So many times over the years I have found myself sharing how the ambiguity of language is both a hindrance and a help. You may recall that Neurolinguistic Programming has been described as the study of the structure of subjective experience.
The key word here is SUBJECTIVE.
In the Karaniya Metta Sutta (The Buddha’s Words on Loving-Kindness) we are invited to be unburdened with duties. Barbara Brodsky opened the June 13, 2021 “Remembering Wholeness” event by recapping her previous night. She described the reality of being a deaf wife whose husband had a stroke that left him unable to speak (or move his right side). He is no longer capable of using sign language to speak to her.
Until covid shut down the facility Hal was living in, she could sleep through the night. Then she brought Hal home.
Systems being what they are, they lost Medicaid and Hal’s care became a totally “out-of-pocket” expense. Thus, Barbara finds herself on overnight duty every night, and while Hal sleeps through the night on most nights, he had not done so the previous night, and she had to teach.
Barbara quoted the Metta Sutta before she shared about her overnight experience and spoke these words:
Those of you who are mothers and fathers, do you remember how it was when our babies woke us at 3am? Over and over…. Walking the baby who was fretful, whatever.
Ahhhh.
So, finding the light, finding the love, down there in that place of burden.
I guess this is not meant to be a Dharma talk, I’m just trying to share with you. And it’s not always clear – I’m not always able to speak clearly about something I’ve just experienced.
But where is the light with the darkness of burden, or duty, or ‘I should’ and the finding of the heart that says: “I choose to. I do it out of love.”
ALL of this is filled with nominalizations!
Nominalizations are nouns that are created from adjectives (words that describe nouns) or verbs (action words). For example, “interference” is a nominalization of “interfere,” “decision” is a nominalization of “decide,” and “argument” is a nominalization of “argue.” “Love” is a nominalizion of “love,” and “light” is a nominalization of “light.” A nominalization is a noun (a naming word) for something cannot be put into a wheel barrow.
If you say HOUSE, a house is something that could be put into a wheel barrow, albeit a very big wheelbarrow.
As we speak words outside that mean something to us inside, we are using nominalizations.
“I like music that is calming.” Well, for some that is jazz!
“She is smart.” Hmmm, by what measure?
“This is easy/hard/fun/frustrating.”
One of my favorite subjective experiences is riding a bicycle. I found this paragraph describing how to let bicycling be for you one of life’s secrets to happiness:
Go hard when you need to work out frustrations. Go easy when the sunset is beautiful to behold. Take the road when you want to get there ASAP. Take the path when you’ve got time to take in some nature and rebalance. Happiness is there for you to take when you hop on your bike.
Words that describe an experience are very subjective. Case in point are some words from Daily Loving Reminders, by Betty Lue Lieber:
Stop telling stories that only teach tragedy and fear, humiliation and grief.
Stop digging up what is meant to be dead, done and buried.
Stop reminding yourself and others what was done long ago.
When we cling to the old stuff we become old stuff.
Life teaches us renewal.
Our skin sheds and renews itself.
Our bodies are ever-renewing structure.
Our minds, too, can be easily undone and redone.
It is our choice to clear out what no longer serves us.
It is our choice to clean up our own addictions and unhealthy habits.
It is our choice to let go of activities and people that no longer inspire us.
It is our choice to make amends and begin again with a new spirit and new life.
We can begin to notice how subjective EVERY experience is.
In fact, EXPERIENCE, even a shared experience, is always subjective.
