Connecting the Dots

Can you see the holiness in those things you take for granted – a paved road or a washing machine? If you concentrate on finding what is good in every situation, you will discover that your life will suddenly be filled with gratitude, a feeling that nurtures the soul.

~ Rabbi Harold Kushner

Training has brought to awareness profound truth that the presenting problem is not the problem. We are, in mindfulness, continuously reminded not to take our problems personally. Everything is connected. Emotions are generated from “past similars” because emotions are stored in our bodies, however, the most powerful triggers are almost (if not always) outside of our current conscious awareness.

The following is my journal entry on March 7, 2025 after a night of sleeplessness:

Most of us are aware of the idea that someone cannot see something until they see it. Matthew 13:13 says it this way, “Though seeing, they do not see; though hearing, they do not hear or understand”. I have consciously been working to unwrap an emotional knot for the past several years. The triggers have become more and more amplified.

This morning early as the mist scooted across the surface of the water after several days of fierce winds, I could see!

I had the sense the onset had to do with a friend’s stress with her adult daughter who had undergone childhood trauma, but it was too nebulous and did not seem to fit with my friend when I shared my sense about it with her. It has taken a lot of time with the triggers getting more intense to gain baby steps of understanding. One of the most significant insights occurred in January when I realized I had held her responsible for things she had not done.

This morning’s additional insight might just have set us all free.

I had blamed her for not seeing what someone else had done, and continued to do even after I had asked him not to. But the pain and now the freedom within the precious insight was never about either of them, it was about my own childhood trauma!

Immediately after writing I spent almost an hour of precious tearful sharing with my sister about all of this. It comes as no real surprise that she had been awake since 2:30 am — thinking about childhood sexual abuse!

We know our older sister was sexually initiated by an uncle when she was preteen. We talked about not our not knowing consciously of a sexual initiation experience, we know we were both sexually aware very young. Many years ago when Janis was seeing a therapist we learned it is common for siblings who are secondary or indirect victims of sexual abuse to have emotional reactions. These can include anger at the parent for not being able to protect the sibling, as well as anxiety and helplessness and the urge to control events, and/or fear about the future.

Our older sister’s death about 5 weeks ago was quite likely a significant catalyst. In infinite gratitude for all of this to finally come forward in awareness for release.

I had opportunity to share some of it with a friend who is currently navigating strong triggers in her own home. At the end of our Zoom call I emailed her my journal entry along with an audio recording of Tricia Barker leading a release of deep soul wounds and reclaiming your power. This piece is for clearing wounds of rejection, abandonment, betrayal, and even injustice that can be powerful imprints, not just from this lifetime but from past ones as well. I had listened to it the day previous to my insight.

This morning I am listening to a radio broadcast with Barbara Brodsky speaking on how we awaken. Barbara says first you have to acknowledge it is happening and it is unpleasant, scary. Next, you have to have compassion for yourself and the other/s to see, literally, how anger and fear and separation arise. You have to see that they have no solid substance, and that if you do not have compassion for yourself, you cannot hear the other.

After having received what I emailed to her, my dear friend sent a text message, “It has been a while since I have connected dots like this about my life experiences. I feel so free and connected.”

Interestingly I had written in my March 7 journal entry how that morning’s insight might just have set us all free….

May all beings come to the end of suffering.