While many of us are somewhat aware that anniversary energies affect us, I am coming to respect this phenomena with a deeper reverence as pure gift. Twenty years ago today (May 7, 1992) my dad died. I was at home that morning and the phone rang. It was my mom. She said, “I think your dad is dead.” I remember a nervous laugh as I responded to her statement with a question, “What do you mean, you think he is dead? That should be pretty easy to determine.” Mom went on to say that my dad had gone out to rototill the garden, and he had parked his truck along the edge of the garden so he could do a row and then sit and rest. When mom looked out she saw him slumped over the steering wheel and she called me.
Mom had already called 911. I told her I was on my way and for her to not let them take him until I got there. I hung up, jumped into the car, and called my sister, Janis. She said, “Pick me up….I am going with you.” She worked right on the way. I called my mom back (I had a bag phone at that time so you know a lot has changed in twenty years). Janis kept her on the phone, so we knew before we arrived that the paramedics were there working on dad.
As I am revisiting those memories today, I am also aware how the conscious awareness of this day is a ritual of healing past, present, and future. I wrote about all of this in The Endless Path: A Grief Journey with Jackie Donohoe. If you would like a copy of the draft (not yet available for sale) send an email message to debra@scs-matters.com.
Becoming sensitive to the impact of how your body remembers will insure your avoiding a negative experience of letting an anniversary slip up on you. Birthday, anniversary, and holiday times are pretty obvious. The specific day of the week, month of the year—even the date (for example, every seventh of the month)—can leave one feeling low. Seasonal changes and weather conditions such as a snowstorm or a sunny day can trigger the emotions. You may benefit by planning a ritual of honoring by doing something for yourself or enjoying something that was special to your loved one.
In all instances expand your awareness, and let your healing be a profound gift.
My dad knew he was having heart trouble. Thankfully, my dad was not afraid to die. He had told me previously if it killed him to do something at least he would have died happy. I can see the wisdom in his knowing that if he could not do what he loved, he was, in a real sense, already dead. He loved his garden and he took the risk to do what he loved.
I still remember that lifetime in those few moments on the ground with the paramedics working on my dad. Janis flew into them like a banty rooster, pulling at their hands and yelling at them to leave her dad alone. I recall her actions stopping abruptly when her eyes met the pleading look and the quiet words of one of the guys, “Don’t you realize I would stop if I were allowed to? I cannot stop.”
I began to just coach my dad, telling him, “Daddy, don’t let them bring you back! Whatever they do, you stay right where you are!” As they loaded dad into the ambulance, they were unable to keep me from crawling right in there with them. The whole trip, my coaching continued, sometimes right out loud, and sometimes in my heart and to his mind.
Dad was pronounced dead at the arrival. I hope I thanked them for letting me stay with him on the drive. Those two guys, doing what they were paid to do, may not be aware of the anniversary energies around this date, but I am quite sure they were affected by our time together. A bit more from An Endless Path:
In The Global Soul: Jet Lag, Shopping Malls, and the Search for a Home, author Pico Iyer quotes Huston Smith, “”Daily the world grows smaller, leaving understanding the only place where peace can find a home.” Regardless of where you have been in your experience of life, life after death, life after life, and the grief journey, you are likely to begin to integrate beliefs that had previously seemed quite foreign and to develop new understanding. NBC’s popular series, “Medium,” brings home communications received by a real life psychic forensic, Allison DuBois. For more information, you may wish to check out Allison’s book, We Are Their Heaven: Why the Dead Never Leave Us.
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| Howard Clarence Smith (Photo by David Summers, Howard’s first grandchild.) |
A lot has changed over the twenty years. I now have an iPhone 4S and today I can say, “Siri, please call Janis mobile.” Yet, with all the changes, and with all the years, and honoring all of the anniversary energies, one thing remains constant—a father’s love.
I love you, too, Daddy!
