A New Look at Service

Twice in the past several days I have have been invited to look at the habit energy of a person doing or not doing something in opposition to one’s own desire out of obligation or not wanting to offend, disappoint, or hurt another. I decided to put this situation to question using AI.

Take time to identify what’s truly important to you in this situation. What are your personal goals, values, and limits? Sometimes saying yes to others means saying no to your needs.

Acknowledge people-pleasing tendencies. Recognize that you’re tempted to agree to avoid conflict or gain approval. Understanding the root cause can be helpful in overcoming this behavior.

Consider the source of the request, the quality of your relationship, and whether the favor aligns with your values and capacity to help. It’s normal to feel guilt or anxiety when you start setting boundaries. Acknowledge these feelings as part of the process and remember that saying no isn’t a rejection of the person, but a commitment to honoring yourself.

Be direct and kind. State your needs and limitations clearly and assertively, but with respect for the other person. Avoid making excuses or over-explaining your decision.

Use “I” statements to express needs and limits without sounding accusatory or confrontational. Saying no is a crucial aspect of establishing boundaries and prioritizing needs. It is important to honor true feelings and communicate expectations.

If appropriate, suggest an alternative solution or a different way to help without compromising needs. Be firm and consistent: Once a boundary is set, stick to it, even if others push back.

The wisest approach involves a process of self-discovery, respectful communication, and a commitment to prioritizing your own well-being without neglecting the needs of others. It’s about finding a healthy balance between being kind and considerate to others, and being true to yourself.

Stacey and I had some heartfelt sharing about all of this on our bike ride while she was here last week. We spoke clear intentions to love one another and ourselves and to be willing to express with continued honesty and trust as circumstances change. And circumstances do…. that is for sure.

I remember Betty Lue Lieber teaching us that our service must also serve us. The lyrics to the song “Garden Party” by Ricky Nelson come to mind: