Frozen Chosen

Anne Lamott was one of the speakers in the Mystics Summit. Anne said about her childhood: I kept a secret. If I said “hello” in silence, something heard me. She also confessed that she chose friends who had religious households and while most kids were trying to get out of church, she was just trying to get to church.

Both of these statements might have been mine.

Rabbi Rami Shapiro was another speaker in the Summit I really enjoyed. I made these notes from his talk: To go where you are supposed to go, you must leave your constricting narratives behind. (Countries/culture/religion/what your parents taught you.) Free yourself by investigating and seeing they are just constructs. When we are free from the narratives (us against them) then we can interact with life in such a way as to enhance the well-being of not just yourselves, but a blessing to all.

The deeper my practice of mindfulness, the more I appreciate the wisdom and insight of Richard Bandler and NLP/SCS as a predictable means of changing limiting beliefs.

Anne Lamott said Presbyterians are God’s frozen chosen. Presbyterians are not the only ones caught in their narratives. I have used different versions of the following joke for years:

A man arrives at the gates of heaven. St. Peter asks, “Religion?” The man says, “Methodist.” St. Peter looks down his list and says, “Go to Room 24, but be very quiet as you pass Room 8.” Another man arrives at the gates of heaven. “Religion?” “Lutheran.” “Go to Room 18, but be very quiet as you pass Room 8.” A third man arrives at the gates. “Religion?” “Presbyterian.” “Go to Room 11, but be very quiet as you pass Room 8.” The man says, “I can understand there being different rooms for different denominations, but why must I be quiet when I pass Room 8?” St. Peter tells him, “Well, the Baptists are in Room 8, and they think they’re the only ones here.”

Having learned to notice my inner workings, I am aware when I react to someone who is fixated on “right or wrong” and “good or bad” I am seeing my own narrative. Of course, I may believe that my narrative is more lofty, but it is a narrative nonetheless.

We are the products of our parents and our religion — we are each the latest edition of our ancestors.

Rabbi Rami continued, “When we are free from the narratives (us against them) then we can interact with life in such a way as to enhance the well-being of not just yourselves, but a blessing to all.”

Our relationships will not change until “we” change. Wayne Dyer said if we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change. The change in leadership in Washington will not lead to change if the pendulum simply swings to the other side. Lasting change arises from (is the result of) changing our narratives for good.

Identify a narrative you are ready to change. Let yourself also identify something you would prefer in your life. Think about something that is good for you, is a blessing for others, and good for our world as well. For example, if your narrative was that others need to do something for you to be happy, you might really prefer to know your happiness is not conditioned on someone or something else.

The decision to change a behavior will not immediately stop the habit energy, so use this Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) tapping sequence each time you notice the old thought or attitude or behavior arise, and you can soon enjoy your new behavior!

Note: SH (side of hand); EB (beginning point of eyebrow); SE (ending point of eyebrow); UE (under your eye); UN (under your nose); CH (on the crease of your chin); CB (on your collarbone); UA (under your arm); TH (on the top of your head)

SH: Even though I want to _______, right now, I deeply and completely love and accept myself…
Even though I have this old pattern of _______ing, I choose to behave differently right now…
Even though part of me wants to ______, it’s just what I do, it’s who I am, I choose to change this pattern
and ______ (new behavior) now…
EB: Part of me wants to ______(old habit)….
SE: I’ve got this old pattern….
UE: That wants to keep running….
UN: This old pattern….
CH: Of ______ing….
CB: And I choose to let it go now….
UA: It’s safe to make a different choice….
TH: And ______(new behavior) now….
EB: All of the stress.
SE: It’s was hard to think of anything else.
UE: My life seemed like it’s on hold until the old ways were gone.
UN: I told myself I couldn’t be happy until they are gone.
CH: I believed I couldn’t feel confident until they are gone.
CB: I had the idea I couldn’t enjoy the moment until they are gone.
UA: No wonder I would panic when the cravings would come.
TH: I allowed this old habit to stop me from living my life.
EB: I would much more enjoy ________(new behavior);
SE: and I have survived much more difficult situations before.
UE: My body can relax into the truth of that now.
UN: Maybe developing a new behavior can be easier than I thought.
CH: Maybe now I can relax and enjoy life.
CB: It feels so good to feel relaxed and peaceful,
UA: about this healthier way of taking good care of myself.
TH: It is so wonderful to know I am safe and I can be successful and enjoy this journey.

Take a deep breath. Notice where your thoughts are now and if anything else came up. If so, use those thoughts to do another round of tapping. Substitute words that fit more perfectly. Tap this every day for 30 days, dealing with whatever comes up. Thaw out all of your old “frozen chosen” ideas!

We really don’t want to wait until our life is over to discover that essentially everything we thought about life was all made up, do we….