A WonderFULL Week

It has been a truly amazing week. Put yourself in the backseat of my vehicle last Friday as I left Saint Joseph before dawn, and drove to Holland to pick up my nephew. We then drove to Allegan, from Allegan to Grand Rapids, from Grand Rapids back to Holland, from Holland back to Allegan, and then I drove back to Saint Joseph. I was reminded of how we would go for walks in the neighborhood with grandson Bradley when he was little. We made everything an adventure. We were not just walking, we were celebrating life.

Last Friday, my nephew and I were not just driving, we were sharing moments and making memories.

I have been thinking a lot about the gifts we get when we give.

I have also been thinking about the gift of our vulnerability.

My nephew and I ate apples. “Honeycrisp are my favorite,” he cooed.

We munched on almonds. “Oh, I love almonds,” he announced.

We crunched Chinese cracker/cookies and he compared them to the texture of pork rinds. “Do you like pork rinds?” he asked.

If you have never seen it, you may want to watch Brené Brown’s TED talk “The Power of Vulnerability.” Here are some of her words:

There was only one variable that separated the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging and the people who really struggle for it. And that was, the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging believe they’re worthy of love and belonging. That’s it. They believe they’re worthy. And to me, the hard part of the one thing that keeps us out of connection is our fear that we’re not worthy of connection, was something that, personally and professionally, I felt like I needed to understand better. So what I did is I took all of the interviews where I saw worthiness, where I saw people living that way, and just looked at those.

They fully embraced vulnerability. They believed that what made them vulnerable made them beautiful. They didn’t talk about vulnerability being comfortable, nor did they really talk about it being excruciating — as I had heard it earlier in the shame interviewing. They just talked about it being necessary. They talked about the willingness to say, “I love you” first … the willingness to do something where there are no guarantees … the willingness to breathe through waiting for the doctor to call after your mammogram. They’re willing to invest in a relationship that may or may not work out. They thought this was fundamental.

We were so long at the Secretary of State we were late for his doctor appointment, and while we were not successful obtaining his license at that time he has it now! We knew we were going to be late, so we called. When we got there I explained everything we had been through that day to get to the doctor and why my nephew really needed to be seen that day. I also told them I know how difficult it is when someone is not able to be on time. I asked them to please do what you could.

As we waited, we watched a baby.

We were late for that, too, but after my nephew saw the doctor we made it to his job interview! He is still in the running for that job, and we are grateful and also for a couple of other solid opportunities.

We finally got lunch at 5:05 pm. I know exactly what time it was because we missed happy hour at Arby’s by five minutes. I splurged for a Jamocha Shake anyway. As we ate, we marveled at all we accomplished that day and how much fun we had together.

Brown observed another significant aspect of those who were willing to be vulnerability:

And so these folks had, very simply, the courage to be imperfect. They had the compassion to be kind to themselves first and then to others, because, as it turns out, we can’t practice compassion with other people if we can’t treat ourselves kindly. And the last was they had connection, and — this was the hard part — as a result of authenticity, they were willing to let go of who they thought they should be in order to be who they were, which you have to absolutely do that for connection.

Tomorrow morning I will go back to Allegan. I will take gifts of bedding and towels and dishes and a coffee pot. People have been generous and we are thankful. We might again go to Holland, I don’t know for sure yet. Where ever we go, it will be an adventure.

This evening my nephew said, “I don’t know how I can ever repay you.”

I told him repayment for kindness is never necessary. I suggested he just hold his gratitude in his body and say, “I am so grateful I can feel my heart full to overflowing.”

I know just how he feels.