angry, we think that this person
made us angry. But we don’t see the
subtle thought process that goes on:
the identification with self; the pride
that doesn’t want to be called a fool;
and all of that. That’s what makes
the mind angry, not anyone
calling you a fool.
~ The DailyTejaniya

In both of these past situations — and thankfully also with this current habit pattern — release comes when you see the pattern from all sides.

Update: Eddie is safely back home! Interestingly, the same family that saw his post on Nextdoor and sent a photo of another cat yesterday was successful in assisting Eddie’s safe return this evening…. So grateful for all.